"Don't call me that," he gruffed, he had told that woman twice already not to call him that title anymore, he didn't deserve it.
Hi there! This has been on my docs for a while...so hope you like it!
The woman sighed, trying not to let her irritation show,it had been a hard day for her seeing patients come in and out, but for him? He was going to have a lot more hard days ahead of him.
"Mr…Ackerman" she paused, "we're going to move you today to a new ward, where you can start ongoing therapy, the doctor will explain more about what will happen, but I need your signature…or finger print!'." she quickly corrected, holding out an ink pad and paper.
If Levi had a sense of humor especially now, he would have laughed. He could barely lift his hands, much less move his fingers, holding back a grunt he gently lifted his hand and pressed his thumb on the pad, trying to apply as much pressure as he could muster, and pressed his thumb onto the line, it was barely there, a whisper of a fingerprint, but the nurse nodded, it would do. Such little movements tired him quickly, but he tried not to let his weakness show, she quickly scurried out of the room to find the doctor.
Levi didn't remember much after the explosion, he remembered seeing Hange's face fade in and out, each time in different positions, one moment she was holding him, cradling his face, then he felt cold and wet, then she was next to him as faceless people carried him on a makeshift table, and then to his bed, well a resemblance of what would be his bed, but what remained consistent was her crying, it was weird to him, in all his time knowing her he had never seen her shed a tear, but in some way he was grateful, she was probably the only person who gave a shit about him, the other people who had cared were dead, his mother, furlan, isabel and erwin. He knew she had been crying his name out, over and over, but he couldn't hear her, he could only hear a strong hum, everything was a blur after Zeke tried to escape. No, the bastard had escaped.
He had been told he was lucky to survive, the explosion should have killed him, he wished it had. He was tired of fighting, the doctor's told him he was lucky, everyone, hange, the nurses, once he regained most of his hearing, but was he actually? His movements were limited, no, actually he was somewhat paralyzed as far as he could tell, he couldn't feel his lower body for weeks while he recovered, and his arms were limited in what they could do, even moving his fingers was a struggle, he hated it. People seeing him at his most vulnerable state, he hated the sympathetic eyes, the "I'm so sorry's", the "you're going to be okay," the "trust in god he has a plan for you" oh, how he particularly hated the last one. Levi wasn't a religious man, he could tolerate people with religious beliefs, but what he could not stand was someone a stranger telling him a god had planned out to blow him up, or at least attempt to and have him survive through the ordeal to test him.
He was wheeled into a different wing of the hospital very quickly after signing his papers. He sat, well, was forced to sit on his chair while a doctor came, introduced himself as , and talked to him about what his recovery would look like.
"You're very lucky to be alive Captain Levi," ah there it was, the little luck speech.
Levi gritted his teeth, "just call me Levi." he curtly answered
The doctor nodded, he had glazed over the notes, and missed seeing the preferred name, CALL HIM LEVI OR MR ACKERMAN NOT CAPTAIN , "My apologies mr.. Ackerman" he looked up to see his patient glaring, or was that just his face?
"Well like I said, you are one lucky man, that explosion has done quite some damage to you, from what I gathered is that you have some hearing loss correct? And vision- er issues."
Levi nodded, "it's coming back..slowly, my hearing that is, but part of my vision is blurry" he answered, it had taken a few weeks to slowly garner his hearing, the first few sounds he heard had been Hange's wailing outside of his room begging to see him. Her wailing had been a beautiful sound, snot and all, but it was reassurance that he could hear. He had rarely ever heard hange cry, years of being in service made losing people easy on the heart, but he supposed hearing that she gave a shit made him just a teeny bit happy.
Dr. Muller nodded, "that's great, " he jotted stuff down, "I think your hearing will mostly all come back, but there it a possibility that you may never recover all of it, and for your eye...we took out some fragments, your face will be scarred up but for now we're going to keep it bandaged and check up on it every two weeks and then we will see if you can…get any vision back"
Levi nodded.
"As for your legs, arms, and fingers, well…" he signed, trying to be as gentle as possible, "well there is a chance you may never get to walk again…or move in any capacity, at least without some…assistance" he was waiting for the outburst, gently edging a few tissues towards the corner, close to the captain. Usually when people heard that they may never walk again or move, there was stunned silence, then came the begging, the outburst, the pleading, but that never came. Of course some patient sat in stunned silence, but this was no ordinary man.
"What are my chances?" he should have known, Captain Levi was a practical man, of course he would want to know his chances.
"It's hard to say, if I'm being honest, we don't quite know how far the damage is done, but I will be doing a few small tests to see where you are at, if that's okay. We also have some new technology that was brought over, it hasn't been used much" he admitted, "but it could tell us what is broken."
Again Levi nodded.
The doctor began his tests, asking him if he felt anything while he gently used a reflex hammer on his legs, knees, and tried asking Levi to move his arms and grab a pen.
The doctor smiled, when the majority of his small tests came out with promising results.
"It seems your chances are high, you said you could feel your legs correct?"
"Yes, just some of them, I can't feel my feet very well but I know you pushed on them,"
"And your arms and fingers?"
Lev flexed his digits slowly, it was painful but they all moved, and he raised his arms as much as he could, he could barely move them a few inches from the armrests without feeling like he was lifting boulders, he grit his teeth.
"What I'm thinking is that we could get you started on some therapy, after we do some tests of course, more precisely movement therapy, it's going to start out small and then we can hopefully work our way into being able to move a lot easier. How does that sound?"
Levi considered it, "and what if it doesn't? What if I end up being a useless invalid?"
" …people who cannot move are not useless, I know it's a lot to handle right now, and I know you are under a lot of pain but-"
"No, I don't think you do. Know what I am going through, but continue."
Dr. Muller sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, feigning fixing his glasses.
"My apologies, you're right, but what I can recommend is trying to have a positive outlook, and if you cannot move..there wouldn't be much we could do, except either give you to your family"
"Don't have any" grumbled Levi, annoyed, did anyone in this damn hospital know how to do their job?
"Or…we could place you in a house with a personal…assistant."
Levi sighed, there was not much he could do, "okay."
After the tests the doctor went over the image, with levi asking questions, there was a large black sheet with his skeleton on it, although he would never admit it, he was amazed that the machine could tell what was inside of him and what was not normal. So far the results looked promising, there was very little damage done to his spinal column, which the doctor explained that had there been severe damage he would have been paralyzed forever, so his chances of recovery depended on how well his bones healed, but at his age, nearing his 40's his chances were again reduced. It wasn't great, but he could work with it, it at least gave him a small glimmer of hope.
Levi laid down looking at the ceiling trying to count the dots of the tiles,he had been waiting for what seemed like hours, when he heard a knock.
"May I come in ?" a soft voice called out. Probably another nurse coming to bother him or worse, flirt with him, even at his pathetic stage, nurses would come in asking him if he needed anything, anything at all that would make him comfortable, perhaps even a sponge bath, with their flirtatious smiles and voices, of course he told them curtly to leave and he just needed water, they always looked disappointed. As much as he hated being dirty, he could not fathom another person bathing him. In fact it mortified him.
"It's not like I can stop you," he replied dryly, not bothering to move his head, all the testing had drained his energy.
"I'm so-ah!" he heard what sounded like a woman falling down, a clunk and flutter of papers scattered around, "shoot" he heard the woman mumble,quickly followed by "I'm so sorry! I am not usually this unprofessional." she stammered gathering herself up. He heard her pick up the papers and walk towards him.
"Mr. Ackerman?" She stood next to him.
Levi turned to see a short woman, even shorter than he was looking at him, she reminded him of Petra, with her large doe eyes, and honey brown hair framing her face, but this girl's hair curled gently and was longer reaching a bit below her shoulders, and in a ponytail, something that Petra's couldn't do.
"Yes."
"Hi! I'm Doctor Alice Krause, I will be your physical therapist! I just want to run a few tes-" she was quickly interrupted
"No."
"P-pardon me?" This was the first time a patient had ever refused.
"I am tired of tests today. I don't want to move anymore, let me rest." his eyes felt heavy.
"ah…I understand. Do you mind if I ask you some questions then?" she asked pulling up a chair next to him, well it sounded like saying no was not really an option to him.
"That's fine," he was tired, but a few questions wouldn't hurt him would they?
"How are you feeling?"
"I already told the doctors, I can barely feel my-"
"No that's not what I meant, how are you feeling? Emotionally?" it caught him off guard
"Is this supposed to be helpful?" he scoffed looking down at her.
"In some ways yes, Mr. Ackerman, there is physical therapy but emotional therapy is part of it, I want to know how you're feeling and ways we can incorporate that into therapy. We…well I believe that having a good support system, emotionally and physically can go a long way into helping you recover."
He looked up at this woman, she was the first person to actually ask him how he was feeling, but having pent up his emotions, he found it hard to answer.
"I'm fine." well he gave it a shot.
"Are you really? Fine?"
He mulled over the question, he knew she was trying to help but he couldn't help himself.
"I'm fine."
She smiled at him, a genuine warm smile, the first one he had seen today "understood , I'll see you tomorrow!" she said getting up from the chair, gently pushing it back.
"Levi, just call me Levi."
"Goodnight Levi, I'll see you tomorrow, please let us know if you need anything." she was so cheerful, he wondered how in this dreadful world.