Professor Umbridge
Seamus dressed up at top speed the next morning and left the dormitory before Arthur could even put his socks on.
"What's wrong?" Chrys said five minutes later as she caught up with Arthur David and Mike halfway across the common room, heading for breakfast.
"Oh, bloody hell." She then said, staring at the noticeboard, where a large new sign was put up.
GALLONS OF GALLEONS!
Pocket money failing to keep pace with your outgoings?
Like to earn a little extra GOLD?
Contact Jack and Kevin Merlon, Gryffindor common room, for SIMPLE, PART-TIME, VIRTUALLY PAINLESS jobs.
(We regret that ALL work is undertaken at applicant's own risk.)
"Honestly, I like those two, but this is too far." Chrys said, taking the sign down, which was pinned over a poster saying that the date for the first Hogsmeade weekend will be in October.
"Anyway, what's going on, Arthur?" Chrys then said as they all climbed out the portrait hole and walked down a flight of stairs that were lined with portraits of old witches and wizards, all ignoring them and being engrossed in their conversations. "You seem really angry."
"Seamus thinks Arthur lied about Voldemor." Mike replied for him.
Chrys sighed at this.
"So does Lavender." She said gloomily.
"And did you have a chat about how I'm some attention seeking prat who lies constantly?" Arthur asked in dark sarcasm.
"No." Chrys said calmly. "I told her she'll lose points for Gryffindor if she keeps saying that stuff about you. And can you please stop jumping down our throats? We're on your side here."
This left a short pause before Arthur sighed.
"Sorry." Arthur said in a low voice.
"It's alright." Chrys patted his shoulder. "Remember what Dumbledore said at the previous end of term feast?"
Arthur recollected what she was talking about and how Dumbledore mentioned how Voldemort can spread discord and enmity like it was some superpower. And how they had to fight it with stronger bonds of friendship and trust.
"I do, but that won't happen because of the Slytherins." He replied.
"Unfortunately." Chrys said, knowing full well how stuck in their ways Slytherins can be.
They had reached the foot of the marble staircase and saw a line of fourth year Ravenclaws crossing the Entrance Hall, who caught sight of Arthur and hurried to form a much tighter group, they were frightened he'd attack stragglers.
"And how can we make friends with these morons?" David asked darkly.
They followed the Ravenclaws into the Great Hall, all looking at the staff table upon entering. They saw Grubbly-Plank chatting with Professor Sinestra, the Astronomy teacher, and of course Hagrid was still absent.
The enchanted ceiling matched Arthur's current mood; being a miserable rain cloud grey.
"Dumbledore didn't mention how long Grubbly-Plank will be staying." He said as they made their way to the Gryffindor table.
"Perhaps he didn't want to draw attention to Hagrid's absence." Chrys said.
"But anyone who's been here for two years will notice that he isn't here." Mike pointed out.
Before Chrys could reply, a tall black girl with long braided hair marched up to Arthur.
"Hi, Angelina."
"Hi." She said briskly. "Good summer?" She didn't even wait for an answer. "Listen, I've been made Gryffindor Quidditch Captain."
"Congrats." Arthur grinned, hoping that her pep talks won't be as long winded as Oliver Wood's, which would be an improvement.
"Yeah, well, we need a new Keeper now Oliver's left. Tryouts are on Friday at five o'clock and I want the whole team there, alright? Then we can see how the new person'll fit in."
"Got it." Arthur nodded, resulting in Angelina smiling at him before departing.
"It's weird to realise that Wood has left." Chrys said as she sat next to David and grabbed a slice of toast. "That's gonna make quite the difference to the team."
"Yeah." Arthur said as he sat on the bench opposite with Mike. "He was a great Keeper."
"Well… I'm gonna tryout as Keeper." David confessed. "I've done a good job at it when playing back home."
The others would've reacted if it weren't for the fact that at that moment, hundreds of owls soared in through the upper windows, descending all over the Hall to bring letters and packages to their owners and showering the breakfasters with droplets of water, since it was raining outside.
Athena wasn't anywhere in sight, but this wasn't surprising since his only correspondent was Sirius and he doubted anything new was to be told twenty four hours apart.
Chrys had to move her orange juice to make way for a large damp barn owl that wasn't Athena bearing a sodden Daily Prophet in its beak.
"Why are you still getting that?" Arthur asked irritably as Chrys placed a Knut in the leather pouch on the owl's leg before it took off again.
"Might as well know what our enemies are saying." Chrys said as she unfurled the newspaper and disappeared behind it, not emerging until all three boys finished eating.
"Nothing." She said, rolling up the newspaper, laying it next to her plate. "Nothing about you or Dumbledore, or anything really."
Mike's mother then came along the table to hand out their timetables.
"Great!" David groaned. "History of Magic, double Potions, Divination and double Defence Against the Dark Arts. We have the worst teachers all in one day! Why can't Jack and Kevin have sorted out those Skiving Snackboxes sooner?"
"Wow…." Jack said, arriving with Kevin, squeezing onto the bench beside Arthur. "A Prefect wanting to skive off lessons… I never thought this would happen."
"Just look." Arthur said, handing him his timetable. "You'll understand."
"Oh." Jack said, now fully understanding. "A Nosebleed Nougat is cheap."
"Why is that?" Mike asked suspiciously.
"You'll just keep bleeding until you shrivel up. Still no antidote." Kevin said.
"I'd much rather endure the lessons than suffer that much blood loss." David cringed.
"And speaking of those Snackboxes…" Chrys said, eyeing the twins beadily. "...you can't just advertise for testers on the noticeboard."
"Says who?" Kevin said.
"Me." Chrys replied.
"Look, fifth years would want Skiving Snackboxes because of the stress the O.W.L.s bring. Half our year had nothing but minor breakdowns." Kevin said. "There were tears and tantrums… Patricia Stimpson alone kept fainting."
"And Kenneth Towler came out in boils, as well." Jack added.
"Regardless, fifth year can be a real nightmare. Especially if you care for exam results." Kevin continued.
"Though, for us, our futures lie outside the world of academic achievement."
"Yeah, the only reason why we're even back for our seventh year is to do market research. Figure out what the average student requires from a joke shop, being careful to evaluate the results of our research and then produce products to fit the demand."
"But where did you get the gold to start a joke shop?" Chrys asked. "You'll need the ingredients and materials, as well as the premises."
The twins looked over at Arthur, who nodded, saying that they could tell them.
"You can thank Arthur. He gave us the money he won from the Triwizard Tournament." Jack said, wrapping an arm around him, leaving David, Chrys and Mike speechless.
The twins then left the table, each carrying a stack of toast.
"Do you think that this year will be as brutal as they implied, with the exams?" Arthur asked, changing the subject before they could ask anything.
"It has to be." Mike said. "O.W.L.s are very important, they affect what jobs you can apply for. There's also career advice later in the year. Mum told me all about it. You can also choose what N.E.W.T.s you want to do next year."
"Do any of you know what you want to do after Hogwarts?" Arthur asked curiously as they all left the Great Hall shortly afterwards to set off for History of Magic.
"Well… I want to be an author." David said.
"I've yet to figure out what I'd like to do." Chrys said.
"I'm either becoming an Auror or take over as Transfiguration teacher after my mum." Mike admitted.
"I'm gonna be an Auror for sure." Arthur said.
Of all the careers he knew, that was the one that appealed to him the most, after hearing the stories from David's father and feeling like he should continue using that detective style brain of his, being a dark wizard catcher is the best fit.
History of Magic was universally agreed to be the most boring subject at Hogwarts, and the reason for that was Professor Binns, their ghost teacher who had a wheezy, droning voice that can make anyone drowsy within ten minutes, five in warmer weather.
Binns would just lecture them all without pausing as they took notes, or most likely, gazed sleepily into space.
Arthur didn't do that. He had to do well in most, if not all, subjects to ensure he gets the chance to be an Auror, even if subjects like this one aren't important for that career.
Today's lesson was about giant wars, which should be interesting, but Binns sapped out any of that interest with his voice.
A fine misty drizzle fell, making people standing in huddles around the damp courtyard during break when the trio went there. The people there all looked blurred at the edges and the trio went to a secluded corner under a heavily dripping balcony, pulling their hoods of their robes up against the chilly September air as they talked about what Snape will likely set them in their first lesson.
They all universally agreed that it would be something extremely difficult, just so Snape could catch them all off guard after a two month holiday.
Someone then walked around the corner towards them.
"Hello, Arthur!"
It turned out to be Cho Chang, and was on her own, which was odd since she would normally be surrounded by a gang of her giggling friends.
"Hello." Arthur greeted her back.
"You got that stuff off, then?" She said, referring to the Stinksap.
"Yeah." Arthur replied, grinning slightly, finding their meeting on the train to be pretty funny looking back. "Be glad you weren't there when it was unleashed. It was awful."
"I see you're wearing a Tornados badge." David said, pointing at the front of Cho's robes, where a sky blue badge emblazoned with a double golden 'T' was pinned. "You support them?"
"Yeah, I do." Cho replied.
"How long?" David asked, speaking as one Quidditch fan to another. "I support the Chudley Cannons myself."
"I've supported the Tornados since I was six." Cho said, thankfully understanding he was being casual. "Anyway… see you, Arthur."
She then walked away and after waiting until she was halfway across the courtyard, Chrys smacked David by the arm.
"You can be so tactless!"
"How?" David asked, shocked by her action.
"She wanted to talk to Arthur on her own." She said, making David's eyes widen and a look of guilt fell over his face.
Arthur looked away, inwardly mortified as he knew that they were talking about this in a more romantic way. He still hasn't told them he was gay and if things pan out in a certain way, they'd learn of this and may be disgusted by this fact.
Eventually the bell rang and the three went off to double Potions.
As they were heading to Snape's dungeon, Arthur thought about Cho and what she must be going through. She was Cedric's girlfriend after all since the Yule Ball and lost him six months later when he was killed by Voldemort. And based on how friendly she's talked to him, it's clear she believed that Arthur wasn't responsible for his death, hopefully knowing that Voldemort was indeed back. This made Arthur feel a bit better.
Snape's dungeon door creaked open and everyone filed into the classroom, the trio sitting at their usual table at the back.
"Settle down." Snape said coldly, shutting the door behind him.
"After this year, of course, many of you will cease studying with me." Snape went on. "I take only the very best into my N.E.W.T. Potions class, which means that some of us will certainly be saying goodbye."
His eyes rested on Arthur and his lips curled as Arthur glared back. He was sure that Potions would be important to become an Auror, so he's going to prove to Snape that he is indeed as great at Potions as he always has been since first year.
"But we have another year to go before that happy moment of farewell…" Snape said softly. "...so, whether or not you are intending to attempt N.E.W.T., I advise all of you to concentrate your efforts upon maintaining the high pass level I have come to expect from my O.W.L. students. Today we will be mixing a potion that often comes up at Ordinary Wizarding Level: the Draught of Peace, a potion to calm anxiety and soothe agitation. Be warned: if you are too heavy handed with the ingredients, you will put the drinker into a heavy and sometimes irreversible sleep, so you will need to pay close attention to what you are doing. The ingredients and method -" Snape flicked his wand. " - are on the blackboard -" They appeared there. " - you will find everything you need -" He flicked his wand again. " - in the stone cupboard -" The door of said cupboard opened up. " - you have an hour and a half… start."
The trio did in fact predict that Snape would set them something extremely difficult. The ingredients had to be added to the cauldron in precisely the right order and quantities; the mixture had to be stirred in exactly the same number of times, firstly clockwise, then anti-clockwise; the heat of the flames in which it simmered had to be lowered to exactly the right level for a specific number of minutes before the final ingredient could be added.
"A light silver vapour should now be rising from your potion." Snape called with ten minutes left.
Arthur was so laser focused at making this potion that his cauldron did have a light silver vapour, which pleased him. David, in the corner of his eye, looked tense for a moment until his potion was the same, making him release a huge sigh of relief. Chrys' was just the same, which wasn't really surprising, considering how she's the top student.
As Snape swept by, he looked down his hooked nose without comment, meaning he found nothing to criticise. When he reached Arthur's cauldron, he looked very disappointed as he growled with a glare at Arthur before he continued on.
"All of you, fill one flagon with a sample of your potion, label it clearly with your name and bring it up to my desk for testing." Snape said after he finished checking everyone's work. "Homework twelve inches of parchment on the properties of moonstone and its uses in potion making, to be handed in on Thursday."
Everyone did as told and Arthur saw that Neville's potion had the consistency of just mixed cement. They all marched up to Snape's desk with filled and corked flagons.
Once the bell rang, Arthur was among the first to leave the dungeon and headed to the Great Hall for lunch. The ceiling was now a murkier grey and rain lashed the high windows.
"What's stupid was that Goyle's potion shattered his flagon and set his robes on fire yet Snape didn't criticise him." Chrys said in contempt as she helped herself to some shepherd's pie.
"This is Snape we're talking about. He lives for being biassed and unfair." Arthur reminded him.
After lunch, the trio left the Great Hal, both Arthur and David leaving for Divination.
After Potions, Divination has to be Arthur's least favourite subject. It was because of Professor Trelawney and her habit of predicting his premature death practically every lesson.
She was a thin woman that was heavily draped in shawls and glittering with strings of beads, making Arthur be reminded of an insect, especially with her glasses that magnified her eyes.
When they entered her room, there were battered leather bound books on each of the spindly little tables. Most of the light cast by the lamps in the room were covered by scarves and the low burning, sickly scented fire was so dim that she seemed ominous somehow as Arthur took a seat in the shadows with David past the tables, chairs and overstuffed pouffes.
"Good day." Trelawney said in her usual mister, dreamy voice. "And welcome back to Divination. I have, of course, been following your fortunes most carefully over the holidays, and am delighted to see that you have all returned to Hogwarts safely, as, of course, I knew you would. You will find on the tables before you copies of The Dream Oracle, by Inigo Imago. Dream interpretation is a most important means of devising the future and one that may very probably be tested in your O.W.L. Not, of course, that I believe examination passes or failures are of the remotest importance when it comes to the sacred art of divination. If you have the Seeing Eye, certificates and grades matter very little. However, the Headmaster likes you to sit the examination, so…."
Her voice trailed away delicately, leaving everyone thinking about how she considered her subject above such matters as examinations.
"Turn, please, to the introduction and read what Imago has to say on the matter of dream interpretation. Then, divide into pairs. Use The Dream Oracle to interpret each other's most recent dreams. Carry on."
Arthur was so thankful that this wasn't a double period and by the time they all finished reading the introduction of the book, they all barely had ten minutes left to interpret their dreams. At the table next to Arthur and David, Mike was paired with Neville, who immediately went on a long winded explanation of a nightmare with a pair of giant scissors wearing his grandmother's best hat.
"I'm barely able to remember my own dreams." David said. "You say one."
Arthur didn't really want to share any of his dreams, which were constant nightmares of the graveyard and of that hallway to the Department of Mysteries. He insisted David tell one.
"Well…" David screwed his face up in concentration. "...I dreamed of playing Quidditch with a dragon. What could that mean?"
"I have no idea." Arthur said as he turned the pages of the book. "Maybe you'll be eaten by some magical fox."
It turned out to be really dull work and Arthur wasn't thrilled when Trelawney said that they had to keep a dream diary for a month as homework.
Once the bell rang, he and Arthur led the way back down the ladder.
"Seriously… all this homework on the first day should be a crime." David grumbled. "A foot and a half long essay on giant wars, Snape wanting a foot on the use of moonstones and now a month long dream diary from that phoney. And knowing Umbridge, she's gonna make things more unbearable."
Upon entering the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, they found Umbridge already seated at the teacher's desk, wearing that awful fluffy pink cardigan as well as that black velvet bow on top of her head. Arthur just couldn't help but think of her as a toad in human form.
The class was quiet as it entered; Umbridge was an unknown quantity to them so they didn't know how strict of a disciplinary she may be.
"Well, good afternoon!" She said when the whole class had sat down.
A few people grumbled "good afternoon" in reply.
"Tut, tut." Umbridge said. "That won't do, now, will it? I should like you, please, to reply 'Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge'. One more time, please. Good afternoon, class!"
"Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge." They all chanted back at her blandly.
"There, now." Umbridge said over sweetly. "That wasn't too difficult, was it? Wands away and quills out, please."
A lot of the students exchanged nothing but gloomy looks. The order 'wands away' was always part of a class that never had anything of interest or excitement.
Arthur shoved his wand back into his bag and pulled out his quill, ink and parchment. Umbridge opened her handbag and extracted her own wand, which was absurdly short compared to other wands Arthur had seen, and tapped the blackboard sharply with it, causing words to form on the board.
DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS
A Return to Basic Principles
"Well now, your teaching in this subject has been rather disrupted and fragmented, hasn't it?" Umbridge stated, turning to face the class with her hands clasped neatly in front of her. "The constant changing of teachers, many of whom do not seem to have followed any Ministry approved curriculum, has unfortunately resulted in your being far below the standard we would expect to see in your O.W.L. year. You will be pleased to know, however, that these problems are now to be rectified. We will be following a carefully structured, theory centred, Ministry approved course of defensive magic this year. Copy down the following please."
She rapped the blackboard once more, the first message vanishing and now being replaced with 'Course Aims'.
1. Understand the principles underlying defensive magic.
2. Learning to recognise situations in which defensive magic can legally be used.
3. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use.
For a couple of minutes, the room was full of the sound of scratching quills on parchment. By the time everyone copied down the three course aims, she said "Has everybody got a copy of Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard?"
There was a dull murmur of assent through the class.
"I think we'll have to try that again." Umbridge said. "When I ask you a question, I should like you to reply 'Yes, Professor Umbridge' or 'No, Professor Umbridge'. So, has everyone got a copy of Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard?"
"Yes, Professor Umbridge." Everyone said, Arthur despising how he and everyone were being treated as little children at primary school.
"Good." Umbridge said. "I should like you to turn to page five and read 'Chapter One, Basics for Beginners'. There will be no need to talk."
She then left the blackboard and settled herself back in the chair behind the teacher's desk, observing them all with those pouchy toad's eyes.
Arthur turned to page five of his copy of the book and read it
It was nothing but dull, just as bad as listening to Binns. He tried really hard to concentrate as he read. He was just about done a few minutes later, which he was grateful for and looked to see David was nearly finished and then he turned and received quite the surprise with Chrys not even opening her copy of the book and stared at Umbridge fixedly with her hand up in the air.
Arthur never recalled Chrys ever neglecting to read or do something when instructed to. Arthur looked up at Umbridge, seeing that she's looking just as resolutely as Chrys in another direction, clearly not wanting to answer her question.
But after several minutes, Arthur wasn't the only one watching Chrys. The chapter everyone was instructed to read was so tedious that more people decided to just Chrys' mute attempt to catch Umbridge's attention instead of struggling with 'Basics for Beginners'.
By the time more than half of the class stared at Chrys, Umbridge decided that she couldn't ignore it any longer.
"Did you want to ask something about the chapter, dear?" She asked Chrys, as though she just noticed her.
"Not about the chapter." Chrys said.
"Well, we're reading it just now." Umbridge said, showing her small pointed teeth. "If you have other queries we can deal with them at the end of class."
"I've got a query about your course aims." Chrys said.
This made Umbridge raise her eyebrows.
"And your name is?"
"Chrysanthemum Ranger."
"Well, Miss Ranger, I think the course aims are perfectly clear if you read them through carefully." Umbridge explained with determined sweetness.
"Well, I don't." Chrys said bluntly. "There's nothing about using defensive spells."
This left a short silence with many of the class turning their heads to frown at the three course aims still on the blackboard. Arthur himself sees that the Ministry is clearly trying to prevent the students from learning defensive magic, no doubt because of some stupid reason involving Dumbledore.
"Using defensive spells." Umbridge repeated with a little laugh. "Why, I can't imagine any situation arising in my classroom that would require you to use a defensive spell, Miss Ranger. You surely aren't expecting to be attacked during class?"
"So we're not going to use magic?" David asked loudly.
"Students raise their hands when they wish to speak in my class, Mr -?"
"Merlon." David frowned.
Umbridge, now smiling more widely, turned her head back on him, Both Arthur and Chrys instantly raised their hands as well. Umbridge's eyes lingered on Arthur for a moment before addressing Chrys, which Arthur suspected because she didn't want to make a scene with him.
"Yes, Miss Ranger? You wanted to ask something else?"
"Isn't the whole point of learning Defence Against the Dark Arts to practise defensive spells?"
"Are you a Ministry trained educational expert, Miss Ranger?" Umbridge asked in her fake sweet voice.
"No, but -"
"Well then, I'm afraid you are not qualified to decide what the 'whole point' of any class is. Wizards much older and cleverer than you have devised our new programme of study. You will be learning about defensive spells in a secure, risk free way -"
"If we;re going to be attacked, it won't be in a risk free way." Arthur said loudly.
"Hand, Mr Pendergast!" Umbridge sang.
Arthur thrust his fist in the air but Umbridge just promptly turned away from him again, though several others had their hands up, too.
"And your name is?" Umbridge said to Mike.
"Michael McGonagall."
"Well, Mr McGonagall?"
"It's like Arthur said. Why learn the theory and risk free considering the chances of being attacked?"
"I repeat…" Umbridge said, now smiling in a very irritating manner. "...do you expect to be attacked during my classes?"
"No, but -"
Umbridge talked over him. "I do not wish to criticise the way things have been run in this school…" She said with an unconvincing smile that said she wanted to. "...but you have been exposed to some very irresponsible wizards in this class, very irresponsible indeed, not to mention…" She gave a nasty little laugh. "...extremely dangerous half-breeds."
Arthur glared at her, seeing that's very much a bigot and racist, he wouldn't be surprised if she hates Muggle-Borns as well.
"If you mean Professor Lupin…" Dean said angrily. "...he was the best we ever -"
"Hand, Mr Thomas! As I was saying, you have been introduced to spells that have been complex, inappropriate to your age group and potentially lethal. You have been frightened into believing that you are likely to meet dark attacks every other day -"
"We haven't!" Chrys corrected her. "We just -"
"Your hand is not up, Miss Ranger!"
Chrys put her hand up but Umbridge turned away from her.
"It is my understanding that my predecessor not only performed illegal curses in front of you, he actually performed them on you."
"That was before we learned he was really a madman!" Mike pointed out. "But we still learned a lot!"
"Your hand is not up, Mr McGonagall!" Umbridged trilled. "Now, it is the view of the Ministry that a theoretical knowledge will be more sufficient to get you through your examination, which, after all, is what school is all about. And your name is?" She added, staring at Parvati, whose hand shot up.
"Parvati Patil, and isn't there a practical bit in our Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L.? Aren't we supposed to show that we can actually do the counter curses and things?"
"As long as you have studied the theory hard enough, there is no reason why you should not be able to perform the spells under carefully controlled examination conditions." Umbridge said dismissively.
"Without ever practising them beforehand?" Parvati said incredulously. "Are you telling us that the first time we'll get to do the spells will be during our exam?"
"I repeat, as long as you have studied the theory hard enough -"
"Theory will not help us in the real world." Arthur said loudly, his fist in the air.
Umbridge looked up.
"This is school, Mr Pendergast, not the real world." She said softly.
"But school is supposed to prepare us for the real world and what's waiting for us out there."
"There is nothing out there, Mr Pendergast."
"Yes, there is." Arthur said. His temper now bubbled up to the boiling point, but he knew that if he went any further by mentioning Voldemort, he'd get into trouble, which he can't risk, and he didn't want to give Umbridge the satisfaction.
"Then who do you imagine wants to attack children like yourselves?" Umbridge enquired in a horribly honeyed voice.
"I can list off many things, Acromantulas, werewolves during the full moon, giants, trolls, Boggarts, Red Caps, dark wizards that aren't captured and sent to Azkaban, I can go on." Arthur said. "None of them would care for theory as long as they attack us without hesitation. It's why we have practical work in this subject in particular, to learn how to defend ourselves."
Umbridge stared at him, Arthur seeing slight disappointment in her eyes that she wouldn't punish him as he did make a fair point.
"Like I said, by studying the theory hard enough, you don't need to use spells in my classroom and under carefully controlled examination conditions. Now, enough of this and please return to reading page five of your books."
Everyone all frowned as they did as they were told, not very happy about this.
Arthur, especially, was fuming and knew for sure that this will be the worst year he'll ever have at Hogwarts.
Well, at least Arthur won't have to endure that truly horrible method of detention Umbridge inflicted on Harry.
Also, whoever is requesting I do my Jurassic Park story, PLEASE STOP! I'm not taking requests because I must feel he drive and need to write a particular story at any particular time. And I may just delete it and come up with a new JP story.