Sasusaku Month, Day 06: Undercover
"How do you know she's single?"
Undercover at the Redaku Observatory, Sasuke feigns interest in the prison yard gossip as he works the earth underneath him with a pickaxe. The pickaxe beside him speaks to the hard labor that Redaku Observatory Prison demands of its inmates. This morning is different, though; a murmur of excitement shivers through the prisoners. The prison has welcomed a new doctor, and gossip has it that she's young, single, and beautiful.
"She ain't wearing a ring!" Jiji responds, grinning.
Sasuke's boredom grows through the discussion as they work. He could not care less about the women in his cellmates' lives; the discussion gnaws at him. It makes Sasuke's chest twist and turn with some ugly feeling he can't describe until he arrives at the cafeteria.
His eyes catch a glimpse of it again: that almond tree with its pale spring blossoms. The image enthralls him, his Rinnegan caught in the delicate beauty of such a tree thriving in the middle of the prison grounds, letting his mind get whisked away to other times and places.
He was twelve, on the cusp of thirteen. He recalls a particular night when they were just genin, newly assigned to Team Seven. They were on a mission, camping by the riverside. The moon cast a silver glow, reflecting in the river, transforming Sakura's pink hair into the most captivating feature he'd ever wanted to reach out and touch. They all sat close, shoulders touching, eyes connecting, trying as he might to ignore Naruto's loud ramblings as Sasuke's confusion grew.
Sasuke's heart had always been a well-guarded fortress, but that night, he could practically feel the earth shake underneath his feet, threatening in a way that no thirteen-year-old could understand. At thirteen, there's only so much you can do when the world wants to capsize your life plans to exact revenge.
Back then, he bottled up all that rumble – all the not-knowing that Sakura's presence injected into his life – and put it away. Stored the vessel and filed it away with the rest of the things in his life he couldn't touch yet.
Then he was sixteen, a runaway ninja seeking only power and revenge. Sasuke knew there would be a time when he would see his ex-teammates again, with their bleeding and loyal hearts begging him to return to Konoha. He just… didn't expect the changes to Sakura's demeanor to affect him for weeks on afterward. His teenage self pretended to care only on the obvious physical threat before him, but lay awake for nights cursing the emotional threat Sasuke ignored during that first reunion.
As Sasuke's cold gaze sweeps over the familiar faces of Team 7, there she is - Sakura. His heart, though numbed by the venom of his quests, skips a beat. He barely recognizes the girl he left behind in Konoha; she's blossomed into someone new. Her once frail figure now holds strength and resolve, and those emerald eyes of hers still contain a universe he wishes he didn't understand. Suddenly, his memories assault him: her tears, her pleas, her unwavering faith in him. There's a flicker of something inside him, something he ruthlessly tries to bury deep within. He scorns himself for the unwelcome stirrings that tug at his darkness-encased heart. He can't afford distractions; not even from the cherry blossom that might have been his sanctuary in another lifetime.
More jars to hide in the back of the highest shelf in Sasuke's mind.
He was seventeen, in the middle of a battlefield, just trying to survive. Every part of his brain screams at him to move faster, Sasuke! The portals between dimensions threaten to isolate him, pull him to places just as desolate as his soul. Forest, deserts, mountains; all the places away from where he is needed. As Sasuke just makes it past the portal Obito and Sakura keep open for him, something breaks. Sasuke catches Sakura's falling form, but Sakura's eyes catch Sasuke's falling heart.
They're in the midst of war. They can't do anything, can't pause to collect all the things he said and did. Instead, Sasuke takes the ghosts of love, gathers all the haunting images of streaming green eyes, and files them for a possible future where they both might still be alive.
Still staring out that same cafeteria window, Sasuke admires the first blooms of the almond tree. There are only a few inches of steel and glass that prevent him from reaching out, practically nothing to someone like him. But Sasuke is still undercover, still playing a part, still pretending, and still putting aside every piece of him that wants to be by his wife's side.
As Sasuke's gaze lingers on the almond blossoms, time seems to slow down, and the world around him fades into whispers. Suddenly, the sounds of the cafeteria are drowned by the tender memories of laughter and camaraderie from days where he was no longer undercover, his heart worn on his sleeve:
The afternoon where Sakura's bravery shone through when she asked to follow him on his journey to redemption.
The moonlit night he shared his first kiss with Sakura under the stars.
Afternoons on the road spent exploring his body, her body, and how the two fit perfectly every time.
That morning when Sakura's sickness proved to be more than any illness, but a promise of a rebuilt family.
The twilight when he transformed from the legendary Uchiha Sasuke to simply "papa."
The wind outside catches his attention as it rustles the almond blossoms, echoing Sakura's name through his mind. With a renewed determination, Sasuke vows to protect the love that has anchored him through storms and battles. When the time comes to shed this disguise, he will return to his family. Sasuke will be able to reach out for Sakura's hand whenever he wants, hold her close for as long as he wants, kiss her as much as he wants.
So, if the other prisoners catch him staring at the blossoms for too long, so be it. With the mission as a priority, staring at the almond tree and thinking of a cherry blossom spring is as close as Sasuke can be to Sakura.
THE END.