One colorful day in the land of the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario was roaming around, being his goofy old self. It had been many, many, many days since the final defeat of the eldritch horror known as Zero, and peace had reigned throughout the land since then as if nothing had happened. And Mario was quite happy, eating spaghetti, and often annoying his friends.

The fat Italian sang the famous overworld theme while making goofy noises, greatly disturbing a couple Toads, and a nearby Goomba. Nothing in the world could make Mario happier.

Just then, as he was passing by a tree, the plumber stopped and noticed something.

Oh, not something. Someone.

Right under the tree, dressed in a black jacket and black pants with a bottle of scotch in hand, was a white-haired female Inkling with a black mark on her cheek and odd red eyes.

"Mama mia!" Mario remarked, "Mario hasn't seen you in a while, Marie. It's-a so nice to see you again, eh?"

"Marie" looked at Mario as she sipped her bottle. "Oh..." She said in a drunken voice, "Wut do we have here... a fffffat human with a mustache and derpy eyes. Are we having ffffun today...?"

Mario then grabbed the bottle from the Inkling. "I don't think you need to get-a drunk-a." He said, "Do you have any food?"

"Give me the fffff***ing bottle back, you ffff***ing fat bastard!" Marie shouted.

She drew a gun, and Mario yelped in shock. This was not the real Marie, the real Marie was sarcastic, dry and half-lazy. This was War Marie, a version of Marie from a universe where she'd lost Callie during a battle with DJ Octavio due to her Splat-Charger being sabotaged, leading to Marie turning into a drunk, corrupt mess and joining the War Splats.

"Mama mia!" Mario exclaimed, hearing the narration, "Is that true?"

Yes, it is very true, Mario.

"Just ffffantastic..." War Marie groaned, "We're breaking the ffff***ing fourth wall today, and someone had to bring up that painful memory. Sometimes, life just fff***ing sucks, and I don't have the ffff***ing time for this shit. AND DID YOU BRING ME TO THIS UNIVERSE, YOU STUPID NARRATOR!"

How War Marie got to the SMG4 universe is a simple story: She was lazing around, probably after a wild battle between the War Splats and their enemies mixed in with transdimensional shenanigans, then a rift in time and space opened up and sucked her into the Mushroom Kingdom of the SMG4 universe.

And when did she show up, just this morning. And yes, viewers of the multiverse, the timeline of the SMG4 universe War Marie landed in is days after the entity known as Niles was destroyed for good.

"Didn't we already establish when this is happening?" Mario asked.

Excuse me, I'm trying to narrate.

"GIVE ME THE FFFFRICKIN' BOTTLE!"

War Marie grabbed the scotch from Mario, who may as well be talking to himself now, and drank more of it, while still pointing her gun at him. War Marie then glared at Mario, and smirked evilly, holding her gun to the plumber's face.

"Tell me, ffffatso." War Marie asked in a drunk manner, "What is your friend Meggy up to? I'd like to see her..."

"So, you can shoot her?" Mario asked, "Maybe you should PISS OFF BIGHEAD!"

BLAM!

Mario ducked, narrowly avoiding the bullet. War Marie drank another bit of her scotch, then she stood up, staring at the plumber menacingly. "You started it when you took my scotch, plumber." The War Splat said, "If you hadn't decided to ffff*** with me, then I would be happy to mind my own fff***ing business and not pay your ffffriends a visit."

"You're one crazy mamaf***er!" Mario shouted.

"Say that last part again..." War Marie sneered.

"Mamaf***er!" Mario gave her the finger.

"You're very rude, Mario. And it isn't right to be rude, especially when I'm holding the gun. I wonder what would happen if I took your life right now..."

Over the years, Mario had been through many life-threatening situations and came back without a scratch. What prevented him from biting the dust was that he was the universe's avatar, an avatar is a being whose existence is tied to the universe. If Mario was completely killed, it would mean the end of the universe as everyone knew it.

"That sounds fffffun." War Marie sneered.

"HEY, NARRATOR!" Mario shouted, "F*** YOU AND... Did you bleep me?"

Kids are reading this, and we are PG-13. Swearing can be censored all the time on TV, but this is not a TV show. It seems like you two are going to have to fight.

"Mario's going to kill some b****es!" Mario shouted.

"Not if I smash you first." War Marie sneered.

Mario punched her in the face, knocking the War Splat to the ground. The plumber began to do a victory dance, believing he'd beaten her. But just then, he heard a gun click, and turned to see that his opponent had gotten back up. War Marie swung her bottle at the plumber, and smashed it against his head, dazing Mario.

"OW OW OW OW!" Mario cried.

"We're just starting..." War Marie said, "How about a ffff*** match? Whomever uses the most F words is the victor."

Mario flipped her off. "Mario's going to f*** you up!" He declared.

War Marie put away her gun, and Mario backed away from her, the two foes faced each other down. It was decided, they would have an F Fight, and only one walked away with the most Fs. There was no backing out, and Mario had friends to protect from this dark version of the Squid Sister. Oh, and nobody else is watching or listening.

FIGHT!

"Mamaf***er!" Mario shouted.

"Ffff***!" War Marie cursed.

"Mamaf***er! Mamaf***er!"

"Ffff***ing f***!"

"F*** you!"

"Flying ffff***!"

"Mamaf***er!"

"Dumb ffff***!"

"DAMN MAMAF***ER!"

"Fat fff***ing fff*** ball of f***!"

Mario gave Marie the double middle finger. "Super Mario Mamaf***er!" He yelled.

"You are ffff***ing pathetic if the only F-related word you can say is mamaffff***er!"

And Mario unleashed his ultimate weapon; "YOU'RE ONE F***ING FREAKY UGLY SQUID-F*** WHOSE HAIR LOOKS LIKE IT WAS F***ED BY AN INKY MAMAF***ER FROM F*** TOWN! YOU'RE SO F***ING DRUNK AS A F***, YOU CAN'T F***ING F*** PROPERLY! YOU LOOK LIKE AN OLD MAMAF***ER WHO GOT A SUPER F*** FROM A FUNKY MAMAF***ER WHO F***ED YOU UP!"

Just then, a portal appeared under War Marie's feet.

"Ffffudge." War Marie quipped, and she fell through it, leaving the SMG4 universe. Mario watched with surprise, then he started dancing around with glee, taking the victory in his... fight... with War Marie. And with that ffffreaky Inkling in another universe somewhere, all was well again in the Mushroom Kingdom as Mario went off to eat some spaghetti.

The End