Jessica stood at the kitchen window looking out. She was watching for Seth Hazlitt, her dearest friend, to arrive. It had been raining for hours now and didn't appear to let up any. She offered up a prayer for his safe journey from Portland.
She remembered the first time she was allowed the opportunity to comfort him. The first time he allowed her to see him so vulnerable.
It has been nearly five years now. She was in the tub, soaking away the stress of the day. She heard the lock on the kitchen door disengaged and hurriedly got out of the tub. It couldn't be a burglar but it was nearly midnight.
She threw on her white satin robe and tied it before hurrying down the stairs. Seth stood there in the darkness of the kitchen. His face appeared distressed as her eyes adjusted to the dark.
"Seth, what is it?" She took his hands in hers and waited anxiously for an answer.
"Tammy Hardwin died this evening, Jess," he spoke softly.
Oh no! Tammy Hardwin was only thirty-five, married with a three year old daughter. She had the same type of cancer that Seth's wife, Ruth, succumbed to after battling it for years. Seth poured his heart and soul into Tammy's case, determined that he would save her after failing Ruth. Jessica tried to tell him it wouldn't be his fault but he was insistent and perused every medical manual and journal that even touched briefly on the matter.
Jessica helped him on several occasions by getting books from the library to pass on to Seth as well as helping him research on the evenings when he couldn't settle down to play chess.
She knew he was heartbroken.
"I thought she was doing well, Seth. You were hopeful she would be in remission soon." She touched his shoulder in what she hoped was a comforting manner.
Seth clinched his hands into fists and shouted angrily. "It wasn't cancer, Jess!" He turned away from her slightly. "It was a damn car accident! She and her husband went to Portland to celebrate her latest test results and a drunk driver plowed into them, killing them both." His shoulders were shaking as he cried and Jessica pulled him into her arms trying to soothe him.
Tears poured out as he sobbed in her arms. His frustration was palpable. He grabbed onto her like a lifeline and she whispered gentle words into his ear.
Jessica knew the loss of Ruth was tied into his feelings about Tammy's death. She knew he felt as though he let Ruth down by not being able to cure her years ago. He continued to research even after she died just to assure himself he hadn't missed anything. That's why Tammy's diagnosis was so important to him. He was not going to let her husband go through the same pain he suffered. Their little girl would not lose her mother. It had been eighteen months since she was diagnosed and she was doing very well. New medications, new procedures had made all the difference. Seth told Jessica that Ruth would still be around if she was diagnosed today instead of years ago.
The anger that Tammy would be killed so senselessly after all she had endured, after Seth had worked so hard to save her life was enough to cause her to shake her fists at the gods.
Seth's sobs were quieting down and Jessica opened a nearby drawer and withdrew a clean dishcloth. She leaned back and wiped his face and allowed him to blow his nose. He looked so devastated. The pain on his face was begging her for answers to make sense of it all.
She left him to heat up the kettle and gather tea together. "Come, Seth. You'll stay here tonight." She led him upstairs and he sat on the bed while she untied his shoes and removed them. "Undress and get into bed and I'll bring up a cup of tea for you." She gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and left him.
Returning ten minutes later with a tray, she handed him a cup of tea and made room on the nightstand for the tray . He looked exhausted and hopefully the tea would make him drowsy. He was staring at her longingly and she looked down at herself. She had forgotten she was only wearing her robe. Since she hadn't taken the time to dry off, the robe was plastered to her and she was pretty certain it didn't hide her attributes much at all. She smiled briefly. Well, if that's all it took to take his mind off things, she wasn't going to quibble.
She took the empty cup from him and set it on the tray. She had locked up downstairs already so she turned off the lamp and bade him goodnight.
"Thank you, Jess," he whispered in the dark. "I can't…" he dissolved into tears again and Jessica walked back to the bed. Making a decision, she tossed off her robe and climbed into bed. Gathering him in her arms, she began to rock him slowly while he cried on her chest. She knew the exact moment when he realized her breasts were bare. In mere seconds he was nuzzling her, caressing her intimately. Later, after he was spent, they were in each other's arms. He was drifting off and she was hoping he would have gained some solace from her ministrations.
Jessica smiled as she watched the storm. When morning came, there wasn't any embarrassment or awkwardness. Just two good friends, one thankful she was there and the other thankful he allowed her to comfort him.
Life returned to normal, neither spoke of the matter. It wasn't avoidance. There just wasn't any need to discuss it.
Jessica decided to put on the kettle. She knew Seth preferred coffee but she always felt tea provided comfort and warmth when needed. She let her thoughts drift again.
It was almost a year later that the need for comfort arose again. This time Jessica was in need. She had been in Washington, D.C. and there was a car bomb in a taxi that blew up minutes after she left it. She was rattled. Everyone that was in that cab since six AM had been interrogated. It was easy to trace passengers as they had paid by credit card. The driver was spared as he went into a nearby store to buy cigarettes but that brush of death was so very frightening to Jessica. She had only ridden the cab a couple of miles to have a breakfast meeting at a restaurant. She had called Seth as soon as she was in her hotel room. He knew by her quivering voice and monotone replies that she wasn't okay and had flown down that very day.
When she opened the hotel room door and allowed him entry, she was in his arms crying miserably almost immediately. Somehow he managed to run a tub of water, complete with scent and dim lighting. He spoke soothingly to her while she soaked in the water and cried at times. Only when the water cooled did he help her out and dried her off. He held her in his arms while she slept and when she woke in the morning she was much better. They hadn't made love but that wasn't what she needed. She just needed him to reassure her she was safe and he was there.
And maybe that's why they were such good friends. They provided companionship to each other, had a great time when they went out or just stayed in and had a meal or played chess. But when they needed each other, needed comfort, they could rely on each other without judgment or criticism. It was the most intimate friendship she ever shared.
She saw the headlights turn into her driveway. She turned off the kitchen light in case her nosy neighbor was still awake and unlocked the door. Seth arrived, gray faced and grim and she went to him. He needed her.