This Is Terrifying

A Mirror, Mirror fanfiction

~1998~

"I don't understand," Nicholas was saying, frowning at Royce, brow lowered. "You have to walk me through this again – why is, and, a great deal more importantly, how can, a piece of purple felt be a homosexual?"

Royce, from his spot on the couch, shrugged. "I dunno, but everybody agrees Tinky Winky goes the other way, if you know what I'm saying."

"I have no idea what you're saying." He added, "I'd say it's all Greek to me, but I can actually understand Greek far better than anything you've said in the last five minutes."

Jo walked into the lounge room, then. "Royce, what are you telling him?"

"He is explaining to me this television children's programme called Teletubbies," Nick filled her in.

She blinked at her brother in stunned disbelief. "We've been to the moon – mankind has done amazing things since 1919 – advanced in technology, had another world war – any part of which you could use your basic schooling to fill him in on, and you're explaining Teletubb–" She stopped. "Oh, God. Okay. Hang on." Her hand went to her forehead. "So. That was Mum's voice from when we were little that just flew across the Tasman and out of my mouth."

"Scary," Royce agreed, nodding sympathetically. "Very scary."

Less than ten minutes later, all three of them were curled up together on the sofa, sharing a large bowl of popcorn and staring at the television with blank, slack-jawed expressions.

"Jo?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm confused," Nick admitted, leaning closer to her. "Why is the vacuum cleaner sentient? Does this progress the plot in some way?"

"Nah," she replied, digging into the popcorn.

"But this is terrifying! What is a giant baby doing in the sun?"

"No one really knows," Royce whispered, unhelpfully.

"How is everything so green? Those unnerving rainbow creatures with screens on their stomachs must pay their landscaper and gardener a small fortune – don't you think so?"

"Shh!" Royce and Jo blurted at the same time, their butter-stained index fingers going to their lips.

"Oh, yes" – he rolled his eyes – "I would hate to miss something and thereby fail to understand the deeper motivation behind their need to eat copious amounts of custard while their demon-possessed vacuum cleaner, who is obviously some manner of crime against nature, looks on longingly!" He added, after a pause, "This programme is designed for slow children, yes?"

"I have no idea," Jo admitted. "But, you know what? Now that you've said something, I certainly hope so."

"Shh!" hissed Royce.

Fin