Roadside Assistance

A "Lost in Space" Crossover with "Doctor Who"

Summary: When Invaders from the Fifth Dimension wanted to replace their damaged ship's computer with Will Robinson's brain; it's up to The First Doctor, his granddaughter Susan, and her teachers Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright, to help Will and give a few 'superior' alien beings their comeuppance.

Disclaimer: The Original Series "Lost in Space" shown on CBS from 1965 thru 1968 was created and produced by Irwin Allen, and is currently the property of 20th Century Fox Television. S1 E8 was written by Shimon Wincelberg.

"Doctor Who" was originally created by Sydney Newman, C. E. Webber, and Donald Wilson, and was first shown on the BBC on November 23, 1963, and remained in production thru 1989. S1 E1 – 4 was written by Anthony Coburn and C. E. Webber. The popular show then aired in syndication, and in March 26, 2005, resumed, and remains in production to this day. "Doctor Who" is the property of the British Broadcasting Corporation and Bad Wolf Productions.

This Fan Fiction Crossover story is the work of a hobbyist having fun with some of his favorite, fictional characters, without remuneration, and nothing more. I hope this this is a sufficient disclaimer.

Historian's Note: "Roadside Assistance" is an alternate ending for the Original "Lost in Space" TV show, S1 E8, "Invaders from the Fifth Dimension," which was first aired on November 3, 1965. In this episode, Will Robinson was abducted by two alien beings that wanted to use his brain as a replacement for their ship's damaged computer so they could safely return to their home world.

In LiS canon, Will got away from the aliens safely, (no thanks to Dr. Smith.) But what if Will had a little help, courtesy of the First Doctor? This wouldn't be so much to help Will escape from his captors, but rather to give a couple of big-headed mouthless aliens (who nevertheless just couldn't shut up) with a superiority complex a bit of a well-deserved dressing-down . . . .

The Doctor, his granddaughter, Ian and Barbara, become involved with the Robinsons' plight shortly after the incidents depicted in S1 E4 of "Doctor Who."

Some dialogue was taken directly, or slightly modified, from "Lost in Space" S1 E8, "Invaders from the Fifth Dimension," to adapt it to my A/U Fanfiction scenario starring The Doctor and his Companions.

And so, without further ado, please allow me to present my first A/U crossover fanfiction story:

"Roadside Assistance"

Chapter 1

As the Luminaries that abducted ten-year-old Will Robinson to use his brain as a replacement for their ship's burned-out flight computer attempted to force the boy to serve them in that capacity; both were unaware that their every move was being scrutinized from afar by concerned alien eyes . . . .

The TARDIS travelled through time and space as schoolteachers Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright watched with silent interest while their former student, Susan Foreman, was having a disagreement with her grandfather; a mysterious being they only knew - even after all that they had been through together thus far – as "The Doctor."

On the surface, The Doctor gave the appearance of a stern but loving grandfather, albeit with a few quirky eccentricities, (such as his increasing affectation for Edwardian fashion,) who was chastising his beloved but disobedient granddaughter, more out of sorrow than anger.

For her part, fifteen-year-old Susan looked like a typical teenage schoolgirl, dressed in the current, Mod fashions straight from Carnaby Street, with her prized transistor radio, and she was chafing against her grandfather's restrictions on what kind of music she was allowed to listen to.

But over the past few weeks – if the idea of "weeks" (or any unit of time) even applied to their rather 'unusual' situation – both former teachers from the Cole Hill Comprehensive had learned that things pertaining to this enigmatic individual and his granddaughter were not always as they seemed.

For example, despite outward appearances, the old man and his granddaughter were not from Earth, and were in fact exiles from an alien world they called, "Gallifrey." And the young girl's 'radio' was similarly so much more than it outwardly appeared. Oh, it could and did get all the local radio stations (albeit with an almost preternaturally astounding clarity for such an ostensibly inexpensive device,) within its range. And if disassembled for scrutiny, it would look like any typical portable transistor radio of the era, to any unsuspecting electrician or tinkerer.

But it was, in fact, an example of highly advanced extraterrestrial technology that held a collection of songs numbering in the thousands - past, present, and as-yet to be released - in its quantum memory circuits; truly any teenage music lover's dream. At least, when it worked . . . .

Unfortunately for Susan, as a consequence for her recent in-public indiscretions with her 'radio,' her grandfather had responded by enabling something he called a "parental lockout" that limited the device to only playing music up to the current date - which as far as the 'radio' was concerned, was sometime in late 1963 – and that only from local radio stations within the range of an Earth-made transistor radio.

But ever since their abrupt departure from Earth, Susan's 'radio' - having detected no nearby radio stations broadcasting on AM/FM frequency within its programmed range - had gone infuriatingly silent.

At first, Susan balked, insisting that her grandfather's punishment was never meant to deny her ANY music, and as they were no longer on 20th Century Earth, that the current terms of her punishment were cruel and unusual, and at very least, needed to be "amended." And, after giving it some thought, her grandfather agreed - but only to a point - and instructed Susan's 'radio' to once again play music; but ONLY songs that had been released since the date the foursome had left Earth, circa. 1963.

But that didn't stop Susan from continuing to insist that her grandfather lift his restrictions altogether, especially since the original reason for the lockout was her placing them at risk for exposure.

"I want to listen to Petula Clark singing "Downtown," grandfather!" said Susan reasonably, with just a touch of teenage girl whining and the obligatory eye-rolling thrown in.

The Doctor gave the chronometer of the TARDIS a quick check, and replied, "And so you shall, Susan. According to the chronometer, "Downtown" will be 'released' in about ten months relative to the date we departed Earth on 23 November, 1963, and then you may listen to it to your heart's content!

"But we had agreed that if I trusted you with your music collection outside of the TARDIS, that you would show the appropriate discretion, and not listen to any anachronistic music whilst in public venues – a prohibition that took you all of three months since our initial arrival on Earth, circa. 1963, to violate!

"Hence: the consequences of your cavalier indiscretion!"

Ian and Barbara exchanged a silent glance. Truly, some things are universal, and transcend space and time itself; including the relationships between children testing their set boundaries and their elders responsible for setting and ultimately enforcing them. And wherever (and whenever) you may be in the multiverse; it was apparent to Ian and Barbara that teenagers will always be teenagers . . . .

Susan persisted, "B-but it was only Petula Clark, grandfather; she's a contemporary 20th Century singer! It's not like I was listening to . . . to a song by Donna Summer, or Madonna, or Lady Gaga, in 1963! The song "Downtown" is just a few months off from officially coming out!"

"And those 'few months' could have had an adverse effect on the flow of space/time if any one of your classmates had heard Petula Clark singing "Downtown" almost a year before it was actually released, Susan; much less before Tony Hatch actually wrote it," admonished The Doctor.

"Remember that cautionary tale I told you about that time-displaced teenage American boy from 1985 who most irresponsibly played Chuck Berry's 1958 song "Johnnie B. Goode" at an American high school formal dance attended by his 'future' parents in 1955 . . . ?

"Ironically, if you had been overheard listening to any songs of the other singers you mentioned, the damage would have been much easier to contain, since it might only have stirred vague feelings of Déjà vu in any of your classmates the next time they heard them sung a decade or more, later.

"After all, there were no serious temporal consequences when that aforementioned boy also played a brief sample of a Van Halen guitar riff to his then-teenage father, prior to the Chuck Berry incident.

"You needs must learn that actions have consequences, Susan. So for now, the restriction still stands!"

But Susan abruptly stopped protesting. At that moment, her attention was caught by one of the readouts on the TARDIS' Control Console. "Grandfather, look! It's another TARDIS!"

Immediately, The Doctor shifted from grandfather to Time Lord mode, and Susan stepped back as the old man went to the appropriate segment of the console. Susan, Ian and Barbara leaned in as closely as they dared to get a look.

After a few moments, The Doctor said, "Hmmm. I believe you are correct, Susan, albeit only in the generally accepted definition of a Time and Relative Dimensions in Spacecraft . . . .

"This craft is somewhat . . . basic, though. Nowhere near on par with Gallifreyan technology. Not even close."

Ian said, "But this other vessel is similar to your own, Doctor?"

"Humph, I suppose . . . ," allowed The Doctor. "In the same sense as a Sumerian oxcart is 'similar' to a Rivian R1T lorry, Mr. Chesterton."

"What on Earth is a Rivian R1T?" asked Barbara. But The Doctor was asking Susan to get an internal view of the other ship on the TARDIS' scanner. The girl, who had shifted from whiny, sullen teen to able crewmember mode obeyed, and the image that came up caused Susan and her former teachers to gasp, and her grandfather to furrow his brow in indignation.

A young human boy, no older than ten and dressed in late 1990's clothing, was standing on a platform beneath a very basic (well, crude by Gallifreyan standards) neural direct access computer terminal. Beside him were two, mouthless humanoid beings who were instructing the obviously frightened boy to serve them as an organic computer.

The Doctor recognized the species of the two humanoids, and snorted contemptuously. "They're "Luminaries," or so they like to call themselves that. Worse still, they're juvenile Luminaries; just a little more 'mature' – allegedly - than Susan would be on the Standard Intelligent Species Developmental Scale. No doubt they're taking an unauthorized joyride through space-time."

"What does all that mean, Doctor?" said Barbara; though she had a pretty good idea that the Doctor immediately confirmed.

"They're bullies, Miss White," said The Doctor. "Ruffians who enjoy intimidating anyone they perceive to be 'weaker' and 'inferior' to them. In Earth terms, they're out cruising for thrills and found trouble."

Susan added, "Like those Chavs back at school who tried to impress me by offering to take me "ton up" on their Triumphs down the M2."

"I think you mean, "Teddy Boys," Susan," said The Doctor distractedly.

On the scanner, one of the beings, despite not having a mouth, addressed the boy audibly, "Awaiting computation of trajectory."

"Susan," said The Doctor, "now give me an external view!" Again, Susan complied, and the new view on the scanner showed a group of people sheltering behind some large boulders in a rocky alien landscape, with an early model Robot of Earth manufacture, as they observed a very unusual TARDIS-like craft that looked like a glowing sphere cradled in a somewhat freeform sculptured metallic stand.

Tasteful coachwork, if nothing else, thought The Doctor with grudging admiration. Must belong to one of their elders; these kids couldn't afford something like this on their own. Probably nicked the keys when their elders weren't looking . . . .

A dark haired man who was obviously the boy's father had just instructed their robot to stop the departure of the alien craft to rescue their abducted son.

The Robot, a Cyberdyne Systems Model YM3/B9 GUNTHER - if The Doctor was any judge of early Earth robotics – mechanically replied, "The craft is surrounded by a force field in the fifth dimension which is mathematically impossible."

But the man was adamant. "I guess it takes a human being to accept the impossible. Stop them!"

Hard-wired to follow Asimov's Laws, the Robot obeyed without further reply, and was immediately disabled as the force field it spoke of turned the machine's attempt against itself.

The Doctor said, "Let me see the inside of that ship again, Susan!"

Again, the view on the scanner changed, and the boy, now fighting back tears, told the two humanoids, who had just threatened to "destroy" the boy's family if he didn't comply, "NO! Don't do anything! I'll run your old computer . . . ."

"Do we have your promise?" said one of the humanoids with a touch of relief.

"Yeah," the boy replied.

Barbara said, "Oh, the poor boy!" Ian put a comforting arm around her shoulder, but there was little else he was able to do.

Susan firmly said, "Grandfather, we have to do something to save that boy!"

The Doctor nodded. "I've seen enough.

"Prepare for landing," The Doctor announced as he began working the controls on the TARDIS' console. "This is going to be a little tricky . . . ."

"W-we're going to land next to that . . . that ship . . . ?" said Ian. The teacher's skepticism was equally divided on whether or not the object on the scanner, (which looked more like a Modern Art sculpture than some manner of conveyance,) actually was a spacecraft, and/or that they were actually going to land next to it safely in the tightness of the boulder-strewn, otherworldly terrain.

"Oh, it's a ship, alright," conceded The Doctor gruffly. "But we're not going to land alongside of it.

"We're going to land inside of it."