Ryōō High School
Kasukabe, Saitama Prefecture
July 4th, 2006

"Happy Fourth of July!"

Patty was surprised to see that Hiyori, Yutaka and Minami had gathered around her desk before the start of class to wish her country of origin a happy birthday.

"Oh, uh… you I thank?" she stuttered out uncertainly, fumbling her Japanese in the confusion.

Yutaka smiled. "I brought a printout of the Declaration of Independence to read out for you!"

Before Patty could object, Yutaka began. "The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve…"

"I mean, I appreciate the enthusiasm, girls," said Patty, noticing the models of the wooden frigate USS Constitution and Second World War battleship USS Missouri. "But America isn't that great, y'know?"

Minami raised an eyebrow. "Americans landed on the moon. Many things we now take for granted - the Internet, the aeroplane, the transistor - came from the United States."

"And what about the television?" asked Hiyori.

"Well," observed Minami, "the history of the television gets more complicated when accounting for experiments with mechanical examples. But yes, the first documented electronic television system was invented by an American in 1927."

Hiyori nodded curiously. "Takara-senpai really did teach you a lot..."

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness..." continued Yutaka, seemingly unaware of the ongoing conversation.

"Feh, going to space wasn't that impressive," remarked Patty dismissively. "There's nothing that cool up there. I don't hate America, but it just never felt like home to me, y'know?"

"What about the rich intellectual traditions of the Enlightenment?" asked Minami. "The treatises of the Founding Fathers, the great democratic experiment, the belief that all people are viewed as equal before their creator and have rights no-one can take away?"

Patty sneered. "The whole 'all men are created equal' thing always sounded like some commie nonsense to my parents. My dad says if God made us all equal, how do you explain Africa?"

Minami gave Patty a blank stare of total confusion.

"American pop culture is huge, too! Blue jeans, rock 'n roll, fast food burger places, action movies!" exclaimed Hiyori. "You guys have changed the world!"

Patty looked sullen. "I'll be honest with ya, Hiyori. I never had much in common with others back home. Those valley girls with Britney Spears on their iPods watching America's Got Talent, the greasy-haired jocks playing some Xbox crap and obsessing over football..."

Minami felt a jolt of discomfort in her spine. "W-what's wrong with Xbox?"

"There's no good games for that stupid thing," grumbled Patty. "It's all trashy shooters and clumsy, ugly third-person action games with forgettable characters. And sports games, god, so many sports games. All the Japanese stuff is on PS2, that's where the good devs go."

"What's an Xbox?" asked Hiyori. "I've never heard of that. I just see PS2 and GameCube when I go shopping. And occasionally the odd Dreamcast arcade port."

"... mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses ..."

Patty quickly interjected. "You're not missing anything."

"Oh, speaking of, you ever play the original version of Daytona USA 2? God, the music sounds like garbage. I don't know what 「Ｂｕｔｔ Ｒｏｃｋ」 singer they got, but Mitsuyoshi was so much better."

Minami sheepishly considered interjecting at that point, but decided not to make herself a target.

"I've never really played racing games," Hiyori replied.

"America just doesn't speak to me," declared Patty. "The guys on the radio won't shut up about how much they love their guns, and like, I don't care. Why do you need to carry a goddamn rifle every time you buy coffee at the drive-through? And oh my GOD, the way we butcher anime in my country."

Hiyori's ears perked up at the word 'anime'. "Oh?"

Patty wore a kind of grimacing forced smile. "They butchered One Piece here. And then they had the balls to make all the characters from anime they localised sing the American national anthem.

"And they screwed with Sailor Moon, too! 'Cousins', they said Neptune and Uranus were. COUSINS! Do they think we're all from Alabama?!" she yelled in roiling discontent.

"That's a travesty!" Hiyori cried. "A true crime against art!"

Minami gave a blank stare, waiting for an explanation she got a sneaking feeling she wasn't going to get.

"... legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into..."

Hiyori looked over at Yutaka, whose train of thought somehow remained unbroken through all of this. "She's a real dork, huh?"

Minami pouted at the negative implications of Hiyori's statement. "She's a passionate intellectual, Tamura-san. That's something we should admire in a person."

Patty giggled. "I guess even the nerds are cuter in Japan, huh?"

"Well, at least there's one thing America does that I know you'd like," boasted Hiyori.

Patty raised an eyebrow. "Alright, try me."

"The porn over there's uncensored and full of big-titted girls."

There was an immediate spark in Patty's eyes.

"... that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrat-"

Yutaka froze and looked up from her notes.

"GOD BLESS AMERICA!" boomed Patty with unfettered enthusiasm. "Land of sexy carwashes and home of Hooters! And we don't have to put stupid black lines on our hentai!"

"God bless America!" contributed Hiyori in a meeker tone.

Minami stared at Patty like she'd just committed a murder, while Yutaka gave a look of deep and intense confusion.

"I wish to recuse myself from this conversation," Minami stonily uttered as she packed the Constitution and Missouri models into her bag. "Excuse me."

Yutaka noticed Minami leave for the nurse's office. "M-Minami-chan? Are you okay?" she called before running off in pursuit of her friend.

"Well, good luck explaining that to sensei," quipped Hiyori.

Patty wore a smug smile. "I guess they couldn't handle my freedom after all."