It could have been such a beautiful day if a certain General hadn't decided to show up at Stalag XIII to visit Kommandant Wilhelm Klink. Meanwhile, said Kommandant was busy doing some paperwork, finally finding the time to actually do it after Colonel Robert E. Hogan had bothered him once again for one hour of extra light.

After some negotiations Klink approved Hogan's request, only because the senior POW agreed that his men would clean Klink's office tomorrow. Klink made a dismissive gesture in Hogan's direction and Hogan saluted before he went back to the barracks.

Knock! Knock!

"Who is it now?" Colonel Klink grumbled.

Private Langenscheidt opened the door and saluted.

"General Burkhalter has just arrived and..."

"General Burkhalter!?" Klink startled from his seat. "Hmm... Lately, there have been no acts of sabotage or anything like that, so what could he want?" Klink wondered, tapping his chin.

Before Langenscheidt could reply, Sergeant Schultz stormed into the office, followed by General Burkhalter himself. Schultz saluted.

"Herr Kommandant! General Burkhalter is here, together with his sister and niece!"

Klink rubbed his hands together and started to smile as Lotte Linkmeyer appeared behind her uncle, her face twisted in disgust as soon as she saw Klink. "Ah, yes. I remember his niece Lotte, beautiful young lady... but wait, did you say his sister is here!?" he asked Schultz. The sergeant nodded.

His smile faded when he saw Gertrude Linkmeyer enter the room, smiling playfully at Colonel Klink, who swallowed. He forced a friendly smile.

"Ah, General Burkhalter, what a nice surprise. And I see you brought your family with you. I couldn't be happier," he said, laughing nervously.

"Klink, we are here because I received interesting news from Reichsführer Himmler himself..." he started. Klink immediately saluted. Burkhalter rolled his eyes. Klink might be stupid but at least he was loyal to the Fatherland.

"As you know Reichsführer Heinrich Himmler and the great Führer are delighted by some sport called yoga."

"They are?"

"Yes, Klink! They are."

"Oh. Of course they are," Klink said a little bit too enthusiastically. Burkhalter sighed and then continued.

"So, Himmler and Hitler are both performing yoga in order to gain mental strength. And my confidant told me something very interesting. The Indologist Jakob Wilhelm Hauer saw a connection between yoga and the National Socialism and defined it using the example of the Holy Scripture Bhagavad Gita, one of the central scriptures of Hinduism."*

Burkhalter looked Klink in the eye. His face showed interest but soon turned into a grimace as Burkhalter went on talking.

"The ethic in it conveys the following: no matter who is in front of you on the battlefield, kill the enemy. Callous, merciless. It is only about the material, the physical body. What counts is the spiritual; it's about a higher power," Burkhalter explained.*

Klink, being a little squeamish, started to look a little green in the face. He took a deep breath or else he would have vomited on the floor.

"Uhm, General Burkhalter...Do...do you really think... uhm... that this is necessary?" Klink whispered.

"It's not important what I think, it's important what the Great Führer thinks. That's how the Aryan (German) yoga was discovered. Reichsführer Himmler had been fascinated by this concept and has became a role model for the Aryan soldiers."*

Klink thought he might faint. Black stars danced across his vision and even Lotte and Gertrude Linkmeyer seemed to look a little green in the face. Burkhalter, however was impressed by Himmler's plans.

"And so..."

"Klink! What is going on here!?" Major Hochstetter yelled as he stormed into Klink's office but then he saw General Burkhalter and silenced. "H...hello, General."

General Burkhalter turned to Hochstetter with a sly smile. "Ah, Major Hochstetter. It's so nice of you to join us. I was just talking to Klink about what Reichsführer Himmler told me..."

And he told Hochstetter, at length and in detail, everything about yoga and the Third Reich. In contrast to Klink, the Major suddenly had a strange glint in his eyes and grinned maliciously. Burkhalter had the same expression in his face.

"And that's why I came here and brought my family with me. Lotte is going to teach you how to do yoga."

Hochstetter's smile fell. Klink thought he hadn't heard correctly.

"What?" they both yelled.

Burkhalter's smile widened. "You've heard me, gentlemen. My niece is giving you a yoga session."

"And why is she here?" Klink asked and pointed at Gertrude, who winked at Klink. She raised her hand and waved at him.

"Do I need a reason to bring my sister here, Klink? But if you must know, she wanted to see you, " Burkhalter said. Gertrude waved again.

"And since Hochstetter showed up here, I believe he's going to join you, Klink. Or am I mistaken, Major Hochstetter?"

Hochstetter looked anything but amused. "Of course not, General. You are right as always. It would be my pleasure to join Klink," he said. Klink chuckled softly behind his hand, which brought him a dangerous glare from Hochstetter.

They decided to do the yoga session in Klink's quarters to be a little more private and shielded from the guard's and prisoner's glances. Lotte had brought equipment, Klink had ordered Schultz to transfer the luggage immediately into his quarters without raising much attention. Of course Schultz had asked questions and Klink couldn't do much but tell Schultz about the yoga session. Schultz snorted at first but when Klink told him that if the session was successful, every guard of Stalag XIII including him would be doing yoga too in the future, once a day, Schultz' face had turned as white as a sheet.

Soon enough the furniture in Klink's quarters had been moved by Schultz and Langenscheidt and mats were rolled out.

"Why don't you join us, General Burkhalter?" Klink asked as he took of his jacket.

The General laughed. "I don't need exercise, Klink. I am fighting fit as you can see."

And your big belly is just decoration, I assume? he asked himself. Suddenly Klink had an idea.

"But wouldn't Himmler and the Führer expect all their generals to practice yoga?"

Burkhalter's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, Klink?"

Klink knew he was walking on thin ice. "I'm just wondering how the Führer would react if he knew that one of his generals is denying his beloved sport. I'd be worried enough to start packing my snowshoes!"

"Are you threatening me, Klink? If you are suggesting that even a word of this could get back to Berlin, I will escort you to the Russian front. Personally!" Burkhalter shouted.

"No, Albert. I think he is right," Gertrude said, coming to Klink's aid. She was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room with a cup of steaming coffee, watching them with delight.

"You should join them. It would be so good for you," she said sincerely.

"But Gertrudchen..." Albert stammered.

"I said do it!" she ordered. At least it would be more fun watching.

Funny, Klink thought. Sometimes you find sentiment in the strangest places.

General Burkhalter, who didn't want to admit it, but was a little scared of his sister, didn't dare to object, grumbled something unintelligible and ordered Klink to bring him another mat. The men, now without their boots and jackets, only in their shirts, trousers and socks, sat down onto the mats. Lotte, who had slipped into something more comfortable, positioned herself on her own mat and also sat down.

She clapped her hands together. "All right, everybody. Are you comfortable? Okay, then let's get started." Gertrude shot Klink one last encouraging look.

"First of all, criss-cross your legs. Now close your eyes and relax," Lotte said. Everybody did like they were told. At least they tried. Major Hochstetter could feel his fingers prickle. He was not used to being told to 'relax'. By the time Burkhalter hauled his feet into place across his chubby knees, his forehead was trickling with sweat. He didn't like this at all.

"Put your arms to your side, make sure your back is straight. Inhale." Everybody inhaled.

"Good. Now exhale." Everybody exhaled. It sounded like hippos with a lung disease.

"And now..." Lotte said, "Inhale. Lift your arms up from your side. Exhale. Fold your in hands in front of your heart. Repeat with every breath. Five times. Good," Lotte exclaimed excitedly, as she watched the men.

The blond woman raised her index finger. "Now we start with our first pose. It's called the downward facing dog and therefore we need..." the blond woman instructed.

"All right, I'll get a dog," Klink interrupted, hoping to be helpful.

"Klink! Sit back down! This has nothing to do with dogs! It is just called that!" the General shouted, rolling his eyes. How stupid could some people be?

"Yes, Herr General. Sitting down, Herr General."

Something that sounded like a chuckle could be heard from Major Hochstetter. General Burkhalter shot him a warning look. Hochstetter immediately became silent.

"...to come to our hands and knees with your wrists underneath your shoulders and your knees underneath the hips," Lotte finished.

"Good," Lotte praised as she watched the men. "Now curl your toes under and push back through your hands to lift your hips and straighten your legs," she continued. Bones clicked and groans escaped.

Lotte gave her best sympathetic look. "I know it is hard but you can do it. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Concentrate. Look what I am doing. "Now I am spreading my fingers and slowly moving up until I am standing only on my fingertips."

Her moves were light and aesthetic as if she had done nothing else in her life. Which you couldn't exactly say about the men.

General Burkhalter tried hard not to fall over. He could hardly see what his feet were doing with his big belly in the way. He huffed and puffed from the exertion. Klink was not better. Even though he had a slender figure he had trouble holding himself upright. After a short time, his arms and back started aching.

"Is this supposed to hurt?" he asked the young woman nervously.

She nodded. "Yes, the traction you feel is your muscles stretching. It helps to relieve the tension. Yoga has been scientifically proven to improve your muscles, promote movement, and it's good for anxiety and stress," Lotte told the men without falling out of the position.

"And why does it feel like I am being tortured by the Gestapo right now?" Klink complained.

"Because... you are a lazy man... that is why," Burkhalter shot back with breathing times in between. The beads of sweat on his forehead were multiplying. Major Hochstetter, despite Klink's provocation, said nothing at all. He was busy trying to hold in any farts that had the audacity to try to escape.

"After it's over, we'll all know each other better, don't you think so, Major Hochstetter?" Klink asked.

Hochstetter still kept silent. He was dangerously close to let out some unwanted noise and he couldn't let that happen. Not in front of General Burkhalter and this pathetic man Klink!

Lotte, not noticing the misery Hochstetter was in, moved on. "Let your head hang low and move your shoulder away from your ears." She showed them how it was done. Light like a feather.

After a minute of holding this position, what felt like ten for the men, they were allowed to bend their knees to release and come back on their hands and knees.

"Are we finished yet?" Hochstetter asked anxiously.

Lotte laughed loudly and waved him off. "You are so funny, Herr Major. This was just the beginning. We hardly made it over ten minutes and one session is supposed to last one hour. At least," she explained.

"What!?" Major Hochstetter replied. General Burkhalter's eyes widened and Colonel Klink gulped. What had they gotten themselves into?

Lotte ignored them. "I want you to sit back down on your feet, lean forward and stretch your hand in front. Lay your forehead down onto the mat and relax."

It was so relaxing that Klink almost fell asleep but was startled awake when he heard Lotte's firm voice.

"The next pose is called "Warrior I". I thought this would appeal to you big, strong men", Lotte flattered. General Burkhalter smiled smugly at his niece's words.

"Now come back onto your knees, hands under your shoulders, yes, yes, very good Herr Major, and then step your right foot forward to the inside of your right hand. No, Colonel Klink, right foot."

"This is my right foot," he replied.

"The other right foot," she said. "Yes." She showed him her thumbs up. Klink smiled at her.

"Swing on your left foot and drop your left heel to the floor with your toes turned out about forty-five degrees from the heel. Then bend your knee directly over your right ankle. Make sure your right thigh is parallel to the floor."

"How we are supposed to keep balance in this position?" Burkhalter complained.

"General, I have no idea," Klink responded.

"You are doing great, dear uncle," Lotte threw in.

Gertrude took a sip from her coffee, suppressing a laugh. This was the best thing she had ever seen and she was definitely enjoying the show.

The voice from her daughter brought her back.

"Rise to standing, bring your arms out to your side and raise them towards the ceiling. Let your chest stay open and don't forget to breathe," Lotte said.

After a while it was over. Or that's what they thought.

"And now we change sides," Lotte instructed.

Colonel Klink was shocked. "What? You mean we have to do this again?"

The young woman smiled innocently. "Of course, Colonel Klink. And to add more fun, the next pose we do is "Warrior II". It's a little bit trickier than the other pose."

Hochstetter's eyes widened. "You mean there are poses that are more straining than what we just did?!"

Lotte looked truly amazed. "Well, yes Herr Major. And Warrior I is even one of the easy poses. There are far more difficult poses. And this is only yoga for beginners. There is so much more to learn," she said eagerly.

Neither of the men said any word. This was truly shocking. How were they going to survive this?

"But if we do this more often, you will sure get experts at this," Lotte continued; smiling warmly.

The three men changed anxious looks. Everybody knew what the other was thinking. They could see the fear in each other's eyes.

After "Warrior II", poses like "Triangle pose", "Reverse Warrior" and "Half Forward Bend" followed.

"Sometimes in war, one is forced into strange positions," Klink mumbled as he tried to raise his torso with the next inhale, at the same time keeping his spine flat like Lotte instructed. His palms were sweaty and he hoped he would not fall over as he balanced his weight.

"SHUT UP, KLINK!" both Hochstetter and Burkhalter yelled with their last strength. General Burkhalter gasped for breath, stars danced across his vision and with all his willpower he ordered his body not to pass out. His shirt was drenched in sweat.

Hochstetter hated everything and everyone right now. As if that was something new. Dark stains were clearly visible under his neck and armpits and sweat was dripping into his eyes. His whole body was shaking and he questioned how this bullshit was supposed to relieve stress. He felt even more stressed than before! And now his muscles started cramping as well.

And finally Lotte said the words everybody wanted so desperately to hear.

"Alright, gentlemen. This is the last exercise. After that we are doing some calm down moves and you can lay down on your mat," she said softly. Gertrude somehow felt sad when she realized that the session was coming to an end. Nonetheless she maintained her poker face.

"Good. Very good," Lotte said. "There you go! You did it! Now you can lay down on your back. Stretch out on your mat. Close your eyes. Breathe in and out."

You could hear every man gasping for air. Lotte thought they might pass out any minute or get a heart attack. She got up and rolled up her mat, then secured it with a ribbon. "Now, this wasn't so bad at all, am I right?" she asked.

Loud groans from the men could be heard. Lotte looked at her mother and rolled her eyes. Gertrude smiled kindly in response. Her smile said be nice because she knew exactly what her daughter was thinking right now but didn't dare to say anything.

"Are you coming, Uncle Albert?" Lotte asked nicely.

"Leave me alone," he wheezed, trying to stand up. Klink also gasped for breath but at least he was able to get back on his feet. He reached out a shaky hand to General Burkhalter. "Here, General. Let me help you..."

"I said leave me alone!" He smacked Klink's hand away.

"Ouch!" Klink responded.

After a few attempts, General Burkhalter was standing on his feet.

Gertrude placed her empty cup aside and stood up from her chair. "So Albert, what do you say? Do you like yoga?" She laughed.

General Burkhalter glared at his sister. "You wouldn't be so impudent if you were the one doing all this yoga, Gertrude!"He emphasized the word yoga like it was something dangerous.

"Don't be silly, Albert. I often do yoga together with Lotte. A woman my age has to look after herself, don't you think?"

General Burkhalter rolled his eyes. "Klink, clean this up and then bring the equipment to my car. Lotte, Gertrude and I will wait in the car. Ladies," he motioned to the door and they left Klink's quarters.

"Good idea, Herr General. Schuuuuultz!" he yelled. Then he saw Major Hochstetter's agonized face.

"Are you alright, Major Hochstetter?" he asked politely. Hochstetter was holding his stomach and he looked like he needed a toilet right now. "The exercises might have done a little more than I thought," he said. "I need to go somewhere." He rushed out of Klink's office and past Schultz who appeared in the doorway, saluting.

"You called me, Herr Kommandant?" he asked.

Klink turned his attention to his sergeant. "Yes, Schultz. You see the mats on the floor? Roll them up and bring them to General Burkhalter's car as fast as you can. The General, his sister and niece are waiting there. After that I want you and Private Langenscheidt put the furniture back together in their original place."

"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant."

"And Schultz?"

"Yes, Herr Kommandant?"

"You haven't been watching us, have you?" Klink narrowed his eyes.

"Of course not, Herr Kommandant." He started to roll one mat.

"And Schultz, if you tell one word to the prisoners..." he said in a sharp tone, wagging his finger in Schultz' direction.

"I see nothing, Herr Kommandant. Nothing!"

But that wasn't even necessary. Suddenly Schultz and Klink heard a noise coming from the window and immediately turned to look at it. They saw blurred colors disappearing behind the window but they had been able to make out a red scarf, hints of a blue jacket and an officer's cap.

Maybe Schultz hadn't been watching them doing yoga but somebody obviously was...

Klink's face grew red with embarrassment as the thoughts clicked together.

"Hooooogaaaaaan!"

The End.

Author's note:

*The connection with yoga and the Third Reich is based on historical facts. What General Burkhalter said really happened. Both Himmler and Hitler did perform yoga and Hitler had been even titled as "Yogi" in the National Socialism.