"I was good my entire life."
Mrs Mayberry's second grade class sang their morning song and eagerly answered her questions.
She realized something horrible.
"Quiet kids! Hush up now! It's my husbands birthday! I didn't get him anything special."
"Maybe if we called him on the computer we could give him a happy birthday surprise!" Emily suggested eagerly.
"Excellent idea Emily!" Miss Mayberry praised the 6 year old. Mayberry sat down at her desk and turned the computer to face her classroom then brought around her chair. The students all gathered around.
To her shock and Horror, she found her husband in the throws of passion with another woman.
"That's my asshole but I don't care!"
"Not there, ahhh not there!" Gerald moaned.
Going through the motions Mayberry found herself at home holding a chainsaw.
"You scream like a bitch!" She shouted to Gerald as she cut him in half. "Oh my God what have I done? In front of you all?!" She saw the computer had her students faces traumatized. "I'm so sorry my children. Don't forget to work on your times tables." She said before grabbing her shotgun and unsubscribing herself from life.
"So you can do everything right and still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world. All because of a single massacre perpetuated by blind rage. That's why I'm here." The new Mayberry now a sinner told Blitz and Apollo who was shadowing Blitz today.
"I mean, was she hot or-"
"BLITZ." Apollo said harshly. He punched Blitz in the elbow.
"Ow! You little turd." Blitz said. "Your punches are getting better." He turned back to Mayberry. "Sorry lady, but from the sound of that sitcom of a death/Mellow drama you just spat at us the subjects are probably down here in Hell with you. Boop!" He booped Mayberry's nose.
"Not all, that whore survived."
So that was why the IMP found themselves at a remote cabin on a lake in the woods in north Georgia.
"Moxxie you want this one?" Blitz asked.
"Me?" Moxxie asked eagerly. "Really?!"
"Yeah sure it shouldn't be any problem it's just a happy mother who just got out of the hospital."
Moxxie watched the wife and husband give each other Eskimo kisses.
"Snooze ya lose Moxx. All right kiddo I'm letting you take the shot."
"Wow, really Boss?"
"Yep first kill! So line up the shot like and I taught you."
"I got this bitch." Apollo said as he lined up the sniper rifle.
"If we could think about this for one second!" Moxxie said shoving the rifle out of the way as Apollo took the shot and missed.
"What was that Ralphie?" Martha asked.
"I dunno Martha. But whoever it is, their gonna be tomorrow nights dinner." Ralph grinned with a evil toothy smile.
Martha drank her wine audibly and smashed the glass bringing up a shotgun. "Alright kids! Guns out!"
Brother and sister grabbed weapons. The boy a revolver, sister a shotgun like Mama had.
"Moxxie what the fuck I had that shot!" Apollo shouted before
BANG
Apollo felt a powerful pain blast into his shoulder. "Ow!" Apollo held onto his shoulder. He'd never been shot before. He breathed heavily.
"Shit the kids got a new hole! Scatter!" Blitz ordered in panic picking Apollo up gingerly and hiding him in some bushes on the property.
Apollo breathed heavily as he bled black blood over the ground. He thought about calling his Dad for help but he felt like if he did that Blitz would never trust him on the surface again. Gathering dark forces in his palm he whispered ancient words and waved his hand over his bleeding arm and felt his acidic Goetian blood start dissolving the bullet he received as his wound stitched itself closed.
Apollo summoned his blessed daggers and using his patented RIRC tactical skills (He had dubbed himself the Reserve IMP Recruitment Corp) Apollo kept to the shadows and watched events unfold. Hearing Mama Martha cackle in the woods as she chased Blitz, he followed Millie as she ran towards the dock on the lake. He saw her get knocked out by the large man with a bottle breaking over her head. He watched Ralph carry Millie into the woods. But quickly doing a double take he heard Moxxie yelp. He turned to see the two terrors that where the couples children drag Moxxie through a window.
"Guess I have to fix this, way to fuck up Moxxie." Apollo swore as he put his daggers in their pocket dimension so he could move through the trees over to the window where he saw Moxxie.
Apollo scaled around the house eying the various cords and wires. He followed as he trained to. Bringing out one of his small bag of burglars tools he found a box on the side of the house. "Bingo." The owl boy brought out one of his burglars tools, the set and professional bag a gift from Blitz given to Al when he was taken on his first job, he jimmied open the box spying red green and blue wires. "Let's see here-" Apollo muttered studying the system. "Oh I get it now!" He got to work.
Moxxie saw something out of the corner of his eye. A young bird boy who had been shot by these demon children's mother was prying open a lock. Apollo brought up a fingered feather and made a "Shhh." With his lips in the window. Moxxie knew better than to nod.
"We'll hello little ones. Aren't you cute-"
"It's nice having a new critter to play with." Brother and sister said at the same time with evil grins.
"YAH!!!" Apollo stabbed the tall girl in the back through the lung. Lily puked blood as she fell to the floor.
"Lily!!!" The boy shouted bringing out his pistol but the bird and Lily where no where. He turned and screamed as Lily's corpse was running at him. He shot out at it thinking she was a zombie like in that movie pa watched with them about the corpses moving and eating people like they did.
Pump Noise*
Jimmy felt cold press into the back of his skull. It was his sisters shotgun. He should know he had felt it many times before
Bang.
Cannibal boy dead.
"Apollo! Oh thank Satan your here." Moxxie said as Apollo worked on the knots the kids tied.
"Gotta say, great knots." Apollo said. "Kid must been in the Scouts. Seriously though what the Hell Moxxie? I had that fucking shot to kill the bitch and you just fuck it up just because what? She's a mom? Do you KNOW how many moms I've seen you guys go off to kill by now? A fuckton! Which is about twenty levels above a SHITTON!!"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry they just seemed so wholesome and happy." Moxxie repeated. "Like I said I panicked."
"Well buck up cause now we gotta go help Blitz and Millie.
"Millie?!"
"I saw the husband smash a bottle over her head and carry her off to the woods."
"And you didn't HELP HER?!"
"Seemed like he wanted her alive cause he didn't kill her right away and let's face it, the guys fucking jacked." Apollo said as he finally undid the knots. "What would I have done? Gotten myself killed? I picked the lesser of two evils."
Apollo handed Moxxie Lily's shotgun and the two ran off into the woods together. Apollo hid in the bushes on one side and Moxxie the other.
"Ollie had the fucking shot Goddammit Moxxie." Blitz swore as Ralph poured gasoline over the bottom of the stake pole they had the imps tied to.
Ralph heard rustling in the bushes and went to investigate as Martha began the ceremony.
"I thought there was one more." Apollo heard behind him.
Shit shit shit shit!!!! Apollo thought as he felt Ralph's presence behind him.
Apollo dug into his arm with sharpened talons. Turning around he shouted quickly "Blades of Blood!" and he threw his acidic, sharpened blood into Ralphies face.
The man screamed in agony as his eyes started burning. He couldn't see anymore! He ran toward his wife and felt incredible burning pain! He was now on fire!
BANG!!!
Martha collapsed as Moxxie shot her eye out from behind.
"Moxxie!" Millie said excitedly as the imp untied her and their boss.
"Yournl not getting your cut for this one Moxx." Blitz said harshly. "Ollie had that fucking shot!"
"I'm sorry sir, I compromised our objective and put us in harms way. It won't happen again. Moxxie reassured his boss.
"Apology accepted." Blitz said giving Moxxie an awkward hug. Then his voice got serious and dark. "But if you ever pull a stunt like this again, I will fuck you and your wife." The taller imp promised darkly. "This is our job. Don't fuck up again."
Apollo peeked up from the bushes.
"Ollie! Shoulda know it was you that got that big lug." Blitz said as the dock started burning where Ralph had collapsed before being able to jump in the water. "Now what do we do next?" He prompted the boy.
"Ransack the house to make it look like a burglary gone wrong?" Apollo asked.
"Are you asking me or telling me?" Blitz asked as he brushed off his clothes.
"Telling you. 1, 2, 3 dibs on computers consoles!" Apollo said as he rushed into the families house.
"Mama could use a nice pair of ear rings." Millie said eagerly as she ran off after Apollo.
"I see a horse whip it's mine!" Blitz shouted running after them. "These motherfuckers had to be into BDSM."
Moxxie sighed and followed his work family.
Miss Mayberry brought them a thank you cake. She had found her husband and they where working things out. Turns out Martha was blackmailing Gerald into making BDSM sex tapes with her and her husband Ralphie because they lived in a fairly conservative town so if the parents found out Mayberry and her husband where both Bisexual they would have probably fired her as a teacher.
"That's what happens when you overreact and don't find all the facts first." Moxxie scolded Mayberry as he ate cake with his co workers and wife.
"I know, but Gerald has forgiven me and we're going to try and make things work down here. I mean now that we know Heaven is essentially rigged we can be basically anything we want. We're putting feelers out for a third to our relationship and we've got some promising imp and Hellhound candidates of both sexes."
"I can help you get teaching work!" Apollo said eagerly. "The Ars Goetia are always having kids so they need good kindergarten and pre school age teachers for their younglings."
When Apollo got home he was surprised to find his big sister home!
"Via! Brought you an iPod!" He held up an iPod classic he found at the cannibal family's house.
"Nice I've always wanted one of these! How'd you get it?" The teenage Owlette asked as she took the cords, software disc and earbuds.
"You won't believe my day at work." Apollo said as he spied their mum in the library having tea with her friends. "Hold on a second." He knocked and the threes heads turned. "Mummy." Apollo strode in gracefully as she had taught him. He dipped into his pocket to find a really nice pair of diamond earrings he had found in Martha's jewelry box. Millie had let him take them. Her mom Lin had no use for diamonds. But she did enjoy pretty, pretty gold, so Millie opted for a solid 24 karat gold bracelet they found in Martha's jewelry. "These are for you." Apollo said hesitantly as he presented her a small box.
Stella questioningly opened it to see a gorgeous pair of dangly diamond earrings. Whoever owned these had good taste in jewelry. "Ollie these are lovely." She praised. "Whose where they?" She asked next. When Ollie started bringing her little trinkets and nice jewelry she saw an upside to his profession. Sure the Ars Goetia where vastly wealthy and could of course afford the finest jewels in all the living world and Hell, but there was something about wearing the jewels of deceased human women that Stella just found absolutely titillating.
To Be Continued...