I hurried to where my friends were waiting for us and could already see my Pokémon near the table I expected them to be by "Everyone!" I yelled. My three Pokémon looked up from their food and cried with a big smile on their faces before running after me. I chuckled and ran faster to get to them, but ended up watching my surroundings flying upward as my body fell forward and landed on my knees and hands while I lost breath and breathing heavily, grasping on my chest at the heart burn.
"Calem!" Shauna ran to me with my other friends and my Pokémon. I looked at my Pokémon and sighed in relief, happy to see them after so long "Take it easy!" Shauna kneeled down to help me. I was breathing hard for some air. I shouldn't have ran. I'm not in the best health to be running like this.
"Hey man, you're good. Don't do anything reckless" Tierno, one of my friends that took care of my Pokémon, told me. I was breathing the right way to get my heart to become steady again. Someone patted my back and handed me a bottle of water.
"Here. This may help" my friend, Trevor, said. I nodded and took small sips of water for a short while before I was able to get back on my feet. I was still breathing heavily, but it was durable.
"I'm okay" I sighed and looked at my three Pokémon frowning at me "Sorry to scare everyone" I turned to my side to pet my Pyroar's head and looked my Greninja and Gogoat making sure I was okay "Yes, I am fine" I turned back to my friends and sighed, smiling "Sorry... I was just excited to see my Pokémon"
"No worries, man" Tierno said "Your Pokemon had been wanting to see you for awhile already" I took a deep breath and joined everyone to our table we always sit on when we discuss our plans for our summer vacation. It's a shame it had to stop 6 years ago when my parents divorced and I started studying more, but now that I have no choice but to put my books now, I'll get to start a new adventure after so long with my friends.
"It's been so long since meeting in this table!" Shauna cheered and laid her torso on the table at her end "It's like yesterday we came here at 10 years old because the headmaster gifted us Pokémon for being honor students!" I smiled at the memory and looked at the empty chair next to me.
"It's crazy how time flew" Trevor said "When did we stop coming here to discuss our plans for our summer adventure?" Tierno held his chin to think.
"I believe it was around the time Calem started studying all the time because of the divorce" he frowned at me "Not trying to bring back bad memories" I waved my hand.
"Don't worry about it. It'll be good to knock some sense into me from all this studying. It hasn't been good for my health and after all these years, I'm suffering because of it"
"I'm sure an adventure will do you a whole lot of good!" Shauna smiled "I can't wait to see all of Kalos again! This will be so much fun!"
"The headmaster gave us permission slips like he always did when we go on our adventuring as students" Trevor said. When a student is still attending the academy, they need a permission slip since they're not able to obtain a trainer card until graduation. My friends and I are in college level, but we still need to have our permission slips and get it turned in with a signature from a parent, but it's different if the student lives alone. I'm not going to get into that "You think your mom will let you go on a journey with us?"
"To be honest, I really think he should get some therapy" Shauna said "He's still irritated about everything and is always so jumpy. I'll be afraid if he travels and ends up passing out or something"
"That is concerning..." Tierno said.
"Don't worry. I've gotten better sleep lately. I don't know if my mom will approve, but I'll have to go find her in Lumiose when I get the chance" I said. Everyone nodded. Trevor handed me my permission slip "My Pokémon haven't been out in Kalos in a long time... I look forward to being with them again"
"You'll have to take it easy on them and not force yourself to train all the time like you usually do" Tierno said "The headmaster will be expecting these permission slips in about a week, so until then when we're able to head out, I can't give you back your Pokémon" I stood up and slapped the table in front of us. He quickly raised his hands as I glared down at him "Doctors orders! The headmaster told me specifically to not give you your Pokémon back until you've improved more! Another week should have more results"
"Y-Yeah..." Trevor said "You don't look as bad as you use to, but it'll be better if you give it another week. You recently got out the hospital last week and the last thing you need is to put your attention on your Pokémon and focus more on yourself" I looked down, trying to control my anger.
"I'm fine!" I snapped at everyone "Why are you making this difficult? I won't overwork my Pokémon! Just let me be with them!" Shauna stood up after my outburst.
"Give it another week, Calem. If you can prove you can handle yourself and not snap at us, you can have your Pokémon. Tierno has the right to keep your Pokémon and once the headmaster finds out that you haven't been taking care of yourself, your outdoor assignment to complete the Pokédex will be reduced to a failing grade" I flinched, forgetting that students were given the option to receive grades for collecting data across the region or just choose to turn in assignments like I've been doing for the pass 6 years.
I looked away without responding, not wanting to talk to them anymore today. I was very annoyed and snatched the permission slip from the table and walked up to my Pokémon to pet their heads.
"I'll see you guys soon... Don't worry about me. I'll work on getting better" they frowned at me "I'm sorry I've been making you worried. Instead of staying home for the summer, we'll explore again" I put on a smile "Just like old times" without looking at my friends who are very concerned for me, I walked back home and started cooking myself some breakfast, since I didn't get to share a meal with my friends like we use to do...
I felt so bad for treating them like that. They mean well and only want the best for me while I constantly try destroying myself slowly without meaning to. I just want to be the best... but for now, I can only try my best.
I finished making my breakfast, but due to my condition, I didn't have an appetite and regained the headache I've been trying to avoid for awhile since leaving the hospital.
I had to force myself to eat, even if I may vomit it up later. I felt too tired to put my food in a plate and I just felt like beating myself up for all that I put myself through.
"All this... and for what..?" I bit my lips "I got so stressed out all because I wanted to show my dad that mom and I didn't need him" I held my aching heart "I've destroyed myself and yelled at my friends even if they just wanted to do what's best for me" I leaned on the counter, leaning forward for the pain in my stomach "How can I possibly go on a journey when I can't even handle eating a full meal?" I know. Baby steps, but it's so frustrating how this is taking so long "If I don't get better, I won't get to see my Pokémon..." I grabbed the pan I cooked my food in and ate from it instead of on a plate "I'll just eat a bit and take a shower..."
I coughed and felt the gravity drop, later seeing myself on the floor with a darker hallway. I got up with a major headache, feeling lightheaded, and looked around the hallway with a single window at the end. It was dark outside...
"Did I pass out again?" I looked at the scattered food on the floor "dammit..." I leaned on the wall and hugged my legs "What have I done..?" My heart was racing painfully fast as tears rolled down my cheeks "Why did I do this..?" I pulled up my hand to bite on my nails and stopped to look at how awful they looked because of my constant nail biting and skin peeling.
My body was weak, I lacked concentration, I was angry, I had heart problems, I can't sleep without my medicine, I can't relax, I have no energy, I can't eat without wanting to vomit, and I've been making bad decisions for as long as I could remember.
I cupped my face and punched the wall behind me with my other hand "I can't stand up..." I sobbed and punched my legs "I'm so tired..." I dropped my arms and looked at the ceiling "I don't want anyone seeing me like this. I have to get better... I don't want anyone being worried about me anymore" I dug in my pocket and looked at the permission slip in my hand "It'll be dangerous to go on a adventure to collect data from Pokémon at this rate. Something bad can happen... I don't want to drag anyone down" I sighed and looked up at the ceiling again "Would be nice to have someone who can motivate me to keep going forward without feeling like I'm a burden" I swallowed my pills I had in my pocket and later drifted off to sleep in the middle of the hallway.
Because of what happened in Aquacorde Town with my friends, I've been avoiding Shauna coming over to my house to help me out around the house while my mom was busy for work. I didn't want to deal with her or show that I haven't been getting any better lately. It was easier to lie instead show her the slow process I've been working on.
I've been eating more lately without vomiting, which was a good sign, but I still have the other problems I haven't really made better. The nail biting, the pacing, the shaking, and irritability was still there, not to mention how bad my ache was and how oily my hair became. I don't even want to mention the hair loss I've been experiencing for years already. Nothing too noticeable, but I think I'll be okay to go on a journey now.
"Wouldn't a journey make you stressed?" Mom asked when I visited her job. She was on break when I decided to visit her so she can sign my permission a week after I received it "Your stress levels don't go away in just two weeks, but if you say you're ready, I'll have to believe you" she shrugged "I haven't been home to take care of you, but it seems like you're getting the color back in your face" she smiled and pet my head "That's good!" She played with my hair "Why don't you get a haircut? That ponytail reaches to your butt. It's weird" I looked at my oily and damaged thin hair "If you're going to start a journey, I recommend you to make a list. Take your time, and contact your doctor about your plans. We can't stop you from living your life, but I want you to be extra careful. Make this moment fun, not stressful" I nodded, understanding.
"I know mom. I'm sorry for worrying everyone" I looked at the signed permission slip in my hands "I'll be extra careful and take my time! I won't rush or overwork myself" I looked down, feeling ashamed "I hate how I made myself feel this way. I didn't realize that I was destroying my own body until it was too late" I looked at my skinny arms "I'll keep working to make things better. I'll be doing this for myself. I won't think about dad or anything" I looked at mom frowning at me "Do you think he'll laugh at us for faking it all this time" Mom's eyes watered before she wrapped her arms around me and held me close.
"Calem... No matter who is involved in our lives, we have to think about ourselves. No one else matters more than how we feel about ourselves. You need to work hard so that you can be happy. You've worked yourself to the hospital, but remember that in order to live a happy life, you must learn to accept that you're enough" I sniffled, hiding my sobs, and held her close before it was time to head to the academy to meet up with my friends and the headmaster who were waiting for me.
I took a deep breath when I stood in front of the academy's gates and used my student I.D to open them on the scanner. In no time, I reached the headmaster's office at the same time I was stopped by another pair of friends I had.
"Calem?" I stopped reaching for the door and looked over at Sina looking at me with a surprise look on her face. She quickly came over with a smile "What are you doing here during summer break?! Don't tell me you're going on a journey!" I smiled at her excitement.
"I am. I got my permission slip sighed and everything" she widened her smile.
"That's great! It's been a long time since you've gone on a journey with your friends! It'll be like old times! Remember how we use to meet all the time during our journey and share the data we collected-" I lost focus the longer she talked about the times we had in random routes "But we were only kids back then! Now that you're older, you'll be able to expand your search! No more staying in the closest towns or cities so that you can get home the next few days. You can stay out there for as long as you want!" She laughed "Doesn't that sounds great?"
"It does" I chuckled "I look forward to a wider journey than when I was a kid. Will you be going too?"
"Dexio and I go so we can watch over the younger trainers traveling. You won't see much of us that often as before, but we'll be around" she waved "Go get em! Be careful out there!" She stopped before she was going to walk away "by the way, you're looking better than you did back in the exam. That's good" she waved and left "bye now" I waved and sighed, not knowing what to expect from this journey. I get to expand my horizons and see more than what I was able to see when I was a kid. New opportunities now that I'm a college student, but I'll have to be careful.
I faced the headmasters doors and took a deep break to calm down my rapid heartbeat and tapping foot. This is it... I'll have to show that I'm ready to do this. If I stay in that house any longer, I don't think I'll progress. It's time to start a new life. I won't harm myself anymore. I got this... right?