Aang's head is spinning, and it won't stop. He knows that people are talking - he can hear them, and he knows they're talking - but he can't figure out what they're saying. He's felt this way all day, but it's been… it's been bad for the past little bit. He knows the fire is there, he knows it is, but all he can see are the candles on Yima's fifth birthday cake. All he can see is the fireplace in his home, as he sits shoulder to shoulder between his brothers, in a small moment of peace.
All he can see is his father, telling him to be safe out there, because he's not sure if he can lose two sons to the war. All he can hear is the roaring in his ears as Ara - Jin Ju - Misha - Salah - everyone - falls falls falls but for some reason he doesn't. All he can smell is the smoke of leftover battle as he's told he'll be joining a new battalion, without any of them.
All he can feel is the soft paper of a letter telling him his stupid stupid brother joined the war, and now is missing in action - MIA. All he can see is the pendant his father gave him to remind him who he is. All he can hear is the rolling of the train beneath him as he's shipped out to his first battle ever.
And his head is spinning and swimming and he can't focus, and for some reason he can't block the memories like he's been able to do all day long, and it hurts, and he knows they're talking, but he can't figure out what they're talking about.
He puts his head in his hands and doesn't know why he didn't think to do it before. It doesn't stop the spinning, but he can feel his hands now, adding pressure when he needs it. He tries to block the memories physically, and it works. Sort of. He makes himself think about what's happening now.
And suddenly, it clicks. Zhao. The man in his letter. The monster who killed his parents and sister. The crigel who ordered the death of both of his brothers. He was there, in battle today. And he knows Zuko. Personally. Zuko, who is sitting right there like he has a right to fight with them, the filthy crigel that he is.
He looks up, and stares at him, and he doesn't feel quite right, and somehow the rest of the world seem to fade as Zuko says 'Riha' and then turns to him and says, "d o yo uwa ntme tole ave?" And Aang sees Lehn whispering that it's going to be okay, he'll come back, and he sees Jein promising that he'll join them in the military as soon as he can, and hears Yima begging him not to leave, and he hears Zuko trying to get away and he can't - he doesn't feel right -
With a strangled cry, he lunges across the fire. Someone tries to stop him, so he bats them out of the way. This crigel how could he he doesn't have the right to be alive - he continues to try to get to him, and finally he does get to him, and he's going to kill him, and everything hurts burns he feels like he's going to explode -
Someone holds him down. They're screaming at him, and he knows he messed up. After all, he's just Riha, right? No real name, no real meaning, no real anything. And then, in a moment, he realizes: If I die, no one will get a letter. All the fight drains out of him, and he breaks.