A/N: Thank you for checking out my Family Guy fanfic, Fattest in the West! We're back again doing another longer fic. But this time instead of being centered on the Griffins, it's a more Day in the Limelight story, for Mayor Wild West! Compared to Francis Griffin's reception that I mentioned in one of my previous fanfictions Sanity and Madness, Mayor Wild West's reception in the Family Guy fanbase is not a black and white type, but more of a mixed reception. Some people like him, while most find him absolutely dull and a pale replacement for Adam West (I'm more on the former side, but I do see where some detractors of Wild West come from). For this fanfiction, I decided to address the reception of Wild West. With it being a plot point in this fanfiction and something I make fun of. I also used this to give Wild West some extra depth. As I feel another reason for his mixed reception is not having as much characterization aside from being "the slow, soft spoken western man", and gave him a more human flaw that makes him feel like a more three-dimensional: self-consciousness. Which plays a big role in his actions in the fanfiction when he becomes... well you read the description, so you know what he's gunna do.
Also, before we start reading, this is where I give my usual disclaimer that most already know if you read my past works but for the people in the cheap start reading read the story, I want to let you know about some of the biggest changes I will make in comparison to the original series: This story does not take place in the OG Family Guy timeline, but instead the Family Guy Fanon timeline. As such, events were changed and episode orders were changed. If you want to know the episode's placement, you can visit the List of Episodes page on the Family Guy Fanon (it's a mere search away), but for the basics, this episode takes place in Season 22, and for come current events, Wild West is the Mayor of Quahog (duh, of course. The fanfiction's about him), Carol Pewterschmidt is currently married to 12 different men via a polyamorous marriage following the death of her husband Adam West, Tatum is a member of the Pewterschmidt family, and Meg's biological father Stan Thompson (who was made into a real person from the throw-away line from "Screwed the Pooch") is now reconnected with Meg - having her last name changed to Thompson - and is currently living in Quahog in Spinazola Apartments (the name for the apartment complex given to the place Brian was at in Season 16 and 17). Stan is a minor player and doesn't do anything important for the story - same with the other things I mentioned -, but it's to catch people up on the timeline of the universe I have for this or those who don't read on the website. to not in the timeline.
With this said, just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
Disclaimer: I don't own Family Guy; all characters and locations are owned by 20th Century Television, Fuzzy Door Productions and the Walt Disney Company.
Without further ado, let us begin…
Family Guy
Season 22, Episode 6
Fattest in the West
Cold Opening
[At the West Manor, Carol West is sitting in the living room with her and Adam West's baby Robin West and her Polyamorous Husbands - minus Joseph and Arthur - watching TV at the West Manor]
Joseph: The mail's here! [hands Carol mail] Here's yours Carol, and let's see if I gotten the order right: [while handing mail to each person's name he says] Edwin, here's your joke book. Henry, your Nazi propaganda book. Edward, your wine collecting guide for Europe. Bernie, your monthly magazine Bird Fever. Wayne, your complete series DVD of That '70s Show. Harim, your "Best Places to Visit" book. Tracy, you're paycheck. Melvin, a letter from Carrie Fisher Middle School [A/N:Chris' middle school Buddy Cianci Jr. High School was rennamed to Carrie Fisher Middle School in our timeline]. Hennessey, letters from you're fisherman friends. Clyde, you're uh... [notices Clyde's mail is wet and doesn't feel like knowing what's in there] mail. And my classical book!
Carol: Joseph, you've getting better at remembering the list order of which of my current husbands are first and last.
Edwin: Joseph, you forgot one, Arthur!
Edward Speaking of Arthur, where is Arthur? We usually all get mail.
Joseph: Oh, he contacted me and told me he's working long hours at the police station, so I just sent a drone to give him his mail.
[Cuts to the said drone flying into the Quahog Police Station, where Arthur and Officer Killroy are seen in the lounge until the drone comes up to Arthur and hands him his mail]
Arthur: My mail! Thank you, Joseph!
[The drone then files away]
Officer Killroy: What was that?
Arthur: Oh, it's just something one of my friends made to deliver mail when one of us aren't around to collect our mail when it comes.
Officer Killroy: Do you ever think they can use that drone to spy on you?
Arthur: Doubt. They're my guys, and I know them well enough to know they wouldn't do that to me.
Officer Killroy: Huh. Hey, you got any juicy secrets from them you want to share?
Arthur: Do I?
[As the two begin to tell secrets, the camera shows that the drone Joseph made is behind a corner recording everything. With it cutting back to the others at the manor looking at the live feed on the TV. All having devilish faces]
Henry: Oh, Arthur. Naive little Arthur.
Hennessey: Beyooooond clueless!
Wayne: Hey yo, that man's as dim as a newborn lamb.
Robin: [chuckles] I love the white trash we all can be to each other.
Opening Credits
Lois: It seems today, that all ya see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV.
Peter: But where are those good, old-fashioned values?
Entire Family: On which we used to rely?
Lucky there's a Family Guy
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us
Stewie: Laugh and cry!
Lois: He's ...
Meg: a ...
Chris: Fam ...
Brian: ily
All: Guuuuuuyyyyy!
End
[On an early morning, around 5:59 AM, we see a look on Wild West's Ranch as the sun rises and beams off it, inciting the rooster to begin its usual "Cock-a-doodle-doo" mostly seen on cartoons. As it begins its awakening call, we see Wild West waking up from his sleep upon hearing the sound]
Wild West: [lip smacks] Ahh.
[Wild West stretches to get any possibly limp bones out, and moves to do his normal morning routine. He takes a shower, using his washcloth for his arms, legs and... privates, before using he pulls out his scrubber and scrubs his back to finish off his shower. Next, he's seen wrapping up cleaning his teeth as he spits out his scrubbed paste he used. He then looks up at his cabinet mirror and winks at his handsome self with a smile of his shiny white teeth. Then, he's seen in his workout room, doing his usual lifts of 300 pound weights like they're nothing]
Wild West: 97, 98, 99, 100! [Puts the weight back] Nothing beats a good round of lifting heavy weight a hundred times.
[Finally, he does what's most important to him, cleaning his cowboy hat by hand. Something he still does despite having a washing machine, that he glares at annoying while he scrubs his hat]
Wild West: [to his washing machine] I know you want me to throw my hat in there. But I'm not gunna. 'Cause you can't beat a good ol' manual washing.
[As he finishes cleaning it off, he puts his trusty hat on, throws on his usual cowboy attire alongside, and he heads outside his ranch to put his fingers in his mouth to whistle through his teeth, and...]
Wild West: (Whistles) Ginger!
[Being summoned to the cue, his trusty horse, Ginger, comes running to him, skidding when she gets close. Wild comes up to Ginger and gives her a good head scratch]
[A/N: In the original show, Wild West's horse wasn't given a name, but on FGF, Boyariffic gave the horse a name: Ginger. Which I will call the horse]
Wild West: I see you're getting better at my whistle calling. [climbs aboard Ginger] Ready, Ginger?
[Ginger neighs back in response]
Wild West: Ginger, away!
[Ginger and Wild ride off from the ranch to the town of Quahog, where it begins a montage of Wild helping out around Quahog. First it showcases him in front of a newly constructed bridge, announcing its reopening.
Wild West: I now consider this newly rebuilt bridge... opened!
[Wild cuts the red line to open the bridge and gets an uproar from citizens. Next, it shows a woman holding on for her dear life on her final finger. With it slipping off as she falls to her doom... until Wild comes in and lassos her to catch her, saving her life. The woman hugs Wild in happiness]
Woman: Oh, thank you Wild! You save me. With no thanks to him.
[It then pans to show the husband of the woman, lazing about. Finally, Wild and Ginger stop off at a house with a man holding onto Wild]
Wild West: Here we are! Made it to your son's birthday party in record time.
Man: It totally is faster when you cut through the trees.
Wild West: Did I get you here, or did I not?
[After the montage ends, it goes to Quahog Mini-Mart, where Chris is doing aisle inspection while Carl is watching a news report on the TV hanging near the door]
Chris: Hey Carl, turn up the TV! I wanna hear the news.
[Carl complies and turns up the TV, with it panning to show the channel Carl's on is Channel 5 News, Tom and Joyce are seen doing their usual bits]
Tom: [reading from his paper] "Seth, Charles, Alex, Mike, and William." And those are all the people who've I lost bets to gambling.
Joyce: Tomorrow, the entire Channel 5 News station will host a special intervention report on Tom's crippling gambling addiction and how it landed him thousands of dollars in debt. For now, we join Asian report Tricia Takanawa live at Town Hall minutes before Mayor Wild West's announcement. Tricia?
[It then does a scene transition to show Tricia behind Town Hall]
Tricia: Joyce, behind me is the majority of Quahog civilians awaiting the mayor's announcements. [walks to the crowd] Now let's get some reactions from these awaiting citizens. [taps the shoulder of Stan Thompson, Meg's biological father and gets him to turn around] How excited are you to hear from the mayor?
Stan: Uhh... I don't know how to answer that question as I've recently moved to Quahog, so I am the most neutral party here. [looks at the camera] Hi, Meg!
[It then cuts to Tricia interviewing Change for a Buck]
Change for a Buck: I'm only here to see what new low he sinks.
[It then cuts to Trica interviewing Change for a Buck]
Man: ...Then I caught my son doing architecture, even though I told him to stop having hobbies. So I started beating my son with whip to get him to stop, then my arm got tired, and I went here. Wait, what was the question, again?
[A few minutes later, Mayor Wild West gave a whistle out to the crowd, alerting them of his presence, and came into the Town Hall on his horse, Ginger. He rode her up to the podium, with him getting off her and walking to the speech stand and taps the microphone before speaking into it]
Wild West: IS THIS THING ON?
[The loud voice from the speaker and high-pitched noise that came out from it caused everyone to cover their ears and scream in annoyance of the sound. Which caused Wild West to back a foot away from the microphone]
Wild West: Woah! Sorry. We just upgraded our audio equipment that hasn't been changed since the 90's, and it's kind of touchy.
[Wild West's non-binary assistant Zephyr walks close to the microphone]
Zephyr: I told him to test it beforehand, but noooo! It'll be fine to use something new during a major announcement with no testing beforehand.
Wild West: Alright, you made your point.
Zephyr: While I also have this, may I also mention you didn't throw out the old equipment and placed them in a shed out back Town Hall? As well that old equipment is still hooked up to the speakers throughout town?
Wild West: I'll get to it later.
Zephyr: You sure? Or are you gonna go play with your Quahog playset again?
Wild West: It's not a playset! It's a miniaturized version for special use and you know that!
Quagmire: Hey! Is this a meeting or a leaked version of your bickering fights? Cause if it's the latter, you're doing a good job at selling it.
Wild West: Crap, the meeting. [clears his throat to begin for real] Howdy, partners.
[Zephyr clears their throat to give a "ahem" to Wild]
Wild West: Oop, my bad. Howdy, acquaintances.
Zephyr: Eh, close enough.
Wild West: Today is a special day for me as mayor, as today's Mayor Inspection Day!
Peter: Woah, hold up. You're pregnant?!
Zephyr: [sighs] No, you stupid dumbass. It's "Inspection Day"! Not "Excpetation Day"!
Wild West: [to Zephyr in a hush tone] Lemme handle him, Zephyr. [to everyone normally] I mean today's the day you all can tell me how you've felt about me. I've sent 'ya all surveys to fill out and resend back to me.
Zephyr: They'll be delivered to your houses in about... [looks at their watch] now.
[The crowd stays silent, not moving or doing anything. Just standing in their default poses]
Wild West: What are you all waiting for?! Go!
[In between saying "Go", Wild pulls out a gun and begins shooting in the sky. And in an instant, all the citizens scramble out]
[Cuts to the Quahog civilians returning back home or finishing watching the announcement on TV and opening their mailboxes to see the surveys, beginning a montage of multiple civilians filling out their surveys. With the first people seen filling it out is the Swanson family, who are filling out their surveys]
Joe: [reading the survey] "Question 1. How satisfied are you with the current mayor's management of the city's resources?"
Bonnie: Well, he did do a better job fixing some issues we all had with our previous mayor.
Kevin: Mom, our last mayor wasted money on stupid crap nobody needed and only lasted in office because the people in this town are morons. Literally anyone would look better in comparison.
[Joe and Bonnie stare at Kevin in genuine shock of what they heard]
Kevin: Yeah. You heard me. This town's citizens are morons!
[It then cut to Spinazola Apartments, with Stan Thompson and Meg, alongside the apartment manager Lou were filling in their surveys]
Stan: [reading the survey] "What do you believe are the mayor's most significant accomplishments during this term in office?" Okay, I'll be honest, you two. I don't know him well enough to give a good answer, so Meg, what do you think his is most noteworthy accomplishment?
Meg: [thinks about it] The one I can think of is the time he redesigned Quahog to be western.
Lou: Yeah, and it ended up getting bandits coming to the town. I had four bandits attack my complex during their riot.
Stan: My God! That must have been horrible.
Lou: Actually, it wasn't. They decided to crash at my complex for four months then left. The only worse part of it was their ruckus at night.
Cutaway #1
[In a flashback, Lou is trying and failing to sleep as he hears the bandits shooting willy nilly in their apartment, shattering and breaking items. Lou puts a pillow to his head, but still hears them and groans in frustration]
Lou: I gotta start looking into improving the thin walls.
End
[At the same time, the Polyamorous Husbands and Carol were on the same question, stumped]
Edward: So, what are we puttin'? we need to put something.
Harim: The best thing I can say about him is that he took the spot of mayor, and I'm saying anything more. Nothing negative, nothing positive.
Tracy: Agreed.
Edwin: Come on, Wild's done more for this town. For one, he... he... um...
Melvin: Yeah, next time Edwin, think before you speak.
Clyde: Gloogamoogaboogeesha!
Hennesey: See? Even Clyde is saying you should have thought about that!
[It then cut to the Quahog Mini-Mart, where Carl is filling in his survey]
Carl: [reading the survey] "Do you feel the mayor has supported businesses in your city adequately?" Hmmm, [turns to Chris] Hey, Chris, how's the mini mart holding up?
[Cuts to Chris looking at the structure of the mini mart from a room, which is shown to be held up by thousands of Jenga blocks]
Chris: It's holding up fine.
[Chris walks out, but slams the door on his way out, causing the Jenga blocks to fall over and the whole mini mart to collapse in on itself. Chris and Carl emerge the rubble of the mart, covered in dust and coughing]
Carl: [writes on his survey] "Support for business is subpar"
[Cuts to the Brown House, with Cleveland, Donna and Roberta being seen filling their surveys in their living room]
Cleveland: "Do you think the mayor has been successful in connecting with citizens on important issues?"
Donna: "Successful in connecting on important issues". That's one damn of a laugh!
Roberta: He never talked about the police brutality incident with that poor black man being suffocated to death by that awful police officer. Sweeping it under the rug like it was a "happy mistake", when it's clear it wasn't!
[At the same time at Buck's Casino, Change for a Buck is on the same survey question while at a roulette table]
Change for a Buck: And he never connected with the issues of Native Americans faced in the past! Acting like that never happened. Well, guess what, buddy! They did! And ignoring said issues only makes things worse.
[A person then snaps their fingers at Buck, which reveals to be Lois]
Lois: [snaps her fingers] Buck, I'm ready for my 42th roulette try. And this time, I pick 6.
[Buck spins it and the ball stop on a slot]
Change for a Buck: I'm sorry Lois, but it landed on 7.
Lois: [slams her fist on the table] God Damn it!
[Finally, it cuts to the Griffin household, where Peter and Brian are filling in their surveys, but Peter's scratching his head]
Peter: "What feedback or criticism would you like to provide to the current mayor for consideration?" [groan] This test is too hard!
Brian: Peter, that's a survey. You can't get any questions wrong.
Peter: Oh. That's a relief. I thought I was gonna get graded for this.
[A few days later, Mayor Wild West's at his desk, using a knife to carve a wooden boot, when his assistant Zephyr came in with the data charts from the surveys]
Zephyr: Well Mayor West, the results from your survey have come hot and fresh.
Wild West: [puts his boot aside and takes the data charts] Ah, let's see how Quahog loves and respects me.
[Wild West begins to look at the charts, but as he continues to look at it, his eyebrows droop down and his smile fades]
Wild West: They... don't really respect me?
Zephyr: Yeah, turns out your reception was a rather broken base in Quahog.
Wild West: I-It's just, I knew people didn't like me, but I didn't know there was so much of a dislike group. I mean listen to some of their comments, "Step down from our previous mayor", "Pales to his cousin Adam", "His gruff voice drones on and on", "His voice puts me to sleep." Now, that's just insulting. I don't put people to sleep with my voice-
[Wild stops when he hears snoring, which is revealed to be coming from Zephyr]
Wild West: ZEPHYR!
Zephyr: [snaps back awake] Huh, who, wha, huh?! Oh hey, Mayor West. Where'd you come from? [Wild glares at them] Hey, I was tired! And to be honest, you should have seen some of the red flags beforehand. Remember last week's "West Reads"?
Cutaway #2
[In a flashback, Wild West is seen reading Catcher in the Rye as part of a usual town hangout, with Ginger looking at the book on his lab as well]
Wild West: "Here's my idea. I know this guy down in Greenwich Village that we can borrow his car for a couple of weeks. He used to go to the same school I did and he still owes me ten bucks. What we could do is, tomorrow morning we could drive up to Massachusetts and Vermont, and all around there, see. It's beautiful as hell up there, It really is."
[At the line, "What we could do is", the camera zooms out to reveal Wild's voice has made most of everyone fall asleep, with him being oblivious to it all. The only ones who are awake are Stan and the Griffins, and even then they're dozing in and out too]
Stan: Is this really the person you made mayor of your town?
Lois: Pretty much.
Brian: Uh-huh.
End
Zephyr: On the bright side, most citizens have all agreed your audio readings are good ways to fall asleep.
[Zephyr gives a nervous chuckle to see if they were able to make Wild feel better with their making fun of the situation. But Wild instead rubbed his stubble and lets out a long sigh that sounds like he aged 10 years from doing it]
Wild West: I still can't believe that after all I've tried to do to repair Quahog after what my cousin did to the town, the best I have to show for it is a mixed reception.
Zephyr: Hey, keep your chin up, Mayor West. This is just your first few years of being mayor, and your cousin had multiple years being Quahog's mayor. They're more use to your cousin's eccentric energy compared to your calmer energy. Besides, a more mixed reception is better than a negative reception.
[Zephyr gives Wild West a good pat on the shoulder and walks out to attend to work, leaving Wild to still think about it. Later that night at Wild West's ranch, while his horse Ginger is sleeping fine, he's seen tossing and turning in his bed, mumbling and clutching his sheets, as he begins to have a nightmare, where of a large crowd of people marching through town]
Tom: In local news, a revolution was taking place in Quahog. The citizens had had enough of Mayor West's tyrannical reign.
[The crowd stops in front of Wild West's ranch and begins to chant.]
Crowd: Down with the Mayor! Down with the Mayor!
[Cut to Mayor Wild West, who's currently in his ranch relaxing until he hears the chopping down of his door. Startled, Wild falls out of his chair and tries to run to his exit on the other side of his ranch, only to get his right foot stuck in the killed bear rug near the door and end up hitting the door hard, blacking out. When he wakes up again, he sees he's tied up in his bedroom, helpless to do anything.]
Wild West: What are you doing?! Let me go!
[The crowd begins to chant louder.]
Crowd: Down with the Mayor! Down with the Mayor!
[Wild in a panic, tries to summon Ginger with a voice only whistle, only to have a handkerchief tied around his mouth, with his mustache being the only thing not put behind the handkerchief]
Citizen #1: That'll shut him up!
[The crowd moves closer and Peter steps forward with a razor.]
Peter: We're taking back Quahog, partner! Starting with your mustache!
[Peter begins to slowly approach Wild West to shave his mustache, with Wild West struggling to break free to avoid it, but can't as people hold him back to avoid squirming. As the razor begins to shave his mustache, Wild West then screams his lungs out, which is enough to snap him out of his dream, waking up in a sweaty mess. He looks around to see he's back in his ranch, with no angry crowd, no broken-in ranch, and no lost mustache. He sighs in disappointment as he falls back on his pillow with a grimace.]
[A few days with the same nightmare happening over and over again, keeping him up all night, Wild has shown to gotten so little sleep from them, that he's fallen asleep while signing papers, with drool coming out of his mouth. Zephyr comes in to check on Mayor West and they notice Mayor West's dozed off and shook him to wake him up]
Zephyr: Mayor West, wake up!
Wild West: [half-awake] Mmphf?
Zephyr: Sir, this is the fifth time this has happened this week. Are you still thinking about the data charts?
Wild West: Oh, no Zeppy, I'm just getting a little nap in - of course I'm still thinking about the damn data! I haven't slept in days and I feel like crap! Oh, that's it! I need to tackle this head-on. And I need to do it not my way, but the Adam way. [makes a thinking pose] Hmm, let's see... what would my cousin Adam do to win the support of his haters?
Adam West: [off-screen] Why think what would I do when you could ask me what I do?
Wild West: A-Adam?!
[Adam West as a ghost comes to Wild]
Wild West: Cousin Adam! H-How's Heaven?
Adam West: It's uh... uninteresting.
Wild West: Eh, not entirely fun huh?
Adam West: The most interesting thing that happened was that someone got gutted.
Wild West: Ha!
[Cuts to Zephyr's perspective, where Adam West's ghost is not there and Wild looks like he's talking to nobody]
Zephyr: Mayor West, who are you talking to?
Wild West: Sh, Sh-Shut up, Zeps. I'm talking to Adam.
You're cousin? He's been dead for years. And why are you calling me "Zeps"?!
[Back on Wild's perspective where Adam's back]
Adam West: So how's the mayor life been going?
Wild West: Eh, not so well.
Adam West: Ah.
Wild West: So, question: what do you do to win support of your disliked crowd?
Adam West: [thinking about it] That's an odd question to answer. Usually when I get complaints, I look at them like junk mail.
Wild West: In other words, you throw them in the trash?
Adam West: Yep. But, if I did have to deal with negative reception, I'd look into the most popular side of who disliked me the most and adapt into their lifestyle. Like the time I became a redneck for a few months to get extra reception percentage and vote.
[Adam hacks up and spits ghost spit]
Wild West: Culture embracement, that's it! Thanks, Adam.
[Adam fades away as Wild turns to Zephyr]
Wild West: Zephyr, we need to run an extra test.
Zephyr: Alright, I guess filling important documents can wait.
[The two go into a montage of them examining the handwriting of all the surveys, jotting notes down, and looking it over with other members on the staff and them nodding in agreement with the data. The two return back to Town Hall]
Wild West: Let's see. Through our research and studies, the most disliked group I have at 69% on the chart - [chuckles] 69 - is... the obesity community?
Zephyr: Are-Are you sure that's not a error?
Wild West: Zephyr, this can't be a mistake. We did this three times and got agreement from the other members, meaning this is a 100% accurate number of the people who hate me.
Zephyr: Accurate? We took a hundred random surveys that were negative out of the thousand there were! The majority of the hundred seemed to have been from that fat community.
Wild West: Doing it for a couple thousand would take too long. Besides, I feel the best thing to do as a mayor is to adapt to cultures. Being mayor's like being a higher class president. And presidents adapt to cultures all the time.
Zephyr: [sarcastic] Yeah, while failing miserably at doing that.
Wild West: So, if I need to gain weight, I'm gonna gain as much damn weight as I need!
Zephyr: Mayor West, I know you want to do this, but I beg you to please not go through with this. You have no idea how much harm you'll cause to your body and health-
[Wild ignores him and puts his fingers in his mouth to whistle through his teeth, and...]
Wild West: (Whistles) Ginger!
[Ginger speeds into his mayor room, catching Zephyr off guard. Wild gets on her and does a "Hey-ya!" to send her onward, as Zephyr can only look on]
Zephyr: Annnnd you've ignored me. [lip smacks] This is not gonna end well. No doubt about it.
[Cuts to Wild West on Ginger on a walk during the evening night time, in thought]
Wild West: Okay Wild, think. If you were to get into a fat community, where'd you go? [notices a sign and pulls back on Ginger] Woah, back up, girl.
[Ginger backs up to the sign they passed, with the sign for a community center that read: "Tonight: National Association of American Fat People meeting", with the bottom of it saying, "No Fat Chicks allowed". With it, Wild got an idea and go off Ginger, giving her a pat of reinsurance]
Wild West: You head home, girl. I'll get a personal ride home.
[Ginger neighed back and headed off, as Wild waves her safe travels. After she's a good distance gone, Wild heads into the center and sees multiple rooms, before stumbling on the NAAFP meeting room. Peaking inside, Wild saw multiple fat guys sitting in big chairs meant for them, since most of the chairs originally offered broke from weight]
Wild West: These guys look perfect to base my new lifestyle around.
[Wild then entered the room, signed his name on the participates sheet, and whistled to find a seat, blissfully unaware of the stare most of the guys were giving him]
Wild West: Howdy, partners. Do any of you by chance know where you keep the spare chairs?
[The members just give him stares, not feeling comfortable telling him anything]
Wild West: Don't know, eh? It's fine. I'll-find a chair.
[Mayor West heads to the closet and begins digging for a chair, as Peter walks in ready to start the meeting]
Peter: Welcome, proud fat members. Sorry I'm a little late, I had to go BM in the bathroom. But on the bright side, everyone seems to be here, and I'm glad we're making progress on getting prepared for meetings beforehand so we can use our time in a more bigger state. everyone's doing better at making it to the meetings. [grabs the sign-in sheet] Now, roll call. Todd?
Todd: Here!
Peter: Victor?
Victor: Present!
Peter: Wild We- W-W-Wild West? Did something write this as joke again?
Wild West: It's no joke, sir!
[Peter looks to see Wild West struggle to pull a chair out of a pile, and after yanking it hard, sees that the pile is about to collapse, and quickly slams the door to avoid a mess]
Wild West: Oop! I'm sure that'll be fine. But, yes. I, Mayor Wild Wild West. seek to be accepted in your fat community.
[Wild West finds a spot in the front to sit, but the majority of the fat guys stare at him and move their seats back, which Wild notices]
Fat Guy #1: We don't like your kind, Wild!
Fat Guy #2: Yeah! Get lost!
[The group starts booing Wild and throwing their bags of chips at him to get him to leave, which causes Wild to look down at himself]
Peter: [chuckles] Excuse us, [gets Wild up and takes him out] I'll, uh, discuss things with our surprise host. as we get things settled.
[Peter escorts Wild out and closes the door so none of the members here the conversation]
Peter: What the hell are you doing here, Wild?
Wild West: Peter, I need to be honest. I'm here because of that recent town survey. It turns out I'm not well-liked, and in an ironic sort of fate, the most disliked community that hates me is the same one you're running in that ol' room. Please help a cowboy brother out and help me become one of them.
Peter: No problemo! Should've said that earlier. There are plenty of options we could try to transform you into a fat man with pride. We could do a Robert De Niro.
Wild West: Robert De what?
Peter: You know, Raging Bull? He insisted he put on sixty pounds for a part in the movie! [to viewer] Not even kidding on this one, look it up.
Wild West: Eh, I don't know... that depends... What's the average weight of a member in your group?
[Peter pulls out a list]
Peter: I did a scale reading with everyone a week prior, and most weighed between 350 to 400 pounds. How much do you weigh, Wild?
Wild West: 194 pounds, [flexing his muscles] and allllllll muscle, baby!
Peter: Let's see, [doing "calculations" on note paper] If I carry the 7, minus the 4, and add the 2... [camera shows his "calculations" show nothing but a doodle of Brian and some other scribbles] a good weight for you is 388 pounds. Basically, I'll put you on a fat diet and double your weight.
Wild West: Woah, woah. Maybe... maybe there's another option we could try that won't risk my health.
Peter: We could try a fat suit for you instead.
[Scene flip to Peter in the dressing room putting the final touches on Wild's fat suit]
Peter: There! Done! And it took three hours, taping five pillows, and a lot of grease, but I completed your suit. How 'ya feel, Mayor West?
Wild West: [after a beat] I think I want to try the Robert De Niro way instead.
[Scene flips back to the NAAFP meeting, with Peter and Wild re-entering, with Wild cleaning himself off from the remnants of the experiment]
Peter: Alright, fellas, Mayor West is not here for no harm. He's come to our group to become a member of our society.
[The members murmured in surprise and wonder, confused by what Peter said]
Fat Guy #1: An outsider wanting to become one of us? That's never happened for our group.
Victor: Yeah, the only time someone not part of our group came in was the contractor.
Cutaway #3
[Flashbacks to the contractor comes into the meeting room, whistling, only to stop whistling when he sees all the members breathing heavily, letting out snack farts, and some coughing in the mix. When they spot him and look at him, he immediately turns back around and leaves]
End
Peter: Regardless of that moment, Wild wants to be one of us, and will treat like a member! Now who wants to got to McBurgertown?
[The group - minus Peter and Wild - cheer and head to the door, only for some of the members to get stuck]
Peter: Aw crap, not again. [walks to the closet] I'll get the poking broom.
[It then cut to the NAAFP arriving at McBurgertown in their group van - covered in messy stains from rainy rides and greasy foods none of them bothered to clean up - and all exit to enter into McBurgertown, their usual go to for food]
Peter: Now Mayor West, if you wanna become like us, you need to eat like us. Now what do you normally eat?
Wild West: Eh, beef, beans, cornbeard, and dried fruits.
Peter: Well, prepare to ditch all that with the new fat diet.
[Peter walks up to the McBurgertown cashier]
Cashier: Welcome to McBurgertown. How can I help you?
Peter: Hi, I like to place two orders: uh, for the first one, can I have, uh, [recounts his fat group members] 17 McBurgertown burgers?
Fat Guy #2: Can't I have more burgers?
Peter: No, we've been over this. We're a bigger group and I'm able to afford one for each of us. [to the cashier] And for the second order, I'll take uh, 4 of the same burgers [looks to see his group giving him death stares] There for Wild! [back to the cashier] Put the first on my unlimited burger pass and the second on my credit card.
[Peter hands the cashier his credit card]
Cashier: 21 burgers comin' up!
[The cashier rings up the credit card and soon, the orders are filled and Peter takes the orders, handing the first order to the NAAFP members who were sitting at a large booth made for them]
Peter: Here you guys go! Dig in.
[As the NAAFP ate their burgers, Peter took Mayor Wild West to a table away from them with the four burgers he ordered for him]
Wild West: Eh, I don't know Peter, I-I'm not comfortable eating from a fast-food restaurant.
Peter: Hey, you wanted a fat diet. And this place is the best place to have a diet like this. It's like, the hub for fat people.
Wild West: But does it have to be so... big?
Peter: Aw, come on, Wild. This is the real deal for a fat guy.
Wild West: Do you think anyone will see me?
Peter: Aside from the group? Nah, only us are around here at this time. And the cashier's don't care much about anyone, so you'll be safe. Now come on, Wild. Give it a taste.
[Peter unwraps a burger and hands it to Wild, who looks back at the burger and shrugs as he takes it and takes a bite of a burger. To his surprise, his hat files off and fireworks appear on his eyes, as we see a perspective of his taste buds on his tongue, which are loving it and having a field day with the burger bits]
Wild Bud #1: [rubbing the chewed burger bits] It's like a voice from the heavens!
Wild Bud #2: Where were you all my life?
[Cuts back on reality, where Wild West is still frozen from eating the burger. He then begins to gobble up the burger until he finishes it in seconds. With him eating it so fast he made his clean-shaven mustache messier and greasier. After finished, Wild sighed in pleasure]
Wild West: That... was so fucking good.
Peter: Wow, talk about a surprise.
[Wild looks down to see how much he changed in eating just one burger. His arms and legs were fatter, with his fingers looking like little sausages, his stomach became a little rounder and bigger - so big that it pushed the table back a little -, and his face started to look chubby]
Wild West: You can say that again. Look at me!
Peter: That's the power of McBurgertown. It does this to most skinny people who first go to eat here. Each burger basically makes them gain close to 49 pounds per burger. It's so amazing, they even made a documentary about it.
Cutaway #4
[Cut to said documentary called Double Weight Dave, where Dave is seen outside McBurgertown]
Dave: Hi, I'm Dave. And today, I'm going to begin an experiment where I eat nothing but McBurgertown for 30 days to see how my health will turn out [heads to the door] Wish me luck.
[Dave enters McBurgertown and cues a timecard saying "4 days later...", with it showing a now overweight Dave with a doctor on both of his sides]
Dave: So, after the fourth day of eating, I've gained so much weight from McBurgertown, that I've had to quit the experiment before I killed myself. [clutches his heart] Yaah! Heart attack!
[Dave collapses as the doctors look at him in fear]
Doctor #1: Oh crap! Someone get the defibrillator fir him and fast!
[The doctors rush to make sure Dave doesn't die and give him all the electric shock to bring his heart back online]
Dave: [narrating] And in an editing note for my current state, if I don't have at least one burger every day, I put myself in risk of dying.
End
Wild West: All one needed to do is just eat a few burgers to become a fat person?
Peter: Yep, it's both surprising and semi-disturbing. [notices Wild eying the other burgers] Are you gonna eat those burgers?
[Wild took another burger and this time, ate the rest slower to savor the flavor a bit more, and also to experience the changes to himself as they happened. With each delicious bite of the burgers he swallowed, he could feel his stomach pushing outward as he grew rounder and rounder, his arms and legs get more bulkier, his face getting rounder and chubby with fat. His chin and six pack were engulfing in the new fat he was gaining, his clothes strained at the seams as his stomach and body expanded with each passing moment, and his belly button had seemed to turn from an innie to and outie due to the massive weight gain, yet he still powered on.]
[After swallowing the last bite of his final burger, Wild looked down and saw what had become of his body. His face was rounded out and his cheeks became bigger - with his chin being engulfed in the chubby fat his face got and his neck becoming one with his head - his belly being nearly as big as an exercise ball - and grew so large he couldn't see his feet anymore. Any muscle he had been almost gone and replaced with thick rolls and creases of fat. A far cry from his original looks when he was a skinny man. Compared to someone else, Wild was delighted to see his new look. So much so he got up with so much force he was able to flip the table - and Peter - over by complete accident and started jumping around]
Wild West: Woo-hoo-hoo! I did it! I'm now a morbidly obese, toilet-busting Quahogian! I'm-I'm-
[Wild slowed down and took a big breath. With him getting winded out fast, but was greeted by the NAAFP group coming and checked on him due to the noise he made]
Victor: Mayor West, are you okay?
Wild West: Whew! Yeah, I'm okay. [pants and wheezes] Just not used [pants] to being this big and heavy ... I probably shouldn't overdo it.
[The group helped Wild back up, who was struggled to get to his feet]
Fat Guy #3: [while poking Wild's fat] Wow, Wild. Did you double you weight?
Wild West: [pants] Yes, my little partneroo. I did it for you guys. And I would do it again.
Todd: [to Peter] Is it true? Is he really fat?
[Peter pats Wild's new belly, feels the fat in his arms and legs, and then to make sure its true, scans him with a weight scanner to get the result back: 388 lbs]
Peter: Yep. He is!
[The NAAFP group cheers for Wild West]
Peter: Congratulations, Wild West. You've officially become a member of the fat community.
[Peter boops Wild's new belly]
Wild West: Hey, that tickles. And from this day forward, I Mayor Wild Wild West will be part of your culture, and announce my new obese look to Quahog next week.
[Peter pulls out an XXL black bathrobe and hands it to Wild West]
Peter: Until then, best to wear this if you go out in public.
Fat Guy #2: Let's take this champ to our group!
[Peter, Wild West and the NAAFP exit McBurgertown. But Wild West, who goes out last, gets stuck in the door due to the weight he put on]
Wild West: Aw crap, I'm too big to fit out.
Peter: Don't worry, Wild. Gentleman.
[Peter grabs Wild West's hands and the NAAFP members all grab hold of each other and pull to get Wild out. They do succeed in getting Wild free, but not before tearing a huge hole in the joint]
Wild West: That... could've been better.
Peter: Don't worry. Happens to all of us all the time.
[The boss at the McBurgertown, Eric (from "Baby Not on Board") storms outside, furious]
Boss: What the hell, you guys again?! We just fixed that door from last time!
Wild West: Relax, I'll vemo you repair money. [to the NAAFP guys] Though I'd make bigger doors for us.
[The group and Wild laugh it off as they leave, though
And scene!
Next chapter, Wild West will go through a full day with his new fat body, and reveal his new look to the wide world of Quahog. Don't forget to review, favorite and follow if you're liking the story so far.