Warlic sighed. "I'm sorry your plan didn't work, Ama. It was a good plan. But Jaania… She… She's too far gone."
I shook my head. I couldn't believe that. "Why are you all talking about her like she's lost her mind? Everything she's doing makes perfect sense."
"Akanthus has betrayed her numerous times, yet she continues to trust him," Warlic said. "That shows an unwillingness to consider -"
"That's because- That's because-" I interrupted. When he finally stopped talking, I took a deep, frustrated breath. "That's because Akanthus is the only person who is on her side, 100%, unconditionally. Everyone else in her life is criticizing her, telling her she's wrong and bad. Everybody needs someone to support and encourage them, and Akanthus is making himself out to be the only person in the entire world who will do that for her. And he's got plenty of ammunition for that argument. No wonder the plan failed. I was asking her to give up the only friend she has in the entire world." My heart clenched in sympathy. "Poor Jaania. He has her trapped. He can tell her anything and she has no choice except to believe it."
Warlic hung his head. "I feel bad for her, too. But there's nothing we can do anymore."
I shook with rage. Why was everybody giving up?! There was so obviously more to do! I thought fast. If nobody else was going to do anything, than I needed to do something. But wait. I didn't fully understand what was going on. I needed more information. "While we're here, can you tell me what's going on with this Proclamation thing?"
Warlic told me what was going on there. It involved a whole lot of rifts opening at the same time. Monsters from the Wastes were coming through them. Giant monsters called Tytans were threatening entire cities. The Magisterium had opened them to get back at Jaania for studying the Fissure. The Magisterium had also sent Vseslava and Ostromir to close them. Warlic was unsure why the contradiction, but suspected that the Magisterium hadn't meant to open all the rifts at once. "If they wanted to put pressure on Jaania, they should have saved Swordhaven for last. And opening all the rifts at once makes racing to the Fissure for an ultimate solution look like a reasonable strategy, whereas if they opened one at a time she would seem crazy to leave Greenguard to the ravages of a Tytan."
"Great. Someone stole their Proclamation." What else did I need to know? What other information did I need to be told in order for my actions to seem plausible?
"Yes. But there's no time to worry about that."
"Give me a minute. I need to think."
"Shall I get you some paper?"
"Oh. Yeah, that's a great idea, actually."
Warlic fetched me some paper. While he did that, I thought of things to write. What had I already been told? Jaania and Warlic had some unspecified painful past. Did I need to know anything more than that? I decided that anything I chose to do probably wouldn't involve talking about their apprenticeship, so I did not. What was I going to do? Wait, what? Doing things? Me? How? I couldn't even use magic! My head spun. I accepted the papers with profuse gratitude and sat down near the table.
I wrote, Things I know: Jaania: Painful past with Warlic, distrusts magic, trusts Akanthus absolutely out of necessity. Akanthus: Nerves of steel, doesn't talk much, confident in hold over Jaania. I paused here. Could I explain his behavior? Even after hearing Ostromir's story, I could not. I didn't have enough information. All I knew was that he was very confident and felt that he was in total control, and had every reason to feel that way. A plan sprung up in my mind. Could I interfere? On the heels of that plan followed a complete mental image of everything I would need to do. One, two, three - all the parts clicked into place just like that. I knew what I needed. It scared the wits out of me. I kept writing in order to calm myself, avoid giving anything away, and because I might still need more information. Amadeus = Jaania's Spymaster, formerly trusted subordinate, not so trusted now. Doom vessel: found by Akanthus in ancient
"How did you know about the Doom vessel?" I asked Warlic. "And where Akanthus found it? Do you have some kind of magical surveillance over him?"
"I have a flying eyeball named Jimmy," Warlic replied. "I can see through his eye. Unfortunately, Jimmy cannot fly very fast. He couldn't catch up to the airship, even if I wanted to send him there, which I do not."
"Where is he now?"
"At home, most likely asleep in his nest. He is of no use to us right now."
I finished describing the Doom vessel. The Fissure: "Hey Warlic, what is the Fissure? I gather it's some kind of fissure in the earth, and anything that falls in would end up in the Mana Core?"
"Yes," Warlic replied. "That's exactly what it is. The surrounding area is saturated with mana and populated by life forms that have been altered by it. It's impossible for a person to approach the Fissure too closely. Such high concentrations of mana would overwhelm the body."
I grinned. "A must-see vacation destination for me! After I've learned to fight off wild animals on my own, of course."
Warlic chuckled. "Hypothetically, you could even fall in and suffer no damage as long as you had a parachute!"
"Assuming the air's breathable in the depths of the earth."
"There is so much we don't know. Perhaps…" Warlic laughed again. "If we find a way to prevent all of Lore from being destroyed, maybe we can toss Akanthus into the Fissure with instruments strapped to him. He could be very helpful!"
I put a check mark next to The Fissure to indicate I knew everything that was known about it, then tried to think of something else to write. Before I could, Warlic interrupted. "Ama, I have some questions for you."
"Yeah?"
"You are similar to Cysero, but also very different. Cysero could never have made a diplomatic plan."
"I devoted my whole life to the study of human behavior," I told him. "I've read books, taken classes, examined my own behavior, you name it. People are my special interest, just like weapons and magical stuff is his."
"You are very good at it," he told me. "It never occurred to me that Jaania might be desperately lonely, and I've known her nearly my whole life." I basked in his praise, simultaneously working on a mental model of what was going on inside Warlic's head. I was already quite sure I knew him, but people are so complex. The quest to understand another person is a never-ending one. "Speaking of, why are you so sympathetic towards her?" he asked.
Uh oh. I needed to tread very carefully. I took a moment to think. "I'm very lonely myself. Always have been. Trust issues the size of Missouri, or in your case, the size of the Fissure. I seem to be drawn to people who are similar to me. It's like I have a sixth sense for it. I was drawn to you when you panicked and ran away from my meltdown, and as soon as you started talking about how she wouldn't trust you, I started getting really drawn in with her as well. After seeing her? I'm near-obsessed. I'm not gonna be taken off this case."
"I did not panic and run away," he retorted. "I walked away very quickly."
I laughed. "You're adorable! I want to pat you on the head." Warlic's whole body language got very awkward and uncomfortable. I went back to my writing, keeping an eye on him the whole time. He relaxed after a while.
I lowered the papers. I had no more need of them. While talking and thinking, I'd also filled in the details of the plan that had sprung into my mind. Now I needed to do something risky. I needed to act. I was not good at acting, but hopefully it would not take long to convince him of what I needed him to believe. I put the papers in my satchel and sighed forlornly. "I can say that I'm not gonna give up, but it doesn't mean much, does it? Especially since I can't use magic. I can't travel anywhere. I'm stuck here, a great huge distance away from everything that matters, and there's nothing I can do." I sniffled.
"Ama." Warlic knelt down beside me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Your ideas are invaluable. We'll find a way for you to contribute."
"My ideas? You mean the ones that scatter everywhere as soon as anyone else starts speaking?" I laughed harshly. "If it wasn't for Cysero, I never could have gotten a word in at that first little meeting. I can't think straight when everyone else is talking."
"I might be able to use Jimmy to summon Cysero here," Warlic offered.
Yes! That was exactly what I needed! "That'd be nice," I said while wiping my eyes.
"Give me a moment," Warlic said. He closed his eyes and concentrated. As quietly as I could, I stood up and checked the doors to make sure he was not interrupted. His face contorted multiple times in pain. Eventually, he slumped and opened his eyes. "Cysero has a not-so-secret portal into my tower. I sent Jimmy through it and used him to communicate. I'm not sure how much Cysero understood, but he knows his presence is needed here."
"Thanks. Can I give you a hug?" Warlic nodded, so I knelt down and gave him a brief hug. He smelled amazing! I couldn't help but grin. "You're so warm."
"Ah… Thank you?"
I let go with appropriate speed and sat back at an appropriate distance. I didn't mean to frighten him. But this might be my last chance to talk to him, ever. I raced to think of something suitably important to say. I should've written it down! "Warlic, I... I agree with everything the Hero said about you. I know what it's like to be perhaps a little too powerful. To unwittingly seize control of a situation, push other people aside. I've even hurt people physically. But... But with enough time passing, then, then, I turn out to be the one most hurt by that. Because I remember the original harm, whereas the people involved heal. They recover, they move on, they forget. It's good to know where you've come from, but you have to see it as where you came from. Not where you are. I know that if it hurts enough, and, and, if it wounds, deep inside, uh, trauma, then, that makes it feel like it is still happening in the present. But, um... Try to pretend it's not. Act as if it's not your present, as if it's the past, and surround yourself with people like the Hero to heal your wound, and eventually it'll feel like something from the past. That might be hard because Jaania's wounded too, so she also treats your painful past as if it's happening right now, so if you talk to her it's all too easy to believe it really is right now. Don't... Don't talk to her. That'll strengthen the illusion for both of you. And it's just an illusion. A lie. Isolate it from other lies and surround yourself with truth. It'll die."
"Ama..." Warlic bowed his head, smiling a little. "I will take your advice. Your ability to tell truth from falsehood seems to be better than mine, and I trust the Hero's judgment. I will try to hope. Thank you."
I grinned like a goofus and gave him another hug. I didn't tell him, but it was a goodbye hug. "It's been a tough day. I need to connect with nature, feel the wind on my face, relax a little. Connecting to nature works, okay? There's all kinds of research in my world showing that it helps your mind be healthy, even if you only spend fifteen minutes out there. Please try it. Trees are friends." He laughed and bid me farewell. I left the room, found a knight and asked for the nearest tower with an open view. I told them I needed fresh air to refresh myself. They found this believable. As it was getting dark, they provided me with a lantern. As soon as they left me alone in the tower with a breeze blowing on my face, I took a deep breath and tapped the lantern. I tapped my satchel. I gasped, opened the satchel and checked. He was still inside! I tapped Emerson. I tapped my Pirates t-shirt. I tapped my knives. "Knives, satchel, Emerson, clothes, a lantern," I whispered to myself. "That's what I have in my inventory. Is it enough? Yeah, it should be, I think." My heart pounded and my gums itched like crazy. If there was anything else I needed, I couldn't think of it then.
I glanced in all directions, hoping that Cysero and I really were two peas in a pod. I tried sending psychic messages to him just in case. Soon, I saw something in the sky. My breath caught in my throat. Could it be? I took out one of my knives and turned it at different angles next to the lantern, using my hand to see where it was reflecting light off to, and took my hand away when it was shining in approximately the right direction.
Cysero pulled up on a flying carpet. I tried not to laugh and dance too loudly. "Cysero! You understood!"
"You need a ride to the airship, right?" he asked.
"Exactly." I opened the lantern, intending to blow out the candle inside. At the last moment, I realized that fire would be helpful. I took out the one sheet of paper containing notes about what I knew and did not know, rolled it up and dipped it into the flame. I made sure it was completely burned before blowing the candle out. I left the lantern on the ledge and climbed over the ledge onto the carpet, which made me squeak in terror. As soon as I was on, I clung to Cysero like a baby ape to its mother.
"You should get changed first," he said. I noticed the suit of armor sitting next to him for the first time. He took the carpet lower so we couldn't be seen and showed me how to get into it. Most of it was metal like a suit of knight's armor, but the top was a clear glass bubble. Cysero gave me a thumbs up when I had it on. I gave him one back. He turned around and waited. I wrapped my arms tightly around him. We zoomed off.
The armor seemed to contain mechanisms that dampened inertia. I couldn't feel that we were flying. I relaxed and watched the sky. It was a good thing that I had faced Jaania and had the mother of all meltdowns. If I'd had the ability to feel fear, I couldn't have done this. I was flying to my death.
.
My reserves of fear and sadness were exhausted, but guilt, not so. I had nearly endless reserves of that. While flying, I imagined Warlic searching for me when I didn't show for dinner. Him finding the abandoned lantern. I felt sick. Too late, it occurred to me that I probably could have trusted him with my real plans. I hadn't thought of that before. I'd jumped straight to lying to him, assuming reflexively that he would not help or support me. I was such a broken person. I cursed that fact and resolved to give him a good apology when I next saw him. If I next saw him. If the world didn't end, and his last thought before dying in the coldness of a broken world wasn't, Why did she lie to me? I felt my soul shrivel. I had betrayed not just him, but myself. All because of stupid trust issues!
Cysero must have heard me sob. He asked, "What's wrong?"
"I lied to Warlic. I hate lying. I shouldn't have done it."
"Why'd you do it then?"
"Because I didn't trust him." How could I claim to love someone I didn't trust? I squeezed Cysero tighter. "Let's just keep going. I'll do the best I can to stop the world from ending, and if the world doesn't end, I'll find Warlic and give him the mother of all apologies. I swear it."
My mind went on to find other reasons for guilt. I'd already hurt Warlic. I didn't want to hurt Cysero too, so I did not ask him what he would do if I didn't come out of the ship alive. I wanted to, to reassure myself by preparing for it, but it would ruin his night. I could not deal with my fears by forgetting them or passing them on. Hermit Murray was right. Eventually you have to turn and fight. My gut twisted. He'd looked after me so well, and here I was disobeying the last order he gave me. I couldn't tell if I was honoring him or disappointing him. Both? No matter which it was, I missed him fiercely. I wished he could've been there to give me good advice or just to tell me that I was whip smart and I'd figure something out. He was a lot more supportive than my birth father had ever been. I keenly felt how alone I was, how far I was from the people who'd promised to look after me. I was going alone to a ship filled with hostile soldiers and Akanthus, and it was terrifying. And sad. But I couldn't feel sadness very well right then, so it did not cripple me as it normally would have. I couldn't feel fear very well, either. I was able to shove it aside and rehearse my plan in my head.
Cysero suddenly chirped, "We're here!" We were flying inside a canyon, which blocked a great deal of light. My eyes widened in alarm. Now that I knew what to look for, I saw a gigantic shape we had just avoided crashing into. Thank goodness for Cysero! I squinted, and barely made out moonlight shining off the curve of a Rose insignia.
The plan I had just been rehearsing scattered, as flippin' usual. I growled. "Okay. Um. Jaania's gonna be mad at me if I wake her up. Akanthus must be keeping some kind of watch, and there are probably soldiers patrolling the ship regularly. I need to go to…the cargo hold. There's a friendly potato there I can chat with."
"Gotcha." Cysero flew underneath the ship, where a bit of magic illumination revealed a hole in a very dark material coating the hull. It and the hull itself had been hastily repaired, but Cysero made a punching motion and was able to blast his way in. He boosted me into the hole. I gave him a thumbs up. He returned it.
"Hey Cys?"
He waited.
"I love you." I had so many people I wanted to say that to, but nobody else would understand what I meant by it or accept it. Cysero would have to stand in for them all.
He giggled. "I accept equivalent trade in helmets!" He turned and flew away. I smiled. He was wonderful.
I listened carefully and verified that there was nobody patrolling the cargo hold at that moment. I crept on all fours among the dark shapes, whispering, "Yix?"
"Hey," a voice eventually whispered back. I found Yix sitting among a bunch of other potatoes, easily distinguished by the wires sticking out of him. They were all faintly illuminated by the glow of a tube.
"It's Ama," I whispered. "I was with Warlic and Amadeus when they met with the queen. I'm here to try to talk to Jaania again. Anything I need to know?"
"You can't stay in the cargo hold," Yix said. "Akanthus personally checks the hole every few hours."
"When'd he last check it?"
"Not long ago. You got lucky."
"Then I'll give Jaania a couple more hours of beauty sleep." I yawned. "And I'll hope one of those energy bursts that decreases my need for sleep comes tonight. I don't want to mess up your operation here, so I need to wake her up and draw her to some other part of the ship. Do you know a good place?"
"Eh…"
"Even if it sounds insane."
"Crew quarters. They have a system there for waking the entire crew at once in case of emergency. I can set it off."
"Any idea what the route might be?"
"It's not far from here. Head to the bow."
"Alright. But I can't go immediately. Hiding for an hour in the crew quarters is going to draw way more attention than hiding here." I thought for a little bit. "I'm gonna do something insane."
"What?"
"Take a nap. I, uh, have some friends in strange places. I'll trust them to look out for me."
I wondered if I was doing the right thing as I found someplace far away from Yix to take my nap. I had never before made a plan that relied upon the gods of timing to help me. At least, not consciously, not out loud. Maybe I was jinxing myself. But I really, really wanted a nap, and I sensed that holding myself back would only bring worse consequences down the line.
.
I woke up from my nap feeling a little refreshed. Not by much; I had slept in a suit of armor. But I was awake and not on the verge of falling asleep, which is what I would've been if I'd tried to fight off the urge to nap. I followed the wall to the door and crept out. I called up a mental map of where the hole was in the hull and how I was oriented relative to it. On that basis, I decided to turn right.
I heard a particularly loud snore inside a door I passed. I listened for the rhythm of the snores and opened the door during another loud one, feeling bad for everyone who had to sleep in the same room as that guy. Now I realized I had a new problem: I couldn't see anything. If I couldn't see, I couldn't set off the alarm by myself or somehow send a signal to Yix. Hopefully Yix had heard me sneak out? I had been trying to be quiet. Darnit, of all the minor details to forget!
Just then, a klaxon above my head crackled twice. The rhythm seemed too neat for a glitch. A signal? I hurried to what I guessed was the middle of the floor and sat down. Now I had to try not to panic. And this time, I didn't have Warlic to hold onto.
The klaxon shrieked. I tried to cover my ears, which didn't work because of the bubble around my head. The soldiers leaped up. A few actually screamed. Someone tripped over me before they got the lights turned on. Then I was surrounded by a ring of soldiers in night clothes staring down at me like I was a hissing rattlesnake. They grabbed pillows and wielded them like weapons. I laughed. It was just like that one really stupid quest!
There was commotion from outside. Most of a minute passed with me grinning at all these soldiers and them holding battle stances with pillows instead of swords. Based on that one quest, I had no doubt that the pillows could in fact be used as weapons. But I was armored, so the soldiers were hosed. The door flew open. "Is everyone alright?!" Jaania called.
The soldiers stepped aside. She saw me. Her face hardened. "Oh. It's you."
.
As I had been counting on, she did not kill me. But she did promise me that she wouldn't freeze me if I tried anything; she'd just conjure up icicles that could stab straight through my armor. I nodded. She led me away, up the stairs to another level of the ship where we entered a room. It looked cozy; it might have been her quarters. Akanthus joined us there. "She entered the ship through the hole in the cargo hold."
"You told me the gnomes had promised it could be reinforced mid-flight."
"I was speaking to one of them when I heard the klaxon. They said the repairs were only partial, and would be completed sometime today. They have been reminded of our need for haste."
Jaania looked at me closely. It was hard to find someplace to look that wasn't her face. "Take off your armor and let us search it. I promise not to kill you if you don't try anything."
"Not sure what that promise is supposed to mean, since the armor doesn't make a difference." I took it off slowly and carefully, telegraphing my every movement, and stepped away from it.
Jaania kept an eye on me while Akanthus inspected the inside and outside of the suit, then had him do the same while she searched it herself. "Did you find a weapon, means of communication, or anything strange-looking, Akanthus?"
"No, my lady."
"Me neither. Take those knives."
I jumped. I'd forgotten I was wearing them! "Sorry! I totally forgot I had these." I cringed and blushed bright red as Akanthus ripped them off my waist.
"That's easily one of the top ten most ridiculous claims I've ever heard, but as red as your face is, I believe it. The satchel too."
Akanthus took it off me. "Oh God, don't hurt Emerson," I pleaded. "Please, he's just a poor innocent sandwich. All he knows how to do is dance."
Akanthus held up, indeed, a harmless dancing sandwich. He didn't show the slightest bit of hesitation or surprise. Any vestige of hope I had that he could be surprised withered into dust and blew away. "My lady?"
Jaania sighed. "Just put it somewhere." Akanthus searched the rest of the satchel, finding only clothing, blank paper and a comb. Jaania told him to put them anywhere for now. She took me to the other side of the room, where there was a small table to sit at. We sat there. Akanthus stood in the direction of the door. Jaania lit another lantern for better visibility and leaned across the table, resting her chin on her fingers. "You must be here to try to change my mind again." She didn't bother to say how pointless that would be. Her bored face and derisive voice said enough.
I shook my head. "No, that's not why I'm here at all. After that talk earlier, I mean, how could I… I wouldn't dare to hope for something so unlikely. Crazy."
"Then why are you here?"
I took a deep breath, then spoke slowly. I sounded robotic, my voice full of jagged edges and tilting angles. But at least the words came out right. "I'm here because… If I'm gonna die, and you're gonna die, and everyone's gonna die… Then, I want to go out honorably, in accordance with my values. My core values are Truth and Love. The last thing I would ever want is for the world to end with you thinking I thought of you as an enemy, because it's not true."
I glanced up at her face just enough to see her raise an eyebrow. "So you agree with Warlic. You pity me."
I shook my head even faster, trying to ward off her anger. "No, I don't. I - I - I - whuh - ah - uh - I - not - no."
I cringed. I couldn't look at her. How disappointing I was! I really didn't have the right to be in her presence. I'd blown it! No, I couldn't think like that. I had to be strong! I sat up straighter and tried to face her. She studied me, no longer bored and derisive. She asked, "How do you see me then?"
I gathered my words. "I want to know what you thought. That talk, it was… The beginning of it, I mean, with, with the fireballs, and the part where Warlic didn't speak, that was all my plan. I tried to arrange a persuasive argument. It didn't work, of course, because - Well, it was my first ever try. At something so important. Given that it was my first ever, um, what do you think? Was it good?" I couldn't stop myself from smiling hopefully. I firmly averted my gaze, staring shyly down at the table.
Jaania was silent for several seconds. "It was decent," she admitted. "You had a strong beginning, but you failed to follow through."
I shook my head. "No, I didn't. I'm not in the business of hurting people. I deliberately turned to Akanthus because… I didn't want to attack you or anything."
"Your reluctance cost you your best chance at changing my mind."
"No, it didn't. I hate lying because I'm very bad at it. Same with being mean to people. Contradicting my values takes a lot of energy that I don't have to spare because I already need all of my mental energy just to speak straight. If I'd tried to follow up by pressuring you or something, it wouldn't have come out right. I might not have been able to talk at all. It didn't cost me anything."
"I notice you also cannot look at me."
"Faces are too distracting."
"Hmm." Jaania seemed thoughtful. "Given how inexperienced and crippled you are, plus your informational disadvantage, you did a very good job."
I grinned. She thought I did a good job! She had the ear of kings, and she thought I did a good job with my words! I grinned straight down into my lap, laughing as quietly as I could. When I regained control of my face, I said, "Now I can die happy."
She snorted. "You are not going to die. Warlic and Amadeus have no idea what I'm planning. They're exaggerating the dangers because they're afraid. I will bring about a new world. A better one. You'll see."
I tilted my head, acting confused. "No you won't. It'll be an old one. The one I left just a few months ago."
"Ah, that's right. You come from a world without magic." I nodded, hoping she would draw me into conversation about my world. She did not. Of course not. She knew better than that. She deflected my concerns expertly. "I'm sure you're looking forward to it."
"What? No I'm not. I thought Akanthus would. Not me. I love magic. I've always wished for it to exist. It's the most beautiful thing ever. I'm glad I came here, and I don't ever want to go back. I don't care if I can't use it myself. I still love it and cherish it and want it to exist more than anything because it's beautiful, and beautiful things make the world a better place."
I reined myself in, not wanting to be seen as hostile. I waited for her to speak. While doing so, I watched her from the corner of my eye. I couldn't see anything from such a poor angle. Curse distractibility!
"You're serious," Jaania murmured, sounding surprised. "That's not what I've seen. I've seen villages burned, families separated, hearts broken and lives shattered from magic."
"Then we've seen different things. I haven't seen any of that."
"Of course not. You've barely seen anything. I doubt Warlic's told you about how he nearly destroyed the world."
"How did he nearly destroy the world?"
"The how isn't important. What matters is that you haven't seen it. You haven't seen the innumerable magic-wielding tyrants that have terrorized innocents for decades. You cannot speak of the value of magic."
She was right. I couldn't. "Nonetheless, I will not change my mind. I love magic. I won't back down as long as that's true."
Talking about love made me stronger, as it always had. I got a good look at her face. She was hard to read, but I thought I had made a good impression. Jaania stood. "Then we have nothing more to say to each other. Akanthus, find her a room to stay in. Make sure she doesn't leave it."
I froze. I did not want to follow Akanthus. I trusted her presence to keep me safe. What might Akanthus do when he had me alone? "My lady, this child is an enemy agent," he said. Did he sound slightly perturbed, or was I imagining it? "I do not think it wise to keep her aboard."
"The only alternative is to stop to let her off, which would be even less wise," Jaania replied. "Besides, she is harmless."
"Perhaps, or perhaps not."
"She has no weapons or means of communication. I trust that your supervision will suffice. Am I wrong?"
"No, my lady." Akanthus turned. I gulped and followed him. I stayed as silent and obedient as I could, and he did not kill me. I went into the door he opened for me. It turned out to be an armor closet full of helmets. I wedged myself into a sitting position among them and closed my eyes. I imagined I heard Akanthus breathing outside the door. I knew I did not imagine the footsteps of a soldier taking up guard outside. I relaxed. I had survived the first stage of my plan. I was in Jaania's presence. Now I had to be as loving as I could.
.
A/N: This is gonna be another long one.
The original chapter 6 was filled with yet more pointless filler. Canon has most of the main characters teleport away. Then, I knew I wanted to have my character talk to Jaania again. What to do in between? As I've said before, I had no idea what the point of this story was. It had no heart. It was just a string of plot events that I wanted my character's presence to somehow improve. So there was nothing to fill a non-canon scene with except pointless filler. Warlic and I ended up speculating on possible directions the plot might take. Who had taken over the Proclamation, how and why, the nature of the Mana Core, etc. Just a bunch of babble. Then Warlic suggested that my character could try to speak to Jaania again.
I need a whole separate paragraph to go over why I changed all of that, because my reasons have to do with the heart of the story. At this point, I do not need to worry about spoiling anything. The heart of the story was outlined in this chapter. In the original version of this fic, my character was nothing more than a tool to manipulate canon events with. But when I rewrote it, I made my character into an actual person. I envisioned a character arc, one based on values and developing the courage to live up to them. As a result, my character is now alive. My character was oddly passive in the first version. But now, they have a heart with which to take charge. To think independently. To have goals that may differ from those of others. In place of pointless babble, this chapter has strategic action that only sounds like babble. In place of being told what to do next, my character thinks of it themself. This chapter is the point where the original fic began to fall apart. I already said in last chapter's note that nobody looked good. The story was sickly, barely limping along. But when my character left to take a flying carpet ride to the airship, metaphorical body parts started falling off. I left canon behind and entered a part of the fic that was centered around my character. But there was no character there! Hence the rest of the story had no spine and it collapsed entirely within the events of this chapter.
The next revised sceen is the talk with Jaania. Oh God, the talk with Jaania. Everything I said in last chapter's note about having reduced Jaania to a weak-willed child and metaphorically strung her up naked and mutilated, like conquering generals in olden times did to their enemies to dishonor them? That might have seemed disproportionate. And for that chapter, it may have been. The whole time I wrote that note, I was thinking of this chapter. This talk. In the original version of this conversation, Jaania let me babble. Incoherently. For whole paragraphs. She let me do that, and she responded to what I said in the way that I wanted her to, letting me draw her into discussion of my world. She was truly shocked, aghast you might say, to learn that my world wasn't a perfect paradise. She ended up dazed, wondering in despair if the world would always be filled with suffering. She did not give me a counterargument. She put up some mild resistance to what I told her, but it was all in the form of denial, attempting to brush me off, saying she just didn't care about what I was saying. She had the strength and will of a twelve year old child pouting about how the world is a nasty mean place because there are some bullies at school. But a twelve year old would at least have told me to shut up after the second consecutive 20-sentence paragraph. Remember the awful ramblings when I first told Warlic and his friends my story? I basically did that again, but for two-thirds of a chapter.
No wonder Akanthus went berserk. What makes Jaania a formidable antagonist in canon is her mind, her ability to make and execute plans. What makes Akanthus formidable is his invulnerability, not just physical but emotional, his utter inability to be frightened, surprised or in any way bothered by anything that the Hero does. Just as I took Jaania's mind from her, so too I took Akanthus' invulnerability. In the original version of this story, he had an angry outburst and attacked me, thus causing Jaania to turn against him, ruining plans that took years of careful, patient effort to develop inside of 30 seconds. Like a giant, sword-wielding toddler. What the hell?
How was my character to escape from this? Deus Ex Machina! That's right, my character did absolutely nothing. No quick thinking. No cleverness. No strategy in place. They just got super lucky that Cysero thought to come back and save the day. In he walked, with several reinforced carpets, tying Akanthus up with zero effort and some quippy lines. Babble at Jaania for long enough, and she'll lose faith in her beliefs and accept whatever you say. Tie Akanthus up with some reinforced ropes, and he's as harmless as a puppy. Man, every single character who opposed these two must have been real idiots. How was there ever a problem? Did nobody ever try babbling about how magic isn't what makes the world a terrible place and the real evil lies in people's hearts? *end sarcasm* Previous deleted scenes were deleted because they were redundant, replaced by other things. This scene was not. It was erased. Utterly.
As was the last scene of the original fic. After falling unconscious, my character woke up surrounded by glowing plants the same way I woke up at the beginning of the story. But this time, I was surrounded by friends, who were all happy to see me. Jaania was there. I asked Kara if she could bring herself to let Jaania change her course now. She smiled and said, "I may be a little idealistic."
How poetic. How sappy. How neat and wonderful. How unreal.
...Reality requires a bit of tragedy.