Hagrid's Tale

Arthur instantly sprinted up the boys' dormitories to grab his Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map from his trunk; he was actually so quick that he and David were ready to leave within a minute before Chrys hurried back down from the girls' dormitories with a scarf and gloves to deal with the cold.

The three crept through the portrait hole and covered themselves in the Cloak, David had actually grown so much that he had to crouch to prevent his feet from showing, and then they moved slowly and cautiously down the many staircases, pausing at times to check on the map for any signs of Filch or Mrs Norris.

Luckily, they saw no one as they now crept across the Entrance Hall and out into the silent, snowy grounds.

With a truly great leap of his heart, Arthur saw little golden squares of light ahead and smoke coming up from Hagrid's chimney.

The trio all made a quick march, crunching excitedly through the thickening snow until they finally reached the wooden front door.

When Arthur raised his fist and knocked three times, a dog was barking frantically inside.

"Hagrid, it's us!" Arthur called through the keyhole.

"Shoulda known!" A gruff voice said.

All three of them beamed at each other under the Cloak, it was clear by Hagrid's voice that he was pleased. "Bin home three seconds… out the way, Fang… out the way, yeh dozy dog…."

The bolt was drawn back and the door creaked open with Hagrid's face appearing in the gap.

Chrys held back a scream that would've erupted from her mouth.

"Under that Cloak, are yeh? Well, get in, get in!"

The trio all squeezed past Hagrid into the house and pulled the Cloak off so that he could see them.

"Oh, Hagrid!" Chrys gasped.

"It's nuthin', it's nuthin'!" Hagrid said hastily, shutting the door behind them and hurried to close all the curtains, though Chrys continued gazing up at him in horror, and Arthur understood why.

Hagrid's hair was matted with congealed blood and his left eye was now reduced to a puffy slit amid a mass of purple and black bruising. There were also many cuts on his face and hands, some of which were still bleeding. With how he was moving gingerly, Arthur knew that it had to be because of broken ribs.

And as Hagrid said, it was clear that he just got home because a thick black travelling cloak lay over the black of a chair and a haversack large enough to carry several small children leaned up against the wall inside the door.

Hagrid himself, twice the size of a normal man, was now limping over to the fire and placed a copper kettle over it.

"What the hell happened to you?" Arthur demanded to know what the giants did to him as Fang danced around the trio, trying to lick their faces.

"Told yeh, nuthin'." Hagrid said firmly. "Want a cuppa?"

"Come on, Hagrid, you're in a horrible state!" David said.

"I'm tellin' yeh, I'm fine." Hagrid said, straightening up and turning to beam at them, but wincing. "Blimey, it's good ter see yeh three again, had good summers, did yeh?"

"Hagrid, you've been attacked!" David pointed out.

"Fer the las' time, it's nuthin'!" Hagrid said firmly.

"Would you say the same thing if one of us turned up with a face that looked like raw steak?" David demanded.

"You really need to see Madam Pomfrey, Hagrid." Chrys said anxiously. "Some of those cuts look very nasty."

He walked across to the large wooden table that stood by a wall and twitched aside a tea towel that lay on it. Under it was a raw, bloody, green tinged steak that was slightly larger than an average car tyre.

"You're not gonna eat that, are you?" David said, grossed out by the sight of it. "It looks so poisonous."

"It's s'posed ter look like that, it's dragon meat." Hagrid said. "An' I didn' get it ter eat."

He picked the steak up and slapped it over the left side of his face. Greenish blood trickled down into his beard as he gave a soft satisfactory moan.

"That's better. It helps with the stingin', yeh know."

"Are you even gonna say what happened to you?" Arthur said, not wanting to let Hagrid know that they knew where he's been.

"Can't, Arthur. Top secret. More'n me job's worth ter tell yeh that."

Arthur looked at David and Chrys, and they nodded.

"Hagrid, we know that you've gone with Maxime to try and ally with the giants, which have to be the cause of your wounds." Arthur said.

Hagrid's fingers slipped on the dragon steak, making it slide squelchily onto his chest.

"Giants?" Hagrid said, catching the steak before it reached his belt and slapped it back over his face. "Who said anythin' abou' giants? Who yeh bin talkin' to? Who's told yeh what I've - who's said I've bin - eh?"

"Hagrid, Dumbledore sent you and Maxime, two half-giants, on a mission together. Anyone smart enough will realise where you've been." Arthur said like it was obvious enough.

Hagrid glared at all three of them before he snorted and threw the steak back onto the table, striding over to the kettle, which was now whistling.

"Never known kids like you three fer knowin' more'n yeh oughta'." Hagrid muttered, splashing boiling water into three of his bucket shaped mugs. "An' I'm not complimentin' yeh, neither. Nosy, some'd call it. Interferin'."

His beard twitched, though.

"Just admit that you've been looking for the giants." Arthur demanded with a raised eyebrow, like a parent would to make their child spill the beans as he sat at the table.

Hagrid set tea in front of each of them, sat down and picked up the steak again, slapping it back over his face.

"Yeah, alrigh'." He grunted. "I have."

"And you must've found them, based on your injuries." Chrys said.

"Well, they're not that difficult ter find, ter be honest." Hagrid said. "Pretty big, see."

"And were they in the mountains?" David asked.

"Yes."

"Then why don't Muggles -?"

"They do." Hagrid said darkly. "On'y their deaths are always put down ter mountaineerin' accidents, aren' they?"

He adjusted the steak a bit so that it covered the worst of the bruising.

"Can you please just tell us what you've been up to?" David said. "If you can tell us about the giants, Arthur can tell you about being attacked by Dementors -"

Hagrid choked in his mug and dropped his steak at the same time, causing a large quantity of spit, tea and dragon blood to spray over the table as Hagrid coughed and spluttered, the steak sliding until it landed on the floor with a soft splat.

"Whadda yeh mean, attacked by Dementors?" Hagrid growled.

"You didn't know?" Chrys asked, wide eyed.

"I don' know anythin' that's bin happenin' since I left. I was on a secret mission, wasn' I, didn' wan' owls followin' me all over the place - ruddy Dementors! Yeh're not serious?"

"I am, they just turned up at Little Whinging and attacked both me and my cousin, then the Ministry expelled me -"

"WHAT?"

" - and I had to go to a hearing, but tell us about the giants first."

"You were expelled?"

"I'm not saying anything about my summer until you tell us about yours." Arthur told him.

Hagrid glared at him through his one open eye. Arthur looked back with a glare of his own.

"Oh, alrigh'." Hagrid said resignedly.

He bent down and tugged the dragon steak out of Fang's mouth.

"Hagrid! That's not hygienic!" Chrys said as Hagrid slapped the meat back over his swollen eye.

He took another gulp of tea before he said "Well, we set off righ' after term ended -"

"You and Maxime?" Chrys asked for clarification.

"Yeah, tha's righ'." Hagrid said with a softened expression on the few inches of face that wasn't obscured by beard or green steak. "Yeah, it was jus' the pair of us. An' I'll tell yeh this, she's not afraid of roughin' it, Olympe. Yeh know, she's a fine, well dressed woman, an' knowin' where we was goin' I wondered 'ow she'd feel abou' clamberin' over boulders an' sleepin' in caves an' tha', bu' she never complained once."

"Did you even know where you were going?" Arthur asked. "To find the giants, I mean."

"Well, Dumbledore knew, an' he told us." Hagrid replied.

"Are they even hidden?" David asked. "Is it a secret, where they are?"

"Not really." Hagrid said, shaking his shaggy head. "It's jus' that mos' wizards aren' bothered where they are, 's'long as it's a good long way away. But where they are's very difficult ter get ter, fer humans anyway, so we needed Dumbledore's instructions. Took us abou' a month ter get there -"

"A month?" David asked, flabbergasted that a journey could last that long. "Why couldn't you just use a Portkey?"

"Because anyone associated closely with Dumbledore is being watched, remember, David?" Arthur reminded him.

"Yeah." Hagrid nodded. "The Ministry's keepin' an eye on Dumbledore an' anyone they reckon's in league with 'im, an' -"

"And so you couldn't use magic to get there." David finished off. "So you had to act like Muggles the whole way?"

"Well, not exactly the whole way." Hagrid said cagily. "We jus' had ter be careful, 'cause Olympe an' me, we stick out a bit -"

David held back a snort and hastily took a gulp of tea.

" - so we're not hard ter follow. We was pretendin' we was goin' on holiday together, so we got inter France an' we made like we was headin' fer where Olympe's school is, 'cause we knew we was bein' tailed by someone from the Ministry. We had to go slow, 'cause I'm not really s'posed ter use magic an' we knew the Ministry'd be lookin' fer a reason ter run us in. But we managed ter give the berk tailin' us the slip round abou' Dee-John -"

"Dijon?" Chrys said excitedly. "I've been there on holiday once!"

"We chanced a bit o' magic after that an' it wasn' a bad journey. Ran inter a couple o' mad trolls on the Polish border an' I had a sligh' disagreement with a vampire in a pub in Minsk, bu' apart from tha' couldn't'a bin smoother. An' then we reached the place, an' we started trekkin' up through the mountains, lookin' fer signs of 'em… We had ter lay off magic once we got near 'em. Partly 'cause they don' like wizards an' we didn' want ter put their backs up too soon, an' partly 'cause Dumbledore had warned us You Know Who was bound ter be after the giants an' all. Said it was odds on he'd sent a messenger off ter them already. Told us ter be very careful of drawin' attention ter ourselves as we got nearer in chase there was Death Eaters around."

Hagrid paused for a long draught of tea.

"Go on!" Arthur said urgently.

"Found 'em." Hagrid said baldly. "Went over a ridge one nigh' an' there they was, spread ou' underneath us. Little fires burnin' below an' huge shadows… it was like watchin' bits o' mountain movin'."

"How big were they?" David asked in a hushed voice.

"'Bout twenty feet." Hagrid said casually. "Some o' the biggest ones mighta bin twenty five."

"And how many of them were there?" Arthur asked.

"I reckon abou' seventy or eighty." Hagrid replied.

"That's all?" Chrys asked.

"Yep." Hagrid said sadly. "Eighty left, an' there was loads more, musta bin a hundred diff'rent tribes from all over the world. Bu' they've bin dyin' out fer ages. Wizards killed a few, o' course, bu' mostly they killed each other, an' now they're dyin' out faster than ever. They're not made ter live bunched up together like tha'. Dumbledore says it's our fault, it was the wizards who forced 'em to go an' made 'em live a good long way from us an' they had no choice bu' ter stick together fer their own protection."

"So… what happened after you saw them?" Arthur asked.

"Well, we waited till morning, didn' want ter go sneakin' up on 'em in the dark, fer our own safety." Hagrid said. "'Bout three in the mornin' they fell asleep jus' where they was sittin'. We didn' dare sleep. Fer one thing, we wanted ter make sure none of 'em woke up an' came up where we were, an' fer another, the snorin' was unbelievable. Caused an avalanche near mornin'. Anyway, once it was light, we wen' down ter see 'em."

"Seriously, just like that?" David asked, awestruck. "You just walked right into a giant camp?"

"Well, Dumbledore'd told us how ter do it." Hagrid said. "Give the Gurg gifts, show some respect, yeh know."

"Who or what is a Gurg?" Arthur asked in confusion.

"Oh, the Gurg, means the chief."

"But how could you tell which one's the Gurg?" David asked, making Hagrid grunt in amusement.

"No problem. He was the biggest, the ugliest an' the laziest. Sittin' there waitin' ter be brought food by the others. Dead goats an' such like. Name o' Karkus. I'd put him at twenty two, twenty three feet an' the weight o' a couple o' bull elephants. Skin like rhino hide an' all.

"And you just walked up to him?" Chrys asked in disbelief, which was shared with Arthur.

"Well… down ter him, where he was lyin' in the valley. They was in this dip between four pretty high mountains, see, beside a mountain lake, an' Karkus was lyin' by the lake roarin' at the others ter feed him an' his wife. Olympe an' I went down the mountainside -"

"But wouldn't they have tried to kill you upon seeing the pair of you?" David asked incredulously.

"It was def'nitely on some o' their minds…" Hagrid shrugged. "...but we did what Dumbledore told us ter do, which was ter hold our gift up high an' keep our eyes on the Gurg an' ignore the others. So tha's what we did. An' the rest of 'em went quiet an' watched us pass an' we got right up ter Karkus' feet an' we bowed an' put our present down in front o' him."

"And what did you give him?" David asked curiously.

"We took him magic. Giants like magic, jus' don' like us sin' it against 'em. Anyway, that firs' day we gave 'im a branch o' Gubraithian fire.

"Whoa…." Chrys said in awe, Arthur remembered Flitwick mentioning it before.

"That's everlasting fire isn't it?" He asked Chrys, who nodded.

"Well, anyway, Dumbledore'd bewitched this branch to burn ferver more, which isn' somethin' any wizard could do, an' so I lies it down in the snow by Karkus' feet and says 'A gift to the Gurg of the giants from Albus Dumbledore, who sends his respectful greetings'."

"And did Karkus say anything?" Arthur asked, wondering if giants could speak.

"Nothin'." Hagrid said. "Didn' speak English."

"Seriously?"

"Didn' matter." Hagrid said imperturbably. "Dumbledore had warned us tha' migh' happen. Karkus knew enough to yell fer a couple o' giants who knew our lingo an' they translated fer us."

"Did he like the present?" David asked.

"Oh yeah, it went down a storm once they understood what it was." Hagrid said, turning his dragon steak over to press the more cool slide to his swollen eye. "Very pleased. So then I said 'Albus Dumbledore asks the Gurg to speak with his messenger when returns tomorrow with another gift'."

"Why not speak to them that day?" Chrys asked.

"Dumbledore wanted us ter take it very slow." Hagrid replied. "Let 'em see we kept our promises. We'll come back tomorrow with another present, an' then we do come back with another present - gives a good impression, see? An' gives 'em time ter test out the firs' present an' find out it's a good one, an' get 'em eager fer more. In any case, giants like Karkus - overload 'em with information an' they'll kill yeh jus' to simplify things. So we bowed outta the way an' went off an' found ourselves a nice little cave ter spend the night in an' the following mornin' we went back an' this time we found Karkus sittin' up waitin' fer us lookin' all eager."

"Did you talk to him then?"

"Oh yeah. Firs' we presented him with a nice little battle helmet - goblin made an' indestructible, yeh know, an' then we sat down an' we talked."

"What did he say?"

"Not much. Listened mostly. Bu' there were good signs. He'd heard o' Dumbledore, heard he'd argued against the killin' o' the last giants in Britain. Karkus seemed ter be quite int'rested in what Dumbledore had ter say. An' a few o' the others, 'specially the ones who had some English, they gathered round an' listened too. We were hopeful when we left that day. Promised ter come back next mornin' with another present. Bu' that night it all wen' wrong."

"How?" David asked.

"Well, like I say, they're not meant ter live together, giants." Hagrid said sadly. "Not in big groups like that. They can' help themselves, they half kill each other every few weeks. The men fight each other an' the women fight each other; the remnants of the old tribes fight each other, an' that's even without squabbles over food an' the best fires an' sleepin' spots. Yeh'd think, seein' as how their whole race is abou' finished, they'd lay off each other, bu'..."

Hagrid sighed deeply.

"That night a fight broke out, we saw it from the mouth of our cave, lookin' down on the valley. Went on fer hours, yeh wouldn' believe the noise. An' when the sun came up, the snow was scarlet an' his headwas lyin' at the bottom o' the lake."

"Karkus'?" Arthur asked in horror.

"Yep." Hagrid sighed heavily. "There was a new Gurg, Golgomath." He sighed deeply. "Well, we hadn' bargained on a new Gurg two days after we'd made friendly contact with the firs' one, an' we had a funny feelin' Golgomath wouldn' be so keen ter listen to us, bu' we had ter try."

"You just went to speak with him?" David asked, flabbergasted. "Even after he ripped another giant's head off?"

"Course we did." Hagrid said. "We hadn' gone all that way ter give up after two days! We wen' down with the next present we'd meant ter give ter Karkus. I knew it was no go before I'd opened me mouth. He was sitting there wearin' Karkus' helmet, leerin' at us as we got nearer. He's massive, one o' the biggest ones there. Black hair an' matchin' teeth an' a necklace o' bones. Human lookin' bones, some of 'em. 'A gift fer the Gurg of the giants -' Nex' thing I knew, I was hangin' upside down in the air by me feet, two of his mates had grabbed me."

This made Chrys clap her hands over her mouth and Arthur to frown in concern.

"How the hell did you get out of that?" Arthur asked.

"Wouldn'ta done if Olympe hadn' bin there" Hagrid said. "She pulled out her wand an' did some o' the fastes' spellwork I've ever seen. Ruddy marvellous. Hit the two holdin' me right in the eyes with Conjunctivitus Curses an' they dropped me straightaway, bu' we were in trouble then, 'cause we'd used magic against 'em, an' that's what giants hate abou' wizards. We had ter leg it an' we knew there was no way we was going ter be able ter march inter the camp again."

"Bloody hell, Hagrid." David said quietly.

"So why did it take so long for you to get back home if you were only there for three days?" Chrys asked.

"We didn' leave after three days!" Hagrid said, looking outraged. "Dumbledore was relyin' on us!"

"But you said you couldn't go back!"

"Not by daylight we couldn', no. We just had ter rethink a bit. Spent a couple o' days lyin' low up in the cave an' watchin'. An' wha' we saw wasn't good."

"What, did he rip off more heads?" Chrys asked, sounding horrified.

"No, I wish he had."

"Why do you say that?"

"We soon found out he didn' object ter all wizards, just us."

"Death Eaters." Arthur growled knowingly.

"Yep." Hagrid said darkly. "Couple of 'em were visitin' him ev'ry day, bringin' gifts ter the Gurg, an' he wasn' dangling them upside down."

"How did you know they were Death Eaters?" David asked.

"Because I recognised one of 'em." Hagrid growled. "Macnair, remember him? Bloke they sent ter kill Buckbeak? Maniac, he is. Likes killin' as much as Golgomath, no wonder they were gettin' on so well."

"So that foul git persuaded the giants to join Voldemort?" Chrys said, making Hagrid flinch with the mention of Voldemort's name.

"Hold yer Hippogriffs, I haven't finished me story yet!" Hagrid said indignantly, who seemed to enjoy telling what happened despite not wanting to tell them in the first place. "Me an' Olympe talked it over an' we agreed, jus' cause the Gurg looked like favourin' You Know Who didn' mean all of 'em would. We had ter try an' persuade some o' the others, the ones who hadn' wanted Golgomath as Gurg."

"Then how could you tell which ones were which?" David asked.

"Well, they were the ones bein' beaten to a pulp, weren' they?" Hagrid said patiently. "The ones with any sense were keepin' outta Golgomath's way, hidin' out in caves roun' the gully jus' like we were. So we decided we'd go pokin' round the caves by night an' see if we couldn' persuade a few o' them."

"You went poking around dark caves to look for giants?" David asked, not knowing if he thought Hagrid was brave or stupid.

"Well, it wasn' the giants who worried us most." Hagrid replied. "We were more concerned abou' the Death Eaters. Dumbledore had told us before we wen' not ter tangle with 'em if we could avoid it, an' the trouble was they knew we was around, 'spect Golgomath told 'em abuo' us. At night, when the giants were sleepin' an' we wanted ter be creepin' inter the caves, Macnair an' the other one were sneakin' round the mountains lookin' fer us. I was hard ut to stop Olympe jumpin; out at 'em…" Hagrid then said, the corners of his mouth lifting his wild beard. "...she was rarin' ter attack 'em… she's somethin' when she's roused, Olympe… fiery, yeh know… 'spect it's the French in her…."

He gazed misty eyed into the fire. Arthur allowed him thirty seconds of reminiscing before clearing his throat loudly.

"Then what happened? Did you get to the other giants?"

"What? Oh… oh, yeah, we did. Yeah, on the third night after Karkus was killed, we crept outta the cave we'd bin hidin' in an' headed back down inter the gully, keepin' our eyes skinned fer the Death Eaters. Got inside a few o' the caves, no go, then, in abou' the sixth one, we found three giants hidin'."

"The cave must've been cramped." David said.

"Wasn' room ter swing a Kneazle." Hagrid replied.

"Did they attack you when they saw you?" Chrys asked.

"Probably woulda done if they'd bin in any condition…" Hagrid said. "...but they was badly hurt, all three o' them, Golgomath's lot had beaten 'em unconscious; they'd woken up an' crawled inter the nearest shelter they could find. Anyway, one o' them had a bit of English an' 'e translated fer the others, an' what we had ter say didn' seem ter go down too badly. So we kep' goin' back, vistin' the wounded… I reckon we had abou' six or seven o' them convinced at one poin'."

"You said 'at one point'. What happened?" David asked, dreading to know what happened.

Hagrid looked at him sadly.

"Golgomath's lot raided the caves. The ones tha' survived didn'wan' no more ter to do with us after that."

"So… there aren't any giants on our side?" David said.

"Nope." Hagrid sad, heaving a deep sigh as he turned over his steak, applying the cooler side to his face. "But we did wha' we meant ter do, we gave 'em Dumbledore's message an' some o' them heard it an' I 'spect some o' them'll remember it. Jus' maybe, them that don' want ter stay around Golgomath'll move outta the mountains, an' there's gotta be a chance they'll remember Dumbledore's friendly to 'em… could be they'll come."

Snow was now filling up the window. Arthur was aware that the knees of his robes were soaked through, thanks to Fang drooling with his head on Arthur's lap.

"Hagrid?" Chrys said.

"Mmm?"

"Did you… hear anything about… your mother while you were there?"

Hagrid's unobscured eyes rested upon her and she looked scared.

"I'm sorry… I - just forget it -"

"Dead." Hagrid grunted. "Died years ago. They told me."

"Oh… I'm sorry." Chrys said in a small voice, though Hagrid shrugged his massive shoulders.

"No need." He said softly. "Can't remember her much. Wasn' a great mother."

Everyone was now silent again as Chrys glanced nervously at Arthur and David, wanting them to speak.

"You've yet to explain how you got in this state, Hagrid." David said, gesturing at his bloodstained face.

"Or why you haven't been back till now. Sirius said Maxime got back ages ago." Arthur said.

"Yeah, who or what attacked you?" David asked.

"I haven't bin attacked!" Hagrid said emphatically. "I -"

The rest of his words were drowned out by a sudden rapping on the door. Everyone fell silent and they stared at the window beside the doorway. There was a shadow of someone small and squat rippling through the thin curtain.

"It's her!" David whispered.

"Get under here!" Arthur said quickly, seizing the Invisibility Cloak and whirled it over him and Chrys, David diving under the Cloak as well. Now huddled together, they backed up into a corner.

Fang was barking madly at the door and Hagrid looked very confused.

"Hide our mugs!"

Hagrid seized them and shoved them under the cushion in Fang's basket. Fang now leaped at the door. Hagrid pushed him out of the way with his foot and pulled the door open.

Umbridge stood in the doorway wearing her green tweed cloak and a matching hat with ear flaps. Her lips were pursed as she leaned back to see Hagrid's face, barely reaching his navel.

"So." She said slowly and loudly, like she was speaking to someone deaf. "You're Hagrid, are you?"

Without waiting for an answer, she strolled into the room, her bulging eyes rolling in every direction.

"Get away." She snapped, waving her handbag at Fang, who bounded up at her and attempted to lick her face.

"Er - I don't want ter be rude…" Hagrid said, staring at her. "...but who the ruddy hell are you?"

"My name is Dolores Umbridge."

Her eyes were sweeping the cabin. Twice they stared directly into the corner where Arthur stood with David and Chrys.

"Dolores Umbridge?" Hagrid said, thoroughly confused. "I thought you were one o' them Ministry - don' you work with Fudge?"

"I was Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, yes." Umbridge said as she now paced around the cabin, taking in every tiny detail, from the haversack against the wall to the abandoned travelling cloak. "I am now the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher -"

"Tha's brave of yeh…" Hagrid said. "...there's not many'd take tha' job any more."

" - and Hogwarts High Inquisitor." Umbridge continued, giving no sign that she heard him.

"Wha's that?" Hagrid frowned.

Umbridge ignored him as she stood facing him, taking in every detail of his appearance now.

"I heard voices." She said quietly.

"I was talkin' ter Fang." Hagrid said stoutly.

"And was he talking back to you?"

"Well… in a manner o' speakin'." Hagrid said, looking uncomfortable. "I sometimes say Fang's near enough human -"

"There are three sets of footprints in the snow leading from the castle doors to your cabin." Umbridge said sleekly.

Chrys held back a gasp as Fang sniffed loudly around the hem of Umbridge's robes.

"Well, I on'y jus' got back." Hagrid said, waving an enormous hand at the haversack. "Maybe someone came ter call earlier an' I missed 'em."

"There are no footsteps leading away from your cabin door."

"Well, I… I don' know why that'd be…." Hagrid said, now tugging nervously at his beard, glancing over at the corner that the trio stood at, like he was asking for help. "Erm…."

Umbridge wheeled round and strode the length of the cabin, looking around carefully. She bent and peered under the bed. She then opened Hagrid's cupboards. She passed within two inches of where the trio stood pressed up against the wall; Arthur even pulled his stomach in as she walked by.

After looking carefully inside the enormous cauldron that Hagrid used for cooking, she wheeled round again, saying "What has happened to you? How did you sustain those injuries?"

Hagrid hastily removed the dragon steak from his face, which was a mistake in Arthur's opinion, because the black and purple bruising around his eye was now clearly visible, not to mention the large amount of fresh and congealed blood on his face. "Oh, I… had a bit of an accident." He said lamely.

"What sort of accident?"

"I - I tripped."

"You tripped." She repeated coolly.

"Yeah, tha's right. Over… over a friend's broomstick. I don' fly, meself. Well, look at the size o' me, I don' reckon there's a broomstick that'd hold me. Friend o' mine breeds Abraxan horses, I dunno if you're ever seen 'em, big beasts, winged, yeh know, I've had a bit of a ride on one o' them an' it was -"

"Where have you been?" Umbridge asked, cutting coolly through his babbling.

"Where've I -?"

"Been, yes. Term started two months ago. Another teacher has had to cover your classes. None of your colleagues has been able to give me any information as to your whereabouts. You left no address. Where have you been?"

There was a pause where Hagrid stared at her with his newly uncovered eye.

"I - I've been away for me health." He finally said.

"For your health." Umbridge said, her eyes travelling over Hagrid's discoloured and swollen face; dragon blood dripped gently and silently onto his waistcoat. "I see."

"Yeah, bit o' - o' fresh air, yeh know -"

"Yes, as gamekeeper, fresh air must be so difficult to come by." Umbridge said sweetly. The small patch of Hagrid's face that wasn't black or purple flushed.

"Well, change o' scene, yeh know -"

"Mountain scenery?" Umbridge said swiftly.

Arthur's worry grew, seeing that she knew of where Hagrid went.

"Mountains?" Hagrid repeated, clearly thinking fast. "Nope, South o' France fer me. Bit o' sun an'... an' sea."

"Really?" Umbridge said. "You don't have much of a tan."

"Yeah… well… sensitive skin." Hagrid said, attempting an ingratiating smile. Arthur now noticed that two of his teeth were knocked out. Umbridge looked at him coldly, his smile faltering.

She then hoisted her handbag a little higher into the crook of her arm, saying "I shall, of course, be informing the Minister of your late return."

"Righ'." Hagrid nodded.

"You ought to know, too, that as High Inquisitor, it is my unfortunate but necessary duty to inspect my fellow teachers. So I daresay we shall meet again soon enough."

She then turned sharply and marched back to the door.

"You're inspectin' us?" Hagrid echoed blankly, looking after her.

"Oh, yes." Umbridge said softly, looking back at him with her hand on the door handle. "The Ministry is determined to weed out unsatisfactory teachers, Hagrid. Goodnight."

She then left, closing the door behind her with a snap.

The trio stayed under the Cloak for a bit, just in case she isn't gone yet.

Hagrid stumped across the room and pulled back the curtain an inch or so.

"She's goin' back ter the castle." He said in a low voice. "Blimey… inspectin' people, is she?"

"Yeah." Arthur said, pulling off the Cloak. "Trelawney's now on probation because of her."

"Just what are you planning to do with us in class, Hagrid?" Chrys asked, concerned.

"Oh, don' you worry abou' that, I've got a great load o' lessons planned." Hagrid said enthusiastically, scooping up his dragon steak from the table and slapping it over his eye once more. "I've bin keepin' a couple o' creatures saved fer yer O.W.L. year; you wait, they're somethin' really special."

"Special in what way?" Chrys asked tentatively.

"I'm not sayin'." Hagrid said happily. "I don' want ter spoil the surprise."

"Hagrid…" Chrys now said urgently. "Professor Umbridge won't be happy if you bring something to class that's too dangerous."

"Dangerous?" Hagrid said, looking genially bemused. "Don' be silly, I wouldn' give yeh anythin' dangerous! I mean, alrigh', they can look after themselves -"

"Hagrid, you have to pass Umbridge's inspection, and you must teach us how to look after Porlocks, how to tell the differences between Knarls and hedgehogs, stuff like that!" Chrys explained.

"But tha's not very interestin', Chrys." Hagrid said. "The stuff I've got's much more impressive. I've bin bringin' 'em on fer years, I reckon I've got the on'y domestic herd in Britain."

"Hagrid, I beg you…." Chrys said, real desperation present in her voice. "Umbridge is looking for any excuse to get rid of teachers that she thinks are too close to Dumbledore. Please, you must teach us something dull that is in our O.W.L."

"Lis'en, it's bin a long day an' it's late." He said, patting her gently on the shoulder, making her knees give way and hit the floor with a thud. "Oh, sorry." He pulled her back up by the neck of her robes. "Look, don' you go worryin' abou' me, I promise yeh I've got really good stuff planned fer yer lessons now I'm back… now you lot had better get back up to the castle, an' don' forget ter wipe yer footprints out behind yeh!"

"It's like all logic is erased when dangerous creatures are on his mind." David said in defeat a short while later when, having checked that the coast was clear, they made their way back up to the castle through the thickening snow, leaving no trace behind them thanks to the Obliteration Charm that Chrys performed as they went.

"Well, I'm going back again tomorrow." Chrys said stubbornly. "I'm even gonna plan his lessons out if I have to, that toad can throw out Trelawney, but she cannot get rid of Hagrid!"

Honestly, why couldn't Hagrid listen to Chrys, it truly is like all logic is thrown out the window whenever his mind is on what are considered dangerous magical creatures.