EPOV
What was I doing with my life?
Did I really want to spend the rest of my life convincing her that I hadn't really betrayed her in the way she was thinking?
Well, I did betray her, but... not in a way she thought.
She was suffering. I could see that.
It's not like she didn't try. She tried, but it wasn't enough.
And it's not like she was never happy in these last seven years. We had our 'happy' moments, but the elephant was always there. How long did we plan to go on like this?
The only reason she stayed was our daughters. And the girls were now big enough to take the divorce news, so I guess it was time!
My mind hadn't rested a bit in the last two days.
I would never be able to convince her about my truth.
I had spent the last seven years trying to make up for my mistake.
I gave my everything to make sure she's happy.
But it was not enough.
No matter what I did, it was never going to be enough.
Her trust was broken.
And I'd never be able to make up for it.
I needed to let her go.
The only way she'd truly be happy was if we ended this marriage.
There was no point in being happy in bits and pieces!
There was no point in this 'fighting'!
One last thing I had to try was to see if we could avoid telling girls the whole truth. She might not agree to that. 'Every action has consequences' she'd say, but I'd fight for it.
I couldn't even bear the thought of them knowing about this. Once they knew it, they'd never see me in the same way. They'd never be able to understand me, just like Bella wasn't able to understand me.
I honestly thought I'd fight the rest of my life making up for my mistake, but I didn't think I had the strength anymore.
I was ready to give up.
I still had no idea about what I'd do without them.
But I was ready to accept the defeat.
Yes, I was finally ready to end this marriage.