To You, I Will Always Return
Rated: T
Story Summary: Thinking all was lost, Jill wept. The world had been saved, but at what cost? What good was a world if Clive wasn't in it to share it with her? …But even as Metia's red light flickered out, the sun still rose the next morning, bringing a shining light back into her darkened world.
MAJOR SPOILERS for the ending of FF16! Stop reading now if you haven't finished the game! I'm gonna be ranting big time at the end notes so stick around for that if you want. XD
The agony was unbearable.
Akin to a festering open wound on her chest that had her heart locked in a vice grip. The grief of it all had her gasping for air, choking for oxygen amidst the myriad of uncontrollable sobs she poured out into Torgal's warm fur.
No…
It couldn't be.
…Clive couldn't be gone…
Yet as she witnessed Metia's star fade completely from the sky, it was as if her heart was ripped completely out of her chest. All the hopes and dreams she threatened to picture spent at his side all turned to nothing but ashes scattering amongst the slightest breeze. The dark bearing clouds that plagued the sky faded and dissipated before their eyes, the world had been restored and renewed…
But it didn't matter.
Nothing did, for she had lost him again…
This time for good.
A crescendo of grief overtook her body, shaking uncontrollably as her legs finally collapsed underneath the sheer magnitude of her intolerable grief.
"C-CLIVE!" Jill sobbed brokenly into Torgal's furry neck. The sound muffled little of the echoes of her shattered voice amidst the throngs of silent people witnessing her heart's destruction. Lost in a chasm of darkness, the lack of her light, the truest of friends and only true love she'd ever known…
It was insufferable.
Jill's fingers fisted into Torgal's fur, pulling the large wolf against her chest and allowing her howls to join his own. Visceral, broken, like her very soul was being wretched from her body to join his wherever he went.
The wolf's howls soon tapered off into a soft whine, whimpering as he nuzzled his face against her hair in commiseration of their shared misery. And with such precious little left of her heart, she held the last piece tight against her chest, feeling as if she'd let him go, she'd shatter into a million pieces.
…Torgal was all she truly had left now…
The gaping hole underneath her sternum where Clive's light resided felt as cold as Shiva's Diamond Dust. The other half of her soul vanquished as if it had never been there. This chasm of black, of nothingness, where there once remained so much light, happiness and absolute love had been extinguished as Metia went dark.
No...
It was not supposed to end this way…
Closing her eyes, two more tears joined the many salty warm tracks lining her ruddy cheeks. In the serene darkness behind her eyelids, she once again watched the moment Clive had said his goodbyes. Warm heavy hands upon her shoulders, his confession of love, his sweet kiss and that wonderful hug she that never wanted to pull away from. His warmth, his smile, his smell, the taste of his mouth that still lingered faintly on her tongue…
…Never would she experience them again…
Clive was gone - he was dead…
Oh Founder, how could this happen?
Lost in agony, the despair so visceral she was almost numb. The pain of his loss far exceeding any physical wound or emotional trauma she'd ever sustained. Clive had been her world ever since she was a child. All her aspiring hopes and lofty dreams lay nestled within in those dark blue eyes and loving arms. Losing him those egregious 13 years was absolute hell. Yet as he walked back in her life, it was like the sun out came from behind the clouds, shining on her face and she was finally able to bask in his radiant light…
But not anymore…
Even if their world was saved - hers was over.
For a world without Clive Rosfield in it was not a world she wanted to live in…
Clive had given his all, his everything. Had fought, sweat and bled tirelessly to save those who didn't even want to save themselves. He worked his fingers to the bone to finish the work his father and Cid had started. To give everyone, Bearers and Non-Bearers, Princes and Paupers alike, something precious few ever had in life - a choice. A choice to live and die how one wanted. To do more with their existence than merely scrape by to survive til the next passing day…
Clive fought for true freedom and he won.
Yet the cost to gain this freedom was far too steep.
It was Clive who paid the ultimate price. He fought for them all, yet who was supposed to save him? Giving him Shiva, all the other Eikons and their seemingly limitless power joining Ifrit's chosen…and it still wasn't enough to bring Clive, Joshua nor Dion home safely…
It wasn't fair!
Not one bit…
But then again, when has life ever been fair for them?
With nothing left to do - Jill wept.
Cold bitter tears that stung her flesh as even her Eikon Shiva's power began fading much like the others - along with the crystal that shattered in the sky - taking her heart along with it.
Clive had made a promise to her. He promised that he would always return to her. In turn, she made him a promise that she would always be waiting for him no matter how long it took…
...This was the first promise he'd ever broken.
Yet as she pressed her face into her last remaining tie to the past, Jill swore she would keep hers. Fruitless as it may be. She would wait for him until her dying day, she'd wait forever if only to see his face once more at the end of it all.
"…Oh, Clive…" she whimpered his precious name into Torgal's fur. Hands weakly shaking as they clung to the final piece of their shared past, of the future that was free from the crystals and their magic that now felt so utterly bleak. She told Clive before he left that she would only cry when the clouds disappeared and the sun returned. So she did just that.
Openly, she sobbed. Rivers of tears soaking into Torgal's pelt as the wolf howled and whimpered in obvious grief. Time seemed inconsequential in those moments. So numb and utterly broken, shattered with no hope of repair; as if a stray wisp of wind would shatter what remained of her soul.
"Why? …Why did you have to go? W-Why, oh why didn't I go with you or make you stay?" she sobbed brokenly into Torgal's throat. So many questions with answers that would never come.
All her dreams, all the new memories she'd wish to make with him were nothing more than dust and ashes. A future she was unsure of but the only certain thing she'd wanted was him always beside her…
Torgal suddenly tensed against her. His haunches rising and Jill was shaking as she pulled her face from the divot of salt water and snot she'd pressed into his fur. As if in a trance, her crystalline eyes opened and her heart ached fiercely when upon opening her eyes, she was met with the sunrise.
"No matter how dark the night, the dawn will always rise…"
Those words she spoke felt so paltry in the face of her grief now. For what was a sunrise without Clive to greet the new day with her? To wake up next to him with his arms wrapped loosely around her waist. So many mornings she left him snoozing in their warm sheets while she left to grab a quick cup of coffee or tea to share. Her laughter tickling her lips upon returning to the room to witness Clive fruitlessly trying to tame his sleep-ruffled hair. Without all the leather, metal and armor, he looked so unbearably soft in the dawning light. Cobalt eyes sleepy and hands warm as he greeted her with a tender smile, pulling her in for a hug and kiss every single sunrise. Those precious few times they were able to quietly make love before anyone would be knocking at his door would do nothing but haunt her now.
The room they shared would remain as a memorial; his tomb. Four walls only serving as a painful reminder of everything, and everyone, she had lost.
Clive and Jill would share no more mornings on the deck or her sipping wine as he chugged lager late into the evening. No playful sparring matches with either their swords or elements in the afternoons nor shared kisses in the gardens they'd come across in their travels. There would be no more new adventures awaiting them on the horizon nor stories from their childhood to reminisce about as they grew older or to one day tell their children and grandchildren…
Jill's lips trembled as more tears felt like molten lava down her cheeks and quivering jaw.
All she had left of Clive were mere memories now. Such precious few moments that would fade in time until she would hardly remember what his face looked like or the timbre of his calming voice. With time, her mind would forget the sensation of being able to witness his radiant warmth of his smile or laughter. Never again experience the greatest love she'd ever known.
It was gone.
The brightest light she'd ever known snuffed out as easily as a small flame upon a frayed candle wick.
...Clive was never coming home…
"RUFF!" Torgal barked loudly and Jill backed up as the frost wolf shook her arms free. Her trembling fingers fell from his fur as she could do little more than flail as she fell onto her rear as she lost her grasp.
"Torgal?" she whimpered. "W-What is it, boy?"
It was only that moment when she realized everyone in the Hideaway was speaking, some even yelling. A cacophony of noise that her grief had been blocking out. Jill's heart pounded in sudden fear, with the final crystal gone didn't mean safely. All too aware of the increasing possibility of an invasion here at the Hideaway, especially now that Clive wasn't here to protect them...
A calm swept over her unlike any she'd felt before.
No.
Clive died to save the world, to save this place, and she would rather join him in death than let anyone tear down all he had worked tirelessly to build. Clive's sacrifice would not be in vain, for she would do everything in her power to make sure the home and life they built together would survive til the next sunrise.
Jill's tears instantly quelled for those could wait until after it was all over.
Knees shaking, Jill stood to her numb feet. Reaching down, she grasped her sword that lay discarded at her side, ready and willing to face whatever hell was coming to their shores. Jill wiped the tears from her blurry vision before peering quickly at the horizon. Silently awaiting a hoard of sea-faring monsters or that damned god Ultima taking whatever precious remained to her in this realm.
Icy blue eyes remained steadfast out for movement on the ocean's edge to see what fate had in store for them when she heard Gav suddenly bellow out in a broken sob, "C-C-CLIVE! IT'S CLIVE!"
A full body shiver went through her body as she looked at the man, the eyeglass contraption Mid made falling from his hands and she followed where his trembling finger was pointed.
Jill's sword made a harsh clank as it hit the wooden deck and she ran.
Never in her entire life had she'd run so fast before. Heart throbbed and pounded against her sternum as the dawning light scattered across the shape of the boat slowly drawing towards their man-made shores. Old Man Obolus was standing near the moor and he didn't even say a single word to stop her as she untied his beloved boat from the dock. Torgal and Gav like fire chasing her heels as they jumped into the boat beside her.
Without even speaking a word, Jill and Gav gathered an oar each, both in complete sync as they quickly paddled toward the figure on the horizon like hell himself was on their helm. Jill wasn't even aware she was crying again until she had to choke back another sob. Gav wasn't faring much better, the two sharing such grief and loss that this shining hope seemed far too good to be true. The hope she was certain had been extinguished was a flickering candle flame that grew into an inferno as the man shadowed by the bright light of the sun grew ever closer.
Torgal was barking something fierce, the wolf looked ready to jump and swim the rest of the way if need be.
Jill shared the sentiment.
"Could it really be him?" Gav spoke next to her, his only remaining eye overflowing with equal portions of grief and hope. "I'm not just seeing what I wish to see. Am I, Jill?" A sob left his mouth, his eye growing hazy with so many conflicting emotions. All the years sharing nights and drinks. His encouragement. The fact Clive called him his brother... The baby boy Edde delivered named "Clive 'Cid' Dominique" in their infirmary was a testament to the effect Clive had on them all.
"I don't know..." Jill gasped.
Only moments before, they were both so certain that Clive's story was over. His chapter was done and now they would have to go on and pick up his mantle. To live the legacy he left behind yet as the figure became clearer and clearer, it appeared his story had still to be finished.
It was really him…
"CLIVE!" Jill wailed out his name, throat aching against the sob that leeched out her throat as she let go of the paddle and ran to the stern. She nearly tripped at the sudden jar to the left before Gav quickly took both oars in his hands to put them back on course.
He drew ever nearer and this close she saw Clive was only rowing with one hand while the other oar was tied to his forearm with a cloth. Suddenly worried he was horribly injured, Jill gathered whatever power over ice she still retained and used it to push them closer to Clive's boat. Heart hammering as his blurry features cleared into that face she loved so much - one she swore she'd never see again.
Clive looked towards the both of them, the softest smile gracing his face as he let go of the paddle to wave at them.
Jill couldn't wait any longer.
No further hesitation, Jill leaped out of the boat, her feet causing small patches of ice to form as she bolted the small distance to him. As she got within only a few arms length away, Jill stumbled. Leather boots, pants and the bottom of her dress sinking into the saltwater before she found herself suddenly in the most wonderful place in the world - right into Clive's arms waiting arms.
Jill fell apart. "Clive…" she screamed his name into his skin, "Oh, my love. I- I thought you were…" she couldn't finish.
Tears she swore had run out streamed in currents down her face as she wrapped her arms across his shoulders and wept into his chest, Trembling hands placed between his shoulder blades as she memorized the sensation of his beautiful heartbeat against her palms. The proof that Clive was here - he was alive. Sweaty, filthy and bleeding, but he was alive…
So wonderfully alive.
"Jill, oh, milady. I missed you…" his voice was sweeter than the most talented choir as he held her close. The smell of sweat, leather, blood and sea salt leeching heavily from him - she never smelt anything so wonderful.
Torgal barked, the large wolf jumping into their boat, rocking them back and forth and soaking them with sea salt water droplets from his fur and his flurry of slobber as his tongue lapped furiously at Clive's bearded face.
Jill's sobs became tearful laughter at his nauseated expression that melted so quickly into fondness as he pulled the sopping wet dog into their hug. In her peripheral vision, she saw Gav finally approach and park next to Clive's vessel, the tears leaking down his good eye didn't deter from the smile on his face as Clive reached towards him and pulled him into their group embrace.
The few minutes of pure utter relief and bliss didn't last long though.
"Wait… W-Where's Joshua and Dion?" Gav's sudden question was like being plunged into a bath of ice water.
As if realizing his brother nor the Prince had returned with him, the small smile that had taken refuge on Clive's face suddenly faltered and fell. An anguish so deep overtook those cobalt depths as tears welled and finally slipped down his scarred face.
Instead of a verbal answer, Clive merely shook his head in grief and absolute misery. His lower lip trembled as his eyes slipped down to his feet and it was obvious by his expression alone what had taken place.
The sudden euphoria at having Clive back in her arms suddenly felt soured for Joshua and Dion deserved just as much as a happy ending as the rest of them…
It was in those few moments of silence when Jill suddenly noticed the strange parlor of Clive's left hand. Shivered upon seeing the bone white skin and stiffness like stone. The curse of a Bearer, a Dominant, of magick leaving another form of its wretchedness upon Clive's skin.
"Oh, Founder, no…" she whimpered, hand reaching out to touch the hardened hand. Squeezing the unforgiving flesh between her fingers in the hopes that this wasn't happening. If Clive returned only to be taken by the dreaded curse…
"Don't worry. It's only the hand…" Clive explained. Tears still leaking down his face, Clive smiled at her and Gav. Showcasing the grief that lay in those weary eyes, he still continued to smile. "It won't spread. I promise."
"But, how, what…" Gav's words tapered off as Clive pressed his only working hand on Gav's shoulder and squeezed.
Clive's eyes flickered out into the waters, to the sky where the crystal once resided but was now gone, "Dion sacrificed himself. He bravely kept Ultima occupied while Joshua and I escaped to the inner crystal. The Prince died a hero's death to save us. And J-Joshua… He - Joshua saved me… I was nearly dead but he used whatever power remained in him…so in turn that I could fight for us all." Clive whispered and all Jill could do was rub his back as his breath hitched and his words faltered. "They were both so brave. A-After Ultima fell, I… I was certain I would follow them in death. To destroy the crystal once and for all, I had to absorb Ultima to obliterate what was left of the magick."
"Fuck…" Gav gasped.
"I… I was so sure that I was dead, or dying. All I remember was light before I somehow washed up on the beach. Hand turned stiff from the curse, I could do little other than merely lay there on the sand. Waves lapping at my feet when I found myself looking at the moon…and at Metia…" Clive's cobalt eyes found her icy blue, "I was asking you if you could see it too… Then I closed my eyes, fully expecting to never open them again…"
Jill's lip trembled, "Oh Clive…" she whimpered, trembling as she leaned forward to kiss his cheek and soft sweet mouth before pressing her forehead to his and shaking against his fragile strength.
Torgal whined softly, his head buried in Clive's lap as he nuzzled his body fully between Clive's legs.
Gav reached over and pressed his forehead to Clive's temple. "I'm so glad you did…"
Clive wrapped his arms around both of them, "When I woke up, I was at the same beach. Barely a moment had passed since I had closed my eyes and yet there sat a boat that I swore wasn't there before and I was only a short ride away from home. ...So strange. It was almost as if nothing happened or changed." Clive lifted his stiff hand, "other than this…and this…"
Jill watched with bated breath as with his remaining functioning hand, Clive pulled out a glowing phoenix feather from his satchel.
The ethereal light leaching from the otherworldly feather bathing Clive's face in an array of warm colors. All different shades of amber and burning flames leaving ghostly imprints on his skin as the power inside of Clive lay dormant and nearly powerless reacted to its warmth regardless.
All was quiet for a moment before Clive suddenly screamed out his brother's name in a heartwrenching sob.
Broad shoulders trembling like a leaf and Jill immediately wrapped her arms around him. Pulling his face into her breast as she allowed him to fall apart for the brother he so desperately loved and so tragically lost. Clive pressed the feather to his chest, weeping and sobbing as if he would never stop. His sodden tears soaking her shirt as he grieved for the life Joshua would never get to live.
All Jill could do was join him in his misery.
Tears slipped down her face as she recalled that kind-hearted young man who fought so valiantly and ended up dying for them all. Remembered him also as the sweetest little boy she watched grow up in Rosaria. The little boy who always had a smile on his face and such joy in his eyes even as he was always physically hurting and sickly. To witness the bond Clive and Joshua shared, the unbreakable chain that tied them together remained steadfast even the years they were apart. Only for Joshua to bravely give up his life so that his beloved brother, his first Shield, could live on.
Gav bit his lip, hands reaching to Clive to comfort him yet he pulled away. Biting his lip, he wiped away the tears remaining in his eye before grabbing the discarded oars in his hands. Without a word, he began steering them back towards the Hideaway - back towards their home.
"I'm so sorry…" Jill sobbed into Clive's hair, the flecks of blood, sweat and sea water brushing against her cheek only made her hold him all the tighter.
Clive cried, his breath hitching as he burrowed into her warmth as if she was the only thing keeping him tethered to the earth. His lips trembling against her collarbone as his tears soaked her skin. All she could do was run her hands over his back, his head, through his hair in comforting circles. The rocking of the boat as Gav made for the Hideaway allowing her to cradle Clive closer as he cried. The heartwrenching sobs eventually fading to gasping cries, his body lax in her hold as he finally grew quiet in her arms.
Clive pulled back from her slightly only to adjust so his head rested comfortably on her shoulder. His arms wrapped and resting on the small of her back, his cursed addled hand slightly digging into her spine yet she would never have him move it. Jill looked at his face, her thumb brushing across his cheeks to wipe his numerous tears that leaked from his half-lidded eyes. The grief was suffocating but in those deep blue eyes she'd loved her whole life, there was still a spark. Glowing Phoenix Feather resting against Clive's heart as he set his gaze towards the rising sun.
The vision of its gentle rays much like the spread wings of a beautiful Phoenix rising from the ashes and pulling itself further into the sky in order to watch over them all from its perch in the heavens.
"...J-Joshua…" Clive whispered against her skin, eyelashes fluttering before fanning out against his scarred cheek as his eyes slipped shut. "Thank you, brother…for everything…"
With only a few more whimpered gasps leaving his lips, Clive had fallen asleep.
Jill's eyes rested on Clive's face for a long moment. Merely enjoying the warmth of his breath, the smell of his skin and the heartbeat pounding against her own.
Her prayers had been answered. Clive was here - alive. Never again would she want for more…
Holding Clive all the tighter, her icy blue eyes slid to the sky. Taking in the sun resting its comforting rays on their shoulders, its light warm like a gentle hug and always steadfast presence that would never leave.
The Phoenix Feather on Clive's chest suddenly glowed and Jill smiled.
"Yes. Thank you, Joshua…" Jill whispered, the words carried into the breeze and hopefully to wherever his spirit resided. Thin pale fingers slipping through Clive's tangled raven locks as he slept against her chest. "Thank you for bringing him home…" Tears slipped down her face as she pressed her cheek against Clive's warn hair and quietly wept for the wonderful friend and brother that had been lost to such blind hatred. She closed her eyes and prayed that Joshua would find peaceful rest, would reunite with his father and know that he was so loved and would never be forgotten.
Joshua deciding to lay down his life brought Clive back to her and Jill swore that she would never take that for granted nor forget his nor Dion's ultimate sacrifice.
None of them would…
As the Hideaway grew closer and the varying emotions from the faces of all their awaiting friends showcased relief, happiness, grief, and hope all in equal measure, Jill merely held Clive's sleeping form tighter against her chest.
Joshua Rosfield gave them all a second chance, and this time, none of them were going to take a single day for granted.
OMG I just finished FF16 and y'all, you have NO idea how many tears I shed from that damn game. I'm still absorbing everything that happened and I was so upset at the ending. I'm SO sick of heroes needing to die and never getting to enjoy the life they deserve after saving the world. Yet after reading a bit online, it seems I may have jumped the gun a bit too fast.
It may be copium, but I think Clive is alive. Hear me out. I think Metia going out was her finally granting Jill's wish and reviving Clive so he could come back to her. Also, the book at the end. With Horocates (however you spell it) told Clive to put down the sword and pick up the quill and I believe Clive did just that. He wrote a book and gave the credit to his brother (whom I believe is still dead, sadly. While I'm heartsick over Joshua, it was his choice - to be his brother's shield for once and while I was optimistic at the ending with Clive healing him, I'm hopeful yet unsure of his ultimate fate). Anyway, back to the book, if anyone else wrote it, I would think they would name it after Clive or Cid in honor of their sacrifice. Jill's reaction at the end, the smile, was also sus. It didn't seem to fit that she would smile if he was truly gone. This boy was the love of her life and if he really died, I doubt she'd be smiling only minutes after she found out. Also, was it my imagination, or was there a boat on the horizon?
I need a DLC to confirm or deny this though. I'm so sick of these open endings for Final Fantasy games. I really hope they continue the story to prove if Clive survived or not. In my HC he did so I'm sticking to it and no one but the developers can convince me otherwise. T_T Clive and Jill deserve to live life and travel the world and make new memories (and babies XD) so until proven otherwise, I am sticking with the fact that he lived.
Hence this story happening because I need to get some feelings out about this game and this is the healthiest way to do it. XD If you made it this far, I hope you enjoyed!