A Multiversity of Bungholes
Open Road
"And so you see, Beavis and Butt-head are two very valuable potential employees," Van Driessen explained. "I can personally vouch for these two students."
At the Burger World Beavis and Butt-head once worked at, Van Driessen sat at the table with the current manager. He was a chubby African American man in a uniform who looked down at the resumes Van Driessen had written for the two.
"I see," the new manager told the teacher. "Right now business is slow so there's no a lot of need for them to jump back in to work just yet. Will they be available in late August when school starts again?"
"They certainly will," Van Driessen promised.
At a separate table, both Beavis and Butt-head frowned. Neither of them was particularly happy to have to start a part time job again.
"Um Butt-head," Beavis grimaced. "Why is Van Driessen getting us a job again?"
"Uh, that butthole said we need to, like, contribute to society again or something," Butt-head looked equally displeased.
"Weren't we, like, astronauts before?" asked Beavis. "How'd we go back to working for Burger World again?"
"Uh… Van Driessen said we couldn't put that on our resume anymore."
"Oh yeah… heh heh heh."
Soon, Van Driessen walked back to the duo.
"Congratulations guys!" Van Driessen told them. "I've ensures that when school starts, you'll have a job again and a source of income!"
"This job sucks, Van Driessen!" Beavis told him. "Why couldn't you get us a cool job?!"
"Yeah, we should be, like, rich and stuff!" Butt-head declared. "Get us a job that doesn't suck!"
"Guys, I'm sorry to point this out," the teacher informed the two. "But you've been missing for close to a quarter century. And in all that time, you've gained very little experience to land a job that pays more. Right now you have no choice but to start at the bottom and work your way up."
"Uh, huh huh huh! You said bottom!"
"Yeah, heh heh heh! Do you like it bottom up, Van Driessen?" Beavis laughed as Van Driessen rolled his eyes.
Van Driessen sighed. "Alright guys, now that we have free time again, are you ready to begin our trip to New York City?"
"Let's go then, hippie!" Butt-head told his teacher rudely. "We don't got all day, you know!"
oooo
Looking at their portal, Smart Beavis and Butt-head realized that now, their plan was coming to fruition.
While normal Earth's Beavis and Butt-head were reluctant to help, they knew they could rely on Van Driessen to answer the call.
"Yes yes," Smart Beavis smiled. "This is all coming together well."
"Indeed," Smart Butt-head replied. "Soon, the problem will be resolved and we will go back to observing the multiverse."
Suddenly, they received a call on their screen.
"Ah, I believe the Supreme Leaders are calling to compliment us on our plan," Smart Butt-head announced.
The Smart duo answered the message as the figure of Smart Daria appeared on their screen.
"Ah yes," Smart Butt-head answered. "Are you here to inform us of a job well done, Supreme Leader?"
"I can't exactly compliment you for something I haven't seen," Smart Daria told them. "Is the situation being taken care of?"
"It is," Smart Beavis smiled. "We have not only made contact with Beavis and Butt-head of Earth One again… but we also informed their teacher of the situation. Soon, they will make their way to New York City and save the multiverse from destruction."
"So your brilliant plan is to tell your Normal Earth counterparts and Van Driessen to go to New York City and everything will get figured out on its own?" asked Smart Daria.
"That is correct," Smart Beavis nodded. "Yes indeed."
"And do they even know there's a dangerous intergalactic super-criminal on the loose who's already plundered multiple universes?" asked Smart Daria.
"Hmm, we did not yet inform them of that," Smart Butt-head realized.
"Don't you think you should have done that then?" demanded Smart Daria.
"It… did not cross our minds at the time," admitted Smart Beavis.
"And even if you did tell them that," Smart Daria told them. "What could two imbeciles and a pacifist teacher on Earth One hope to do against an S-Class super-criminal who's already thwarted all of us Supreme Leaders?"
"Hmm, Beavis and Butt-head were able to stop two terrorists before from unleashing a plague in the 1990s," Smart Beavis tried to defend the duo.
"Yes yes," Smart Butt-head agreed. "And it was because of their recent actions that one of us, Smart Beavis, finally scored. By the way, I watched the whole thing."
"Quite true," Smart Beavis added. "Empress Beavis awarded us at the Citadel because Earth One's Beavis and Butt-head got us to that point."
"Now we're just getting off topic," Smart Daria cut them off. "Listen very carefully. You were appointed to this case because you insisted on stopping this rampage. Get it together and resolve this. Because the Supreme Leaders, myself included, are getting impatient."
"Yes yes, we will attend to this," Smart Butt-head promised.
"Indeed, we will dedicate all our resources to stopping this fiend," Smart Beavis nodded.
Smart Daria rolled her eyes and cut the connection.
"The situation is indeed dire," Smart Butt-head noted. "But Beavis and Butt-head of Normal Earth should be able to take care of this."
oooo
"Uh huh huh huh!" Butt-head and Beavis looked down on their cell phone.
Van Driessen was already half-way to New York with the two boys in toll.
"Hey Van Driessen!" Butt-head called out.
"What is it, Butt-head?" asked their teacher.
"So, like, do chicks these days really fight in cages?" Butt-head asked.
"Oh," Van Driessen. "Yes Butt-head. Women in these past few decades have made real strides in equality in the field of athletics."
Beavis and Butt-head continued looking down in awe as the female MMA fighter Melody Malone choked her opponent into submission.
"Heh heh heh!" Beavis chuckled. "This is cool!"
"Beavis," Butt-head told his friend. "One day, Melody is going to show me that move in our bedroom."
"Damn it, Van Driessen!" Beavis shouted. "Why couldn't we see stuff like this in the 90s?!"
"Yeah, and why did all the CGI suck in the 90s?" Butt-head demanded additionally.
"Guys, sometimes progress takes time, mmkay?" their teacher reminded them. "You can't just expect technology and social progress to take such a huge leap in a short amount of time. First you have to set the foundation and then experiment. Then over time, we can achieve more progress."
"Hey Van Driessen," Beavis suddenly noticed. "So, like, we came to the future and you've been teaching for a while. So how is it you still look younger and stuff?"
"Yeah, you should be in a wheelchair!" Butt-head pointed out.
"Oh that?" Van Driessen smiled. "I give all the credit to my vegan diet. It's really done wonders for my health."
"Uh, what's that again?" demanded Butt-head.
"It's a diet where you don't eat meat or dairy products," Van Driessen told them.
"Heh heh heh, he said meat!" Beavis laughed.
"Well, if you can't eat the meat, can you still beat the meat?" Butt-head asked. "Uh huh huh huh huh huh!"
oooo
At the Pennsylvania rest stop, Tom Anderson left the bathroom with his wife after a short restroom stop. They were coming back from a vacation they had in New Hampshire and headed back to their home in Texas.
The two of them had had a relatively uneventful past few decades together, full of peace and relative tranquility. And the fact that Beavis and Butt-head had been gone in all that time played a big part in that.
"You know Marcy," Tom Anderson told her. "I tell you what… life's been real good these past few years."
"Of course dear," Marcy told him.
"Uh huh huh huh!"
"Heh heh heh heh heh!"
Tom Anderson turned around. The sound was familiar but he hadn't heard anything like it in years.
"Say Marcy, I'm starting to feel a sense of déjà vu," Anderson noted.
He looked around. A few feet away from his car was a hippie van. Anderson's eyesight wasn't able to make out all the details but he saw an older, bearded man leave the car to enter the restroom, followed by a blonde teen and a brunette teen. Both of whom were giggling profusely.
"That sounded familiar," Tom Anderson mentioned.
"Those boys laughing?" asked Marcy.
"You bet," Anderson told her. "It reminds me of something I heard before but I can't quite tell what."
Anderson scratched his head a few times before deciding to head back home.
"Well Marcy, let's head out," he told his wife. "I can't wait to get back home."
oooo
"Oh it was terrible!" Empress Beavis told Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-head at the Citadel.
The entire building was a mess, with multiple guards either injured or killed. To the side sat Emperor Butt-head who was being attended to by some still-conscious retainers who put an ice pack on his head.
"Please relate to us your experience, Empress," Smart Butt-head beckoned. "My companion and I will do what is necessary to assist you."
"He came out of nowhere," Empress Beavis related. "It started out innocently enough. The Emperor and I were planning for another gathering of Beavis and Butt-head's from across the multiverse when a creature from beyond the stars showed up."
"Interesting… very interesting indeed," Smart Beavis told her. "Yes yes."
"In no time at all, he overran all of our security," Empress Beavis went on. "There wasn't a single soldier in this Citadel who was a match for him."
"Sounds formidable," Smart Butt-head nodded.
"Yes, very formidable indeed," Smart Beavis said in addition.
"He pillaged our treasury," Empress Beavis continued. "In addition to some of our vaunted technology."
"Hmm," Smart Butt-head rubbed his chin. "All of this sounds like it fits the profile and mission objectives of the intergalactic super-criminal we were sent after. I believe he is one who came from our universe."
"We ask only one thing, your highness," Smart Beavis requested.
"What would that be?" asked Empress Beavis.
"We would like to review the footage of this intruder," requested Smart Butt-head. "Once that is complete, we will be able to assist you in this endeavor."
"Very well," Empress Beavis agreed. "Come with me."
oooo
The next day, Van Driessen made good on his promise to take the duo to the heart of NYC itself in Manhattan.
"And here we are in Times Square," Van Driessen showed the two around.
"Uh huh huh huh!"
"Heh heh heh heh heh!"
"You know, I've always wanted take my students on a trip here," Van Driessen told them. "But driving from Texas to New York was always too long of a trip. And Highland High would have never sponsored it."
"Yeah, who can go anywhere when McVicker's such a damn cheapskate?" Butt-head declared.
"So tomorrow I was thinking of taking you guys to go see the Statue of Liberty," Van Driessen informed the two.
"Hey Butt-head," Beavis tugged on Butt-head's arm. "Check it out!"
"Uh, what?" Butt-head turned around.
On a massive billboard was a picture of the female MMA fighter they had previously watched on their cell phone.
"Uh… huh huh huh!" Butt-head smiled. "Come to Butt-head."
"Oh," Van Driessen noted. "Looks like Melody Malone is fighting tonight in this building."
"Whoa, she is?" Beavis looked excited.
"She's a big star," Van Driessen told the pair. "And she's a real trailblazer for female fighters."
"Beavis," Butt-head told his companion. "Tonight we must score with this lady."
"You thinking what I'm thinking, Butt-head?" asked Beavis.
"Yeah, let's ditch this hippie and meet Melody! Uh huh huh huh huh huh!"
oooo
Later in the evening, Van Driessen walked upstairs in the hotel after he got his takeout for the night.
So far the trip had been quite fun and both Beavis and Butt-head didn't cause him the kind of trouble they had in the past. Perhaps their latest adventure, whatever it entailed, had changed them for the better.
Van Driessen placed the food back in his room.
"Hmm, maybe I should go check up on the two," he decided.
The teacher left his own room and walked to Beavis and Butt-head's room right across from his.
"Guys?" Van Driessen knocked.
There was no response.
"C'mon guys," Van Driessen insisted. "Open up, mmkay?"
Still there was no answer.
"Are you even in there?" asked Van Driessen.
Unfortunately for the teacher, he did not realize the duo had already left.
oooo
"Uh huh huh huh!" Butt-head chuckled. "We're here, Beavis."
The two of them had gone back to the place in New York where they saw the promo for Melody Malone. In front of the building was a line of people waiting to get inside.
"You think that chick really wants to score with us?" asked Beavis.
"Uh… it couldn't hurt to ask!" Butt-head decided.
"Yeah, guess not," Beavis smiled.
"Besides, we never got to do it with Serena," Butt-head pointed out. "Either we spank our monkeys for the rest of our lives or we move on and find another chick to score with!"
"Makes sense, heh heh heh!"
"Alright Beavis, let's see if that fighting chick wants to do it with us!" Butt-head lead the way to the building with Beavis close behind him. "Huh huh huh huh huh!"
To be continued.