Draco stared at the cabinet, the same hollow feeling of emptiness in his chest, the full apple staring back at him mockingly.
He had failed, again.
It felt like every day the weight of the pressure he felt mounted and swelled, and he felt sure that soon he was going to collapse under it.
He was becoming desperate, spending long hours in the Room of Requirement working at this stupid cabinet and reading every book on Hogwarts and relevant charms and transfiguration textbooks that he could. The more days that passed, the more this task felt like a sure death sentence. When the Dark Lord had first informed Draco that he was depending on him to complete an important assignment, he had been proud, grateful even for the chance to redeem his father's mistakes. His aunt Bellatrix in particular had been delighted, and pressed upon him that this was an opportunity which many would beg for, a chance to prove himself to the Dark Lord. However, when he had been informed that his mission was to kill the one wizard the Dark Lord feared most of all, he had known then that this was punishment for his father's sins. And every day since, he had continued his feeble attempts, although a part of him knew he was attempting to carry out a fool's errand. With every failure he lost more and more hope, and he withdrew himself completely.
He stared at the cabinet with resignation, and then resumed his work once more.
…..
Draco was failing most of his classes. But he found he didn't care.
He was in potions class, Slughorn bumbling around shooting off praise at Potter as always. As if he didn't have enough fanfare already. Once, he may have been envious of Potter's apparent sudden genius at Potions. He would have goaded him, tried to outdo him, anything to get under his skin. Now he found he didn't have the energy to care, he had far more important things to worry about.
His mind drifted off once more to his mission, only to be pulled sharply back to reality when he noted a pair of confused golden brown eyes staring back at him.
Fuck, he was doing it again.
He dragged his eyes away from the witch, returning to the potion he was supposed to be brewing. He grimaced as he noted his potion, which was supposed to be a clear grassy green, was little more than brown sludge. At that moment Slughorn walked by, pausing to survey the contents for a moment, before shaking his head in disappointment and continuing away.
Draco scowled and tried to concentrate on slicing the beetle wings. Too many times now he had found his eyes drifting to the witch in question. It was involuntary, a sick part of him that he was ignoring. Ever since the ill fated day last year in which he had found himself kissing Granger, he hadn't spoken to her once.
Not that he had wanted to. He was once again pointedly ignoring her, save for the times she had caught him staring over in her direction. But he couldn't help himself from thinking about her more often than he would like to admit. Granger had forced her way into his brain and he couldn't seem to kick her out.
Since their unexpected kiss, Draco had discovered that thoughts of Granger provided a temporary respite from his dreaded impossible mission. Sick perversion though it was, he desperately grabbed at anything that took his mind off of the depressing reality he was living. And he indulged in his fantasies very often.
Like in classes, when he would stare at the back of Granger's head, watching the chestnut curls bounce as she furiously scribbled down answers. He could remember the feeling of them, the springy way in which they coiled around his finger. Or in the great hall during meal times, when he would find himself gazing over at the Gryffindor table, watching as she laughed at something Weasley had said, and feel a surge of hot anger inexplicably surge through his veins. However, he was most transfixed, ashamedly, with her particular habit of raising her quill to her mouth absentmindedly when she was deep in thought. This innocent gesture left Draco bewitched, as her lips gently touched the feathers, parting as she contemplated. He was hurdled back to memories of just how soft her lips were, the feeling of her breath on his.
Leering and fantasising aside, he had made sure to keep his distance from her and the rest of her trio this year, with Potter breathing down his back at every turn and making things harder for him. Although, he had noticed that Granger seemed to look at him curiously at times, almost like she was waiting for him to acknowledge what had happened last year. As if that would ever happen.
The thought would be amusing if Draco had the capacity to find anything funny at the moment. Despite the fact that he would be disowned if anyone found out about their kiss, and that she was right hand witch with his worst enemy, he was now a key player in a movement which would mean the end to her kind. And although he found himself drawn to her for reasons completely outside his understanding, he could and would not forget his purpose, which was to kill Dumbledore and redeem himself and his family.
Draco stared down at his ruined potion once more before dumping the contents in the sink. Another failure.
…
It was nearly Christmas, a time which Draco normally loved.
The castle was buzzing, general merriment and chatter filled the halls, with students excited to return home and be done with their classes. But to Draco, this was only a reminder that his time was running out. He was halfway through the school year and he had yet to make any progress with his mission.
He had chosen tonight to work on the cabinet again, knowing that the so called 'Slug Club' were having a Christmas Party which meant that hopefully everyone would be too distracted to catch him sneaking off to the Room of Requirement.
He couldn't care less that he had not been invited into the close knit exclusive club. He had hoped at the beginning of the year, with Slughorn being a fellow Slytherin, that he could suck up and enjoy the same preferential treatment as he did under Snape. However, Slughorn seemed less than impressed - probably due to the disgrace his father currently faced. He also evidently didn't care about blood status, as Draco had noted Granger was one of the few students hand picked by Slughorn, along with the blood traitor Ginny Weasley, and worst but most predictably of all Potter. But Draco was used to being out cast this year, mostly through his own withdrawal, and the 'Slug Club' was the least of his worries.
He had had another disappointing few hours in the Room of Requirement. Nothing he did seemed to work, and he didn't want to risk staying out any later. With a familiar pit of shame and hopelessness in his stomach, he left the room and wandered down the halls silently, listening for footsteps and preparing to hide at any moment.
His melancholy thoughts were still on the cabinet when he was interrupted by a noise coming from an alcove in front of him. He froze in place, panicked.
"C'mon, show me what that smart little mouth of yours can do" the voice taunted darkly.
Draco scowled, rolling his eyes - just two students evidently having fun away from Slughorn's party.
He edged forward, still quiet as to not be seen out of bed.
"Cormac, no - I told you, I really just want to get back to the party"
Draco's heart leapt to his throat at the familiar sound of Granger's voice. He crept forward to get a look at whoever the hell Granger was with, a sudden rage simmering beneath his skin.
He caught a glimpse of Granger and his breath caught slightly. Her back was pressed into the wall by none other than the Gryffindor brute that was Cormac Mclaggen, inches from her face. Draco felt a bit sick, Mclaggen was notoriously creepy and had tried it on with every witch in the school. He would never have expected Granger to go for someone like him, but if her pining after Weasley showed anything, it was that Granger quite obviously had horrendous taste in men.
He should really keep walking, he told himself, but then he caught sight of the look on Granger's face, like she would rather be anywhere else. He found himself stuck to the spot.
"Don't tease me like that, Granger. We both know you want it." Cormac's tone was full of sinister desire, as he backed Granger up even further into the wall, nuzzling his face into her neck as his hands started to roam all across her waist.
Granger looked even more visibly uncomfortable.
"No, please, I've told you, I just want to get back to my friends." She tried to push him away, but he was pinning her to the wall as he groped her.
"Ugh, you're such a fucking tease. How do you expect me to keep my hands off you, now that I've seen what you were hiding under those robes?" His hands moved up to her chest, his mouth on her neck. "You wore this for a reason, and it's much appreciated".
"Cormac - get off! I'm leaving" Hermione tried once again to shove him away, but this only made Mclaggen angry, gripping her more tightly.
"Don't be a fucking frigid bitch, Granger. You know you want this, and if you don't then I don't care - you've denied me all year and now I get my reward," he spat at her, gripping her thighs.
Draco felt his anger snap, and threw all reasoning out of the window.
"I suggest you get your hands off her before I make you," he growled, his voice laced with a dangerous edge.
Mclaggen looked back over his shoulder in dumb surprise, but didn't let go of Granger.
"Malfoy," he sneered, his voice dripping with disdain and a misplaced confidence. "Me and Granger are just talking, aren't we?" He leered down at her while she stared at Malfoy, confused and helpless.
Draco's jaw clenched, his anger reaching its boiling point. He raised his wand, his gaze unwavering.
"I won't warn you again," Draco spat, his voice low and filled with a potent mixture of fury and determination. "Release her now, or face the consequences."
Mclaggen's eyes widened at the sight of Draco's wand.
"Malfoy protecting a Gryffindor? Never thought I would see the day." McLaggen glared at him, before releasing his grip and moving towards Draco, eyes never leaving his face until he was inches away.
"Play knight in shining armour all you want, Malfoy, but we all know where your dear father is just now. And protecting the likes of her, when we all know what you would rather do with her and all of her kind, is a rather out of character act that isn't fooling anyone." He sneered in Draco's face.
"Talk about my father again and I will rip your throat out, no wand required" Draco spat back.
Mclaggen only glared, before turning on his heel angrily and storming back to the party.
Draco turned to face Granger, who was still hiding in the alcove, as if not believing Mclaggen was gone.
"Thank you, Malfoy." She seemed a little dazed. "Oh he is horrible, I really should have listened to everyone. Stupid thing to do, coming here with him."
Draco scowled back at her.
"Clearly." He started to walk away, still feeling furious and slightly awkward at having intervened on behalf of Granger.
"Wait! Don't walk away, I'll walk back with you." He turned to stare at her in confusion, but waited for her to catch up. He tried not to stare too much, but he couldn't help but take in the dress she was wearing, so much more revealing than anything he had ever seen her in before. It was made of silk and cut low, in a dusky pink colour. It reminded him of a couple years prior, with her in her pink Yule Ball gown, when the whole Granger mess had started.
They walked in silence for a few moments, before Granger turned to him, a look of timid determination on her face.
"You confuse me, Malfoy. I found out you're a decent human being at the Yule Ball, then you avoided me like the plague all last year, then you talk to me and - " She looks away, embarrassed " - kiss me, then you don't talk to me again, and now you threaten McLaggen for me?" She shook her head, looking bewildered.
Draco continued walking, jaw set, refusing to let his blank mask slip.
"What is there to talk about, Granger? A stupid moment, we were both drunk. I hardly even remember it, and it certainly hasn't changed my opinion of you. Everyone does stupid things sometimes." His voice remained icy, although his heart was hammering, hoping she couldn't read his mind and see just how often he had thought about that kiss ever since.
She looked at him, an expression of angry hurt on her face.
"Well, that explains it then. You haven't spoken to me, or even argued with Harry or Ron. I thought I had seen you looking at me a few times, as if you had something to say. I thought maybe you had changed, that you had outgrown your petty beliefs and you were putting the past behind you. I might have known you were just regretting the fact that you would ever lower yourself to kiss a muggle born like me. I don't know why I expected anything else." She shook her head and stared at the ground, disappointment and self consciousness written all over her body.
Draco was met with a surprising sense of guilt when he looked down at the hurt expression on her face. He felt unsure what to say, mostly because he was unsure how he even felt. He did sometimes think he regretted kissing her, but only because he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it ever since. However, in truth, it was the nicest memory he had in the last year.
"I don't." He said quietly.
He could feel her gaze on him, confused.
"You don't what?"
He closed his eyes for a second, feeling his ears redden slightly.
"Regret it. I don't regret kissing you." He cleared his throat awkwardly.
Granger was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment.
"You don't? Then why did you run away? Why act like it never happened?" She still looked at him, confused.
Ugh. Back in uncharted territory with Granger, where Draco never seemed to be able to control what came out of his mouth.
"Because, Granger, I liked it. Bloody hell, probably too much. But it still doesn't change anything. It doesn't mean we're friends, or that suddenly me and you have anything in common. It was a drunken kiss, one which will never be repeated." He stopped walking halfway down the 5th floor hall, exasperated, and sat down on the stone bench beside him. How did he always say too much around her?
She stopped walking too, her eyes wide and looked at him through long lashes. Then she sat down on the stone bench beside him, looking at the ground at her feet.
"So that's it then? We can talk when we find ourselves alone, but god forbid someone sees Malfoy being cordial to a muggle born, much less find out he kissed one?" She asked glumly.
He took in her disappointed expression. It was unfair, really, how she looked so sweet and vulnerable. Every instinct he had screamed at him to protect her, but he couldn't stop himself from scowling and looking away.
"Are you telling me your friends wouldn't be angry if they knew what had happened? If Potter and Weasel had walked in one moment before and caught us? Aren't I everything you're supposed to be against?" He suddenly felt angry. At her, himself, at the stupid task that was driving a wedge between himself and his old life. "Don't tell me you felt any differently waking up the next day after kissing me, than you did with Mclaggen just there. Only difference is you are sober enough to make the right decision this time."
She looked at him properly, brows furrowed. She took a calming breath, seeming to struggle to get the next words out.
"It was different than this time with Mclaggen, Malfoy. I actually.. Wanted to kiss you. I enjoyed it. I thought maybe.." She shook her head, swallowing the next words. "I've thought about it a lot since then, if you must know. " She blushed deeply, but continued to look into his eyes.
Draco struggled to keep his heart rate under control as he absorbed her words. He had expected her to regret it, thinking that if they spoke about it, it would only be to confirm that it could never happen again.
"You enjoyed it?" He questioned, with false airiness to his voice.
She grimaced in embarrassment. "Yes. It was.. Nice. Different from Krum."
He forced a casual look onto his face.
"Well, it's not much of a compliment when being compared to that Oaf. You don't have much comparison." Never mind the fact that he himself had only kissed one other person too, Pansy.
She rolled her eyes.
"Forgive me for not slagging around with everyone I meet, unlike you." He chose not to correct her, preferring she gives him the credit of being the more experienced one.
"Hm. You're forgiven. Although I must say - Krum, Weasley, Mclaggen. Can't say I'm in great company." He pretended to shudder.
She scowled at him. "I never kissed Ron, I'll have you know." Draco's surprise must have shown on his face, because she continued, "I know I was jealous when he was with Lavender, but I haven't liked him since the start of this year at Hogwarts. I think it was just a phase."
"So, did something happen then that made you finally come to your senses and see him for the dog he is?" Draco drawled snarkily, although he tried his best to hide his satisfaction at hearing her confirm that she had no feelings for Weasley. Not that it mattered.
He took in the deep red flush that crept up over her face at his question, as she looked away, clearly embarrassed.
He smirked, grabbing her wrist to turn her back around to face him.
"So something did happen then! Tell me, please Granger, I need a good laugh."
"Nothing! Nothing happened, he didn't do anything - I just realised I didn't like him." Draco searched her mortified face as she refused to meet his eye. Clearly she was hiding something.
"Ok, well what made you realise that?" Draco chuckled, goading her.
She pursed her lips and looked away, clearly unwilling to divulge that information. However, Draco's curiosity was well and truly peaked, and he wouldn't take no for an answer.
"Come on, Granger. I saved you from Mclaggen, you owe me this. Ok - what if you tell me why you stopped liking Weasel, and I'll tell you something in return? Then were even"
She eyed him suspiciously, before seeming to decide the opportunity of Draco telling her a secret about himself was too much to pass up on.
"Fine. But you better tell me something good." She bit her lip, clearly still embarrassed. Draco's eyes lingered on the spot that she bit, noting how full they were.
"Ok, I realised it at the very start of this year, remember our first Potions lesson, with Slughorn? When he had amortentia brewing?" Draco nodded impatiently. "Well," She continued, "Fred and George actually brewed Amortentia during summer in 4th year for one of their Weasly's Wizard Wheezes - or whatever they call them - products. I was staying with Ron's family and agreed to help them just to make sure they were doing it right. And when I smelled it that time, it smelled like freshly mown grass, new parchment, and ….." She turned away to say the next part, "Ron's hair." She mumbled.
Draco fought the urge to make a biting comment. He was half amused and half bitterly jealous. He stayed silent for her to continue, as she continued to stare away from him, looking resigned to mortification.
"Anyway, so this year in Slughorn's class, I smelled the parchment, the grass, but no Ron's hair. I think that's when I realised I didn't like him anymore."
She looked back up at him, as if expecting a cutting remark.
"So what did you smell instead?" Draco asked. Her eyes widened, as if she hadn't expected his question. But Draco, even though he was distracted enough to fall behind this year, was confident enough in his Potions expertise to know about Amortentia.
"Come on, I know that with Amortentia, you always smell 3 things. There must have been another one." He was confused as Granger only looked back at him as if she wanted the ground to swallow her up. For some reason he felt the need to press her, knowing she wasn't telling him something.
"Tell me Granger, or I won't tell you my secret." He stared her down with determination until she finally resigned herself, closing her eyes in defeat.
"Okay. I smelled... green apples," she confessed, her eyes embarrassedly meeting his gaze. His brows furrowed in confusion, wondering why green apples would elicit such a reaction. After all, they had a pleasant scent. He himself enjoyed a green apple for breakfast every morning and even used green apple shampoo for his hair. As realisation dawned upon him, his jaw went slack, and Hermione watched as he connected the dots.
He coughed, attempting to break the awkward silence that had settled between them. Yet, beneath the surface, a surge of smug pride had washed over Draco, threatening to overflow. He struggled to contain the triumphant feeling that threatened to break through by schooling his face into a blank mask.
"Ok! Now you. Tell me your secret." Granger blurted out, seemingly unable to bear sitting in the awkwardness any longer.
Draco looked at her, still reeling in the aftermath of the confession that she had smelled him on the amortentia. He took in her brown, warm eyes, the pink stain across her cheeks and creeping down her chest. He remembered how soft her skin was, what it felt like when he ran his hand over her jaw.
"Do you really want to know, Granger?" he asked in a low voice, still gazing intently at her.
"Yes," she breathed, her face mere inches from his as he continued to look down at her.
Draco's eyes flickered between her lips and her eyes, his heart racing as a daring thought crossed his mind. With a mixture of hesitation and longing, he leaned in closer, his face descending towards hers.
"Okay," he whispered softly. "Ever since that night last year, I've wondered what it would be like to feel all over you. I've thought about how your hair would look, spilled out over my pillow. I've wondered what sounds you would make, if you would have the same look on your face as you do when you're concentrating extra hard in class. I've thought about it every single night, for over a year."
She looked up at him, eyes wide. He could feel her pulse quickening under his hand resting below her jaw. As he pulled up to meet him, her eyes darkened and closed, and he finally kissed her lips.
Draco hated himself for not doing this again sooner. Fuck the Dark Lord, this should be his only goal in life. To kiss Granger as often as he could. Every problem, every burden, was forgotten. There was only him, her, and their lips as they moved against each other.
He pulled her closer, pressing himself against her. She opened her mouth, allowing him deeper access. His tongue flitted against hers, and he tasted her again - sweet, familiar, minty. Her own hand snaked into his hair, as they deepened the kiss. Every place they were touching felt like Draco was on fire, but he needed more.
He dragged his fingers slowly down her exposed neck, lower and lower until he skimmed her breast lightly. He nearly growled in pleasure as he felt her nipple perk up under his touch. He continued kissing her, slowly but desperately, as his thumb traced circles around her nipple. He pinched it, hard, and she gasped, biting down on his lip.
She timidly placed her hand on his knee, as he continued to palm her breast. He slid his hand under her v-neck dress, wondering at how soft, how supple the skin was. His hand snaked under her breast, before lifting up to feel the full weight in his hand. They were the perfect handful, and he had to give credit at Mclaggen's earlier comment about what she had been hiding under her robes. This woman would drive him crazy.
His thoughts turned into incoherent slush as he felt her hand snake up his trousers, higher and higher. He was practically panting with anticipation by the time her hand brushed against him. He hadn't realised how hard he was, straining against the thin fabric between them.
"Granger.." He moaned her name against her lips, pleading.
She gazed up at him, her own eyes half lidded and dark. "Call me my real name." She whispered.
He took a steadying breath, before bending down to catch her lips between his once more.
"Please, Hermione." He growled into her mouth.
She bit his lip in return, before flattening her hand against the full length of him, feeling him properly through the fabric. She gasped as her curious fingers felt him from top to bottom, and he groaned into her mouth. Whatever she was doing, please don't stop.
He jutted his hips forward into her as she stroked him through the fabric, breaking off their kiss to run his tongue along her neck. She smelled devine.
He felt her breath hitch as he explored further down her neck with his tongue, before pushing the fabric of her dress aside and catching her firm nipple in his mouth and running his tongue over it. She moaned, and Draco thought it was the most delightful sound he had ever heard.
He gripped her thigh with his hand, squeezing the warm flesh there. As his hand wandered higher, he caught her mouth again with another kiss, as she continued to stroke him slowly.
He felt like he could just about burst with satisfaction, but that would really ruin the mood.
Instead, he let his hand wander higher on her thigh, hoping she didn't notice that he was shaking slightly. He had never gone this far with anyone, and he didn't want to admit that he was out of his element. His hand brushed the cotton of her pants, and he growled with satisfaction to feel she was soaked. With new found intensity, he quickened the kiss, grazing his knuckles across her soaked underwear.
He felt her tremble against him, dropping her head to his shoulder.
"Draco… That feels so -"
A sudden light flooded the end of the long corridor as someone came through the door.
Again? Draco thought furiously, and looked back down at her darkly, considering just staying here to continue, fuck anyone who saw. The person's footsteps seemed to be growing fainter, so they must be walking the opposite way.
But it seemed to have dawned on Granger that she was in the middle of Hogwarts with her dress hitched up and breasts out, and she yanked herself away, pulling hand away from his trousers as she fixed her dress. He groaned at the withdrawal, before standing up and pulling his cloak around himself to cover his erection.
She stared up at him, suddenly shy, but her gaze was still dark and her lips were swollen from kissing him. Draco thought that this was the most beautiful he had ever seen her.
"I better go. Slughorn's party will be finishing now, and you should get to bed before anyone notices you're out." She smiled at him sadly, as if she too wished they could continue.
He glared at nothing in particular and had half a mind to pull her back to him, but he sighed and agreed with her half heartedly.
"Goodbye, Draco." She looked as if she were about to walk off, but turned to him suddenly and pulled him down by the cloak to kiss him again. Her lips lingered on his for half a second in a soft kiss, before she looked up at him, face still inches from his.
"You won't ignore me all year again after this, will you? I think I could get used to this, sneaking around with you." She smiled up at him, cheeks flushed.
He gazed down at her, before catching her lips in his once more and releasing her.
"Any time, any place Hermione." He smirked, and she beamed before turning and leaving quickly to join the crowd which were now congregating at the far end of the corridor, heading the opposite way.
He turned on his heel after watching her for a few more moments, heading once again back to bed with the taste of Granger on his lips.
As he walked, he realised it was the best he had felt in a year. He also wondered if he would ever tell her that when he smelled the amortentia, he had smelled broomstick polish, white roses, and the unmistakable smell of fresh mint.