[Author's Note: I decided to write a one-shot kind of story just to get something posted on my profile. I used to always say I wanted to post but never did. I wish I could have started something when I was younger, then I would have all the time to post and update... Well I'm sure you don't care about that. Centered around Fabrizio's POV during the voyage and soon sinking.]
I found myself trembling, my eyes wide and unfocused on the table sat before me. My entire life was changed in the millisecond of a moment. Full house!
The moment I heard Jack utter those words, I'd known, nothing in my little world would ever stay the same again.
Before, I couldn't even paint an image in my head of what my life would be like; All that seemed logical for me to happen, was that I'd simply end up as yet another peasant. One which I already was. I'd continue to be treated like dirt not only by the people around me, but also by God himself, for the rest of my days. But at that moment in time, it was as if God himself came down from all of his glory and shook my hand in defeat. I looked up at the sky and knew he couldn't bear to face me.
Suddenly, not only did images flood my mind, but literal flashes beamed inside my brain that let me into what my life could become in the near future... I'd have heard stories from Mama, of thousands of kids just like me leaving home and going to America. Making it real big. Of course they had families to take with them. I only had mama, but she was too old...
Mama.. I was her only son, and she, my only parent. Ever since I was young she called me the unluckiest boy in the world. Always terribly clumsy, never staying at a job for too long. Always breaking something, always doing something wrong. Upsetting those around me. It seemed like my life was doomed from before I even set a sturdy foot into this world. My own father, like God, seemed to agree right at the moment he laid eyes on me and never showed his face around again - I never met him, and that was ok, because Mama was always there.
I laughed to myself as I recalled more memories of my sweet mama. How, even though I brought nothing but bad fortune to her, she still loved me unconditionally. Soon enough, I felt myself missing her deeply. I knew I would only keep missing her, as time passed, but I was faced with a new reality that helped me forget it all - In my hands I held the tickets to a new life. Had mom known that her unfortunate little boy had turned into the luckiest man in the world, she would not be able to take it. It warmed my heart that for once I could make her proud; woefully satisfied, crying happy tears. I wasn't going to run from my destiny, and God would better follow. I was the luckiest man in the world.
Before me laid the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. The so called ladies in the first class didn't hold a dime before my beautiful dame, seated right in front of me. Oh my, she was simply nothing like those girls, or the girls back home. She was sweet, and patient, and although I was sure she didn't understand me, her kind face was more than enough of a response.
Her kindness was so much like Mama's. She listened to me so carefully, more than anyone else ever had before, even though she couldn't distinguish a single word or phrase I muttered.. Her beautiful blue eyes watched my every hand movement; the simplest of motions. She didn't speak much, she was reserved and quiet, In fact, I don't think in her whole time here she spoke to anyone else besides her parents. But not only had she spoken to me, she had given me her name, as I had given her mine. She was the beautiful Norwegian Helga. Norwegian, well, because Jack had told me so.
She smiled and held my hands while I was talking about my life and I felt tingles. How soft and delicate were her fingers and her whole touch, she was so careful with the way she shyly held me. I couldn't help but smile like an idiot. It soon struck me, that Helga may have taken a slight liking to me, and that had never happened before. She didn't view me as the unlucky boy everyone else did back in Palermo. She viewed me as a lucky man who was sure of his fate. As I cupped her soft cheeks (carefully, so her parents wouldn't yell at me in their language) and got lost in her sea deep eyes again, I was once again reminded that my life would never be the same. The stars had aligned, and my destiny had finally been fixed; I was the luckiest man in the world.
A couple nights later, and I was now somewhere else. My feet were cold tho' I was wearing my shoes. I blinked my eyes open and my ears were hearing blurred out yells and screams. With a short yawn and comb back of my hair, I paid it no mind. The steerage wasn't short of its crazies. Well, everyone who was unwell or looked down at from all aspects of life seemed to belong in the lowest of classes, the same as I. I'd learned to accept all of these peoples flaws but also not to pay them any attention as they didn't usually mean very much...
I was still atop my bed since I fell asleep roughly a couple of hours ago.. I decided to get up straight on my feet and right as I did so, I heard a loud splash. Immediately soaked were my lower calves and shoes, and sprinkled from the splash was my blouse. My brain couldn't fathom what I was seeing, but still, I brushed it off. I grabbed my cap and laid it on my head before making an exit.
The hallway was crowded with people, everyone running right ahead, presumably to the exit. My eyes were beginning to widen but I had always been fast on my feet and I managed to reach them. I could feel my shoes splashing more water out that way but as I neared the exit the water levels were getting lower. Were we lopsided?
Immediately, I was met with Tommy Ryan, an Irish friend I had made on the voyage. Tommy was good fun and kind, I appreciated him so. He immediately turned back to face me.
"They've got us trapped from this way here, aye!" he said, motioning to where I was heading, the normal exit. "Come, I'm going another way" he yelled, this time motioning to the opposite direction where the water seemed much deeper.
I noticed him wearing a thick squared life vest and thought he looked funny. But that's when I realized I still had not understood what was occurring. There was water under my feet, almost sucking me down, there was endless screaming and yelling, and now the life vests worn not just by Tommy, I realized, but by everyone else around me too. The Tommy Ryan besides me was comically anxious on top of everything else, which was the thing that ticked me off... He never got scared or upset.. Something WAS wrong...
"We're in-tha greatest ship in the world!" I replied, not at all phased, not yet.
"Come, silly lad". He practically grabbed me by my suspenders and dragged me into the deeper water. After so much ducking and finding different pathways, we were led to an exit, but I was not about to take it. I wasn't going to lose my girl!
"No, No! Tommy!" I stopped him.
"What? Are you out of your minds?" His eyes widened and I noticed, he was really scared.
"I saw Helga's fa-ther!" I yelled, showing him with my hands. "I have-a to get her!"
He looked at me sternly as he took a step that led upstairs, however he stayed put. He was disapproving, but willing to wait for me. He was a true friend.
I ran as fast as I could back towards the man who I'd now known to be named Olaf Dahl. His daughter would be Helga Dahl, but sooner or later she would be Helga De Rossi, that I just knew.
As I found him grouped with another pack of what I assumed to be Norwegians and other passengers, I also saw Jack and Rose heading back to where Tommy now was.
"Fabrizio!"
"Jack,... Rose!"
"Come with us!"
"No, Wait." I turned my heel. "My beloved, Helga."
I showed Jack to her father who was looking at me sternly, as he always did. Behind him I saw my blonde haired angel wearing one of those funny vests also. Next to her was her mama, Mrs Dahl.
Helga's kind eyes now stared back into mine, but this time they weren't lovely and full of heaven. They were fear stricken, causing me to feel sick in my stomach. Her small face was shaking in denial, she turned her beautiful gaze to me then to her papa, then back to me. She stared deep inside, tearing me apart. Oh how it broke my heart...
"Please! Helga!"
"I..." I heard her mutter.
"Come! Come! To a boat!"
"..." "No.."
"Please, Helga, come! Come! Bring papa and mama, too!"
I swear I saw her plead with her eyes, to her parents. She was so beautiful even under so much distress. She looked like a swan, one that was torn apart. She didn't know what to do... And although I felt selfish about taking her from her parents, I begged to God that she would at least come even without them... I held my hand extended for her to take..
Before I could make a try to reach for her hands myself, her softly delicate little hands, Jack grabbed me and led me to the left, back to Tommy. Oh, I felt an impeding sense of doom. I would not hold those pretty hands in mine anytime soon and as I searched for reasoning I couldn't understand why all of
this was happening. I wasn't the same Fabi I was a week ago, so why was this happening?
Then my mind started racing and thinking that such a thing, such a disservice, was not a result of bad luck. It was a blessing in disguise. It would be a fine way to sue the ship's company. Yes, not only would I go to America but I would be rich right as I stepped foot into the land. Then, I'd meet Helga and her dad would finally approve of me, a rich and lucky man that I was. We would have two children, a boy and a girl. Well that's just for starters...
With a newly found energy I found Tommy and always following him I ran up some stairs. This small guy knew the ship better than most.
I looked around me just to find Jack and Rose had disappeared like the wind with no trace of them anywhere. However, I wasn't worried for them.. If anything, I was so happy for them, I could cry. They had each other but I didn't have my Helga or my mama, nor did I know what would happen to them. But I kept clutching into my dream.
I had no idea which one it was that we came to, but we arrived atop some sort of deck. I assumed after all that walking up throu different levels, that this one was the highest one there is. There was no water here, the floor was dry, and I found the chance to knock my shoes on the hardwood floor to get some water out of them.
The deck itself was filled with hundreds. I'd never seen it so packed, and I'd never seen people run across it. Actually I don't think I've ever even stepped foot into this rich man's floor. Around me I saw a mix of people, all different but for once all were together, some even standing right next to each other. I could have sworn I saw some even brush skin with one another. For all my life never had I seen such unison occur...but in screams of fear and pain.
There was even a band, playing music, not the kind I enjoyed but I must have said it was beautiful.
"Music to drown to? Now I know I'm in first class." Tommy joked.
"We aren't drowning, Tommy." He didn't respond.
Whilst ignoring my claim and only giving me a faint sigh, his hands pointed to a crowded space to the side, mostly consisting of men. "There! Come!"
"Oh-kay." I had nothing stopping me from following him now. No Helga, No Jack.
"Are we in-a danger, Tommy." I asked curiously.
However, for another time did not answer, he just shot me a side look, one that was so quick he probably thought I did not even notice. He forced himself into the crowd of men, I closely behind but not entering, and before Tommy I saw an Officer stand tall wailing a gun into the air far above his height, yelling commands. He held one arm before him, as a way to block entrance, and the huge group of men stepped back.
"Step back I say!"
I got on the tips of my feet to see what was behind the officer and why Tommy had brought us here. Oh - a boat. I guessed that would be for rescue. A man tried to jump and I heard - no, I saw - gunshots fire from the officer's hand. The man that jumped fell. I saw red... "Step back! Step back!" I couldn't understand.
The men pushed in protest, and Tommy was before them all. He was forced to take a step forward, thanks to all their pushing, and another shot was heard. This time I didn't see, but I knew, it was Tommy.
"No!" I cried.
He was shot straight to the life vest and he still perished. I had seen death, I had seen its face, many times before, and I was certain that it had now struck my friend before his time.
As much as I tried to deny, denying death was the one thing I could not do. He was gone, and that I knew.
His warmth and charm went with him too.. I managed to get a closer look as the officer finally let us walk close. I heard another gunshot but I didn't care.
I saw Tommy face to face and his eyes were still open. That is when I knew that I wasn't, in fact, going to deny anything else from the night forward. I had to look at the things as they were, just as I stared into my friend's soul at this moment.
Through silent sobs I unbuckled him, kissed his forehead, and tied his bloodied life vest around me.
I am in the water, I am freezing, and my vision is blurred. I am surrounded by screams, the amount of them so large that it cannot be
compared to what I was hearing just an hour ago. They seemed to have multiplied not only in amounts but also by how loud they are; for they're all I can hear. My breathing is surely struggling, and I keep swimming from place to place to no avail.
Our boat was lopsided, and something inside of me stopped burning with a desire to keep trying after that point. Through the bloody life vest I still stay afloat, but my eyes are lost. I cannot make a sound, but I cannot die. Everyone around me is cold and moving, but I feel hot and stay still. I blink rapidly, as though to pass this image and move on to the next, but it doesn't seem to work. Screams and violins are all my mind can envision, and suddenly nothing could hurt more than now. Where was Jack? Where was Helga? Where was Tommy heading? How is Mama?
I spent all my life talking about my destiny, how I'd grow to be the most successful man anyone's ever met. Started from the ground up to become a story of heroism, of preservation, of luck. How selfish must I have sounded all my life, but I spent every last moment thinking about my friends, my loves. I was already the luckiest man in the world.
People around me turned to move, and I guess I turned, instinctively, too. Black was shadowing over me, and I couldn't help but smile.
"Mama, I am still your unluckiest little boy in the world."