As the door clicked closed behind them, Kai leaned against its frame, taking several deep breaths to steady themself. Their body was thrumming with energy and their mind was flooded with memories of the way Mouse moved under them, the small noises she made, the taste of her skin. Kai hadn't lied when they said they had thought about it before, of touching their best friend as if she was something more. None of their fantasies came anywhere close to the real thing. Memories of pre-teen fumbling kisses had done a serious disservice to the way their lips connected like pieces of a puzzle, the chemistry they shared.
"Fuck…" Kai breathed out before pushing themself off the door and taking long strides down the hallway.
They tried to rid themself of the thoughts of Mouse as they left the building and got in their car, but their entire ride back to the Mayo Clinic's Rochester campus was filled with all of the thoughts of Mara that they had never let themself fully explore before. There had always been inklings in the back of their mind, gentle nudges and fluttering butterflies that they quickly and firmly squashed down. Mouse was their friend, their best friend, the one person they never wanted to lose– they couldn't risk all of that by letting a crush develop. If Kai took that jump, the fall to the bottom would be the end of their friendship as they knew it and Kai knew that there was only a small chance that it would be for the better.
Kai pulled their fingers through their hair, trying to calm it from the tousled mess it had become as they sat in their assigned parking spot near the neuro clinic– soon to officially be The Grey Center for Parkinson's Research. Within moments, they were able to bring themself back under control. Mind over matter. It was the mantra they had used time and time again throughout their life to shove things down and push them away. They had ignored so many things over the course of their life to varying degrees of success– their gender, their sexuality, their strained relationships– but in the short term, their own strong will had yet to fail them.
"Dr. Bartley, I'm glad you could make it so quickly," David Hamilton said as Kai was shutting their car door, startling them. They turned to look at the older doctor, who was just getting out of his black Mercedes. He was disheveled and not wearing his normal lab attire.
"Did you just get here? I thought you said there was a problem with the lab equipment," Kai replied, confused as to why David would just be arriving, as well. There is only one way that he would know there was an equipment malfunction on the day that all the workers were scheduled off– if he had been the one to break it.
"Yes, uh, about that," David started, shifting on his feet and putting his hands in the pockets of his pants. "I may have stretched the truth just a bit, but it was urgent that you come and I know how protective you are of the machines."
Kai furrowed their eyebrows and drew a frustrated breath through their nose, their mouth pressed in a line. David Hamilton was a ruthless, ambitious, shark of a surgeon who would stop at nothing to reach success. The tall neuroscientist could not say this was the first time that their boss had interrupted their valuable, limited personal time nor that it would be the last. Usually, however, he would at least be telling the truth about whatever was so urgent that Kai needed to return back to work.
"David, it's my only day off. Is the unpaid overtime I do the other six days of the week not enough?" Kai asked, their exhaustion and frustration glaringly obvious as they looked at David, following behind him as he opened the main doors to the clinic.
"This isn't the first time I've called you on a Sunday, Bartley, I don't know why you're reacting like this," David said without turning around, continuing the journey to The Grey Center.
"Maybe that's the issue," Kai muttered under their breath, their long legs easily keeping pace with the hurried surgeon.
"What's that?"
"You interrupted my unwind time with Mouse and I really needed it this week."
It wasn't a lie, David did interrupt their sacred Sunday routine, and they were doing something that Kai had desperately needed. They, however, had no intention of sharing with the older man why exactly they were so frustrated.
"Well, Dr. Bartley," David said as he opened the doors to the lab, holding it for Kai in true Midwest fashion, "that's just the brakes of this work. You know as well as I that medicine stops for no one."
Kai snorted a laugh and plopped unceremoniously into their favorite lab chair.
"Yeah, that would be exactly why I have a cushy research job and not an on-call rotation."
Usually, a comment like that would make David laugh and lament on the inconvenience of his time not being his own, but only silence met Kai's ears. They turned to look at David, who had begun pacing in the open space of the lab. The surgeon was tense, his hands balled into fists at his sides, and his stride was slightly unsteady, only noticeable to those intimately familiar with him.
"What's going on, David?" Kai asked, dropping all venom and malice from their voice and meeting David with kindness and warmth.
David looked at Kai, at the floor, and back at Kai, again, before he began to speak.
"We need to sell this to Dr. Shepherd," David said, slightly agitated. "We cannot do this without Dr. Grey and if we can't convince Dr. Shepherd to join us, our entire project will be tanked."
"Yes, we have talked about this every day since Dr. Grey got here," Kai said, unsure why Dr. Hamilton's insistence on impressing the duo would warrant calling them back to the lab on a Sunday.
David's face turned a light shade of pink and his breathing got markedly more labored, his expression a mixture of frustration and… fear.
The wheels started turning in Kai's head as they noticed some of the underlying emotion on David's face– a skill they had learned from a young age because it had not been innate, like it was expected to be. Standing before them was a man who was deeply, deeply afraid. He began to pace once more, his slight limp more pronounced now that Kai was looking for it.
"We are going to get Dr. Shepherd on the team, David," Kai said, looking at him with a gentleness they reserved only for their dearest friends. David had been one of Kai's only supports through their transition and they owed their life as they knew it to his persistence with not only Kai's identity but with making sure that the neuroscientist was still opening all of the professional doors they were before. David Hamilton was nothing, if not a friend, after how tirelessly he worked alongside Kai to make sure their future remained as bright as it was before– a luxury they knew that not all trans adults were afforded.
Dr. Hamilton continued to pace around the room, not responding to the comfort that Kai was trying to give him. Kai tapped their fingers on their jaw as they thought about what might possibly help soothe their mentor. What would Mouse do, Kai mused to themself, their mind so easily thinking to their best friend. Mouse had a knack for comforting people, for making them feel safe, held, and hopeful for the future, even if only for a minute. It was one of the things Kai loved most about the professor, that she was one of the easiest people to talk to and that she never failed to make everyone in her presence feel seen, heard, and valued.
"Why don't we make a plan?" Kai suggested, standing up to meet David across the room where he was pacing in front of a whiteboard. "Let's write out all the things that Dr. Grey has expressed hesitations about and everything we know that we need to woo Dr. Shepherd. From there, we can make a plan of attack so that tomorrow can go as smoothly as possible."
David's shoulders relaxed ever so slightly at Kai's suggestion and they smiled to themself, in their head patting their back for seeming to have made the right choice. "When the world feels out of control, find one thing that you can," Mouse would say to Kai– while they got their Ph.D. and their oral defense seemed impossible; when they came out as nonbinary and their place in their family's lives felt up in the air; when time after time they seemed to spin out of control and didn't know how to fix it– Mouse always knew exactly how to make things seem a little less dire, a little less helpless, a little less hopeless. And, true to form, giving David that taste of control was just what he needed to stop himself from spinning out into orbit and bring himself back to Earth.
For the next hour, Kai and David brainstormed all of the barriers to onboarding the Grey-Shepherd team, and one by one the duo was able to make a plan of attack. They thought of everything from hand-picked staffing, publishing rights, FDA approval, and technology development to satellite lab spaces, child care, and comfortable housing for the two surgeons they were trying to woo. Every rebuttal that David or Kai could come up with for why Dr. Grey would turn down the opportunity or Dr. Shepherd wouldn't be enticed by the study was met with a thoughtful solution that would optimize their chances of securing the contract. If, after all of this, Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd weren't on board, there would be nothing more they could offer to change their minds. And this put Dr. Hamilton at ease.
"They would be foolish to not take this opportunity," David said, both as an assurance to himself and a testament to how impactful this research would be on the future of neurodegenerative diseases.
"Absolutely they would," Kai replied, supporting David and helping to build his confidence. Though this was their job and they were very invested both personally and financially in this project, they knew that David was the one with his life on the line. This research could potentially cure him and save him from a long, slow decline.
"I don't know what I'm going to do if we can't get this done, Kai," David said, his face dropping slightly, showing a rare expression of insecurity.
"We'll do what we always do. We will keep moving forward," Kai said, repeating back to him the same sentiment that David had shared when Kai had been worried about the prospect of losing their family during their transition.
The tall neuroscientist took a step closer to the older surgeon and placed a hand on his shoulder, letting their guard drop just enough to let some vulnerability through.
"And no matter what, David, you will always have your family, your friends, and me right here beside you to support you through this. We could get everything right, we could get everything wrong, and most likely we will land somewhere in the middle of the two. But no matter the outcome, you will not be alone, and that's gotta count for something."
David patted the hand on his shoulder before Kai dropped their arm back to their side.
"Thank you, Dr. Bartley," David said sincerely before squaring his shoulders, indicating that he was through with the sentimentality for the evening. "And thank you for coming all this way tonight. I think we've made a good plan of attack for tomorrow. My wife is expecting me home soon, walk with me out?"
Kai nodded once and gestured for David to lead them out of the lab. By the time they got back to their car, the clock read 10 pm– too late to do much else other than return to their apartment and try to catch enough sleep before arriving back at the lab earlier in the morning than should be allowed. They pulled their phone back out of their pocket and plugged it into their entertainment system, wanting it to charge on their way home. Just as they did so, their phone lit up showing what Kai had missed while they were in the lab.
Messages (1)
Kai opened the notification and was redirected right to where they thought they would land– their text messages with Mouse Montgomery-Tyler. They read it quickly and smiled to themself, basking in the warmth that their best friend always seemed to carry with her.
I packed up all of your leftovers and took them over to your apartment so that you would have something to eat before going to bed tonight. Please feed your body before it starts eating itself haha. Oh, and I'm gonna be leaving campus early tomorrow because I will be staying late a couple times this week, so if you can convince Hamilton to let you out of your dungeon after your big day, I would love to try and get some of our Sunday back. :)
Kai typed back a quick thank you message, smiling at how Mouse texted in full sentences and didn't use emojis.
Oh, btw, I have band practice tomorrow if you want to come, Jack misses you. Maybe we can catch dinner beforehand? Kai sent as an addendum, figuring that Mouse was probably long asleep.
Sounds lovely, see you tomorrow!
Mouse's text back was nearly immediate and Kai felt themself get a little excited. They always loved when Mouse would come to band practice with them because sometimes Jack, their bandmate, could convince her to sing with them. Mouse had a lovely voice and rarely ever let anyone hear it. Kai had been trying to convince her for years to do a show with the band with no success. They hadn't given up on their mission yet, though. One day, they would win.
Thoughts of Mouse flooded Kai's brain as they drove to their studio apartment– sweet, wonderful, beautiful Mouse. They drummed their thumbs on the steering wheel along to the music coming through the speakers, thinking about the way she felt beneath them. Her curves were so soft under their hands and the smell of her almond and shea butter shampoo was intoxicating. But as their mind replayed the sounds she made, it wandered to her giggle and how infectious it was. It jumped from the way her lips wrapped around their finger to the way she would link her hand with theirs when she could tell they needed comfort. As Kai laid in their bed that night, for the first time, maybe ever, they had unlocked the feelings they had been keeping a secret even from themself.
The bright fluorescents of the lab at 10 am were not nearly as tolerable as they had been the night before when Kai was problem-solving with David Hamilton. Whether it was the hum of the electricity that no one except Kai seemed to be able to hear or the too-bright cool-toned artificial light competing with the natural light coming through the windows, their stress-induced headache was nothing short of antagonized by their surroundings. Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd were slated to show up at any minute and Kai was doing their best to occupy themself with anything and everything they could. It's when they're in the middle of counting cells on a slide they had already counted three times before beneath a microscope in their office that they hear an unfamiliar voice coming from the robotics room.
"Meredith? Meredith." the voice called excitedly, catching Kai's attention. They slowly stood from their stool and peeked out their door. In front of them was none other than the Dr. Meredith Grey entering at the request of who Kai could only assume was Dr. Amelia Shepherd. Standing before them was the key to their FDA approval.
"Is this that robot arm that does cell culture?" Amelia asked, her excitement radiating from her body. The look in her eye was like that of a child– filled with wonder, amazement, and the urge to touch.
Kai ran a hand through their messy hair before entering the robotics room, crossing to stand next to David.
"It is. And please don't touch it," Kai said. For the first time, Kai was able to take in the two giants of the surgical field before them. Meredith was exactly what they'd expected– light linens and a posture of unmistakable expertise and confidence. Amelia, however, was wholly unexpected to the neuroscientist. She had a softness around her eyes that seemed rare in a surgeon, especially one of her stature. Her outfit was comfortable but respectable, the dark red bringing a glow to her pale skin. She wasn't afraid to show her humanity and that immediately intrigued Kai.
"Dr. Grey, Dr, Shepherd, please meet Dr. Kai Bartley, a neuroscientist who accepted an offer they couldn't refuse," Dr. Hamilton said, making a pointed remark to their esteemed guests whom they were trying to woo.
Amelia's bright blue eyes caught Kai's and the look on her face made their breath catch in their throat. The words coming from David's lips began to blur at the edges as Kai was overwhelmed by the feeling coursing through their body at her intense gaze. For just that moment, the only thing that existed was Amelia and her enchanting, curious smile. The neurosurgeon was captivating and Kai wanted to learn more. They grinned back with closed lips and looked to the floor as they felt their cheeks heat up under her admiration.
"It's great to meet you, I've been reading your stem cell research," Meredith said, bringing Kai back to the moment, her tone reserved but cordial.
"Which is brilliant. I've been following it for years," Amelia interjected before Kai could respond, her enthusiastic praise making her nearly vibrate. The look in her eyes had yet to waiver from the adoration that had made Kai blush. As she glanced at her colleagues, her enthusiasm started to dampen as she tried to contain her energy. "Um, they were at Hopkins a couple years behind me."
Amelia brought her hands up in the air, turning them near her face as her mind began to race with all of the questions she had been thrumming with since she first read Kai's articles. It quickly became clear to the neuroscientist that Dr. Shepherd's interest in the project was not the problem they should have been solving the night before.
"Um, o-okay. When you inject cells into the brain, what about the risk of the cells developing tumors?"
Kai smiled at her question, eyes locking on the brunette neurosurgeon as they began to explain, "That very question stalled my research for two years."
Amelia looked on inquisitively, holding onto every word.
"But, once I teamed up with David–" Kai started.
"Once they took my funding," Dr. Hamilton interjected.
"I uncovered a Chinese herbal compound," Kai continued with a smile, "that completely removes the undifferentiated cells."
Meredith smiled lightly at the neuroscientist, seemingly pleased with what they said.
"That's amazing. They're amazing," Amelia enthused, her wide, bright smile shining on her face as she looked from Meredith to Kai and back again. She tucked her hands in her pockets and rocked back onto her heels.
"Excuse me, I have a conference call," Kai said, trying and failing to ignore the stirring in their belly at the neurosurgeon's praise. "But we'll talk more later?"
Kai made eye contact with Amelia and Amelia alone, unintentionally giving away their intrigue for the short woman. As they walked away, they gave a slight nod to Dr. Grey.
"Great to meet you," Meredith said, smiling kindly.
"Thank you, Dr. Bartley," Dr. Hamilton said as a goodbye.
"Thank you, David," Kai said, bowing their head slightly and excusing themself from the room.
Kai quickly retreated to their office to set up for the conference call and snuck one last glance at the short brunette, taking in everything from her dark waves to her piercing blue eyes and the heeled boots that still didn't make her as tall as everyone else in the room. Something was intriguing about the woman, something that made Kai's wheels turn in ways they hadn't since they first started searching for the answers to neuro-stem cells. The neuroscientist could feel the stirring in their belly and the butterflies floating to their chest. For the rest of the day, their thoughts were consumed with Amelia and the way she looked at them like they held the answers to the universe. Dr. Shepherd was Kai Bartley's newest question and they couldn't wait to uncover all of her pieces.