Chapter 22 (Emi)

We're on the train heading back home after spending yesterday in Tokyo for Saki's anniversary. While it was obviously a somber affair, I am really happy that Hisao wanted me to come. I think it represents a really big step for us. I think he finally figured out that there's space in his heart for both me and Saki and he isn't betraying either of us.

As is usually the case when we're on a train, he's engrossed in a book and I'm snuggling up to him and starting to doze off.

Just as I'm about to fall asleep, I hear him say something.

"...t-ni-ht?"

"Mmn. Did you ask me something? I was dozing."

He laughs and pats my head, "Of course you were. I just asked if you'd like to stay at my apartment tonight. I can make you dinner for once."

I suddenly feel very awake as I sit up and turn to look at him.

"I must really be half asleep, because I thought you said we'd stay at your apartment. You said mine, right?"

He smiles at me. "Nope! I said mine."

I do my best to suppress a smile. I don't want him to do this just because it is something I really want. "You're serious? Are you sure?"

"Yes Emi, don't worry. I'm very sure. It's what I want. I mean, I know it's Sunday and we might be a little tired tomorrow, but-". I kiss him mid-sentence.

"Eh, who needs to be well-rested on a Monday anyway, right? I'd love to stay at your place tonight."

—-

We're at the door to Hisao's apartment. We stopped at the market to pick up the things he needed to make me the pasta dish I love so much but can't pronounce. Carbo…something.

He's fiddling with his keys, trying to get the door to open. This is a big moment, and I'm a little nervous. I haven't been here a single time since we started dating.

Eventually he gets the door open, and we put the bags down in the kitchen. I excuse myself to use the restroom, but the first thing I do is make sure his bookshelf of Saki's things is still there. If it isn't, it would really bother me. It would mean that he still doesn't understand.

Luckily I locate it and breathe a sigh of relief. Everything is still there. After this weekend, I should have known he finally understands. I smile at the pictures of them together before continuing to the bathroom.

—-

"I love this pasta so much. Thank you for making it for me, Hisao. I guess I am going to have to actually learn how to say it since you keep making it. Carbonada?"

He laughs at me, "Carbonara."

"Carbonana?"

"No, Carbonara."

"Carbonata?"

"No, Carbonara!"

"Carbonara?"

"No, Car-, oh wait, you got it that time!"

I smile proudly, like I just won a race. "It only took me like a year and a million attempts, but I did it! Now the question is whether or not I will actually remember."

He laughs, "Yeah well, it isn't that important. I know what you mean however you say it."

I wink at him, "Good."

We clean up afterwards, and it has gotten pretty late. We get ready for bed. He gets to the bed first, but I am very happy to join him. He snuggles me from behind how I like.

"Thanks for inviting me here today, Hisao. I know it isn't a small thing, and it means a lot. Everything this weekend has meant a lot. I feel…more part of your life, I guess. So thank you."

He kisses my neck, a little more sensually than I was expecting, causing me to shiver a bit.

"It all just felt right to me. It was nice having you there in Tokyo. It's nice having you here. I'm glad you feel the same."

He goes back to kissing my neck with his arms around me, causing me to sigh contentedly.

"Hisao, if you keep doing that you're gonna make me wanna do…other stuff."

He kisses me several more times before saying , "That's okay, isn't it?"

I turn myself around, put my arms around him and plant a kiss on his lips.

"Well yeah, if you want to."

Instead of responding with words, he makes me gasp by reaching both of his arms around me, grabbing my butt, and pulling me towards him until we are pressed firmly against each other and kissing passionately.

Well, this is nice. I had kind of assumed we wouldn't be doing anything more than kissing and snuggling tonight to give him some time to adjust to the new experience of me being here, but I guess I was wrong. He really wants me right now. And I want him too.

We continue kissing and gradually removing one another's clothing, and before long we aren't wearing anything. We are kissing and caressing one another's most intimate body parts.

We both bask in the good feelings of kissing and pleasuring one another at the same time for quite awhile. Eventually, Hisao pulls away from our long kiss.

"Emi…I'm ready. I…I want to make love to you tonight."

I am a little taken aback by this. Not long ago I thought this night was going to be very PG, so hearing him say these words to me leaves me surprised, but also incredibly happy. I need to make sure he isn't forcing things.

I put my hand on his cheek. "Are you sure? Really sure?"

"Yes, I mean…as long as you want to…" I pull him into a long kiss that starts out as a loving, romantic kiss, but becomes increasingly carnal for both of us the longer it goes on. Eventually I break from the kiss.

"Yes, I want to make love to you too."

He smiles at me. "Good."

I decided a long time ago that I would let Hisao take full control for our first time. Given his trepidation about this, I thought that made the most sense. So, I lie on my back and let him do the rest. He positions himself over me, and I look up at him, excited for what we're about to experience together for the first time.

This is it. Hisao is on top of me. We're going to become one. I used to hate that people said that, it seemed overly romantic for what I thought sex was. I thought people were really putting it on a pedestal. But…I get it now. I want him inside of me not only because it will feel incredible. It's also the optimal way for our bodies to become physically the closest, something I desperately want to experience. I think it also symbolizes how emotionally close we've become, especially lately.

Just as I am thinking all of this and enjoying the anticipation, I notice Hisao is trembling and his face looks conflicted. It reminds me a little of the face he made the day I confessed to him. There's definitely still happiness and excitement there, but there are some other things too. Sadness? Anxiety? I can't tell, but it isn't all positive. Just like then, I imagine it has something to do with Saki. Maybe he still isn't quite ready.

I put my hand on his cheek. "Hisao? Please don't make yourself do this if you're not ready, okay? I don't want you to do this unless you're sure you're ready. It is your body. This is all up to you. I'm not going to be mad or disappointed if we don't do this. We could stop right now and that's fine, okay?"

This prompts a big smile out of him, and the negative emotions largely vanish from his face. I'm a little surprised that my words had such a big effect, if I'm being honest, but I'll take it.

"No…I'm ready. I want to do this with you."

I feel Hisao at my opening, and then he slowly starts to enter me, causing me to gasp. I wrap my arms around him and plant a long kiss on his lips, cherishing the moment.

He's big and I'm quite small, so he has to go very slowly at first or he'll hurt me. He seems to sense this, not needing me to tell him to be gentle. I suppose I should have suspected that from him. I feel him very gradually push himself deeper and deeper inside of me, every second resulting in more pleasure.

I hold his face with my hands and kiss him. "Hisao, I'm so…happy..." I feel myself getting really emotional, but I push it down. If I tear up right now he is definitely going to think he is hurting me.

He smiles down at me, looking very happy himself as he inches closer and closer to my deepest place.

Eventually, he is all the way in, and we both let out a pleasured and relieved moan at the sensation and the end of our anticipation. Now he can really start to move, and he does, just as I pull him in for a deep kiss. He starts moving his hips and rubbing himself against my insides. The pleasure is incredible. We both moan together, enjoying how close we are now to one another. My hips start moving on their own to match his rhythm.

I'm so happy we're doing this. I feel so close to him. He's finally shared this most intimate act with me and it was worth the wait. It means so much to me that he is ready.

He continues to thrust inside me with our mouths never leaving one another.

As I can feel both of us getting closer and closer I use my arms to hold him as tightly to me as I can and our kiss becomes even more passionate. We're going to finish together, and he's going to finish inside of me. I've…never wanted anything more. This is so beautiful. And so wonderful. I am embarrassed to feel tears welling up in my eyes. I want to be with this wonderful man for the rest of my life. I've never been more sure of anything.

Eventually, I break the kiss and look up at him and do my best to speak despite my now involuntary muscle contractions and pleasured moans, "H-hisao…I…love…you…so…much. "

His face is contorted with pleasure and he is breathing pretty hard, but he manages to say, "I…love…you…Emi…"

His tempo increases even more, and so does the pleasure for both of us.

Speech is going to be impossible soon, so the most I can do is breathlessly whisper a single word into his ear: "I-inside." This spurs him on even more, as he begins to move even faster. He gets a little closer to his limit with every thrust, and so do I.

His orgasm starts before mine does, and begins with an animalistic grunt that sounds vaguely like my name, and his legs and back shuddering with pleasure. I use my arms to pull him in and urge him to finish as deep inside of me as he can. Then I feel him pulsating inside of me for several seconds, and everything becomes very warm. He keeps his hips moving during the entire process as he moans and empties himself inside of me. He's breathing heavily, almost panting from the pleasure. This is enough to push me over the edge too. I dig my fingernails into his back as I lose all control of myself. When it is all over, both of our bodies have lost all of their energy and we both go limp. By this point, happy tears are silently streaming down my face.

Eventually he rolls off of me, exhausted and breathing hard, and the feeling of him leaving me makes me sad, but he immediately pulls me close to him. I turn around and give him a kiss, at which point he realizes there is moisture on my face. This is enough to pull him out of his stupor.

"Are you...did I…hurt you?"

I blush at him. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's the opposite. That was…amazing. And really really special to me. They're happy tears, Hisao." He looks relieved, and I kiss him again. "I'm glad we waited for this, because I love you so much more now than I did when we started dating, and I think it made it even better. I love you, Hisao. M-more than I ever thought possible." I blush and look away, realizing how sappy I sound.

He puts his hand on my chin and turns my head to make me look at him, and now it's his turn to kiss me. "It was really special for me too. I'm glad I did this with you, I love you from the bottom of my heart, Emi. I'm so glad I found you."

He then smirks mischievously and lies back with his arms under his head.

"Also you basically just said I was so good in bed that it moved you to tears. Not gonna lie, that feels pretty good."

I laugh and playfully elbow him in his side, and then we just lay there awhile, holding each other and silently looking into each other's eyes. Until I realize I need to ask him something. In the moment I didn't notice, but now that I'm thinking back on what we just did…

"Hisao, um…how were you doing at the end there? This was definitely the most uhm..work you've had to do. You were breathing pretty heavily."

He sighs at me. I think he was hoping I wasn't going to ask this, but he answers honestly. "My heart rate definitely got elevated. And I…might have kept pushing for a minute or two even after I could tell it wasn't doing great. It didn't quite turn into a flutter, but it could have. It was not my best idea, but my brain had pretty much shut off at that point. My heart is fine now, if you want to listen. You can also check my watch if you want to review the data." He says the last part with a laugh.

I give him a concerned look and put my head on his chest and listen, and it does sound how it should.

He quickly adds, before I can scold him, "I won't do it again. It might have just been that I was nervous on top of everything, like that one time, but either way, if that happens in the future I'll let you know and we can slow down or change positions or something. I will talk to my doctor too."

"Okay, you better tell me if that ever happens again. If you mess up again I'm going to get the stethoscope out any time we're doing it. Is that what you want?"

He laughs and pokes me playfully, "What if I told you I was kind of into that?"

I lightly slap him on his cheek and leave my hand there, "Seriously. I know we're basking in happiness and being silly right now, but you need to be more careful. I need you to be more careful. Promise me, okay?"

He gets a more serious look on his face and nods, "Yes. I'll do better from now on."

—-

My alarm goes off. Time to meet Hisao for our morning run.

I wake up in a room that I don't recognize at first, but then I look to my right and see a very naked Hisao sleeping next to me. I smile ear to ear.

Last night was really big for us. He has now fully let me into his life. He has realized that he can love both me and Saki. He doesn't need to feel bad for anything. He was okay with us spending time together in his apartment. We also made love for the first time. I sigh happily, recalling everything.

His alarm goes off now and he starts to stir next to me and opens his eyes, his eyes linger on my naked body a moment, and then he says "Hey there."

I laugh. "Hey yourself. How did you sleep?"

"Really good." Then he grabs me and pulls me close to him.

"Thanks for sticking around, Emi."

"What? Did you think I was going to go back to my place in the middle of the night?"

He laughs. "No, I mean…you stuck with me, you were patient, even as I was really struggling to figure stuff out. You were and are just…unbelievably understanding. We have been dating for more than a half a year now, and we hadn't made love. I didn't even let you come here until last night. Now that I really think about those things and say them out loud, it sounds kind of silly. So, thanks for sticking around through all that. It took me a while, but I got there, like I promised."

I smile at him and give him a kiss, "It was easy to stick around for you, Hisao."

As his alarm continues to go off I say, "I hate to ruin this moment, but it is Monday. We have to get up and go for our run and then help kids all day."

He laughs at me, "Well then, let's get started with our day."