This chapter is from Ed Sheeran - Give me love.

Riftan kept his eyes closed as he sat on the cold hard floor of the library. Maximilian was long gone, having been swept away by her fretting maid. From what he was able to overhear her maid insisted on the lady to rest for the remainder of the day. He could only imagine what her maid was thinking, he wondered how much that woman would yell at him if she found out he was the cause of her lady's tears. After they left the library became painfully quiet, with only the sound of the rain hitting the window and his thoughts keeping him company.

Everything would have been so much easier if he had pushed harder to return to Anatol right away. It would have prevented all this mess; he could have been back at home over seeing the wall's construction as Ruth pestered him about cost while the girl in the garden would remain a dream. Instead, he sat there completely drained of all energy from the whirlwind of emotions he had just experienced in the past few days.

He should have turned her down before they got any closer, before he had just gone and made things worse. How horrible would he have to make her feel now. Being held like that one day just to be told it will never happen again the next. He knew how much it would rip out his own heart. He gave a pitiful chuckle while resting his head in his hands.

He could still smell her perfume on his clothes, his lips still tingled from the memory of touching her skin and his heart was still racing at the thought of nearly kissing her. Riftan knew deep down needed to stop this. He needed to forget how warm she was, how sweetly she hugged him back. He needed to remind himself why he could never have her.

Taking in a deep breath, Riftan finally moved to stand up only to stop as his hand brushed up against the book he was supposed to have put away. Instead of being sat on a shelf the worn book laid haphazardly on the floor, having been completely forgotten during their embrace.

He continued to stare at it for a moment before letting out a deep sigh and picking it up as he rose to his feet. Maximilian seemed rather insistent that it would be put away. Stepping over towards the ladder he glanced down at the book as his thumb ran over the spine, it looked as if it had been read a thousand times even after a rebinding. Despite his mood, his curiosity got the better of him. Slowly, he flipped through the small book, stopping randomly when he noticed there seemed to be a few ribbons stuck in between some of the pages. When he went to the marked page his body froze as he read the text on the page. Swallowing he quickly moved to open another marked page and then another all while his stomach felt as if it had been filled with lead.

They were all love poems.

The rain continued onto the next day but Riftan still had hopes she would be out in the garden. However, even after the bells ran out and the sun had nearly disappeared over the horizon, they remained empty. Now, fully soaked by the summer rain, Riftan slowly made his way back to the guest wing and with each step he could swear the necklace she gifted him was becoming heavier.

Rationally, he knew her maids had most likely forbid her from going outside. Still, he had a sinking feeling Maximilian had decided she no longer wished to see him. He could make himself live with that if it didn't mean there was a chance she was still blaming herself. Riftan had to make sure she blamed him by the time he left, if not he knew he would always carry that guilt with him like a chain twisting around and strangling his heart.

Thankfully sometime during the night the rain finally stopped and Riftan made sure to get out of his room early, wanting to avoid any of the knights or Triton asking him any more questions. He feared his commander already suspected something had happened, Though the man didn't outright ask him, Riftan could tell the older knight was starting to feel some concern with Riftan. The look Triton had given him last night as he watched Riftan come in soaked to the bone wasn't helping with the guilt building up in his gut.

As he tried to think of a good enough excuse for this commander, Riftan turned the corner and instantly spotted Maximilian at the end of the corridor. Part of him wanted to quicken his steps to reach her while another told him to turn around before he made a fool of himself in front of her and her maids. However, she seemed to have spotted him before he made up his mind. He could see her maids whisper something at their lady but she seemed to ignore it as she made her way down the hall towards him. At first, he felt rooted in place, watching her as she slowly approached him, her hands wringing the sleeve of her dress as she walked.

As she was halfway down the hall, Riftan felt himself snap out of whatever trance he had been put under and began to walk up towards her as well. When they finally reached each other, he could feel the disapproval glances of her maids and they both greeted each other.

"I'm g-glad it st-stopped…raining."

The tension he had been holding in his shoulders relaxed, she still wanted to meet him.

"Th-though, th-th-they say it'll b-be humid t-tonight."

Ignoring the glares from her maids, he gave her a small nod to acknowledge what she had said, making the lady smile slightly though it looked forced before she made her leave. This was the first time she had ever mentioned a time of day. It made him feel a little more relaxed, knowing his rational side was right about something.

Riftan wasn't exactly sure what time at night Maximilian meant, but it was safe to assume it would be after she slipped away from the banquet. This was good, he had a chance to make this right. To do what needed to be done despite how much the thought of it made him feel sick.

Riftan was relieved when Triton didn't come to his room. Since he first started staying away from the banquets the man had been pestering him to rejoin them. He was thankful for whatever convinced his commander to finally leave him be. It allowed him to leave straight away toward the gardens, not willing to have the chance to miss her appearing there. The lady didn't exactly have a set time when she left the banquets, but not once did she stay for every meal presented.

His stomach started to twist in knots as he quickly made his way through the guest wing and towards the closest exterior door. It was always strange walking the halls during the banquets. The oddly empty and quiet corridors with the light of the setting sun creating stretched out shadows clawing at the walls made the place feel abandoned.

Even though it felt as though he had made it to the gardens at a rather quick pace, he wasn't the first one there. Maximilian stood at the center of the wilted garden in a soft blue gown with long flowing sleeves cut in a way that her pale arms were exposed. This was the first time he had ever seen her during the very last ray of sunlight, where the sky was painted an array of reds and oranges that could only be rivaled by her hair. It was a shame that she had it pinned up again, her curls dancing in the light of the fading sun would no doubt be a beautiful sight.

Maximilian must have felt his gaze on her as she quickly went from seeming to be deep in thought to locking her eyes with his. Neither made a move as they stared in awkward silence, his stomach continuing to twist to the point he was starting to feel nauseous. It was made worse by the warm air which turned thick from yesterday's rain.

It was strange that the lady seemed to have more nerve than the knight, as she was the first to make her move and walked slowly towards him. While Riftan was only able to react when she finally reached him. By pure instinct he reached out an arm for the lady to take so he could lead her behind the tree line just as he's done so many times before.

When they felt they were out of sight from the gardens Maximilian once again demonstrated her courage by speaking up first. He would have been thankful, if the first thing she said wasn't an apology.

"I'm s-sorry, m-m-my maids... I d-don't th-think they kn-know but th-they're...it's h-harder to g-get away."

Taking a step back he allowed her hand to drop from his arm, but he wasn't sure if it was the humidity but it felt as if she still had her hand there, burning into this flesh.

"I understand."

It made sense that her maids would cling to their lady. Closing his eyes, he could still see how red her eyes were when she clung to him, apologizing for what he did.

"My lady, at the library I... I stepped out of line; I shouldn't have done that."

Opening his eyes, he watched as her gaze dropped to her worrying hands.

"I s-s-see."

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Riftan forced himself to continue.

"I know you've been attempting to court me."

He continued to watch her as her bottom lip started to tremble and tears began to form.

"I-I'm s-s-o s-sor-."

"No!"

Maximilian's head shot up at the outburst, he hated that she looked so scared and confused. All of this needed to be clear for both their sake.

"Why the hell are you apologizing! I... fuck." He stopped and took in a deep breath, running a hand over his face. He wanted to speak calmly but his nerves were getting the best of him, if he didn't get this under control she would only come out of this fearing him.

"I was the one out of line, no you. I should have stopped this a long time ago."

She was still on the verge of crying, and from how badly his eyes were starting to sting she wasn't alone. His only solace was that she wasn't apologizing anymore. Taking another deep breath, Riftan steadied his voice and gave a quick bow to her.

"Whatever this is…it needs to end."

Instantly he heard a little hicc from her and he knew she wasn't holding back her tears anymore. That part he had been trying so hard to ignore was screaming at him to hold her again to tell her what he said was a lie. Clutching his fist, Riftan made sure to keep his head down as he moved to leave. He wasn't sure he had the willpower to keep holding back that voice if he saw her right now.

However, as he took a step away from her, he felt the smallest resistance as she reached out to grab the back of his tunic with one shaking hand.

"P-please."

Why, why was she doing this to herself.

"This won't last forever."

"I kn-know."

"I'll be leaving in a week."

He didn't hear anything from her but he felt her pull slightly on the fabric.

"I don't know when I'll be back."

Still, she didn't say anything and for one heartbreaking moment he thought his words had finally gotten through to her. Finally made her see reason. That was until he heard her take a step closer to him.

"My lady...I…I'm a low born bastard." He struggled to keep his voice steady as he tried to ignore the feeling of her resting her head against his back. "The duke would never approve of this."

She kept silent and it felt as if everything he was saying meant nothing to her. She couldn't be this naive, she had to know this needed to stop so why did she stay? Why wasn't she agreeing with him? Why was she making this so painful?

For just a moment, Riftan pictured Maximilian standing there long after he's gone, waiting for him as she grew miserable each passing day. Letting out a shaky breath, Riftan looked up and watched the leaves slowly sway in the breeze, letting in some relief the cool brush of air cooling down his heated face. That would be her fate, just like he knew it would be his.

"Why?"

He felt she shift slightly behind him but still no reply.

"My lady, why do you wish to continue this?"

Slowly, painfully, Riftan began to turn around as she reluctantly released her hold on his tunic. Her eyes were just as red as they were when she left the library and just like before it was shattering his heart to see what he was doing to her.

Against his better judgment, Riftan slowly brought his hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb gingerly brushing away a tear only for it to be quickly replaced by another.

"Tell me why." He didn't intend to sound so forceful but he was at a breaking point.

She looked away from him as her hand came up to touch his wrist with the tip of her fingers before wrapping her small hand around it. Despite the humidity he felt a shiver go down his spine at the touch.

"I...I-I've..."

Bringing up his other hand he cradled her face, forcing her to look back up at him again.

"Tell me." He repeated, in a harsh whisper.

"I-I've...a-always w-wanted you."

Fuck it

He needed to stop this, needed to stay away from her, needed to stop looking up, needed to stay a grub. There were so many things he needed to do, but none of them were what he truly wanted. Pushing her away, ignoring his feelings for her, that was making him miserable. Staying a grub was fucking painful.

So, fuck it.

He'll give into what he wanted in the hopes that what she had meant, and at that moment he really wanted to hug her, kiss her, run his hands though her hair until it was out of that stupid fucking bun.

So, he did.

It wasn't a sweet chaste kiss, with just a shy brush of lips. It was clumsy, bruising and filled with all the passion he had for her. He held her painfully close as the warmth of her kiss made his chest burn and the tiny whimper she let out as his hand became tangled up in her hair allowed his tongue to easily slip between her lips. Everything about her was so intoxicating and soft, her dress, her body, her hair, even the tiny moan he caused by dragging his nails down the nape of her neck was soft. When he felt her pull on his tunic to bring herself closer, he couldn't help but smile against her impossibly soft lips.

Riftan was always a blunt man but when it came to his emotions he could never really find the correct words, especially with her. But he could do this, he could pour everything he's been holding in with this kiss. Maybe then, she could understand how before he lost the ability to love she had already taken root deep in his heart. If she didn't, then he wouldn't stop, he would kiss her again and again until fully understood his affection towards her. Part of him didn't mind that idea, now that he knows what it was like he would give anything to kiss her again, to feel her body shiver under his touch while she clung to him as he kissed her as if it was the only thing in the world he was meant to do. As if he was born for her alone.

Suddenly his chest started to burn, not from the kiss but from forgetting to breathe. It made him chuckle as he finally pulled himself away from her lips causing them both to gasped for air. He had been so wrapped up in seeing what other ways he could kiss her to make her moan or whimper that he didn't even notice he had moved them to lay on the ground.

Though he wanted to continue, Riftan moved to lift himself off of her, not wanting to crush her or let her know how badly the kiss had affected him. Despite how much he hated moving away it had a slight benefit of giving him a better view of the lady lying beneath him. Maximilian's face was flushed with a blush that had spread down her neck and was teasing the top of her bodice. Her hair was also no longer neatly pinned up but was now splayed out across the grass and she had a heat behind her eyes that made him groan. She looked ethereal.

Gingerly, Riftan removed his hand from behind her neck to brush his thumb over her cheek before slowly moving over her abused lips. Her breath tickled the pad of his thumb as he felt her hand rest on the back of his while the other copied his movements by reaching up to slowly brush the tips of her fingers over the side of his face until they touch his lips. Riftan couldn't hold back his laugh as her eyes went wide when his tongue darted out to taste her fingers.

Even if this doesn't last, even if she would never truly be his, even if it'll take months before he sees her again, he would take anything she was willing to give and he would cherish every second of it no matter the scars her touch left behind.