Chapter 10 (Emi POV)

It's been three weeks since the beach.

I still haven't seen anything clear from Hisao that makes me think he is attracted to me. I think maybe I have seen him looking at me more during our morning runs, especially when we are stretching, but it is far from certain. I also feel like we have been hugging more often, and for longer. But none of it is something I can be certain about.

I think he might have checked me out at the beach. Chisato and Mitsuru think he might have too. So, I decided that I need to find a way for him to see me in that bikini again.

We run early enough in the morning that we can use the pool and hot tub before it officially opens on Sunday. I have a key. So, I'm going to text Hisao tonight and tell him that we should hit the hot tub after our run.

I think Chisato's craftiness might be rubbing off on me.

I type out the text, "Hey Hisao, why don't we use the hot tub tomorrow after our run? It will be a nice way to soothe our muscles after our run" I hit send.

When I reread my text I feel like I'm reading an ad for a hot tub. God that's cringey. Hopefully it isn't too obvious.

"That sounds like a really good idea. I will bring my trunks in the morning."

I exhale. He doesn't seem suspicious.

Yes. My plan is now in motion. Tomorrow I think I will have a clear sign one way or another if he feels something more than friendship.

—-

After our run the next morning we go to the changing room. I put on my bikini and take extra care to make sure it looks perfect. There's a lot riding on how good I look in this thing today.

It does look good. That's for sure. If he's attracted to me, he won't be able to hide it.

When I walk out of the changing room, Hisao is already in the hot tub and has turned it on. Unfortunately, his back is turned towards me, so I don't get an initial reaction out of him. That's okay, because I have a plan.

Hisao must hear me, because without turning around he says "Hey, this feels great after a run. Why didn't we think of this sooner?"

Why indeed.

"I know right, I'm brilliant." He laughs at my modesty.

Or maybe I'm really dumb. What I'm about to do is either dumb or brilliant…and I'm about to find out which.

I hang my towel on the hot tub, and sit on the edge, with my back to Hisao. I think I can feel his eyes on me. But I don't dare look. If they are, he's getting a pretty good look at my ass, which is definitely the part of my body I am proudest of. It has been sculpted by many runs, and sticks out quite prominently from my otherwise small frame.

I start taking off my legs, bending over a little bit to accentuate things even more. I do really hope he is looking, this will go so much better if he is.

I sit back up after removing my legs and feign that I've lost my balance, I fall backwards and….

SPLASH

…straight into Hisao's lap.

"Are you okay, Emi?"

He managed to outstretch his arms to catch me and brace my fall. One of them is around my back, and the other is around my legs. My butt is resting on his lap. All the physical contact with him feels phenomenal. He isn't letting go or acting awkward either.

The fact he was able to react in time to catch also tells me that is very likely he was looking at my ass before I fell, though I can't be sure.

I open my eyes to survey his expression in the aftermath of my deception. He is looking at me differently. I'm sure of it.

Most of me is submerged, but not my chest or head. I can see that he is doing his best to keep eye contact with me, but his eyes drift further down my body several times before he snaps them back. It is a more exaggerated version of how he has looked at me on the track lately.

His hands have also surely lingered on my bare skin longer than necessary in this situation. I use all of my power to suppress a proud giggle.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Good thing you caught me."

And then, just like that, the moment is over. He takes his arms off of me, and I sit next to him. From here, he goes on like it never happened. It is just like any other time we've spent time together.

I'm a little disappointed, but I'm not sure what I expected. Maybe a little part of me was hoping he would kiss me, or even something more.

But, even if that didn't happen, I am certain that he is attracted to me now. All the times I thought he might be checking me out lately, he definitely was. It's like something changed for him too when we went to the beach.

—-

It's been a month since the beach, and I am visiting my mom and Sho for the weekend.

Even with my recent discovery that Hisao is attracted to me, I haven't worked up the nerve to confess to him. I gave Chisato the update and she thinks I should go full speed ahead, but I am still not sure.

I am still very concerned about what might happen if he rejects me, and what it might mean for our friendship.

I'm very conflicted.

The situation is eating at me so much, that I'm going to do the unthinkable - I am going to talk to my mom about it.

She is sitting with Sho on the couch, and they are both having a glass of wine while they laugh and smile at each other. I hate to bother them when they are having such a nice time, but I have to do it.

"Hey, mom. Can we talk about something?"

Sho takes the hint, gives me his trademark wink, and goes in the other room.

"What is it Emi? It isn't often you want to confide in me about something, so you have me a little worried."

"Well it's…nothing to be worried about. It is nothing that serious. But we'll, there's this guy…"

Her eyes sparkle. "Is it that young man you have been talking about so much lately? Hisao, is it?"

I sigh.

"Yes, it's about him."

"Didn't you tell me in no uncertain terms that you were just friends, and I shouldn't get my hopes up for grandkids?"

"Mom, stop. Yes, I did tell you that. It was like that for a long time, but recently…things changed. I'm in love with him now."

"Oh my." She puts her wine glass down and leans towards me. "This is serious. Tell me everything."

I tell her about how close we've become, how he is the only person I have ever been able to tell about dad and my nightmares, how we have helped each other through many hard times, how we have so much fun together. How he is a widower who still misses his late wife terribly. How things changed recently, and we are both looking at each other in a new light. I tell her how I'm not sure I should confess and ruin things.

"Well, dear. I can say one thing about this Hisao. He has gotten you to be more open with your mother."

"Really, mom? That's the first thing you have to say about this?"

"Patience Emi, I have many things to say. But in all honesty this is the most I have heard you talk about your personal life or your feelings. Ever. I see what you mean about this man making you more open. It is reflected by our very conversation."

"Um, Okay, that's great mom. But what do you think I should do?"

"I'm getting there. But first, let me tell you a story."

"Really? A story? And you wonder why I don't come to you with this kind of thing very often."

My mother looks at me seriously and sharpens her voice. Neither of those are things she does very often, certainly not since I've been an adult. "Emi, just listen to what I have to say. I think it will help you with your problem. I have a thing or two to say about finding love after losing your spouse. So please, stop being a child and listen."

Did I never stop and think that she could relate to Hisao? I am a really bad daughter.

"After your father passed away, I never thought I would love again. I loved him with everything I had. Losing him…broke me, for a time. You were a little girl, but I am sure you were still aware that I wasn't doing well, on some level."

I nod.

"As you know, we met Sho in the midst of all that. Because of the support and kindness he offered both of us, he quickly became my best friend. I wasn't remotely interested in him romantically, and he maintains that was true for him too. He simply saw two good people in need of some help, so he helped us. Over time, we grew very close. We confided in one another about our hardships. I talked with him about my grief, about how I felt like I was failing you, all of it. In turn, he opened himself up to me. It doesn't seem like it was too unlike the friendship you and Hisao have shared these last months, does it?"

"No."

It really doesn't.

"This continued for a several years, and eventually Sho developed feelings for me."

I roll my eyes, "Yeah, I know. You guys started dating secretly my third year at Yamaku, right?"

"Yes, dear, and we are still very sorry about that, but you are skipping ahead. The important part of our story is what Sho did about his feelings. You see why, don't you?"

"...because I am in the same position he was."

"That's right. Anyway, he confessed to me…well, you know when. I was certainly taken aback. We had been friends for about 7 years at this point, and I had never thought of him in that way. I hadn't thought of any man that way since your father. I had to think about it for a couple of days, and it was hard. But ultimately I concluded I should give him a chance, because we were such good friends, it was worth seeing if there was something more. And of course…there was."

"So, you're thinking I should just go for it, and that Hisao will give me a chance because we already care so much about each other?"

"Yes, but I have even more confidence in your situation, because you say it's clear he is thinking of you romantically, at least a little bit. That wasn't true in my case. There are two important things that Sho conveyed to me that played a large role in my decision to accept his confession, that I think could help you. First, he made it clear that he wasn't trying to replace your father. That is something you must understand if you plan on moving ahead with Hisao. His late wife will always be in his heart. He will always miss her. Getting in a relationship with you isn't going to change that. But, there is room for you in there too."

"That makes sense. I…think I already understood that that on some level. I never would have thought us being together would solve all of my grief, so why would it do it for him?"

My mother nods approvingly.

"Second, he told me that he wanted to do whatever he could to preserve our friendship regardless of my response. This gave me much more confidence to give him a chance, because it didn't feel like an ultimatum of 'Either I'm your boyfriend or we're not friends anymore.'"

"That makes sense too. That's another thing I have sort of thought, but hearing it put that way makes even more sense."

"Mom, thanks a lot." I grab her in a tight hug. "I really, really should have talked to you about this sooner. This was…wow. Amazingly helpful. It was what I needed."

"So you plan to confess to him?"

"Yes. I will soon."

"I must say he sounds like a wonderful man, and I very much hope it works out. And not just because I am getting desperate for grandkids." She says with a wink.

"You just had to ruin a good moment, didn't you mom?"

—-

I'm back at Yamaku after spending a weekend with my mom and Sho. It is a surprisingly nice day, so I asked Hisao if he wanted to have lunch on the roof with me. He agreed. I am going to confess to him today. Since we discovered students don't actually come up here anymore, I thought we would have privacy.

I am incredibly nervous, so I got up here early. I look around the roof. This is the place where I first opened up to him. So I guess it has already been the sight of one type of confession.

I really hope he shows up soon. I'm worried I'm going to lose my nerve.

I hear the door creak open, and Hisao emerges. He is wearing one of his sweater vests, and his hair is characteristically messy. I feel my heart jump out of my throat when I see him.

"Hey, Emi. How was your weekend with your family?"

"It was…surprisingly good. Yours?"

"It was decent. I missed you."

I feel my face flush as he hugs me.

He missed me? I missed him too, even though I was only gone two days.

"I m-missed you too."

I'm disappointed when the hug ends.

I'm really glad that all just happened. Because I have a lot more courage now. I was thinking we would eat first but…I have to do this now. In this moment. He is only standing a few feet away from me, so I look up at him and make eye contact, which he doesn't shy away from.

"Hisao…I…need to tell you something. Something important."

He nods for me to continue. I think for a moment about whether I should build up to the main point, but ultimately decide to start there.

"Hisao, you've helped me become a much more open person. I share everything with you, things I've never shared with anyone. But there is still one more thing that I've been hiding from you, and I don't want to hide anything from you."

I take a deep breath and summon all of the bravery I can muster.

"I love you. And…not only as friends. I…want to be with you. I want to be your girlfriend."

I look towards Hisao, hoping to see some encouraging signs, but he looks down when I try to restore eye contact. But he hasn't run away either. I just have to plow ahead and get this all out.

"I have known since the beach. But because we are such close friends, and because I have never been in love before…at first I wasn't really sure about my feelings. I am now. When I'm with you, I'm happier than I've ever been. When I'm not with you, I miss you. You've helped me change into a better, more complete person, instead of the empty husk I have been for all these years. You know me better than anyone. But you're such a great guy that I…I want more. Maybe its a little greedy, but I want our relationship to become even deeper."

He still isn't looking at me, but he's still here.

"You don't have to give me a response right away or anything. I know…this… makes things complicated. That's one of the reasons I held it back for so long. I didn't want to ruin our friendship, which has meant everything to me over this last several months. So, I promise that if you can't return my feelings, we can still be friends, just like we are now. I think…I would need a little time and space for a bit, but I don't want to lose this friendship, no matter what. I'll do everything I can to preserve it, everything to have you in my life, no matter how you respond."

I ultimately decided to chicken out on mentioning Saki. I think it would scare him away if I did. It is something I will make very clear if we enter into a relationship.

After completing my confession, I look back at Hisao. His face is a mixture of emotion. He looks more scared than anything, though. Without saying a word, he takes a few steps towards the door, with his back facing it and looking at me, as if I might try to stop him. He reaches out for the door handle, finds it, and goes through it. He doesn't come back.

I may have just ruined everything.