A/N Fanfiction stories are a great way to work out angst. Not everyone is going to agree with everyone else's stand on issues, but writing a story lets you express your feelings on a matter. By now anyone reading one of my stories has a good idea about how I feel about certain issues. Like the soul curse. That bit of storytelling bothered me from the very first time I heard it. Gypsies curse a vampire with the return of the human soul that occupied the human body that the demon now controls. Why? It never made sense. I know they claim that it would punish the demon. How? By locking it in a prison so it couldn't kill. Problem is the soul suffers far more. The soul has to deal with the memories of what the demon did. The soul feels guilt and remorse and pain for crimes it had no part of.

And then a teenage girl falls in love with the vampire with a soul, and inadvertently sets the demon free, and also sets the soul free. But the teenage girl and her best friend don't understand that the soul has been set free. They want to bring the soul back, use it as a cage again. So the girl can have her boyfriend back.

None of them seem to understand the ramifications of that act.

Personally, I was raised Catholic. Souls are the province of God. God, capital G is rarely mentioned in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Other pagan gods get called on. References are made to churches, holy water and crosses – as weapons, not as symbols of a wider faith and belief system.

Souls are not tools or toys or plot devices. Maybe I am taking it too seriously, but it still bothers me. So since I like using writing as a means of working out my issues, I decided to write the following story.

If I offend, I apologize. All the characters are the property of Josh Wedon and Mutant Enemy and their accountants.

As the vampire stalked his prey through the graveyard and his hunting partner worked her way around to the other side of the graveyard, he considered just how much fun he wanted to have with this one. What was he in the mood for? A little torture? Rape? He was bored and wanted more than just a meal tonight and hey she was a hot one. All curves and dark hair and white skin. Skin he wanted to play with.

Just as he and his partner were about to strike, a blast of heat and light seemed to reach out and grab him. The two vampires found themselves being sucked into something they couldn't name and being spit out the other side, unconscious.

Willow Rosenberg, computer hacker, budding witch, nerd dating a guitarist, best friend to Slayer Buffy Summers was annoyed. No matter how many times she tried, she just couldn't seem to get this spell right. When she first found the spell to locate lost people, she'd been excited. She could use it to find Buffy. But try as she might, she just couldn't get it right. It just seemed to keep petering out at the last minute. And then Buffy came home and Willow put it aside. She didn't need it anymore, at least not to find Buffy, but that didn't mean she was just going to give up! So here she was trying again to get it right and it just wasn't working. Willow couldn't figure it out, she had all the ingredients, she was saying the words right, so why wasn't it working? What was she missing? Finally, she decided to go to bed. She'd try again another time.

The next evening Willow and Buffy were patrolling Weatherly Park and Willow brought up her disappointment over the spell. "I just don't get it, Buffy, I should be able to get it to work, but something keeps happening at the last moment to stop it. It's driving me nuts that I can't figure it out."

"Maybe you should talk to Giles, he knows quite a bit about magic, maybe he can help you figure it out."

"I probably will, I just, I'm used to getting answers myself, so it's bugging me."

"Hold that thought, Willow, vampire." Buffy said as a vamp stepped out of the shadows.

"Well isn't this a treat, a Slayer. I've always wondered, is Slayer blood really that good? I mean Spike used to go on and on about it; you know, until I tore his head off. He just bugged me you know? Anyway, what do you think little sis, a little playtime first or just go straight to draining her dry?"

The vampire in full game face was looking at Willow, who squeeked when she realized that he was talking to her. "What, what do you mean?"

The vampire took a closer look at her then said. "Willow? Alive?" The game face slid away to reveal Xander Harris.

Both Buffy and Willow gasped as they stared at their friend. Then another voice from behind them said, "Oh look, another me. I could have so much fun with this one. Give's a whole new meaning to the term 'fuck yourself'."

The girls looked over to see another Willow, a Willow in a leather bustier that pushed her small breasts up and cinched her waist in.

"What the Hell?" Buffy yelled.

"Oh gods," Willow whimpered. "What's going on here?"

"Well," said the leather clad Willow, "I was thinking I'd go on you, and big bro over there could ride the little slayer and we all could have lots of fun; well until you die that is."

"She always has the best ideas," vampXander said, jumping up and kicking Buffy in the face. She fell backwards and then kicked out with both feet from her prone position, hitting his knees. Buffy quickly kipped up and instead of continuing the fight, grabbed the shell shocked Willow and ran.

"Oh," said leather Willow, "they're going to make us work up an appetite, so considerate of them."

"Yah, this going to be fun, sis. We can play this out for a good long while."

Buffy and Willow didn't stop running until Willow couldn't catch her breathe and had to stop. She was gasping and crying and trying to make sense of what they had just seen. "Buffy, that can't be Xander, we just saw him a few hours ago and he didn't know you and there's that other me, what is going on here?"

"I don't know, Willow, but we've got to get to Giles'. Where is our Xander anyway?"

"He and Cordelia had a date. He was taking her to a movie."

"Ok, first let's go to the theater and see if they're there and if they're ok; and then we'll all go to Giles'."

"Sounds good."

It didn't take them long to get to the theater, and when they got there, they asked the clerk, a classmate of theirs named Sandy, to find Xander and Cordelia and let them know there was an emergency. A few minutes later an anxious Xander and an annoyed Cordelia came out to meet them.

"What's up Buff?"

"We ran into two vamps in the park. Thing is, we know them. They're you and Willow."

"Excuse me, did you just say a vamp me and vamp Willow?"

"Yes."

"Well, even though I was nibbling on Cordy's neck earlier, I believe, I can safely say, I am not a vampire and since Willow is standing right there, she doesn't seem to be one either, so their obviously not us. So who are they? Where did they come from? Another reality? And scary thought that another us could be vampires."

"I don't know, let's go see Giles and maybe he can give us some answers."

"My car's in the parking lot," Cordelia said, "We'll get there faster if we drive."

Once at Giles' place, they rushed to the door and not bothering to knock, burst in. "Giles there's a vampXander and a vampWillow in the park!" Buffy yelled.

"What? Buffy slow down, did you say vampXander and vampWillow?"

"Yes, Giles. Willow and I were patrolling in Weatherly Park. We ran into a vampire. It turned out be another Xander and there was another Willow too!"

"Describe them, please."

"Well vampXander was dressed kind of cool, white t-shirt, leather pants, leather jacket."

"Sounds sexy, so unXanderlike," Cordelia snarked with a grin.

"I think leather pants would probably chafe, dear." he shot back.

"And other Willow?" Giles asked, ignoring them.

"Well, she was dressed kinda skanky. Leather bustier that pushed everything up, kind of thing."

"Ew," from both Xander and Cordelia.

Giles blinked, then shook his head as he also did not want that visual in his head.

"VampXander kept calling vampWillow, little sis and she called him big bro."

"They didn't know me, Giles, I mean they recognized me as a Slayer, but me personally. Also vampXander said he tore Spikes' head off."

"Our Xander suggested maybe their from another reality. Is that possible?"

"Yes, they could be. It is possible to travel between realities, but very dangerous. The spells to do it could weaken the barriers between the realities."

"So what do we do about them, Giles?" Buffy asked.

"We dust them, of course," Xander said.

"Xander!" Willow exclaimed, "we can't just kill them, their us!"

"No they're not us, the're what killed another version of us. Just because they're wearing our faces doesn't make them us. If it was me, I'd expect you to dust the demon."

"Xander, it's not that simple," Buffy said, "I can't just dust them."

"If you can't, then I will. I refuse to let some thing walk around wearing my face and killing. It's not me! We had this discussion when Angelus was running around. It's no different. If you can't do it yourself, then let someone else do it."

"And the other me, do you see her the same way?" Willow asked.

"Yes, it's not you. It's a monster wearing your face."

"What if it was Cordelia?" Buffy asked.

He looked at Cordelia and said, "I love you the way you are. If something kills you, I will avenge you even if I die doing it."

Cordelia looked at him a moment and then said, "I'm with Xander on this."

"Oh," Willow exclaimed, "maybe we could send them back where they came from."

"And make them someone else's problem, right," Cordelia said, "out of sight, out mind?"

"Besides," Giles said, "we have no way of knowing which reality they came from, so sending them back, may well be impossible."

"Well, I could do the soul spell," Willow said excitedly, "I mean it worked for Angel."

"No way in Hell are you doing that any to version of me Willow." Xander yelled.

"But, Xander, if we can save you - "

"Save me, that's a joke. It's not saving, it's condemning. And how do you know you'd get the right soul, huh? Maybe you'd pull mine out of me and then you've got an even bigger problem. Because a pissed off soulless me, would come after you all and do some serious damage and force you to kill him. This is wrong and I don't want you to do it."

"Xander it's the best solution. Two souled vampires could be an enormous help." Buffy said.

"You do this and I guarantee, neither one of us will ever be able to forgive you."

Xander headed for the door with Cordelia following him.

Once out the door, they got into Cordelia's car and Xander said, "We need to stop this, we need to dust them ourselves."

"How?"

"You know how to handle a rifle, right?"

"Yes, I've hunted with Daddy."

"Ok, and your parents aren't home. Come on, if we can get some large enough caliber shells and rifles and we can do enough damage, maybe we can dust them that way. If not we can get close enough to stake them."

"Ok." Cordelia drove towards her place, "Where are we going to find them, though?"

"He's got my memories, honey. He's going to do what most new vamps do and what he likely did in his own reality. He's going to go after my parents. We may already be too late."

Cordelia pressed her foot down harder and sped up. Xander may not like his parents much but he'd have a hard time living with himself if he didn't at least try to save them.

Once at her place, they headed for her father's gun safe. She pulled out the largest rifles he had and cartridges for them.

Once secured, they got back in the car and raced to his house. Only to find other him and Willow just finishing.

Xander didn't hesitate. He pressed the rifle to his shoulder and shot through the window, hitting the other him, who fell backwards, holding his shoulder. VampWillow grabbed vampXander and tossed him over her shoulder and ran. Xander and Cordelia both fired after them. Hitting vampXander again and winging vampWillow, who stumbled but kept going. Soon they were out of sight.

Xander and Cordelia put the rifles in the trunk of her car and then he called the police to let them know there had been a home invasion and gang members on PCP had killed his parents, before calling Giles to fill him in.

"Well, he's not happy and it looks like Buffy and Willow are going to try the soul curse anyway. We don't have much time, we need to track them and try to finish this before that happens."

"How are we going to track them, they're faster then us."

"They're bleeding and they need blood and to go to ground to recover. They ran in the direction of town. The Bronze is in that direction. Let's head there in the car."

"Ok."

Cordelia drove slow enough that Xander could spot blood drops on the ground, which unfortunately stopped after a couple of blocks, but did continue towards the Bronze. Unfortunately, they were still too late as they found a teenage boy dead in the alley and a girls purse nearby. They left the car there and headed into the warehouses behind the Bronze, rifles loaded and stakes and holy water in their pockets.

It didn't take long since either the girl was now bleeding or one of the vamps wounds had reopened.

As Xander stepped into the warehouse, rifle up and ready, the heard a moan and then a cry. They followed it expecting to see the vampires feeding. What they found was far worse.

Willow had succeeded. Both vampires eyes were glowing.

"Oh God," Xander thought, "no."

Instead of firing his rifle, he lowered it and stood, carefully watching the two vampires. The were obviously disoriented and while this would have been a perfect time to dust them, Xander realized it might also be a way to finally make the others understand the horror of what they had done. He explained to Cordelia, who looked thoughtful and then agreed. "I'll cover you, be careful," she said as he moved closer to the traumatized vampires.

VampXander looked up as they approached. He watched them warily.

Xander asked, "Do you remember?"

VampXander nodded, "All of it, including killing my parents, twice. Other reality?"

"We think so, yes."

"Who did this?"

"Our Willow, she's learning magic."

"She always could be an arrogant, always so sure she's right, kind of person."

Suddenly vampWillow gave a keening wail, a long, horrifying sound and then went silent, eyes locked open with a horrified look on her face. Both Xanders tried to shake her, but she was unresponsive. After a while they both gave up and just sat there thinking.

"What now?" vampXander asked.

"Now we go to Giles' place, he's Buffy's watcher, that's where they are. Probably congratulating themselves."

"The Slayers name is Buffy, ok not important, but wow. Anyway, you want them to see what they've done right, to try to make them understand."

"How do you know that," Cordelia asked, "did you hear us talking?"

"No, but I know myself, I don't want this feeling and I imagine he wouldn't either and since he isn't actively trying to dust us at the moment, there has to be a reason why."

"You objected to them doing this and they did it anyway. They thought they were right and you were wrong. They wouldn't take your word for it on how we'd react, so you want them to see for themselves and hopefully understand."

"Yes, you up for it?"

"Yes, I'll carry my Willow."

"Ok."

It didn't take long to arrive at Giles' and Xander knocked on the door. Giles opened it, saw them and said, "Oh, it worked, come on in."

VampXander blinked and said, "I thought Watchers were supposed to be smart, inviting vampires in is idiotic."

"Well you have your souls now, it isn't like your going to do something."

"Oh God, are they all this stupid," vampXander asked as he carried vampWillow into the condo.

Buffy spotted the blood and asked, "Where'd the blood come from?"

"They almost succeeded in dusting us."

"Xander," Willow exclaimed, "you really tried to kill them?"

"Willow, I don't understand how you can see a vampire in the park and have no problem dusting it and look at them and not understand that they are also vampires that should be dusted, there's no difference. Besides they were killing my parents when I found them, what did you expect me to do, say thank you?"

"Xander, there's no need to be rude."

"Willow just because we don't agree, doesn't mean I'm being rude. I'm entitled to my opinion. Now if you think this is such a good thing why not asked them how they feel?"

"Well I'm pretty sure asking Willow here isn't going to be possible anytime soon," vampXander said, "on account of she's catatonic and may never come out of it. Wouldn't you be if you suddenly remembered torturing and killing your parents? Did you know she tied her father to his bed and forced him to become aroused and rode him while she drained his blood from his throat? Or that after I dusted Darla, Willow here became the Masters new favorite. By favorite I mean sex toy, he passed her around like a party favor and boy did she love it! Except it wasn't her. Because she died. Willow died and the Master killed her and a demon animated her corpse. A demon used her body to rape and torture and kill and fuck other vampires. And now she has to remember doing all that, even though she didn't actually do it. She has to remember the Master raping and killing Cordelia and Jesse both, while we watched."

"While I have to remember wanting to be the one who got to play with Cordelia, maybe even turn her, so I could have her with me for all time. Only it wasn't me thinking that, it was the demon, but I have to remember it. Remember the children I killed, because young blood is sweeter and women I raped, because fear makes the blood a drug, makes you high. Part of me wants to taste it all again. I feel it, in the back of my mind whispering - "

"Give in, it feels so good, she smells afraid and it makes my heart pound and my head feel light. Does her body taste like the pig or different?" Xander said.

VampXander looked startled and said, "What?"

"Two years ago, I was possessed by a Hyena spirit. It had complete control over my body. It said what it wanted and did what it wanted. But it used my knowledge, my feelings as a jumping off point. I was annoyed with Willow and crushing on Buffy. It saw Willow as weak and Buffy as strong enough to be a potential mate. It was all instinct, eat, sleep, mate even if it could articulate what it wanted. I was locked up in the back of my mind. And I still sometimes wake up in a cold sweat, terrified it succeeded in doing what it wanted. I still remember the taste of raw pig and liking it, of enjoying hurting Willow's feelings, of being turned on by Buffy's fear. It felt good. I had a monster forced into my body and it controlled my body.

"Your the opposite, your soul was forced into a body that is no longer it's own, to share space with the demon who killed you and stole it from you. But you can't get rid the demon, because it's the demon that animates the body. The body is no longer alive, the soul can't animate a dead body. So in order to continue to exist, you have share space with the demon. I imagine it's like bathing the soul in acid, how long can it hold out until it's damaged? Angel, the only other vampire with a soul, spent a century hiding in back alleys, eating rats. Until he saw Buffy and fell in love with her and she with him. They made love and the soul was freed, but the demon was back in control. A moment of perfect happiness. A moment in which he felt loved and accepted regardless of whatever else he was. What will your moment of perfect happiness be, I wonder?"

VampXander's eyes darted to Cordelia and he said, "I know what it would have been if she was still alive, I felt it way back in kindergarten for the first time. She's not mine, she's yours, but if she ever it directed it at me?"

"I won't take that risk, because if I lose it, she'll be the one I go after. I lost her once, if I could keep her forever; it's too much of a temptation." He glared at the two girls, "I never asked for this and you had no right to force it on me, on either of us. What gives you the right to make decisions for other people? Being a Slayer, your job is to kill vampires, not destroy human souls. And you Willow, what kind of taint have you put on your soul? Did you bother to check where the soul was? Were we in heaven or had we been reincarnated? If we were in heaven, you pissed off God. If we were reincarnated, you murdered who our souls were part of. Either way your after life is going to be real interesting. But like I said, I'm not going to take the risk with people's lives, especially hers."

VampXander pulled out a stake and shoved it into vampWillow's chest, reducing her to dust and then jammed ii into his own.

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what would his moment of perfect happiness have been?" Cordelia asked quietly.

"He's me, honey, your smile is all it would take. Our feelings for you predate anything I ever felt for Buffy,"