Travel plans

The switch back to the real world was a bit jarring. Disorienting.

This time I looked up at the tent ceiling. I stood up carefully, wary of any unforeseen issues. I had been with Kushina after she became Jinchuuriki but I had been fairly out of it. Losing Mito-oba-chan had hit me hard.

"It seems I am getting a great view," Isobu commented in my mind.

'Yup,' I thought back. 'That's the way I designed it.'

"Good work," he praised, and I tried not to preen too much.

I took stock of my situation. In truth, I was surprised that we hadn't been found yet. Treating Rin and setting up the seal had taken time and Konoha's trackers were good. Well, no use looking a gifted horse into its mouth.

I dressed myself, immediately feeling better as my sealwork was hidden from view. I popped my clone, who had been outside, patrolling the area, and checked on Rin.

She was fine. Still asleep and a bit chakra exhausted but fine.

My clone's memories informed me that there had been no sign of either Obito or Zetsu in the area. Sadly, that just made me more paranoid. Zetsu was a sneaky fucker. I couldn't really count on having fooled him. That didn't change anything about my immediate plans though.

There were no more Kiri-nins either, which was a good thing. Relations would be tense already.

I sighed.

Now I had the way back to Konoha to make up a convincing story. Yay.

I dressed Rin and put her on my back to carry. I reactivated nearly all of my gravity seals with a tear in my eye. Goodbye speed. Hello gravity, my old friend. Did not miss you.

I was torn from my self-inflicted misery by Isobu curiously questioning me about the seals on my body. Happily distracted, I engaged in another discussion on my favorite subject.

We were a good chunk closer to Konoha when Anbu finally caught up with me.

'- huge discrepancy between how much an Uzumaki-style storage seal can hold and how much a standard shinobi seal holds, I'm telling you. I made a whole set of tests for that. The most consistent way to measure that is, in my opinion, water. At least that's what I have been using. You see - ' I explained to a patiently listening Isobu when I was surprised by three shadows jumping out of the trees.

I nearly cursed out loud because I had been so engrossed in the conversation playing out in my mind that I hadn't paid too much attention. A bit sloppy of me.

"The Hokage send us to escort you back to the village," one of the masked shinobi declared unnecessarily.

I rolled my eyes. No shit.

"Yeah, yeah," I said.

That moment another person stormed into the clearing we were standing in. It wasn't hard to guess who or why.

"Rin!" a distressed Kakashi called out when he spotted my baggage.

"So," Minato started after closing the door to my office in the hospital. He looked like he had a headache already. He was not going to like the rest of our conversation then.

We used my office because Rin had to be brought to the hospital regardless and Minato had wanted to check on his student as fast as possible.

Before I started explaining anything, I triggered all secrecy seals that I had ever installed in my office. I was about to spout information that could a lot of people killed.

Minato's frown deepened but he didn't comment.

Without trying to explain anything else, I started undressing just enough to show Minato my stomach. He stared for a good minute, looking like his hundred questions for me had just turned into thousands.

"Is that? Is that what I think it is?" Minato finally pushed out.

"Probably. They sealed the Sanbi into Rin. Rigged her so that she would have no choice but to return to Konoha and let loose. I'm sure she mentioned to you that I had her tagged with an experimental seal to keep track of her health status and location. I arrived just in time. Much longer and separating her form the Biju would have been fatal. So, I improvised," I explained a heavily edited story to Minato.

Halfway through Minato started to massage his head. I didn't envy him for having to deal with the many, many problems that would come with this.

"Thank you," was the first thing that came out of his mouth after he had time to think. I looked up, surprised. He had an exhausted smile on his smile on his face.

"For saving Rin. And keeping her out of this," he elaborated.

"Don't mention it," I shrugged him of, slightly uncomfortable.

"This is going to be a political nightmare," Minato continued a minute later.

I nodded.

"Kiri will want to pressure us to give you over."

It was clear that he was thinking out loud.

"Well, just pretend like nothing happened," I advised. He looked at me sharply.

"How could that work."

"I killed all Kiri-nin on the scene. They don't know that I sealed the Sanbi into me. They don't know that we resealed it at all. Biju disperse for some time when the person they are sealed into dies. If we play this right, they'll think that the Jinchuuriki was killed. I am not a frontline fighter. The chances that they find out are miniscule," I proposed.

Sure, that might not keep me safe from Akatsuki. But if I convinced Minato I could avoid most of the politics involved.

The Hokage stared at me before nodding.

"That could work. Ok, this will be an S-Rank secret. I'll inform my team and the Anbu later."

I could see his mind running through all sorts of different scenarios.

"And please. Please, don't tell the raisins," I begged.

Minato's eyebrow rose and the corner of his mouth twitched despite the seriousness of the situation.

"Your dislike of the honorable council is noted," the little shit snarked.

I narrowed my eyes at him. He may be the Hokage but I was still older and in his family-in-law, so he better watch out.

"Shimura is the worst and Sarutobi becomes utterly compromised around him," I stated bluntly.

Minato sighed. He knew he couldn't refute me in that.

"Fine. But there are other things to talk about." At that point he leveled me with a stern glare. "What have you been hiding?"

It was my time to sigh. I would have to meet him halfway on this.

"Seals," I said. I hesitated for a bit longer before removing the rest of the clothes on my upper body. Minato gasped as he caught sight of countless storage seals, gravity seals, Yin seals, seals he didn't even know.

"What the fuck," he said with wide eyes.

I jerked back in surprise. Did I just make the goody-two-shoes (by shinobi standards) Hokage curse?

He didn't notice, to occupied with studying my seals.

"You're crazy," he breathed with his eyes still glued to my sealwork.

"War made many of us do crazy things," I answered simply.

"Those Yin seals, your chakra capacity must be the largest in the whole village!" he exclaimed.

"Except maybe Kushina-chan," I agreed, entirely lacking Minato's frantic energy.

"You could have been a heavy hitter in the wars like this. But you chose making seals. Why?" he asked, not outright judging me but definitely confused.

"Why would I want that? Why would I choose killing people over working on saving our own? I am not the kind of person that can slaughter thousands of Iwa-nin, Minato. I'd rather sit in a clogged little office in the back of a hospital to figure out how I can make sure that the people that are important to me don't die out there," I ranted.

Minato reared back like I had slapped him. I knew the slaughter had not been easy on him. Kushina had told me in secret that nightmares kept her boyfriend up a lot. Still, he refused to see a Yamanaka about it. As Hokage, he couldn't show weakness.

We stayed in silence for some time. I didn't apologize and Minato didn't ask me to.

"At least some of this going to become public knowledge," he finally said.

I nodded.

"I knew as much when I lifted the gravity seals," I confirmed. With a sigh I continued. "Guy is going to be insufferable with his training."

Despite the tension in the room, Minato snorted out a laugh.

"Youth!" I echoed Gai weakly, making the young Hokage break out in a full laugh. I sent him a tired smile. It was funny for him.

He wouldn't have to get kicked around.

"Oh, that reminds me. Speaking of peculiar friends; this is what Orochimaru and I had been working on," I said and turned around to show Minato my back.

He leaned forward curiously.

"What is this? Healing properties?" he questioned.

"Close. It's a longevity seal," I explained. Might as well use this opportunity to take some more suspicion off of Orochi.

Minato hummed and didn't move away from his position. I sighed and settled in for a long inspection. Having the Hokage be one of the few Fuuinjutsu buffs in Konoha also had his downsides.

To my surprise, even though the day had felt like an eternity I was still on time for my meet-up with Gai.

As such I wandered around the streets slowly, taking the chance to relax on my way to the restaurant.

'How come you have been silent?' I asked Isobu.

He hummed.

"I thought it distracting. You were already under enough scrutiny. It was enough for me to listen in," he answered.

I beamed.

'How attentive of you. Thanks!' I thought back.

10 out of 10, turtles were way better than foxes.

I still had a smile on my face when I entered the food stall that held the best food of Konoha.

"Hello Teuchi-san!" I greeted the slightly older man behind the counter.

"Hello Takeshi! It is nice to see you! Your usual is coming right up," the friendly cook called out when he caught sight of me.

It turned out that there was quite a story behind Ichiraku. Teuchi's family originated from Uzushiogakure. They left long before its destruction and had nothing to do with shinobi or seals. But they still cooked their ramen like they did back in the Land of Whirpools.

For Kushina-chan, it tasted like home.

Still, I was convinced that there had to be some kind of genetical component because I had been obsessed with the ramen here ever since trying it a couple of weeks after Teuchi opened up shop.

By the time Gai had arrived I was already on my third portion. (Miso ramen with extra egg and menma, ironically without fishcake)

"Ah, my friend! It's good to see that you are alright! I heard you had an exciting day!" Gai shouted with a bright smile as he took a seat next to me.

I slurped the last of the broth and Teuchi sat down the next bowl just in time.

"Of course you heard. Shinobi are the worst gossips, I swear," I commented lightly.

Gai didn't miss a beat to change the topic and talk about something else. He might be loud and weird, but he was also self-aware. He used the way others perceived him to be underestimated. You know, like a good shinobi.

He was way better with social cues than people gave him credit for. As such, he noticed my reluctance immediately.

After I finished my last (13th, wow, being a Jinchuuriki really did make a difference in appetite) bowl, I turned to a topic that had Isobu sighing in the back of my mind.

"Hey, you have the tortoise summoning contract, right?" I asked.

Gai looked up from his dish, surprised.

"Yes?"

"Do you know anything about the turtle contract?"

"Of course! The tortoises have a most Youthful rivalry going on with their brethren! There hasn't been a contractor for the turtles for quite a while and it has been a point of contention between them," Gai explained with a thoughtful expression.

"Do you know why?"

"Yes! The turtle contract had been in the hands of the Uzumaki clan for generations. But with the destruction of Uzushiogakure… " he trailed off.

"Huh," I eloquently contributed.

Well, it made some sense. Proximity to the ocean and all.

"Thanks Gai."

"For nothing, my Youthful friend!"

"You want what," Minato deadpanned a couple of days later.

"You have my proposal right in front of you," I snarked.

He gave me an unimpressed look.

"Indulge me."

I sighed.

"To get leave to go search for a specific summoning contract in the ruins of Uzushiogakure."

Minato started massaging the bridge of his nose and I could swear he was mumbling something like "troublesome Uzumakis".

"Don't let Kushina hear that," I rebuked him mildly.

He looked up at me sharply. Hokage or not, that was a threat. Minato grumbled and leaned back in his chair.

"Do you think it is wise to leave the village that soon after the attack on Rin?" he asked.

"You know as well as I do that there will never be a good time to leave. And I have recently proven to be quite hard to take down."

If I waited, I would get uncomfortably close to the window of Kushina's pregnancy, something I had to be ready for. And then I would be occupied with being an uncle for years. Followed by Akatsuki activity. At least right now, I wouldn't have to worry about a group of S-rank missing nin hunting me down.

The expression on Minato's face made it clear that he was not enjoying my arguments. Officially, there was no good reason to deny my request. Unofficially, I had to admit that letting the fresh new Jinchuuriki out of the village alone for at least a couple of months had to seem like a very bad idea from his perspective.

Minato sighed.

"Just… be back in time for the wedding," he gave in.

"Yas!" I hissed out in triumph and pumped my fist in the air.

"But!" Minato interrupted my celebration and raised a finger. "You'll have to wait for Kushina to return from her mission and explain this to her yourself."

I deflated as he looked at me with a slight smirk.

I pouted.

"Fine."

"If it isn't the person with second most gorgeous hair in all of Konoha!" I greeted my little cousin with a teasing smile when she left the Hokage tower after reporting back.

A second later I had an armful of sunshine buried into my shoulder. I broke into a full grin as I enveloped Kushina in a big hug. I wasn't a big fan of physical contact, but family was an exception.

"Nii-chan! I missed you!" Kushina muffled into my haori.

"You weren't even away for a week," I reminded her even though I had missed her too.

In truth, neither of us left the village for more than a day at a time, usually. I was needed in the hospital and Kushina couldn't take the risk because of her being a Jinchuuriki. Her close relationship to the current Hokage wasn't helping either.

Ergo, we weren't used to being apart for long.

After a moment Kushina seemed to actively compute how I had greeted her and reared back her head with an outraged expression on her face.

"What are you talking about – second?!"

My smile turned mischievous, and I adopted a faux-thoughtful look.

"Mah, you're right. Orochimaru has very silky hair. Not dry like yours."

Kushina hit me on the shoulder with a pout.

"Nii-chan!"

"But the best hair is clearly mine," I said haughtily.

I took a step back and swung my hair over my shoulder. I had combed it out not an hour ago.

Well, at the start the long hair was something of a disguise and my "rebellious phase" as a shinobi, but with time I got really into caring for it. Braiding it, combing it, keeping it healthy. It became a way to unwind, to relax my mind.

It also was a link to my family. There were still people who tried to tease Kushina for her red hair, but it warmed my heart to see that she held her head up high because her Nii-chan wore his hair with pride.

Kushina seemed to seriously consider my point. She nodded slowly.

"I can accept that," she decided. "But I'm number two! Orochi-baka can be number three!"

I grinned.

"I'll make sure to inform him of his position the next time I see him."

"Enough talking, let's go eat! I'm hungry, dattebane!"

With that she started pulling on my sleeve impatiently. I just shook my head with a smile, mildly exasperated. Somehow, she always turned a bit more childish around me. I took it as a compliment.

I had the wise foresight to wait for her to be fully sated before breaching the subject of my extensive leave.

If anything, the stomach full of ramen would slow her down if I needed to make a quick escape.

I shuffled nervously in my seat as Kushina leaned back with a satisfied grunt.

"So, Kushina-chan," I started off hesitantly and cleared my throat. "I will be out of the village for some time."

She frowned at me, confused.

"You have a mission? You're never out on missions."

I huffed at her skepticism.

"Hey, don't make it sound like I am lazy. It's just the strategic choice for me to-"

Kushina waved my excuses away with an eyeroll.

"Yeah, yeah. Back to the topic, please."

"Right, er, it's not a mission. I'll be going to Uzushiogakure for probably a couple of months," I explained without looking her into the eyes.

"Uzushiogakure? What do you want there?" she asked, her tone indecipherable.

"To look for a specific summoning contract," I explained.

When I finally looked at her again, I could see that she knew that there was more that I wasn't saying. The booth was quiet for a long moment. Kushina mustered me with Teuchi working in the kitchen as background noise.

"Alright. But you tell me when you're ready," she told me with a stern glare.

I sent her a tired smile.

"Thanks, Imooto."

"I like her," Isobu rumbled.

'Me too.'

I was well and truly exhausted by the time I went home for the evening. My new training regime with Gai, a long day in the hospital, a stressed conversation with Kushina… and I was desperately trying to ignore what she and my esteemed Hokage would be up to this evening.

She had been way to giddy about going back to their apartment.

I was tempted to pop by for a surprise visit to scare the shit out of Minato, but I had a feeling it was hopeless. After all, I already knew what they would be naming their son. Didn't mean I wouldn't give Minato the stink eye at our next meeting.

While thinking about how to psyche out my superior in the most effective way, I didn't notice the person creeping up behind me.

"Your situational awareness is lacking," Orochimaru commented dryly as I nearly knocked my head against the ceiling because I jumped up in freight.

Lacking a proper response, I resorted to mockingly repeating him.

"Oh, I'm the Great Orochimaru, no one ever gets the jump on me! Bla, bla, your situational awareness is lacking, Takeshi!" I murmured under my breath as I pushed my door open.

I could feel Orochimaru's unimpressed glare at my back.

"Finished?" he asked. Then he sighed. "Are you sure that leaving the village alone is a good idea?"

I made a complete 180 at that. Physically and emotionally. I turned around and grinned at my friend.

"Aaah, is someone worried about me?" I cooed. "The second time in a week! You're slipping, Rochi. Be careful, people will mistake you for-" I shuddered dramatically. " – being approachable!"

Ha, he was not amused.

"I changed my mind. Please, do get yourself killed," Orochimaru snarked.

"Don't worry, I'll be careful."

My friend sighed.

"Somehow, I doubt that."

"Ah, by the way, you officially have the third best hair in Konoha!"

"I… I don't even want to know."

AN:

Gasp, she said the thing! Well, you might have noticed that I did not give my Uzumaki MC one of those phrases – I think they are kind of silly. I'll use stuff like "youthful" for Gai and a lot of "mah" for Kakashi because I think it is fun, but the dattebane/dattebayo stuff will be kept to a minimum.
On another note, I always enjoyed when Gai is written as self-aware in fanon. A shinobi that knows how he comes across and uses it to his advantage. I wholly admit to being biased when it comes to Gai. My absolute fave. What's yours?