Warning: Mentions of animal abuse/murder/decapitation. Nothing graphic is described, but it is mentioned. There is also a description of a panic attack. This story has been in my drafts or about a year and I've been chipping away at it little by little whenever I get the chance. So I'm really pleased that it's finally done. I actually haven't seen Gugure! Kokkuri-San in a little while now, but I do remember how much I liked it. I remember when I first started writing this story, I think Inugami was my favorite. But if I were to re-watch the serious, I think Kokkuri would be my favorite. He's a bit more relatable in a sense, lol
I don't have a lot of drive to write these days. So I'm just lazily working on unfinished drafts for now instead os tarting anything new. Hopefully that gets me somewhere.
Nothing was supposed to be too out of the ordinary today. Everything was supposed to be fine. But what set off such a stir in the simple house, was something beyond anyone's control. Something no one had any power over. And that was the moon, making its way out from behind the clouds.
Inugami quietly listened as Kokkuri scolded little Kohina for not adding enough vegetables to her plate. Kohina continued to pester him for her cup noodles to be returned, and when he refused, then she refused to eat any more vegetables as well. He couldn't help but smile. Such a silly, stubborn girl she was. He loved her so much~ He watched as Kokkuri offered her chopsticks full of vegetables, even squeezing her cheeks to try and make her open up. But she didn't relent and instead kicked him in the gut when he refused to let go. Kokkuri dropped the vegetables, moaning in pain as Inugami and Shigaraki laughed. "Serves you right for trying to make my darling eat something she doesn't want to," Inugami said simply, his smile only growing. Kokkuri huffed and glared at him.
"Well let's see if you can do any better! If you know her so well, then surely you'll know what would make her eat!" Kokkuri scolded.
"Indeed I do," Inugami said simply. He then looked to the small and scowling girl. "Dearest Kohina. If you eat what you are given, then you can have all the cup noodles you desire for dinner tomorrow." Kohina was still for a moment, as though she were thinking it over. "I'll let you pick which ones you want too, okay?" It only took a moment longer for her to make her choice. Kohina picked up her chopsticks and quietly began to fill her plate with vegetables. "You see? That wasn't so hard now was it? And here you're always saying you can take such good care of her," Inugami teased.
"T-That doesn't mean anything! All you did was bribe her! That doesn't make you any better of a caregiver then I am!"
"Hmm. You say that now, but you still weren't able to do something so simple, were you?"
"Fine then! Why don't you take charge of her meals instead, so I don't have to, huh?"
"Heh. I would have, but you know as well as I that I can't cook. Handing off such a job to someone who can't cook? I suppose you don't care about Kohina as much as you claim to. I knew it. It would seem I am truly the only one in this house that cares even a little for dear Kohina," Inugami sighed as he shrugged.
"Shut your mouth! I ought to just send you to your dog house for the night!"
Shigaraki simply laughed in the background as he watched this all go down. This was just one of the reasons he loved living here. It was always so active, no matter what time of the day it was. Something always seemed to be going on, and it never failed to keep him entertained. He couldn't help but wonder what more was going to occur this evening.
"Oh, Kohina! Don't make him send me out! It's so cold out there!" Inugami protested. "I'd much rather be here, safe and warm in your gentle embrace! Oh, won't you permit me to stay my darling?"
"Don't care," Kohina said casually as she ate her vegetables. "Just keep out of the way." Inugami huffed a bit in return.
"So cold you are!" He stood up, lying his own chopsticks on the table. "Do what you like, I'm going out then on my own!"
"After asking to be kept in? Are you being a hypocrite?" Kohina asked, not looking up from her food.
"Just ignore him, he's throwing a tantrum," Kokkuri said, rolling his eyes. He always seemed to do this. Running away or acting up when he was ignored. Honestly, Inugami could be really spoiled sometimes. "Don't even think about sneaking food if you get hungry!" Kokkuri scolded. Inugami didn't even look over his shoulder as he shut the sliding door behind him. He stomped over to his doghouse and plopped himself down in front of it. What was it going to take to get that girl to notice him? He was a sweet as sugar, and yet she still didn't give him the time of day. Well, he never!
Inugami took a little time to calm himself down. He could admit, he did overreact, just a little bit. Kohina really didn't do anything wrong. He really just needed to develop a bit of a thicker skin. This was by no means the first time she had disregarded him in such a way. He supposed he had just gotten too irritated. He was tempted to go in and tell her he was sorry. But he knew Kokkuri would scold him. Besides, he could see that the lights were going off in the house. So that meant they were all going to bed for the night. Oh well, maybe another time then. Inugami leaned against his doghouse and stared at the sky. My, it was a bit cloudy tonight huh? He could hardly see the moon. A bit of a shame that was. He always liked looking at the moon. He crawled into his dog house after a bit with a sigh. Oh well. He may as well try to sleep. Nothing left for him to do right now anyway. He'd get kicked out if he tried to go back into the house again. He made himself comfortable on a little pile of pillows he had made for himself and closed his eyes.
Perhaps there was still some lingering anger, or his pillows weren't as comfortable as they usually were. But whatever the case was, he simply could not sleep. He began to toss and turn, a strange sinking feeling in his stomach making him rather uncomfortable. It was almost as if it were a premonition. One that warned him something bad was going to happen. It left him uneasy, and unable to relax. Eventually, once he had tired of trying to sleep, he simply gave up. Kicking the pillows aside, Inugami turned over and crawled out of his doghouse. Once his hands hit the soft dirt, he scoot the rest of the way out, and sat down, leaning against the doghouse with a sigh. The light of the moon prompted him to look up to the sky. The clouds had finally begun to drift away, revealing the big, white orb. A full moon had graced the sky, leaving bright rays of light along the ground, and softly illuminating Inugami's face.
With the moon reflecting in his eyes, Inugami felt that sinking feeling return again, even stronger this time. As strange as it might sound, he absolutely hated the moon. He felt like it only existed to mock him and remind of the times when things were the hardest.
Inugami had known cruelness and loneliness since the day he was born. When he was still a puppy, he had been abandoned, left in a box on the side of the road. Watching the people walk by as he lie, shivering and starved, left him bitter and sad. No one noticed the starving puppy, let alone leant a kind hand. It was only little Kohina, who had offered him an umbrella to shield him, that showed him kindness. He never forgot about that day and wanted to pass along the same kindness to her, the only good person he felt was left in the world.
He remembered the cold nights, where he would stare at the sky. The light from the moon was the only source of light or comfort he had on the longest nights. When the moon was full and big, it reminded him of just how tiny and fragile he was. And he cried and cried all night, until succumbing to exhaustion in the morning. He had felt that things could never get worse, and he was fated to live this way until death.
But one day, as he slept in his box, he had been snatched up and used as a sacrifice. To bring about an Inugami, a starving dog was to be beheaded and then buried at the crossroads. Still being young, he had no premonition as to what was going to happen. Only that he was being held, and shown what he thought was human kindness for the very first time. Only once they pinned him down with their large and angry hands, did he know that something was not right. As the knife was raised, preparing to remove his head from his body, he remembered seeing a reflection in the blade. The reflection of that mocking and cruel full moon.
Inugami hated people. He hated them with a passion. As people passed over the spot where he was buried, his grudges against those people grew and grew until he was strong enough to return to the surface as an Inugami. His grudge had grown so big, that he killed the people who had hurt him, and ran away. Despite his anger and the hate he had in his heart, he still longed to find Kohina again. The only person who had shown him kindness. He wanted to experience it again and again. She was the only good person in the world, and he was certain of that. It didn't matter to him that Kokkuri had found her first. It didn't matter to him that she didn't hold the same feelings towards him. All he wanted, at the very least, was to be close to her.
But now, here he was again. Alone in the cold, hungry, and lonely. He silently hoped Kohina would come out once again and treat him with the same kindness she had back then. But she was likely asleep and would be watched over by someone other than himself. Most nights, that thought alone was enough to make him sick. But tonight, it only made his heart twist even tighter. She had no reason to come outside to see him. She had no reason to want to be around him. She had Kokkuri and Shiguraki.
Inugami tried to draw his eyes away from the sky. But, for reasons he couldn't quite understand, he just couldn't. It was as though it were magnetic, pulling his eyes towards the sky, no matter where he turned his head. So, he gave up trying so hard to resist, and let it draw him in. Memories of the past began to swarm in, and before he realized it, his hands were starting to shake. A sudden, and burning pain seized up his neck, and he slapped a hand on the back of his neck. Again?!
No...no. There was no danger. It was only a phantom pain. But while the pain faded, the paranoia lingered. As though someone was still behind him and waiting to hurt him. He was going to be hurt out here, he just knew it. And yet, he felt frozen to the spot. He couldn't make himself crawl back into his dog house. He knew he was in no danger. And yet, he was having a hard time believing it, as strange as it sounded.
His hand stayed on his neck, almost as though to protect it, as his breathing became quite fast. He couldn't understand if this was panic, or something else. He had become so cynical, that he wasn't sure how to feel anything other than hate. So he didn't know how to respond to this feeling or deal with it. He tried to make a sound, perhaps to call for help, but all that left his mouth was a sound caught between a whimper and a moan. Panic and fear ran through his heart, mixing with the loneliness. As he struggled to breathe, he could feel his eyes filling up with tears. He didn't bother to make them stop, allowing them to stream down his cheeks and roll off his chin.
Tears. It had been so long since he had felt them. Then again, had he ever really cried before? Before he found Kohina, during his two years as an Inugami, he always hid on the night of the full moon. He always had this sinking feeling and didn't want to face anyone or anything when it happened. But now, he had no choice but to face it. The source of the fear itself.
Inugami's hand went from the back of his neck to his chest, as he attempted to take in a deep breath. He felt dizzy and breathless. His mouth was gaping like a fish, open wide, and then shut, but not all the way. He felt like he was being choked, and yet he couldn't see by who. He tilted forward, his mouth open wide as he attempted to take a breath in. He felt like he was going to pass out at this rate. His heart was going a hundred miles an hour, and it was so so painful. He felt like he was dying. Was he really going to die a second time now? Was this it for him? What was happening?
Suddenly, it felt like a bubble had unlodged from his throat. He was able to suddenly take in a deep and raspy breath. And when he exhaled, it came with a weak sob. His body was shakey, and his hands were paler than usual. With his head down low, his fingers dragged along the dirt, in an attempt to ground himself. His squeezed his eyes and mouth shut tight. He was so dizzy that he was becoming nauseous. He would throw up if he had to stand up or look around. While he could breathe now, it wasn't much of an improvement, as his breath was coming quick and short, bearing resemblance to hiccups. Barely enough oxygen to cry, let alone speak.
Inugami kept his head down low, almost to where his forehead touched the ground. It was becoming somewhat easier to breathe again, but the emotions and worries were still rushing through him, making his head spin. Something was rising in his chest, and he couldn't keep it down any longer.
He managed to gather enough strength to take in a big breath. Then, he threw his head upwards and began to howl. He howled directly at the moon, with his dog-like instincts taking over. He hadn't done something like this in a long time and had almost forgotten how to do it. But the sound came forth, long, loud, and strong. He poured his sorrow and his heartache out into his howling, not bothering to control the volume or the pitch. Sitting up on his knees, he kept his head tilted back a bit, taking another deep breath, before continuing his howls. This was working. With each draw, he felt at least a bit of the fear leave him. He felt stronger, more in control. His coping certainly wasn't doing much for the rest of the neighborhood, but it helped him at least.
He was very faintly aware of the lights coming on in the house but didn't bother to stop. Rather, he continued, with the same strength he had before. His ears twitched at the sound of Kokkuri demanding for him to be quiet. But that still didn't make him stop. Finally, the sliding door was thrown open, and Kokkuri stepped onto the porch. "Inugami!" He called. But he was ignored. Kokkuri groaned and stepped off the porch now, crossing the yard to his dog house. "What in the world are you doing? It's almost midnight, and you're causing a scene! We're going to get complaints!"
But when he was not listened to once again, Kokkuri sighed and grabbed his shoulder to get his attention. "Hey, you. Don't ignore me!" He supposed he had expected to be shooed away, or scolded, or even ignored. But he didn't expect Inugami to quite literally throw himself forward, to make Kokkuri remove his hand.
"Don't touch me!" Inugami demanded, wrapping his arms around himself. Kokkuri raised both his hands up and took a step back, both surprised and startled by his reaction. Now that he was no longer howling, and didn't have that power anymore, the trembling had come back. His face was paler than it usually was, and his eyes were puffy from the tears that were still coming.
"Are...are you okay?" Kokkuri asked awkwardly. He knew it was a stupid question, it was obvious something was wrong. And yet, he simply wasn't sure how to address it. Kohina never expressed anything even remotely close to emotions, and Shigaraki was happy as could be almost always. But Inugami? Well, he showed just as few emotions as Kohina did.
"Go!" Inugami responded, past a whimper. His hands shook as he held onto himself, feeling his breathing come quickly once again. For a moment, Kokkuri just watched him. Something about this was...familiar to him...
Inugami sobbed, realizing he couldn't make Kokkuri do what he wanted. So instead, he took the position he had before, kneeling so his head touched the ground. Kokkuri could hear how noisy his breathing was as he struggled to gain control. It was only when Inugami began to gag softly, that he began to realize what this was.
Why, Inugami was having a panic attack, wasn't he? Kokkuri himself had experienced them a few times. Mostly from pure stress when things became way too much. They weren't this intense most of the time, however. They were mostly a mix of dizziness, head-rush, and nausea. He even vomited at times. But, he couldn't remember them looking like this. For a moment, he found himself rooted to the spot, unsure of what to do or how to act. He didn't even know why Inugami was reacting in this way. Was he afraid? It was the only assumption he could make at this point. But now that he understood what was happening...now he just had to figure out what to do about it..
"H-hey. It's okay.." Kokkuri said slowly, taking another step back to give Inugami his space. "You're okay." But it didn't seem to get a reaction. "I..I don't know how to help you," he admit softly. "I'm sorry. I really don't know how to help you." Inugami didn't answer him, continuing to shake and cry, keeping his head down low. "There isn't anything I can do right now, is there?" he asked. Again, he wasn't answered. He didn't want to further hurt him. But at the same time, he had a feeling that leaving him alone wasn't the best idea either..
He had never been able to get along with Inugami. In all honesty, he had hated him for the longest time. And he didn't plan to like him simply over something like this. But, he knew he had no room to be angry with him right now. All he could do was stay here and be patient. So, he slowly lowered himself to the floor, sitting down on the ground. "I'm going to be right here, okay? I won't touch you. I'm not going anywhere." Inugami's only response was another sob.
And so, Kokkuri sat. He stayed right there with Inugami, watching him cry. It bothered him that he couldn't do anything to help him right now. But at the very least, he could stay. Just make sure the dog didn't hurt himself somehow. Kokkuri settled there on the ground for now, not saying a word. It was...hard, watching him like this. But, he supposed the best thing he could do was respect his boundaries and keep an eye on him...
It went on. On and on and on, with Inugami not moving from the spot. His shoulders continued to shake and his sobs rang out. Neither Kohina nor Shigaraki came out, letting him know that they had either not waken up, or had just gone back to sleep. Well, it was probably for the best. The last thing Inugami needed was to be crowded right now.
Kokkuri eventually lost track of the time. But eventually, something began to change. Inugami's sobs began to quiet down, and his shaking began to stop. But he still did not move. He stayed in this potion, his head on the ground as he took a few big, deep breaths, trying to control himself. His breath was shaky. But he seemed otherwise okay. He kept in place for now, allowing the dizziness to stop. Yet, he still didn't move. Perhaps he just felt safer like this, taking up as little space as possible all curled up like this.
"It's late," Kokkuri finally said, finally speaking again. "If you're feeling better, maybe you should...go to bed?" he suggested lamely. He didn't quite know what to do or say in a situation like this. He had never helped someone in this manner before, so all he could do was try. Try whatever he could and see what stuck.
He watched as Inugami slowly began to uncurl himself, and push himself up. First to his knees, and then, slowly, slowly, up to his feet. His knees were shaking, and Kokkuri could see that. So, he got up as well, ready to assist him if he needed it.
Inugami made a point of keeping his back to the moon. Yet, even his own, long shadow was making his skin crawl... His face was blotchy, and he had dirt in his bangs. He could taste blood on his tongue. Had he bitten his lip without thinking? When he opened his mouth to talk, his voice came out croaky and soft, having likely hurt his throat in the process of his howling and crying. "I...want to come...inside," he said slowly, his voice quivery. "Please."
The addition of the polite word surprised Kokkuri. Inugami could be rude, demanding, and selfish when he wanted something. So the sudden plea took him by surprise. Still, he didn't dare reject him. "Of course," he said motioning to the door. Inugami nodded gratefully and slowly walked to the porch. He climbed up, and he let himself into the house, with Kokkuri following behind. The moment they were both inside, Inugami went back and shut the door tightly, so no moonlight seeped in. And here, Inugami hesitated. This was the only room he knew of that had no windows. So, he slowly sat himself down, sitting on the tatami floor without a word.
"I'll stay here," Inugami told him. Another shock to Kokkuri. He was almost certain Inugami would have asked to sleep with his 'darling.' But he did not. Rather, he stayed there, his bottom lip firm, and his eyes fixed on his lap.
"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Kokkuri asked, rubbing the back of his neck unsurely.
"I do not," Inugami stated simply.
"Oh...well..." Kokkuri coughed. What now? "Well...are you alright?" he asked, making Inugami tense up a little. Kokkuri watched as Inugami kept his head down. And as tears suddenly began to well up in his expressionless, red eyes once again. "H-Hey! Don't cry!" Kokkuri said quickly. "Forget I asked, okay? You don't have to answer me!" Geez, what was he supposed to do?! "I'll leave you alone if you want me to, okay?" Inugami said nothing. "I'll...here. I'll get you a blanket or something. You'll be more comfortable that way." The sooner the dog went to sleep, the sooner he would wake up and be back to his old, annoying self right? Kokkuri still really didn't know what had gotten him so worked up. But he imagined that a good nights sleep might help. Maybe... "Just stay right there until I get back, okay?"
Inugami said nothing. So, Kokkuri took that as the okay to leave. He made sure to work quick. He left the room and began to hunt for a blanket. As he did however, he thought. He thought quite a lot. What in the world had happened? Inugami had been just fine during dinner. He had been annoying, stupid, and vain, just as he always was. And then out of nowhere, he had awoken to the sound of the dog howling at such a volume! What was he supposed to think? Hell, what was he supposed to do? He just didn't know... He had a feeling asking directly was out of the question for now. So, he just let it go. He would have to inquire about it some other time. Preferably when Inugami wasn't so shaken.
He located the blanket and came back to the room where Inugami was sitting. "Alright, here," Kokkuri said, handing him the blanket. When he made no move to grab it, Kokkuri draped it over his shoulders. "There," he nodded. "So..I'll just leave you for now," he said. "I need to stay with Kohina." Her name made Inugami tense up a little bit. But he still didn't move. "Please try not to make anymore noise, okay?" he requested as he turned to leave. "I'll be back in the-"
He stopped. He felt a gentle tug at his pajamas. So, he stopped. When he turned, he could see that Inugami has a fistfull of his pajama pants and new tears in his eyes. He didn't want to be alone right now, Kokkuri could understand that much at the very least. He pursed his lips tightly. But...he sighed.
"Alright alright. You've made your point," Kokkuri nodded, stopping in his tracks. "You don't want to be by yourself right?" Inugami nodded. "Well, I'm certainly not about to bring you Kohina. I'll let Shigaraki stay with her. So, I guess you're stuck with me then." His words were enough to make Inugami let go of his pants at least. So, Kokkuri sat down on the mat with him, sitting next to him. And after that, it mostly just awkward silence as Inugami shook and sniffled.
"Is it okay if I touch you now?" Kokkuri asked. Inugami seemed unsure, but he nodded. So, Kokkuri placed an arm gingerly around his shoulders, keeping the hold loose so Inugami could push him away any time. "I don't know what happened, and I don't really know how I can help you," Kokkuri admit. "But, I'm going to do the best that I can to help you, alright? You just have to tell me what it is you need."
Frankly, Inugami didn't know what he needed. Not yet anyway. So, he just had to do whatever made him more comfortable. Try to find out what he needed right in the moment... He took a small breath. And then...he leant a little more against Kokkuri. He hated this man, he hated him with every inch of his being. But, he just...needed someone. He needed closeness. He needed to not feel alone like he had just before he died. He just needed to know he wasn't by himself. Kokkuri certainly tensed up. But he didn't move. He didn't dare move a muscle. He almost didn't dare to breath. Was this really helping? Why did Inugami want to be close to him at all? Kokkuri kept as still as possible as this demon leant against him. And then...Inugami fell asleep.
Kokkuri could hear that hiccupy breathing sudden grow softer and softer. And he could feel his body grow slack against him. Once he was sure he was asleep, Kokkuri sighed aloud, staring up at the ceiling. It would seem he was stuck here for the night with him. To be honest though, he didn't really mind all that much. As long as the dog was alright, he supposed it was fine. Inugami had likely just exhausted himself from that long panic attack. How long had it been anyhow? It felt like it had been hours... Still, hopefully whatever had scared him was gone. And he would be fine in the morning. He couldn't even begin to imagine how awkward it was going to be when Inugami woke up however. Especially if someone else found them first..
But...still... He really dd hope he was back to normal in the morning, and that he would be okay. Perhaps he was annoying. But he still didn't deserve this.
"What have I gotten myself into?"