NOTE

Warning: there will be a rather brutal argument in this chapter.

46. Mother

Refreshed by Teddy's uplifting company, and pleased by the air of relaxation Andromeda had worn after returning from an evening to herself in France, I returned to Hogwarts with renewed strength against Severus's callousness. I arrived back at the school in time for dinner, resolved to maintain my good mood no matter what state Severus proved to be in.

He was surprisingly civil at table, though I had a feeling it was mostly owing to the company that he did not find his way into starting some disagreement. In fact, despite my desire to believe the best of him, I realised at the end of the meal that we had not argued because, in fact, I had not said more than ten words to him.

"I'm going to fly for a bit," I said, excusing myself while Minerva and Sybill were still present. "I'll be back before dark."

He nodded, and I hurried away.

Up in the cloudy, waning-blue air, I flew deeper into the highlands than I ever had. Distracted by the beauty of my surroundings, no warning sounded in my head as the sun began to set. I landed in a deep green valley near pine woods and a rushing river. On all sides were hills, and one tall grey mountain to the north, rising over the meadow, with pink clouds drifting behind it and some thin naked trees backlit by the dusky, glowing sky climbing up its side. I sat on a boulder in the open and watched the clouds pass by until I saw, there in the fading sky, the evening star hanging steady and bright.

A chill wind came through, moving the grasses and the wildflowers, and just as my skin shivered from it, Severus's patronus appeared.

"It's getting late. I hope you're on your way back."

The beauty of my surroundings was so deep that his warning tone did not make me nervous. I cast my own patronus. "Give me a while longer. I'm safe."

I sat looking up at the mountain for some time longer. Then I stood and walked through the valley, along the sound of the river. The wind had grown colder yet, and I was about to heed Severus's advice and mount my broom to go back, when a low sound caught my attention.

It was halfway between a whimper and a guttural howl, and it was coming from a nearby thicket. My heart pumped deep and fast. The sound set me on edge.

I drew my wand. "Homenum revelio," I tried. But nothing happened. This was not a person, but an animal–and from the sound of it, it was injured.

My eyes instantly sought a way to reach it, and spotted a small tunnel going through the thorny bushes. I sank to my hands and knees and slowly crawled into it, ducking my head. It was much darker here than in the clearing. I went very carefully, the whistling, whimpering sounds continuing somewhere ahead of me. The earth was cold under my hands, and there was a nervousness in my throat, but my stomach urged me on. This animal needed help.

After making my way through the thorns, I came to the hollow of the thicket. Inside it were two wolves. One was larger and older, and the other was very small. Instinctively I knew that they were a mother and her baby. The mother was lying on her side, panting. She was the one making the low sound of pain, and there was a terrified look in the eyes that now rested on me.

The little one was whimpering, and on little soft paws began to approach me, but the mother growled. I knelt there, very still.

I looked into the mother's eyes. I wanted to help, but I wasn't sure what was wrong. Was she giving birth? I doubted it. There was a certain helplessness in her eyes which I figured would be all defensiveness were she about to have a baby. And why was she without a pack? No, she had to be injured, and from the expression in her eyes I thought that, if I was very careful, she might let me try to help.

I calmed my breathing, letting my eyes speak to her. There was a quiet minute, while her sounds of pain softened and grew quieter, and then, with difficulty, she rolled over to show me her stomach, which was bleeding. I gasped. It looked like another animal had done it to her. Was that why she was alone? Her pup was watching me, continuing to whimper and cry.

I began to draw my wand, wanting to cast a healing spell, but stopped myself. I wasn't sure what the injury was from. Besides, if I tried to heal it but made a mistake, that would leave the mother even worse off. I needed to take her to Hagrid. He would know how to help.

The mother was looking at me with more trust now, and when her cub approached me again, she allowed it. The cub whimpered, its eyes shining out of its soft young fur, and walked close so that its side brushed against my forearm. Taking this as a clear invitation, I crouched down further and crawled deeper into the hollow.

I decided that I would apparate with the two of them. There was a risk, since the mother was injured, but I would have to take it. I very carefully offered my hand to the mother, who did not shy away from it, and then touched her side. Then I held onto the pup by the scruff of its neck, and thought of the closest point outside the apparation boundary to Hagrid's house.

We landed in the darkness of the Forbidden Forest. I was knelt over in the same position as I had been in the thicket, and quickly checked to see that the mother was alright. She was–but she seemed to be in so much pain that she barely registered the shock of having landed suddenly in a completely different place. The pup was also safe, but more alert to its surroundings. It ran in a small circle, but then returned to me, seeming to sense that the forest could be dangerous.

"HAGRID!" I called, at the top of my voice. I knew his house had to be nearby, just out of the range of my vision, past the cold darkness of the forest. I drew my wand and cast my patronus. "Hagrid, I'm in the forest nearby. I need your help. It's Wilma." The raven flapped away, cawing.

I kept looking in the direction it had vanished, until quite soon I saw the light of Hagrid's lantern approaching at a fast pace through the trees.

"Wilma?" he called out. "Where are ye?"

"Here!" I called.

A moment later he crashed through the trees. "Are ye hurt? Oh!" He looked down to see the wolves.

"I found them while I was out flying."

I realised in the back of my mind that I had left behind the broom. I would have to go back and get it, in case muggles happened across it.

"Ye did the right thing," Hagrid said, seeing the injured mother. "That's a bad wound."

I took the lantern from him and stepped back, watching while he crouched down, and in his careful, expert way, gained the trust of the mother wolf. In no time he had picked up her body in his arms, and was hurrying back in the direction of his cabin. I followed, carrying the lantern, the pup running and yapping at my heels.

Hagrid's hut stood warm-windowed under the sky, which had become inky now, and home to the first visible stars. I rushed forward and held open the heavy wooden door as Hagrid stepped in, still carrying the wolf in his arms.

"Set that blanket down there, please, Wilma," he said. I hung the lantern from a hook and rushed to meet his needs, spreading out a thick blanket in front of the fireplace. Hagrid knelt down and gently set the mother wolf on top of the blanket. Her pup quickly went to her side and nudged her, whining.

I hurried to bring Hagrid everything he requested, searching through various cupboards. I was in the corner of the house when another patronus from Severus arrived. His tone had been warning when I'd received his first, but this time it sounded as though he were very deliberately controlling his temper. Three simple words. "Where are you."

I conjured my own patronus hastily. "With Hagrid," I responded. And then I continued to gather the materials Hagrid had asked for.

I was knelt at Hagrid's side, gently stroking the mother wolf's head as he began to heal the wound, when there were several loud knocks on the door. The mother wolf gave a slight whimper of aversion, and the pup seemed frightened by the loud noise.

"Who could that be?" Hagrid said.

"I think it's Severus," I told him, and left the warmth of the fire to answer the door.

The cold night air slipped in as I looked into Severus's face, hard and expectant. He appeared to have run from the castle. "Everything's fine," I said quickly. "I'll come up in a little while…"

But I said no more, because, looking over my shoulder, he had seen the two wolves, and a look of freezing anger had entered his eyes.

"Severus?" Hagrid said.

Severus's voice was dark. "Step aside."

I immediately did so.

The pup was looking nervously at the tall individual dressed in black, and the mother growled at the intruder.

"Severus–" I said.

"Don't speak," he ordered. Then he addressed Hagrid. "How did these come into your care?"

"Wilma found them and brought them back. Good thing, too, the mum was injured badly. But I'll patch her up in no time."

Severus turned to me with a look of absolute ire in his eyes. His voice was scathing. "Were you so foolish as to fall for this obvious trap?"

"Trap?" Hagrid interjected.

"They could be spies," Severus said, still staring me down. I was suddenly terrified of what would conspire between us later, once Hagrid's company no longer required Severus to restrain himself.

"Don't think so myself," Hagrid said, having not yet picked up on Severus's tone. "They seem like normal wolves to me."

Severus pulled his deathly gaze from me and turned to Hagrid. "You wouldn't protest, however, if I checked."

He was drawing his wand, the firelight flickering across the dark polished wood. My heart sped up, sensing danger.

"Don't hurt them!" I cried, prepared to step in front of him, but with a killing look he kept me back.

"Don't see why not, Severus," Hagrid said, looking a bit intimidated.

Severus muttered something indistinguishable, and in the next moment a rope of blue light twisted from the end of his wand, and encircled the two wolves in front of the fireplace. The rope wavered and glowed brighter for a moment, and then disappeared. I felt myself release a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding.

I sensed in Severus's posture a slight defeat, but his voice did not betray the same temper. He turned to me as he put away his wand, his eyes piercing. "An inconvenient animal to have a soft spot for."

I looked at him, injured, knowing exactly what he meant. I hadn't given a single thought to Remus, or the other wolves, when I'd found these. I'd only wanted to help them.

I was keenly aware that Hagrid was listening. "What do you mean?" I said to Severus, ashamed as I realised that my voice gave away how hurt I was.

He saw my attempts to change the subject, but ignored them. In fact, he seemed more eager now than before to tear at my heart with his words. "Wolves can be dangerous."

Hagrid shook his head. "Only when people threaten them. Otherwise they're very loyal."

I blinked hard, knowing at once what Severus would say next.

"Is that right," he hissed.

Hagrid had begun to catch on, and was looking back and forth between us. "You're not just talking about wolves, are ye?"

I stared at Severus, hatred making my body tremble. "No, Hagrid," I said, fighting to keep my voice even. "I don't think he is."

Severus turned from me, his face unchanging. "I trust, Hagrid, that you are capable of tending them on your own for the rest of the night."

"Of course," said Hagrid. His eyes were wide, and glanced at me briefly, seeming to ask what the matter was, but I had no way of responding.

"Thank you, Hagrid," I said. Then Severus opened the door, grabbed my arm, and pulled me out into the night.

Not saying a word, I allowed him to pull me alongside him until we were well away from the warm lights of Hagrid's windows, halfway up the hill between the forest and the willow. Only then did I struggle against Severus's grip, digging my heels in and pulling hard on my arm. He let go with surprising swiftness, and I stumbled to keep myself from falling backward.

"I'm sorry–" I began.

"I am not interested in apologies. You promised you would not stay out after dark."

He'd reprimanded me before, but this was different. I felt very intimidated by him, and had to fight hard against my urge to put more distance between us.

I looked at him as evenly as I could, even though my insides were throbbing with rage. "Something tells me the amount of light in the sky had little to do with how you acted back there."

His face was full of scorn. "Insolent girl. How happy you must have been when your endless searching yielded the slightest reminder of him."

"You think I'm going after Remus?" I said, keeping my voice sharp and quiet. He winced, but barely. "You think that's what all this flying is for?"

"I know it."

I wanted to hurl myself at him. I couldn't stand this. "It's NOT!" I demanded, finally shouting. "You're wrong!"

"Why else would you have jumped at the opportunity to put yourself in danger by approaching an injured wild animal."

"I was careful," I growled.

"Your caution would not have mattered had it indeed been a trap."

"IT WASN'T!" I felt myself heaving with every furious breath. "I'm trying my best, Severus! Stop trying to control everything I do!"

"I am simply attempting to protect you from your own incorrigible foolishness."

"You're being a child!" I shouted, tears of rage threatening to pour from my eyes. I could feel the response of my wand, its silent fury making my skin scream with pain.

"For being so grown-up you were all too easily seduced," he said, seeming to relish now in watching my pain. "Oh, yes. I watched you falling for him. I pitied you, I did. And how you pined for him after he ran away. I should have cut short your misery. I knew it was hopeless, that he would never return."

"How did you know?" I asked, suddenly terrified that Remus had told someone about his leaving.

Severus leaned forward, his face relaying nothing but cruelty, nothing of his heart. "Because he's a coward. The most undeserving of the favour of Godric Gryffindor in this century."

My mouth fell open. This was a step too far. On pure instinct, I drew my wand. "You–! You–!"

"Put that down before you hurt yourself," he snapped.

I lowered my arm, ashamed of my impulsiveness, but hating him nonetheless.

"I hope," he continued, "this will not be the first time you have considered the likelihood that Lupin is dead."

"I'm certain he's not."

"How."

"I know."

"HOW."

"I used the Resurrection Stone."

He was momentarily stunned. There was silence while he gathered his next stabbing sentence. "Your immature dependence upon his memory is making you blind to all sense of self-preservation. May I remind you: he left you with child, alone."

"I haven't forgotten," I said, my voice dark and hoarse. "But that doesn't just erase everything else he did."

"How can you forgive it," he demanded, seeming to genuinely want an answer.

"I can love him without forgiving him," I said.

But Severus merely sneered. "A man who abandons his wife does not love her."

"You have no idea what you're talking about! You don't know anything about him!"

"I've known him longer than you ever will," he retorted.

"Why do you hate him?" I cried, trembling. "What happened to make you this way? For Merlin's sake tell me, before it's too late."

"Too late. For what."

"FOR ME TO LOVE YOU! BECAUSE, SEVERUS, AT PRESENT, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

With that I finally shattered, tears breaking past the barriers of my eyes and flooding down my face. I hid myself with my hands, unable to believe that I'd said such words. They were too true, too revealing. It was true–I had been trying to love him. And it was also true that he was making it impossible.

There was a horrible silence in the wake of my outburst. And then, under the sound of my own crying, I heard the soft sound of footsteps moving over grass. I recoiled at first, thinking perhaps he was stepping towards me, but when I removed my hands from my face, I saw that he was walking away.

My voice was raw and quivering. "Don't leave me like this," I pleaded. "You owe me an explanation."

He did not turn. His voice drifted back, deep but void of any emotion. "I owe you nothing."

Suddenly my wand seared white-hot in my grasp, and without having intentionally cast any spell, Severus's own wand came flying through the air to land in my free hand. I blinked in shock as a flash of red light disappeared from the air, and stared down at his wand, at a complete loss.

Severus did turn around them, and stared daggers at me. Dread crept into every part of my body as he began his approach.

"I'm so– I'm sorry," I stuttered. "I didn't– mean to–"

The tension and fury in his body made me fully believe that, once he was close enough, he would hurt me. I stepped backward, feeling myself shrink, and my face filled with fear. In my need to get away, I stumbled on the hillside and fell, landing hard on the cold grass. I managed to sit up and scurry backward just as he came to stand directly over me. Strength and anger were rolling from his body in powerful waves. It was too dark to see his expression now, but his eyes glinted terribly as he looked down at me from his great height.

Slowly, he held out his hand. His voice was quiet and terrifying.

"Give it to me. Now."

Shaking, I held out his wand to him at arm's length, thanking Merlin it hadn't broken when I fell. He took it in his hand. I kept my eyes open, expecting the worst. But he did nothing. He only stepped away, his robes dragging against my shoulder and then fluttering through the air, and began to walk; not towards the castle, but away from it, in the direction of the forest. This time I didn't try to make him stay. I sat there rocking myself, sobbing with heartbreak.

Soon I heard running feet on the hill above. It was Minerva, hurrying down from the castle followed by Neville and Luna.

"Miss Weasley!" she exclaimed when she reached me, kneeling on the ground and holding me up. There was no need for propriety strong enough to keep me from embracing her, simply needing someone to hold onto, no matter who it was. Her arms hesitated for a moment, but then wrapped around me. She hushed me, surprisingly mother-like, and Luna placed her hand on my head.

Disappointment was twisting Neville's face. "Call this a change of heart, Snape?" he shouted, at the top of his lungs.

But Severus was already gone, his black robes nothing but more night amidst the darkness of the trees.

NOTE

Please let me know your thoughts!