The bold italics are Raven's current thoughts. There will be a lot of back and forth between present and past stories and conversations. I'll do my best to make it all flow together. The story will also bounce between 1st and 3rd person. 1st person being Raven telling the story in the form of thoughts she is having and diary entries. I want it to be as if she is reading that dialogue, telling her own story.

"I would go back to where it all started

I would go back in time

I'm not afraid of starting all over

I would be yours this time, this time" where it all started, Valera & Teqkoi

Many years ago..

There was a flicker of light that glistened from the blue ocean eyes of the blonde-haired titan. The breeze blew her hair ever so slightly towards the sunset. She looked up at the sky and took a deep breath.

"Hey" a dark familiar voice called from behind.

Terra turned her head to see Raven standing on the other side of the roof.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize I was disturbing you." Terra replied.

Raven gazed across the roof for a moment before taking a deep breath.

"Enjoy the view. Just keep it down will ya?" Raven proclaimed with a smile as she turned around to continue her meditation.

Terra walked towards Raven and slowly sat down beside her. Raven opened her eye to catch Terra staring at the sky.

"It's peaceful up here." Raven said in her quiet monotone voice.

"It is. I can see why you like it so much. Why do you meditate so much?" Terra asked.

Raven began to breathe heavily; how could she describe what's in her mind to anyone let alone Terra.

She is so delicate. What is in my mind would destroy her...

"It just helps me be calm and focus." Raven replied quickly.

"Is that really it though?" Terra asked as she turned to meet Raven's gaze.

"What do you mean?" Raven asked curiously.

"I have this like, empathic thing to me. I can tell when someone is burdened. I can see it in how you behave, how you walk, how you carry yourself."

Raven perked up.

Wait.. so, she feels it too? That's weird. I thought I hid it pretty well. No one else noticed my demeanor.

"Oh, you're an empath too huh?" Raven asked.

"Yea I guess you could say I am." Terra replied as she looked into the dark violet eyes of her friend.

"How are you so happy then? Like annoyingly happy." Raven asked.

"It's all perspective. Being on my own for so long, I've kinda learned how to sift my thoughts and feel but not feel too much. I hope that makes sense. It's like an emotional control I have. I can sense things and emotions, but I can separate it from my own feelings. So, I don't dwell. You never did tell me why you meditate so much. I know there is more to it, and I also know you probably won't share, but figured I'd ask."

That was the first time in my life I felt as if I could be vulnerable with someone. She seemed so into figuring out what was going on with me. When everyone else overlooked me, she just wanted to read me like a book and really understand me.

I never trusted her before; I passed judgement before I saw who she truly was. Being so young and emotional tore me away from the bigger picture. The more time we spent together the more I didn't mind talking. She was easy to talk to. She seemed so genuine and kind. As much as I hated the warm and bubbly personality she had, something about her presence had softened up my mind a bit. I wasn't sure how to feel. Even Star's bubbly personality annoyed me to no end, things were different with Terra.

"It's a long story.." Raven said as she turned away from her friend.

"Well, I got nothing but time. I'd really like to get to know you better." Terra said to Raven in a calm and sincere voice.

Raven looked back at her friend. She noticed Terra was staring into her eyes.

She was looking into my eyes, but she wasn't just waiting for me to reply. She was looking into my eyes, waiting to understand me and what I had to say. She seemed so genuinely concerned for me and honestly, I've never felt so noticed before. I had this connection with her that I couldn't describe. It was like when our eyes met, I could feel her, understand her, connect to her. It was a weird feeling, but it was nice, it was... really nice to feel something like that.

"Hey... Rae.." Terra said as she waved her hand in front of Raven's eyes.

Raven snapped back to reality. "Oh, did you say something?"

"It's nothing." Terra let out a light chuckle.

She knew I often went in and out of reality. I had heard her but got too into my own thoughts to process.

"Sorry, was just thinking of where to start." Raven said.

"No worries, whenever you're ready." Terra said with a smile.

I was scared in that moment because I had never been open to anyone about how I feel. The closest anyone had ever come was when Cy and BB got lost in my head, but they would have never understood. I started to talk about little things, like why I meditate, how I feel sometimes, and what bothers me about life. The entire time I was speaking she never even so much as looked away even for a moment.

"I'm depressed often. Even on days where I laugh and smile, I still am breaking on the inside. I've had this lingering dark cloud that follows me everywhere for most of my life, even from a young age. It's never easy for me to see the good in life, because my thoughts consume me. I meditate to help control those feelings. With deep sadness comes deep anger. I have no way to keep it in unless I put myself in check. There are many different personalities in my head, and they all battle with each other constantly. It's hard to describe, but I don't like living and I don't like feeling like this all the time." Raven said as she looked into the distant city line.

"I can tell you're sad. I can see it in your eyes. I know you are fighting a battle in your head; I notice when you space out too." Terra said.

"Yeah, that's the emotions over taking me. Sometimes I get crippled by bad thoughts, and it literally stops me in my tracks." Raven replied.

"What makes you so sad? I can tell this conversation is taking a lot out of you."

"Well, you know the thing about my father and how I came to be. That weighs in on me. Even though it is done with I don't feel like I belong, and I never did. My father used me, created me to have one purpose, he didn't raise me or teach me to walk. I hate that I was never wanted."

"I know that's a huge thing for you, but you do belong, here with us. You're a missing puzzle piece in our lives that has helped make us whole. I can't imagine the team without you here."

Raven shifted her focus to Terra, looking at her intensely before turning back away.

"Maybe." Raven said in a soft voice.

"No, you do belong here. I'm glad to have become your friend." Terra replied.

There was silence for a moment.

"I need help, I know I do. It's no secret that I constantly medicate myself, I can't get out of bed, I abuse drugs and hurt myself. I have for years. It's how I cope with the pain. I can't seem to see any daylight, it's like I'm drowning."

Terra looked again at her distressed friend. Terra didn't say a word.

"I'm sure if you feel that's the best way then it is the best way. Just be careful. I know we'd all worry."

"Yeah, that's why I don't open up to anyone else, I don't want to worry them and have them lock me away."

"Why tell me?"

"Well, I trust you. You seem genuinely concerned and interested in what I have to say, no one else is."

Terra listened closely. I know she knew that was only the surface, but I was never going to pull her into the depths of my mind. Hours had passed, we laughed, talked, and watched the sunset together. This was the first time in a long time I had felt okay. I was never one to share what was in my mind but having someone genuinely interested in my mind helped me open up a little. I didn't want it to end.

The sun was sinking behind the city skyline. The breeze was gentle and cool.

"Well, it's getting late. I should probably head in." Raven said as she gazed at the sinking sun.

"Yeah, it's getting late." Terra replied back.

Terra turned to Raven and grabbed her hands and held them up.

"It was really good to get to know you a little bit more. We should do this again." She said in a cheerful voice.

Raven was shocked at her reaction and turned a little red.

"Ha yea it was alright." She replied in her cold monotone voice.

Terra laughed at the dark girl's typical response. She was used to this, but Terra knew that she had got on a more friendly side of Raven, so she didn't mind. The two stood up and stared together at the last little bit of sun peeking through. Raven turned towards Terra and gazed at her for a brief moment before Terra had turned to meet eyes with the dark demon girl.

Our eyes met and I couldn't look away. The deep blue of her eyes was soothing to me. I think I lost time when she looked into my eyes. I wasn't sure what I was feeling, however it was the first time I could hear myself think without meditation.

Moments passed as the two young titans stared into each other's eyes. Terra's long blonde hair flowed in the wind. Raven had grown her hair much longer and had put it in a messy bun to keep it still.

"Well, goodnight, Rae. I'll see you tomorrow." Terra said as she waved and turned away.

"Goodnight" Raven said quietly back to her friend.

Raven watched her walk back into the tower with a slight smile on her face.

I couldn't help but smile as I watched her walk away. It kinda just took over me, I think I am capable of feeling joy, it's just been so long since I've let myself feel that way that I didn't know it was possible. Something about the way I can see into her soul when I look in her eyes absolutely mesmerizes me.

Raven let out a slight sigh as she turned and walked back into the tower. The hall from the roof to her room was long and wide. Raven walked slow as she traversed the long corridor in her home. As she passed by Terra's room, she noticed the door was open and Terra was sitting at her vanity writing in her journal. Raven paused in the shadows of the hallway for a moment and watched as her pen slid across the pages.

I wonder what she is writing?

After a moment Raven continued on her journey to her room. After what seemed like an eternity she had arrived at her room. She lifted her hand to activate the door and walked in. The door shut briefly behind her, and she walked over to her bed. She grabbed the pill bottle off her nightstand and took 3 of the white pills inside. She rolled over on her back and stared at the ceiling for a while, trying to process her thoughts and emotions. After a while the pills started to make her thoughts hazy. She sighed before closing her eyes and swiftly drifted off to sleep.