"Pain changes people".
A bullet woke her up from what until then for both of us was an illusion, her eyes were fixed on mine and I recorded that moment as the greatest treasure that circumstance had given us, because that's how it was, Violet had been a gift, I thought I had lived a full life, but I was so wrong because my days were better by her side.
and so, she fled, I smiled at her as she turned to run for her life, "discover what love is and you will understand". and yet ironically it was she who sowed such a strange and volatile feeling in this being so pained and war-torn.
my mouth, my eyes, my hands and everything physical that makes up a human being had said goodbye to that which moved him like an engine. but my heart, which although physical is also moved by that intangible, still did not accept goodbye as a definitive answer. And strangely I resigned myself to losing her that day, as I watched her silhouette disappear in a trail of heat among the bombardments.
"I saw the world fall apart, like the moon splitting in two."
when everything began to crumble, when all the strength was supposed to have left my body, the image of Violet shook my being like an earthquake running through every corner. I leaned all the weight of my body against the walls and at last my legs responded, snaking through them leaving a visible trail of blood I walked through the corridors of hell itself.
In front of me, even though I knew it was not real, I could see her smiling at me and calling me, intoxicated by the silhouette of her smile, she guided me through narrow corridors in flames and soon when her silhouette dissipated with the smoke and my sight blurred, there was no longer the noise of the bullets, and the explosions of the bombs could be heard far away.
the illusion had done its job, my mind playing with my feelings saved me by using her as cruel bait, and I wondered how cruel it would be to feel her losing me without really having lost yet.
looking at my hands full of blood and gunpowder, turning my eyes towards the fire, that day was the beginning of the story of that lost girl, the beginning of her connection with the world, with life. a way for her to recover at last what we had taken away from her by those who crossed her path.
I smiled, I could do nothing else because I was immensely happy to force her to find an answer that would move her, because that little being with blonde hair and blue eyes had no idea of what it was to live a normal life.
because this little golden-haired, blue-eyed being had no idea what it meant to be human. she easily cut lives short without knowing what that meant, without looking back, letting the bullets go through her skin, without showing a single sense. just like that, as if it were a thing.
soon my vision blurred enough to fall unconscious in a loop of illusions and dreams. dreams in which Violet calls my name, dreams in which her hands are not brutal weapons, but soft and smooth as silk.
I want to stay by her side, I want to accompany her on her adventure even if it is in the shadows, I want to leave her name tattooed on my heart, I want her to grow up not on a battlefield where men die, where there is pain and suffering. I want her to have a greater reason to stay alive than to think of herself as a lethal weapon, as a disposable being.
someday she will discover how beautiful life is and how wrong she was to see herself as a worthless object.
she still doesn't know how beautiful she is, and all that she is yet to learn, someday i will be able to write her name in the sky and she will know that it was me who put it there, and all the answers to her doubts will be answered.
"if it destroys you, then it is not love."