2. Severus

It was storming wildly when I apparated into the woods near the Burrow. Violent winds tossed the branches overhead, and deafening thunder shocked my ears. Common sense said I should take cover, but I didn't want to face my adoptive family yet. I needed to be alone a little longer, to let my emotions wash over me with the rain.

Soon I was crying, and roaring my heart out, loud booms of thunder concealing my grief from the rest of the world. Only after I was spent and exhausted did I walk out of the woods and through the downpour to the Burrow.

I entered the warmth of the house as quietly as I could, planning on sneaking up the stairs without speaking to anyone. But Molly's ears were well trained by years of motherhood, and no sooner had I closed the door and begun to tiptoe across the rug than I heard her calling my name.

Admitting defeat, I walked to the kitchen, where a warm light was on. I didn't want to relive the conflicted interaction with Remus, but I knew that Molly would expect me to tell her what had happened. And I knew that, after all she'd done for me, I owed her that.

I stepped through the doorway and stopped short. Severus was sitting at the table, looking very gloomy over a cup of tea. Rather than robes he was dressed in muggle clothes, brown trousers and a black turtleneck. He had lost weight since I saw him last and his eyes, when they met mine, were deep pools of melancholy. His face winced slightly, as I had known it to do, and I looked down, suddenly feeling immensely sorry for myself. My hair was heavy and dripping from the rain, and I watched the droplets fall to the floor.

Shame flooded over me. Seeing Severus reminded me of the days after the battle of Hogwarts. After they found me on the ground in the Forbidden Forest, I was taken to the hospital tent and treated in the bed next to Severus's. He'd overheard my cries of pain and delirious moans as they treated my injuries. My roars of grief when George had come to tell me that Fred had been killed. My deep silence, after they put me to sleep to keep me from trying to stand up and go to his body.

I had been ignoring what I'd experienced in the Forbidden Forest all those months ago, allowing Fred's death to block out the other source of trauma. Severus was a sharp reminder of what I had been trying to forget. I hoped he hadn't guessed what had happened to me–but by the pitying look in his eyes, I thought he probably knew.

In my days as his student I had seen him as an austere person, someone to be feared. But now I sensed a very different side to him, and was strangely grateful for his presence.

Molly offered me a chair and I sat down across from Severus, making myself look at him with as much warmth as I could muster. He winced again, a small broken smile.

I performed a drying charm on my hair and clothes, not wanting to have this conversation looking half-drowned.

Molly set a steaming cup of tea in front of me. "Severus was so kind to drop by, don't you think?" she said. "Especially seeing as he was denied the courtesy of an invitation."

"Molly. I don't think that's necessary."

The sound of his voice surprised me. Though it was just as deep, it had lost its familiar snideness. He spoke more smoothly, more softly. Though I had no doubt that he could still be brittle and brutal if provoked.

Molly, though she wasn't deflated, did not argue. She looked at Severus, and then at me, and I gave her a small nod. "I'll leave you, then," she said, and walked upstairs.

The creaking of her footsteps subsided and then there was only the sound of the storm. Severus looked at me steadily. "Drink," he said, breaking the awkward silence. "Keep warm."

I did, lifting the cup to my lips. I suddenly felt guilty for not touching the tea that Remus had offered me, leaving the cup full and cold on his table. It was probably still there.

"You've been with Lupin," Severus said, seeming to read my thoughts. "Should I assume you have made an arrangement?"

I shook my head. My voice was weak from crying and shouting, but it managed. "He didn't give me a firm answer. But I might be his only option."

"I assumed as much." I looked up at him, but there was no trace of hostility in his eyes. I knew he had once hated Remus, but the pain of the war, and now the bizarre circumstance of the new law, seemed to have erased that hatred. "Regardless, I would like to wait for you until Lupin makes his final decision."

I was shocked by this great courtesy. "Do you have another plan if he agrees?"

Severus nodded. "There's one other woman. The partnership would be distant, only fulfilling the requirements. She has a lover in France. If you need me, she will marry him."

I considered this for a moment. I scorned this chain of dependence, but at least I wasn't at the tail end of it. I knew that, though he hadn't fully admitted it, Remus was relying on me to wait for him.

"What's her name?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

"Frederica Bailey."

I nodded my head, but sudden tears had already obscured my vision. Frederica. Fred. "I'm sorry," I choked out, but it was too late. The next second I was sobbing, hiding my face, my head sinking to the table. I wished Fred's name had been in my letter. That none of this negotiation and uncertainty had to happen. That he was still alive–that I could hold him.

I sensed Severus standing up, and cowered instinctively, but he only moved to one of the cupboards and withdrew a glass. "Aguamenti," he muttered, and the cup filled with water. He set it on the table in front of me, and then conjured a handkerchief, which I took with a trembling hand, unable to speak to thank him.

Molly appeared. "Oh, dear," she said, and laid her gentle hands on my trembling shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Severus said, his voice vibrating through my body. "Perhaps it would be better for me to come back tomorrow."

"I think you're right," Molly said.

I didn't want to break down like this. I got control of myself, shaking my head. "No…" My voice wavered, but as the tears ebbed it became more steady. "I'll wait for Remus to write, and if his answer is no then I will write to you. I'm very grateful…"

He shook his head. "It's simply my duty. Write as soon as you hear from him."

I stood and walked him to the door, still shaking but managing to hide it. I opened the door and bid him goodnight. "Thank you, Severus," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

He walked out into the rain, and the sound of his disapparation was swallowed by the thunder.

NOTE

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