Chapter 12 - Keep Moving Forward
In the days that followed their successful trip to L.A., the Runaways felt as though they were in an odd sort of limbo. They were safe, safer than they had been since they had stumbled into the secret lair beneath the Wilder mansion and found their parents actively murdering someone. Pride was gone, or would be soon enough because the reason behind Pride was gone.
Karolina hadn't known if she was relieved or heartbroken when Kara told her that she had gone back to the digsite before coming home. Kara had watched their parents search the digsite but there had been no trace of Jonah or of anyone else that might have been on his mushroom-like ship. The part of her that knew Jonah was a monster was overjoyed that he was gone. Jonah had killed Amy, breaking the girl that Karolina loved into a million pieces in the process. Jonah had threatened to do the same to Nico and called Karolina all manner of insulting things at the same time that he tried to convince her to go with him. That part was overshadowed by the part of herself that was almost in mourning. Jonah may have been evil, but he was her only real connection to her heritage.
Both of those parts were miniscule in comparison to the concern she had for Nico. Her girlfriend had been just slightly off since they got back home. Karolina isn't sure that anyone else has noticed but then again she's pretty positive that no one else keeps as close of any eye on Nico as she does.
Nico had been...not exactly distant but not entirely there all the time either since they got back. There's moments when she's happy and joking with their friends, teasing Kara and Lena with the rest of them, and then she just goes quiet. Her eyes take on this far away look, unfocused and glossy as she slowly fades out of the conversation. It takes her a moment to shake herself out of whatever trance she had gone into, sometimes requiring a literal shake of her head. It doesn't happen as often when it's just her and Nico alone, but Karolina is still more than a little concerned about it. So concerned, actually, that she decides to tell Kara and Lena about it.
She leaves Nico to shower and get ready for bed, claiming that she suddenly wants a midnight snack. Nico asks her to bring up some water when she comes back. Kara and Lena are sitting in the living room together, watching a rerun of Friends when Karolina finds them.
"Hey, Diamonds," Kara greets warmly as she looks away from the television. It's something that Karolina has always appreciated about Kara and Lena, how they both give their full attention to whichever of the kids they're talking to. Karolina never has to wonder if she's being heard when she can see their reactions as she speaks. "What's up?"
"Can I talk to you guys for a second?"
"Of course," Lena reaches for the remote and hits the mute button. Karolina drops onto the couch beside them, tucking her legs up beneath her as she leans against the back. For a moment, she simply sits there and gathers her thoughts. Kara and Lena share a concerned glance, both thinking that Karolina looks so young in that moment, but don't push her to speak until she's ready to do so. They are more than happy to wait it out, shifting into a better position for a face to face conversation as Kara leans back against the arm of the couch and Lena turns to lean against her legs.
"I feel different." Karolina states eventually. She plays with the ends of the sleeve of the seater she wears, a knitted one that almost looks like the lesbian pride flag. It's become a comfort item over the months that she's been at the mansion. Both Kara and Lena had noticed her wearing it more often lately, even before they went to L.A. five days ago.
"Different how?"
"Like I should be sad?" Karolina answers Kara's question with one of her own and then shrugs. "Or at least upset? Jonah's gone, he's not coming back. I helped kill someone and I'm happy about it. That isn't right, is it?"
"It's not wrong, Karolina," Lena reassures her softly. "You have every right to feel however you do."
"He hurt so many people. He killed Nico's sister and who knows how many others. I hate him, but…" Karolina trailed off, tears of frustration leaking from her eyes.
"But, you also kind of miss him?" Kara asked softly. Karolina looks at her with wide, surprised eyes. "I mean, maybe not him exactly, but you miss what he could have meant to you."
"He was the only connection I had to my alien side." Karolina looked down at her hands, letting on the tips of her fingers take on their supernatural glow. She can't help but notice how the purple-pink glow of her lights seems warmer than the harsh white that had been her father. "His family was on that ship, too. My family."
"I know it hurts," Kara said. "I won't lie to you by saying that I know exactly how you feel, because I don't. But I do know what it is like to feel like you don't really have anyone, and then to lose the one person you think you might have."
Karolina frowns in confusion. "I thought you and your cousin were on good terms?"
"We are," Kara confirms. "I wasn't talking about him. I was talking about my aunt."
"You had more family here?" Karolina leans forward curiously. It's reminiscent of the way her eyes used to shine when she and Kara took their nighttime flights over the mansion.
"I did. My aunt had been a general on Krypton. I didn't know it at the time, but she was trying to overthrow Krypton's council in the hopes of saving our planet from destruction. Her plan failed and she was arrested by my mother, using me as bait." Kara glanced quickly at Lena when she squeezed her hand, silently promising to elaborate more on that part later. "She was imprisoned in the Phantom Zone."
"That's where you got stuck for all those years, right? Why Superman was here first?" Karolina asked.
"Yeah. I was close enough to Fort Rozz that one of the inmates was able to connect to my pod and pull everyone out. I didn't know that my aunt was here until I just started to become Supergirl. She was one of my first villains."
"What happened?"
"I got her to change her mind. She was going to use a Krytponian virus to take control of the planet, save us from ourselves the way we couldn't save Krypton. It took a long time but I was able to reason with her. And then my sister stabbed her with a Kryptonite sword."
"What?" Lena sounded just as shocked as Karolina felt, looking at Kara with wide eyes.
"Alex was following orders." Kara shrugged, thinking about what her aunt could have been still stung but she had long forgiven her sister. "She was my last real connection to Krypton, I have so many memories of her. Losing her felt like I had lost my planet all over again."
Kara untantangles herself from Lena to stand up and move to Karolina's side, pulling the younger girl into a comforting embrace.
"I know it's not the same, that you didn't know Jonah all that well and you never met the other people on the ship, but it's still okay to mourn for them. Whether you knew them or not, you lost part of your family. It's okay to miss them."
"I do," Karolina sniffles and turns further into Kara's hug. "I've always wanted siblings. I was so jealous of Nico for having a sister when we were kids. I miss what could have been."
"Well, since we aren't quite old enough to be your parents..." Lena says with a small smile.
Karolina nods, smiling up at Kara. "I always thought it would feel like this to hug an older sister."
"It does." Kara confirms, squeezing Karolina tighter and pressing a sisterly kiss into her hair. She's quiet for a moment, considering her next words carefully. Lena looks at her and nods gently. "Do you want to talk about your mom?"
"Not yet," Karolina shakes her head. She's fully aware that her mother is pregnant, and that the baby is likely Jonah's. She's nowhere near ready to process that yet. Besides, she hadn't even said what she initially came down here to say. "I actually wanted to talk to you guys about Nico."
"Oh?" Lena hums questioningly.
"I'm worried about her. She keeps getting this look in her eye and I know there's something bothering her, but she won't tell me what."
"I hate to say it Diamonds, but if she won't tell you then the chances of her talking to us are pretty slim." Kara says.
"I know," Karolina sighs. "But she could talk to someone else? Like a professional?"
"That can certainly be arranged," Lena says. "Truthfully, we've already gone through a list of suitable professionals for all of you."
"Really?" Karolina pulls away from Kara slightly.
"Running away from home is traumatic enough without having a literal battle with the parents you ran away from. We're here for you to talk to, of course, but we know that it might be better for you to talk to someone who can help you process in a healthier way than we can." Lena explains. "We were going to let you guys know about it on Monday, when we go to the DEO."
"Alex and J'onn helped us work it out so that all of your sessions will be there, and one of us will be close by every time, just in case." Kara says. "We've narrowed down the list to three that we think you'll like, all vetted by us, Alex, and Winn."
"Thank you," Karolina says softly. She hugs Kara again and then shifts across the couch to hug Lena as well.
"You don't have to thank us, Diamonds," Lena tells her softly. "We love you guys, and if we can do something to help you, we will."
"I love you guys too." Karolina said as she pulled away, wiping at her eyes in a futile effort to hide her tears. "But still, thank you. For being here and for listening."
"Get some rest, Diamonds." Kara tells her. Karolina nods and detours to the kitchen for two bottles of water before she heads back upstairs.
"There you are," Nico says when Karolina comes back into their room. She's sitting on the balcony, absent her usual novel and with the chair turned to face the door instead of the usual position facing the railing. Karolina whispers an apology as she joins her, brushing her lips against Nico's as she moves to sit beside her. Nico looks at her closely, notices the redness around her eyes and lifts her hand to cup Karolina's cheek. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Karolina is quick to assure her. "I stopped to talk with Kara and Lena about how I've been feeling since we got back."
"How you've been feeling?" Nico strokes her cheek.
"Mostly confused about how I should be feeling. Jonah was a monster but he was also my father and whoever else was on that ship was my family, too. I don't miss them, exactly, but I miss what they could have been to me." Karolina shrugs. "Kara and Lena helped, but I think I'm gonna talk to someone about it. A professional, I mean."
"Therapy?" Nico questions. Karolina nods.
"Yeah. Kara and Lena told me that they have therapists picked out already if any of us want to use them. They were going to tell us on Monday at the DEO." Their official mission debrief, their first and hopefully only, where Alex would take their statements and then seal them away so that no one would ever know about the group of kids involved in an explosion in L.A. "I think it will help me, to talk to someone else about it."
"If that's what you need," Nico replied. She'd always support Karolina, especially when it came to her mental and physical well-being.
"I think you should think about it too," Karolina held her finger to Nico's lips when she opened her mouth to reply. "Wait, just hold on. You've been through a lot, Nico and not just since we found that basement. Losing Amy, watching your family fall apart, and then actively fighting against your parents would be a lot for anyone. I know you don't want to talk about it with me, and that's okay. I won't ever push you to do something that you don't want to do. But I will ask you to think about it. Can you do that for me, baby?"
Nico nods mutely, the relieved smile on Karolina's face enough to make it feel like the right decision even if Nico burns to correct part of what Karolina had said. It isn't that she doesn't want to talk about it with her girlfriend, she just doesn't know how. She's well aware that the distance she sees between them is all in her head, that Karolina hasn't at all pulled away because Nico killed her father, but she can't escape the fear that it will happen anyway. It's irrational and dumb but Nico can't let it go.
Maybe she should talk to someone.
"I love you." Karolina tells her after pressing a soft kiss against her lips. The smile that her words pull from Nico feels real and she's delighted to see that the happiness in her eyes shines through just as well.
"I love you, too."
By the time the group of teenagers actually get to the DEO, three of them have already agreed to at least one session with one of the therapists Kara and Lena had vetted. Karolina had quietly made the request during breakfast the next morning, Nico squeezing her leg comfortingly beneath the table. Gert had joined in, already familiar with the benefits of therapy from her anxiety. After breakfast, Chase had privately made the same request to Kara alone, only asking that he could back out if he didn't like it. Kara had promised that he could and then made the call to Alex to go ahead and set up three appointments for Tuesday.
By the end of their thankfully short briefing, when they are celebrating that all Pride parents had signed their parental rights to Lena and Kara for the time being, Nico pulls Alex aside and quietly asks that she make an appointment for her too. Alex smiles and says that she had a feeling they'd need an extra appointment and already booked a fourth slot, just in case.
After the first meeting, Nico and Chase both agree to sessions twice a week while Karolina and Gert stick to only once. The schedule is arranged so that Nico and Chase have both sessions on the same days, Tuesday and Thursday, while Karolina and Gert only meet on Wednesdays. Both couples would rather that they all met on the same days so they wouldn't have to spend too much time apart, but that is quickly unveiled as a trauma response. They just fought in a battle that could have killed them all and Chase had come away seriously injured. It was normal to be worried about their partner but they had to learn to trust that everyone would be okay even if they weren't together all the time.
Alex and Molly both decided to forgo therapy for the time being, preferring to work through their emotions in other ways. For Molly, she decided to spend some time every day 'dancing it out' which meant that she would blast her music through an obscenely loud speaker that Lena gifted her and just let the music take her wherever she needed to go. There had been several teasing complaints from the older teenagers but all of them were secretly happy that Molly was dancing again. Gert especially knew how much her sister had missed dancing and she was overjoyed to see her doing what she loved again.
Alex took a much less physical means of working through things and took up playing video games again. It had taken Nico almost three days to convince Alex to ask for a console or computer so he could get back into gaming, but Lena was more than happy to help him get set up again. Maybe even more excited was Winn, who came over the mansion to make sure that Alex could get his new gaming consoles, communal ones in the den for everyone to play on if they want and a computer to keep in his room for when he wanted to game on his own, set up and ready to go.
Lena and Kara had watched from the hall while Winn and Alex broke in their new gaming system with a very intense round of Super Smash Bros that ended up drawing the rest of the teenagers into the room and it didn't take long for a tournament of sorts to start up, the loser having the job of washing the dinner dishes that night. Winn, to his great embarrassment and everyone else's intense amusement, lost to Molly in the last match.
The more time that passes, the more at ease the Runaways become in their not-new-but-also-not-old situation. Living at the mansion with Kara and Lena really isn't anything new for them. They've grown used to having the women around, checking in on them, making sure they eat and have clean clothes to wear, and being a shoulder to cry on when necessary (sometimes literally, after a few particularly rough therapy sessions). The only thing that's different is now the Runaways don't really have anything to do.
Karolina, Chase, and Molly keep up with the workout regiment that they had started and Nico still sparrs with Alex D. on a weekly basis. Alex W. and Gert still prefer to watch and time rather than actually work out but even they don't give it up completely. Mostly, when the whole group ends up assembled in the backyard, they're simply bored.
"It makes sense, if you think about it," Lena comments as she and Kara watch the kids from the kitchen. It's late afternoon, both Kara and Lena had come home from work to find the kids in the backyard, switching between sparring, lifting, and running. "They've been working towards one thing for so long, without really thinking about what would happen after."
"It's like graduating from high school," Kara says. "After spending 13 years in school, you wake up one morning and realize that your whole world is different now."
"That's an idea," Lena rests her hand on the small of Kara's back.
"For what?"
"Something for them to do. The older five could all complete GED programs if they wanted too, and so could Molly, but I think she'd enjoy going back to school." Lena shrugged. "It won't be much but it could help them out. I know that Gert at least still has plans to go to college at some point."
"I guess we have to be the responsible parents and send them to school," Kara said, only half-joking. She knows that she and Lena are not the kids' parents, they're only ten years older than them, but she can't explain the way she cares for them in another way. She knows that the kids see her and Lena had more of the older sister figures than as mothers, but Kara still feels an odd sort of maternal care for them.
"At least high schools are less competitive than preschools," Lena says. "We have a few years before we have to worry about that at least."
"Oh really?" Kara questions, smiling at Lena as she turns to wrap the other woman in her arms.
"I guess since I already told your sister I want to marry you and have a family with you one day, I should let you know as well. If that's something that you want as well, of course." Lena said.
"You don't want kids?"
"No, I do. I never thought I'd be a great parent but after having the Runaways here and being with you, I started to think about it more. I know that teenagers and babies are not the same, but we've done okay with them," Lena gestures to where it looks like Chase and Karolina are having a pull up competition in the backyard. "I think as long as I have you, I'll be okay with a tiny human too."
"I love you," Kara said as she leaned in and pressed her lips to Lena's.
"I love you, too."
"And I love it when people don't make out in the kitchen," Molly announced loudly, her tone one of long-suffering annoyance. "You all have rooms for that kind of stuff. I get that you love each other, but do you have to kiss all the time?"
"You'll feel the same once you fall in love," Kara told her teasingly. "You can't tell me that you've never had a crush."
"Of course I have," Molly said with a roll of her eyes, though she was blushing just the slightest bit. "I'm fourteen, not four."
"Speaking of," Lena said. "You're not going to be fourteen for very much longer. Do you want to have a party?"
"Really?" Molly asked happily. Kara and Lena nodded.
"Gert mentioned something about your fifteenth birthday being very special. If you're up for it, we'd love to help you celebrate as best we can."
"Yes!" Molly cheered, rushing forward to hug both Lena and Kara at once. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Kara and Lena laughed as Molly ran back into the yard, eagerly calling for her sister to begin a very intense party planning session. The excitement had both Chase and Karolina breaking concentration on their competition, resulting in Chase dropping to the ground while Karolina floated down gently.
The party itself ended up being a rather simple affair. The guest list was short, limited to the Runaways, Kara, Lena, Alex, Winn, James, and J'onn. That didn't stop Lena and Kara from going all out when it came to decorating and providing all of Molly's favorite foods.
The day of Molly's birthday, while Gert and the other girls kept Molly preoccupied with getting dressed, Kara employed the help of Alex and Chase to get the backyard set up for a party. The work out equipment was pushed to the side in favor tables laden with food and drink. The sparring mats were replaced with a smooth surface to dance on and Chase and Alex worked together to set up a specialized sound system, complete with a playlist long enough to last them into the early morning hours while Kara flew around the area hanging fairy lights.
Molly looked gorgeous in the pink dress that Lena had gotten for her, escorted into the backyard by Chase who was absolutely beaming with pride at being selected to be Molly's escort. Gert symbolically helped Molly change her shoes from flats to heels, telling her sister how proud she was of her and not leaving a single set of eyes dry. The music started and the Runaways hit the dancefloor, swirling around each other in a mess of limbs and laughter.
Kara, Lena, and Alex stood to the side, watching in quiet joy as the kids they had promised to protect got to act like the children they were for the first time in months. Molly eventually noticed that none of the adults were dancing and began to systematically pull each of them onto the floor, starting with Winn and James who were both helpless against her pout. Kara and Lena joined without protest, taking turns twirling the girls around and letting the boys twirl them. Even Old Lace joined in the dancing, twisting her tail and nodding her head along to the beat like an overgrown bobble head, making all of them laugh as she pranced around the dance floor.
The party carried on for hours, the food and drinks consumed at regular intervals to keep up their energy as they danced the night away. At some point, a microphone was brought out and a very spirited karaoke competition broke out. Winn, redeeming himself for his loss in Super Smash Bros a few weeks ago, won by a landslide with his incredible performance of a Celin Delon song. On a dare, Kara also performed a Celin Deon song and had Winn very thankful that she hadn't performed in the competition because he wasn't sure he would have won if she had.
In the early morning hours, as the party began to slow, the adults who didn't live at the mansion took their leave, wishing Molly a happy birthday once again. Alex was the last to leave, giving each of the Runaways a hug before she left, hugging Lena and Kara on her way out.
Once it was just the Runaways, Kara, and Lena there, the six teenagers had laid down on the dancefloor, laughing and talking as they looked up at the stars above them. Kara dimmed the fairy lights to give them a better few and turned the music down slightly as she and Lena moved to join them.
"You know, if you had told me a year ago that I would spend my 15th birthday with Lena Luthor and Supergirl, I would have called you crazy." Molly said.
"It still seems crazy," Gert says. "But a good crazy, just like us."
"Good crazy," Karolina agrees, pulling Nico closer to her without Nico having to ask her, willingly lending some of her warmth to her girlfriend. "I think I like good crazy."
"It's a helluva lot better than crazy crazy," Chase says. "I think we've had enough of that kind of crazy to last a lifetime."
"Agreed," Alex says. "I look good crazy, even if I have no idea where we go from here."
"You don't have to go anywhere," Kara tells him.
"We're home," Nico says, lifting her head off Karolina's shoulder to look over at Kara and Lena and then to her friends. "I haven't felt like I had a home since Amy died. But I like it here, with all of you. Good crazy works for me."
"Ditto." Karolina presses a kiss to Nico's forehead.
"But still, what do we do next? Jonah's gone, but Pride still exists and we know they want us back." Alex worried, but he didn't seem as anxious as he would have a few months ago.
"We'll deal with that when it happens," Lena tells him softly. "For now, just relax, and breathe. You've got a family now, one that you know is worth fighting for. Whatever happens next…"
"We'll deal with that as a family, too," Nico confirms, her voice low but firm, sure in a way that says she knows no one will argue with her.
"I like our family." Molly says and everyone can hear the smile in her voice.
"Me too, kid," Gert wraps her sister in a one armed hug, as everyone voices their agreement in chorus.
This, Kara thinks as conversation moves to less heavy topics, like what tv show they should binge next, is what she's been missing for the last thirteen years. She missed her chance to be a mentor to Kal, to keep her family legacy alive, but she's realized something over the past few months. Keeping the memory of Krypton alive extends far beyond the lives of a few survivors. Krypton lives on in all the people that Kara loves, in every one who shares her path so far away from Rao's light but still beneath his love. Her world may have died but Kara knows that her people live on in every piece of her heart that she gives away.
That is more than enough for her.