You and Me (a what if story)

by SPNJ2fanLW

What if at the end of Season 4 Dean didn't give Sam an ultimatum and what if Sam had stayed to listen to his brother? This is an explicit wincest story crossposted to A03 where all my work is. Dean POV

A what if for season 4. What if Dean said something different to Sam instead of 'if you leave don't come back' and what if Sam stopped to listen?

You and Me, a what if story.

The words were there on the tip of Deans tongue, 'if you leave don't come back' but just as they were about to exit his mouth he had a flash of Sam's face after John said those very words to his youngest son before he left for Stanford. Sam's face had been a mix of hurt and anger that had settled into a determination to prove his father wrong. If Dean uttered those words there would be no coming back from that, so he swallowed the lump of anger clogging his throat and something else entirely pulled its way free.

"I have always put you first Sammy. Always. Even above Dad and myself but you can't even put me before a damn demon." The hurt and betrayal was evident in his voice. Sam was at the door, hand on the knob when Dean saw his shoulders droop. He pulled the door open and turned back to look at Dean.

"Yeah maybe, but I never asked you to." His voice broke at the end and Dean could see the pain in his brother's face.

"I did it because I love you. Above everyone and everything Sammy. I went to hell for you man and you repay me by drinking demon blood and choosing that bitch over me time and time again. And now you're what… just going to go and turn yourself into a monster for her."

Sam shut the door softly. "Not for her Dean. It's never been for her." Dean leaned back further against the wall he was sitting against. Its where he'd fallen when Sam won their little squirmish and Dean had to admit to himself the kid had done some damage. He body hurt just about everywhere but mostly it was his heart that was aching so bad he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Dean stared at his brother and felt the energy leave his body in a rush making him slump even further. Sam slowly walked across the room and slid down the wall so that he was sitting beside Dean on the floor. "Man could I use a cigarette right now." Dean commented.

Sam huffed. "Remember when Dad caught you smoking that time when you were 15?"

Dean couldn't stop the chuckle. "Oh man he was pissed. Made me smoke the whole pack right then and when I was green and sick he told me that the money spent to buy smokes could have gone towards gas in the car or food in your belly or even amo to protect us but since I was a selfish bastard who would rather waste money killing myself that he would just have to cut our food allowance for the week so there was no extra money to do it. I felt so bad that we could only eat peanut butter sandwiches for like three days because of it."

"Well as much as I hated the way the old man handled it you never did smoke again, that I knew of anyway."

"Everytime someone offered me one after that all I could think about was those sandwiches and the look on your face when you had to eat them for the sixth meal in a row."

"I never forgot how green you were afterwards. Weather from the cigarettes or Dad's disappointment in you I was never sure."

"Both I think. I think this moment calls for one though, if I had any."

"Well I'm glad you don't."

They both sat there for a couple minutes not sure what to say to each other or where to go from here. The remembrance had somehow broken a little of the anger and tension between them but they were so far apart right now that neither knew how to get the other to understand their point of view.

Sam cleared his throat. "It's never been about Ruby, you have to know that. She's just a means to an end."

"That why you're fucking her?" Dean saw a flash of hurt on his brothers face before it went a little red and he carded his hand through his hair.

"I don't know how to explain it. it just kind of happens with the blood drinking. I told you how it all started. In the beginning I needed something to hold on to, anything that wasn't the crushing pain in my chest."

"Yeah, she saved you." Dean said sarcastically. A hard glint came into Sam's eyes at Deans tone so he tried again. "Sorry, that came out wrong."

"No, you've been pretty clear how you feel about all of this. No sense sugar coating it now." Sam's voice was hard and his body was tensing up again as if to start defending himself.

"Look, I get that I was gone and you were lost and angry and looking for revenge or to get me out or whatever, but the part that baffles me is why you kept going once I was back?"

"Because." Sam picked at a spot on his jeans. "I just. It's hard to explain."

"Well," Dean indicated the two of them and the room. "I'm listening; this is your best chance to make me understand." Sam looked up at him and some of the tension left his body again.

"Dean you sold your soul for me. Do you have any idea how that feels for someone to do that to you, for you?" Sam opened his mouth to continue but Dean cut him off.

"Ah, yeah, don't you remember Dad?"

"Exactly. You didn't exactly take that well did you? But you still had someone left, you still had me. But once you were gone I had no one."

"You still had Bobby."

Sam looked at him and scowled. "I love Bobby, you know that but it wasn't the same. Nothing was. Everyday it was like I was drowning and all I wanted was to be with you again. Ruby was right I was trying to get Lilith to kill me cause at least I would be in hell with you. But Ruby gave me a purpose to hold on to, kill Lilith and get revenge."

"Yeah, you told me this but I came back. I was right there and you were sneaking away and lying to me constantly."

"Because you weren't you." Sam huffed. "You were back but it was like part of you was still stuck down there and you weren't…. you anymore. It was there every minute even though you said you didn't remember. I could see the pain in you and the fear. I felt like it was my turn to take care of you for once and I was afraid Lilith was going to come after you again so I needed to be as strong as possible. Strong enough for both of us and this did that. I was able to Kill Alistair for you. Kill him. Not just exorcise him but kill a very powerful Demon. You don't just do that without a lot of building up to it, a lot of blood and a lot of practice and training, all of which I needed Ruby for"

"I get that I was a large part of your reasons but Sammy you can't lie to me, you liked how it made you feel. The power it gave you, the way it makes you stronger than me."

Sam looked down and Dean read the shame in his body language. "Okay, maybe it was nice to be the strong one for once. All my life you've always taken care of me, been there to protect me, been the strong and brave big brother, but suddenly that was me. I was those things and yeah it felt so good. All those years growing up Dad treated you like the better of us because you were a better hunter and a better son and I was the disappointment but look at us now, Im the one with the power, I'm the one who can pull a demon out of someone and save them. I'm what the Demons are now afraid of, not the great John Winchester… or even you… but it's me. Little scrawny Sammy is the one with the power to change it all. I can do this Dean, I can kill her and stop all this."

"By turning yourself into a monster? By never coming back to me? By becoming one of them?"

"You don't know that." Sam groused.

"Don't I? Are you honestly telling me you expect to come back from this?"

Sam looked up at him holding eye contact for a moment before finally answering honestly. "No. you're right, I don't, but that's okay by me. You'll still be here and safe and we'll stop Lilith from letting Lucifer out. It's all going to be okay then."

"How can you say that. I sold my soul because I didn't want to live without you and now you're just throwing that away like its nothing. I went to hell and it meant nothing because you'll still be gone. How do you expect me to live with that?" A tear slipped down Deans cheek but he barely even noticed it. "Don't you understand yet? Can't you see how much you mean to me? I would rather spend a hundred years in hell than one day here without you by my side."

Sams eyes were now watering as well as they turned towards each other. "Can't you see that's how I feel about you too? I would do anything for you Dean, anything!"

"Then why won't you stop this?" Dean asked, voice low and gravelly as the emotion poured out of him.

"I tried but this is the only way."

"No, its not. It might look like it now but if you actually tried to work with me and Bobby on this maybe we could find another."

"We have been working on it for months and we're nowhere!" Sam exclaimed.

"No, you haven't been focused on this you've been focused on your secrets and Ruby and the blood and half-heartedly researching. I need the real Sam, my genius of a baby brother who somehow finds the info we need in the nick of time." Sam was quiet for quite a few minutes after this.

"And how do I stop huh? Are you going to lock me up all alone again to be thrown around the room by the withdrawls as you call me a monster and mom tells me I'm doing the right thing?"

Dean's brows shot up and he was confused for a moment before remembering his brother talking to himself in the panic room. "Sam those were hallucinations. None of that was real, you have to know that."

"How would you even know? You threw me in there and walked away. You left me." The last was barely a squeak but Dean still heard it and the pain in his brother's voice.

"I was right outside the door for most of it. I only left a few times when your screams were breaking me. But I was there, either outside the door or upstairs, I was still there."

"And how was I supposed to know that. I needed you and you dumped me in there like you would a stranger, like I was just another problem you had to deal with."

"God Sam, I'm so sorry. I just… I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't let you become a monster, I couldn't. And you were doing nothing by lying to me and I knew you wouldn't stop on your own so I had to be the one to stop you."

Sam snorted. "So you try to save me, then I try to save you which leads to you trying to save me and neither of us ever agrees on how we go about it."

Dean chuckles. "Yep, that about sums it up."

"What do we do about it?" Sam asks quietly as he rests his head against the wall.

"I don't know. Man, I wish I knew all the answers here but we gotta figure something out because I don't wanna lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either." They were both staring at each other, Sam with his head against the wall and Dean just looking into his brotherskaleidoscope eyes watching the emotions play out across those precious features.

Dean leaned back so that he was also resting his head against the wall but still turned to look at his brother. "Damn, I hurt everywhere. Did you have to hit so fucking hard?"

"Hey, you weren't pulling any punches there either De." Sam said smiling.

Dean's guts clenched at the slip of the childhood nickname. He reached out and lay a hand over top of Sams and gave it a squeeze. "Been a long time since you called me that."

"It's been a long time since I've felt like this. Like us. You and me against the world like when we were kids. It just always seemed like we were in sync then. You used to actually talk to me then and I thought we would always be together, Sam and Dean against the world. But somehow that seemed to get lost along the way. We were just getting it all back after Stanford and the stupid visions started and everything that happened since then just seems to have put that wall back up between us. I hate it."

"Yeah, me too little brother." Sam turned his hand and was holding on to Deans while his thumb stroked the back of Dean's hand.

"So where does that leave us?" Sam asked as he leaned in a little closer.

"I don't know, guess that depends on you. I still think the demon blood is wrong and I can't support it. It's turning you into something you aren't. I've been watching it happen and couldn't figure out what it was until I saw you drink from that demon."

Sam looked down. "I know, I can feel it changing me, but I don't see another way." Sams eyes drilled into Deans. "I never wanted this. I really didn't but it works and I know I can use this power for good."

Dean sighed. "And around and around we go."

"Well what else can we do, we're almost out of time, Lilith is close to getting all the seals she needs. We have to stop her before she breaks the last one. You know this Dean." Deans hand was now being gripped tightly between both of Sam's warm ones. Dean lifted his other hand and tucked a strand of his brother's hair behind his ear as he looked into those pleading eyes.

"I wish we still had the Colt cause that would end her for sure. I think we should try the knife, its always worked so far."

"But Ruby says Lilith is too old and strong for it. She stronger than Alistair and it didn't work on him."

"Then we exorcise her ass and that will hopefully give us some time to find another way. I know there is one if you just give us a chance to find it." Somehow the brothers had both scooted closer together and were so close Dean could feel the heat from his brothers body. He felt like Sam was running hot, probably from the blood the bitch had given him before Dean showed up.

Dean could feel some sort of tension building between them that wasn't the angry betrayed feeling from earlier. This was different, it was warm and comforting and exciting as well in some new way that he did NOT want to think about. Sams eyes dropped so that he was looking at Deans lips and the older man felt his breath hiss out when Sams eyes looked back up into his, all warm and dark.

Dean opened his mouth to say something but the door to the room opened before he could.

"Sam…." Ruby broke off as she took in the sight of the two men on the floor.

Dean felt his face immediately close off and his anger rise again. Sam stiffened beside him and they both got to their feet. "Ruby, ah…" Sam said clearly at a loss as to what to say or do.

Dean glowered at the demon wishing he could make her burst into flames. "Sam we gotta go." Ruby said trying to hide the smirk at seeing how beat up Dean was.

Sam turned to Dean but took a step towards Ruby. "Sam, please don't." Dean reached out a hand towards his brother. "We'll find another way, I just need you to trust me."

Ruby huffed. "We have to act now Sam, I have that lead on how to find Lilith but it wont last long."

Sam looked up at her as Deans hand dropped back down. The older man could feel the bile rise up in his throat. This was it, Sam was going to go. "Please Sam, If I mean anything to you please just give me a chance. Let me help you get clean and then we can take on Lilith our way, together." It was the last plea from a desperate man but something in his voice must have hit because Sam turned to him and stared him down for a whole minute before giving the smallest nod. "Do you promise not to lock me up again?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yes! Absolutely. If you give drying out a real chance then I swear I won't lock you up."

"And you'll stay with me the whole time?"

"If that's what you want then of course I will."

"One more promise. If we can't find another way you let me do this my way?"

Dean swallowed the glass that was suddenly in his throat. He looked at the hopeful face of his brother and the smirking one of Ruby since the bitch didn't think he would promise that. Fuck, Dean didn't think he could make that promise either. "Please Sam don't ask me that. Just… just… fuck, please Sam." He took a step towards his brother putting him right into Sams personal space and grabbed his shoulders as if to shake him.

"Then how about you won't stop me. If it comes down to it you won't try to stop me."

Again, Dean really didn't think he could do that but the look on Ruby's face, the bitch was openly gloating now thinking she was about to win. He felt the words drawn up from his gut and barely got them out. "Fine. If it comes right down to it and there is no other way and no more time I won't actively stop you." The words were ashes on his tongue but the look on Sam's face, and even better the shock on Ruby's face, made them worth it.

"But… But… Sam you can't. If you stop now you won't be strong enough. We have to do this right now, we don't have time for anything else." The demon sputtered.

"Look Ruby, you go follow your lead and find out where Lilith is and I'll go with Dean. Call me when you know and we can work on a plan from there." Sam sounded a little surer of himself now that he'd made the decision and Dean felt like he was glowing on the inside. Sam chose him. Even with no plan and nothing to go on he had still chosen Dean.

The look Ruby threw him could have melted steel but she shuttered it before turning to Sam. "I think you're making a mistake Sam. You know you told me you felt like you were going to die in that panic room. I don't think your body can handle it again"

"Maybe not, but I'm going to try."

"But why? They called you a monster and locked you up just for trying to do the right thing. You know this is the only way. If we don't stop her now its going to be your fault when Lucifer rises. Can you live with that?"

Dean saw the effect the words were having on his little brother. Reaching out he gripped Sam's shoulder from behind and came to stand right beside him. "No, it won't be Sammy's fault. It'll be mine for starting this, or the angels for not stopping it or the demons for doing it in the first place. But the one person whose fault it won't be is Sammy's."

"Even thought he was the only one who could stop it;" she spit back at him.

"Not according to the angels. I started it I have to stop it." Sam tensed under Dean's hand.

"But De, how? They still haven't even told you how you could possibly do it and we both know I can. So why do they keep saying its you?" Sam asked skeptically.

"I don't know, we need more answers. Maybe if we stand firmly united we can find out but first we need to get you clean." Dean said earnestly. Sam gave him a nod then looked back at Ruby.

"Thank you for everything Ruby, I know you're just trying to help." Sam said as Dean snorted.

"You and I know this is a waste of time but I get it, he's your brother so you want to give him a chance even though he doesn't trust you or believe in you. He's proven that. But I get it so I'll go and wait for you to call me. Just don't take too long, the worlds depending on you." Ruby walked back towards the door then paused and pulled a flask out of her jacket. "For when you're ready." She said before quietly leaving with one last disappointed look directed at Sam.

Dean walked over to the small table and grabbed the flask fully intending to flush the vile substance down the drain but Sam caught his arm. "Dean, maybe you should hang on to that." Dean scowled at his brother. "Just, I really don't know if my body can take the cold turkey thing and I swear I'm not trying to trick you into letting me keep drinking but maybe if you hold on to that and if it gets too bad, you know like they do with some of the drug addicts. Wean me off it and give me just enough that I don't like die or something."

Dean looked at the fear on his face. He remembered the screams coming from the panic room and what it was like to see Sam being flung around the room. Maybe having a little on hand just in case wasn't the worst thing, especially if he was in charge of it. Dean slipped the flask into his pocket and saw the look of relief on Sam's face.

"Dean, you realize this is going to get bad right? Like I wasn't even through it when I ran so it could get worse than we even saw."

"I know but I'm not gonna let you go through it alone this time Sammy. I'll be there every step of the way and I promise to get you out the other side." Sam gave him a nod and Dean grabbed the taller man and pulled him into a tight hug. Sam let his head drop down onto Deans shoulder and the tension left his body as his arms encircled Deans waist.

"Thank you for choosing me Sam." Dean said warmly into his brother's ear.

Sam pulled back a small way. "I'll always choose you Dean. You have to know that."

"I do now." Dean said with a nod and took a step back. "Okay, we should get on the road to Bobby's before symptoms start up."

"Ah, um, do we have to do this at Bobby's. Like I know he loves us and stuff but just thinking of going back there to do this …."

"No, no, of course not. I know of an old hunters cabin about an hour away. Its secluded out in the woods so we can have privacy if that makes you feel better."

Sam nodded and gave a hesitant smile as he gathered up the few things he had in the room. "I'm still worried we don't have enough time for this. We should have Bobby and anyone else that can help get to work on figuring this out. Maybe you should call Castiel for more information while I… you know."

"I will Sam. But you know you're one of the biggest brains I know so maybe working on this with us will help you through. Give you something to focus on."

Sam followed Dean out of the hotel and around to the lot where he left Baby. Dean was so busy keeping an eye on his brother that he didn't notice the men step out of the shadows until they were almost upon them. By the time Deans brain registered the 3 men both him and Sam were flying backwards. Feeling himself smash into the side of a car Dean tried to suck down the pain of his landing as he looked over and saw his brother sprawled out on the ground. Sam's hand was already in the air and he was pulling the demon out of one of the men as Dean slipped Ruby's knife out of his jacket and went after the demon closest to him.

Dean was flung back again but was on his feet seconds later as Sam used his power to fling the remaining two demons back into the brick wall in front of the car. Sam had one hand up holding the demons in place as his other came up and he started to squeeze his fingers together trying to pull one of the demons out. Dean raced ahead and stabbed the other demon with the knife watching the orange light show as the body crumpled to the ground. As he turned back he saw that Sam had already pulled the demon from that body and was now crushing his hand as the smoke curled in on itself as Sam killed it.

Dean leaned down and felt for the third man's pulse and was astonished and relieved to find he had one. Walking over to the first body to fall he leaned down as Sam came over to him. "That ones still alive over there but this one is already dead." He said sadly. Looking up he saw that Sam was stumbling a bit and had blood coming from his nose.

"Hey there, you okay Sammy?"

"Yeah, just hadn't drank quite enough after… well after, and with that I just blew threw what I got from Ruby upstairs. So I guess we're now getting a jump start cause I'm already needing what's in that flask. We need to get out of here before it gets bad." Dean helped his brother into the car and slid into the drivers seat. He could see the one guy that was still alive starting to move like he was going to come to and Dean hoped he'd be okay but he needed to get Sammy out of here.

Dean was able to stop and grab some supplies and some groceries on his way out of town and they hit the cabin in good time. Sam was getting pretty antsy in his seat and Dean could tell he was jonesing for a hit. This was one thing Dean had no experience with at all, not having used hard drugs himself or known anyone addicted, so he had no idea what to do but he trusted his gut to get them through this and he would do whatever he had to in order to help Sam. Hopefully Sam held on to his resolve cause Dean really didn't want to have to chain him up but would if he had to. Just this time he wouldn't leave the kid by himself while he did it.

Sam helped Dean carry everything in then they checked the cabin out. It was basically just one large room with only the bathroom blocked off in the back corner. There was a couch, chair, TV and woodstove to the left and a small kitchenette with a table and chairs to the right. Along the back was a set of bunkbeds in the corner and a large king-sized bed in the middle of the back wall. There was a large cabinet for clothes beside the bed then the washroom was in the right corner. Upon closer inspection there was an old claw foot tub, a toilet, a small sink with an oval mirror above it, and another cabinet filled with towels and sheets, but there was no shower. Overall, the place was pretty basic but everything was in working order, there was plenty of salt and iron stored around along with dry firewood and running water so the place was a palace compared to a lot of places they stayed.

Sam started putting away the food into the empty cupboards and the fridge that just had bottled water in it but was on and working. Dean took a look around outside finding a tool shed filled with things that might be needed like an axe, tarps for if they needed to cover a vehicle, shovels, a workbench with some tools plus a generator, even more salt and strangely enough a large trunk that was empty except for a stuffed pink bunny when Dean peeked inside. Weird he thought, but moved on in his inspection of the property.

When Dean walked back into the cabin he saw that Sam had the food and supplies put away and Deans bag was on the floor by the bed that Sam was busy making with clean sheets and blankets that had been folded on the bottom bunk. Even from across the room he could see that Sam's hands were already shaking.

"You hanging in there okay Sammy?" He asked cautiously.

Sam glanced up then down and up again. He was jittery and a little twitchy but he had that determined look on his face that had defined the kid his whole life. "Yeah. M'good."

Dean felt a little awkward. He was so far out of his element here but one thing he did know was his brother and he was just going to have to rely on that. At this moment he looked uncomfortable but nowhere near his limit so Dean let it go. "Wieners and beans for dinner?" he asked wanting to get some food into the kid before he couldn't hold anything down again.

"Yeah, sounds good De." Sam finished up the bed and went to work on the bunk, changing the sheets and spreading out the blankets while Dean heated up the food on the stove. It was when they were sitting down eating that Sam spoke up again. "So, I was ah thinking, on the way up here, about what you said about wishing we had the Colt."

"Yeah? That thing would definitely come in handy but fucking Bella stole it. Probably handed it over to the demons."

"Maybe, or yeah probably, but we don't know that for sure. I was thinking we should make sure, like try to find it."

"How? If its in hell it would be impossible but it's likely already been destroyed which is even less of a chance to get our hands on it."

"But what if its not? Remember what Bella said about how she found the things she sold?" Dean looked up and the light bulb went off in his head.

"The spirit boards?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, why don't we try it, or have Bobby do it or whatever. Shouldn't we try whatever we can to make sure before we cross it off the list of possible solutions to the Lilith problem?"

"I'll call Bobby after dinner and get him on it. That was a really good idea Sam." Sam's whole face lit up at the praise and Dean felt that warm glow in his chest again. Thanks to his 40 years in hell and the last year where he'd felt frozen inside it was amazing to feel something warm and good inside him. Dean hadn't felt ready to open up to Sam when he first got back and by the time he had Sam was different and lying to him while sneaking around with Ruby and Dean just hadn't felt like he could trust his little brother anymore. He'd let the depression and the mistrust take over and even though he had tried a few times to get through to Sam he knew he hadn't truly been invested in it like he was now. He could feel that connection with his brother again and knew that Sam was also finally feeling it as well.

After dinner Dean made his call to Bobby and filled him in on everything that had gone down as well as Sam's idea regarding the Colt. The old hunter agreed it was worth a shot to look into since they had never even thought to try it when Bella had stolen the thing in the first place. They'd focused on finding Bella and when she went to hell they assumed the gun was gone. But they both agreed not to put their eggs in that basket as it was a long shot so Bobby was going to work a few more angles and also pray to Cass to talk with the angel some more. Maybe Cass would finally tell them what he knew and Dean could take the white eyed bitch down without her or Ruby destroying his brother in the process.

Sam got more jittery throughout the evening and had a hard time paying attention to the tv so Dean pulled out a deck of cards and tried to distract the younger man that way. It did help, especially when he dragged out the old stories, although there were some things Sam had to remind him of since it was so long ago for him now. When Sam thought back to when they got locked in the Morton house with the Ghostfacers it was only a year ago for him but for Dean it was 41. He had actually forgotten all about it until Sam reminded him and they had a laugh while talking about Ed and Harry. Sam reminded Dean of the first time they met the supposed supernatural experts back in Texas which led to itching powder in Sam's underwear and the prank war; this led to arguments over who had the best pranks over the years. They were both laughing by the time Dean said they should get some sleep.

Dean dug into his bag and pulled out a pair of sleep pants for himself and a pair of soft jogging pants his brother could wear since he hadn't taken any clothes during his great escape, but Sam said his boxers were fine since he was feeling overheated anyway. Sam started to climb into the small bunk when Dean told him to take the bigger bed since his gigantor frame would never fit in the little bunk.

"Well neither will yours Dean. And I doubt I'll sleep much anyway so you go ahead and take the bed."

"No, I insist Sammy, you need the bigger bed and you're likely to be moving around a lot and stuff so you need the room." They argued for a few more minutes before Sam shook his head and suggested that the bed was big enough for both of them. There was a little flicker of something in Deans gut that he refused to look at and gave in to the suggestion. Moving over to the right side of the bed he finished getting ready while Sam ducked into the bathroom. When he came out Dean took his tooth brush and cleaned up before sliding into the right side of the big bed. This shouldn't be weird as they'd had to share a bed many times before, and not just as kids, but it had been a long time for Dean to know that there was someone else there that he could reach out and touch. Someone that would still be there in the morning. Someone that would understand if Dean woke up thrashing from a nightmare.

"Dean?" Sam's voice was hesitant in the darkened room.

"Yeah" Dean replied and could picture the look on his brothers face as he hesitated. Turning his head Dean looked over at Sam and saw the shine of the moonlight in his eyes. "What is it, Sammy?"

"Just… I'm sorry. I really did think… well you know. I don't know how it went this far, I never meant for it to. But it was working and I was helping people and getting stronger and well, I'm sorry I wouldn't listen to you. I thought you were, that it was because of hell and that you were weak, like traumatized weak not you know, and well I'm so sorry for that."

Dean reached over and took a hold of his brother's hand under the blanket. "I know Sam. I hated the lying and the sneaking around and I couldn't understand why you wouldn't trust me with your secrets but then I didn't exactly trust you with mine either. Then I was just so… well I didn't handle it well either. God, I almost made such a huge mistake tonight and I don't know what I would have done if you walked out that door and didn't come back."

"But I didn't. And even if I had… if I didn't die killing Lilith I would have come back, if you would have taken me back that is."

"Sam, no matter what you do or don't do you will always be my brother and no matter how angry I get, or disappointed in you, I will always still want you with me."

Sam was quiet for a minute then his voice came sure and steady. "Me too." He said simply.

Neither one said anything else as they drifted off into sleep.

They were both able to get a few hours of sleep before Dean was woken up by his brother thrashing around and muttering in his sleep. His skin was flushed and when Dean reached out Sam felt like he was burning up. Getting some cool wash clothes from the bathroom Dean gently wiped the sweat from his brothers face and neck. Sam seemed to settle a little and was sleeping more peacefully by the time Dean had also washed down his neck and shoulders. Unfortunately, that only lasted about 15 minutes and Sam was at it again.

Rinsing the cloths out Dean wiped his brother down again but this time Sam woke up for a few minutes before falling back to sleep. This kept up for the next few hours, Sam would sleep peacefully for a bit then would start with the sweating and thrashing. Once Dean had him wiped down and cooler he would settle for a bit. Dean wasn't sure it was just the cooling that was helping, as the night wore on he noticed that his touch alone seemed to help settle his brother or the sound of his voice if Sam was really agitated. At one point when wiping him down was no longer helping Dean started to hum like he had when Sam was a little kid and was grateful to see the same results when his baby brother rolled into Deans side and started to snore a little.

It was almost dawn when Dean finally just conked out from exhaustion. He must have gotten a few hours in but when he woke up Sam was sitting on the floor beside the bed talking to someone only he could see. Dean was just about to ask who Sam was talking to when he started screaming in pain. When Dean got to the younger man Sam was already spread out on the ground and his back was arching up as he screamed.

"Sammy, Sammy, wake up, it's me, it's Dean." Dean cried out as he cradled his brothers face and carded his fingers through Sam's long sweaty locks.

Sam began throwing his head back and forth so Dean held him tighter. "Shhh its okay baby boy, I'm here, I'm right here." Something in his voice or his touch must have gotten through because Sam began to settle down until he was curled up in Deans lap sobbing but coherent. "You okay champ?"

"It was, he was ripping me open Dean. I could feel it."

"Shh, it wasn't real baby, not real. I'm right here, I won't let anyone hurt you, okay?" Dean soothed.

Sam gripped Deans waist tighter and buried his face against the thigh beneath his face trying to get as close as possible. Dean gently ran his hands up and down Sam's back and arms trying to sooth him as much as he could. After a while he was able to get his brother up and into the bed again but was too afraid to go back to sleep himself so he went to make some coffee and breakfast. Yeah, he was definitely going to need the coffee today because it was going to be a long one.

Not for the first time Dean wished he could look this shit up somewhere but he was pretty sure there was nothing he was going to find on demon blood addiction for one of Azazel's special children that had been tainted with demon blood as an infant which gave him special powers that the blood addiction made stronger. Yeah, he was pretty sure this was a new one.

Breakfast consisted of pancakes, scrambled eggs and toast and Dean was happy to see that Sam at least tried to eat some. It wasn't as much as he would have liked to get into his brother's stomach but at least it was something to give him a little strength to deal with the next few days.

After they finished eating Sam wrapped himself in a blanket and sat on the couch while Dean cleaned up. When he checked on Sam he noticed that the chills had set in and his brother's teeth were chattering so he got the fire going in the woodstove. It didn't take long for the cabin to be toasty warm but still Sam shivered violently. Finally, Dean ran a hot bath and helped Sam into the big tub. He tried to give his brother some privacy to do it himself but when he came back in Sam was still just sitting there shivering and staring off into space. So Dean got his brother's clothes off and helped him into the tub before leaning over the side to wash Sam's greasy hair.

The bath seemed to help so after drying Sam off and dressing him in some clean boxers, Deans jogging pants and a soft tee he then wrapped the other man back up in the large blanket and settled him into the bed. Dean was humming the whole time he was dressing his brother and by the time he got Sam into the bed the kid was relaxed and pliant and he fell right asleep. Dean just sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers over the side of his brother's face continuing to hum until he slumped over and fell asleep himself.

Dean wasn't sure what woke him at first but he felt safe and warm for the first time in so long. He registered the hard body under his cheek and opened his eyes to see that his head was resting on his brother's chest and that Sam had his arms wrapped around Dean with his face pressed into the top of Deans head. Letting out a sigh Dean snuggled in closer until he heard movement at the foot of the bed. Eyes flying open he saw Castiel standing and watching him.

"Dean, why are you here with Sam?" the angel asked in confusion.

Dean tried to gently untangle himself from Sam's arms so as not to wake the younger man. "Shh Cass, Sam needs to sleep so keep it down."

Dean rubbed the back of his neck and gave a stretch once he was standing then motioned for the angel to follow him over to the table where he grabbed himself another cup of coffee before sitting down. Dean pointed to the other chair and the angel sat although he didn't look like he knew why he needed to.

"So what's up that you had to track me down?" He asked.

"Don't you remember, you swore yourself to heaven and to do its bidding and its almost time so I was supposed to collect you at Bobby's and take you to wait but you were not there. And Sam escaped from the room so he wasn't supposed to be with you."

Dean was about to reply when the last of what Castel said hit him. "How did you know Sam escaped?"

"You um prayed about it." Cass said but there was something different in his expression that made Dean hesitate. Yes, he had prayed for help finding his brother but something didn't feel right here.

"You mind telling me the truth buddy."

Cas stared at him. "I'm an angel of the lord Dean. Angels are always honest"

Dean noticed his choice of words; he hadn't refuted it only misdirected his answer. "Okay, but that doesn't answer my question."

Cas sat stone faced and said nothing. "Answer me Cass, why are you lying to me."

"I'm not lying, I just can not tell you what you want to know,"

"And why is that?" Dean asked getting angry now.

"Orders."

"Fuck your orders, if you want me to help with this stopping Lilith thing you better start talking. Did you know about Sam's escape before I prayed to you?"

"Yes." The angel replied after a moment of thought.

"How?" Dean demanded.

"I apologize but I am not at liberty to give you that information."

"Son of a bitch. It was an angel that let him out wasn't it. I mean there was no way out and there was no way a demon touched that door so I couldn't figure out how he got out but an angel could have done it right." This angel just sat in front of him with a blank expression neither confirming or denying Deans hypothesis.

Dean stood up and stomped over to the sink trying to get himself under control. He didn't want to wake his brother up but he was feeling the need to vent some of his anger. Why would the dicks want Sam free? What the hell could that gain for them? Dean didn't get it.

"Dean we do not have time for this. The 63rd seal just went down tonight so we only have a couple days at most until Lucifer is set free. We need to prepare"

"The way you say that, it's like it's a certainty that its going to happen." Dean was getting the distinct impression that they had been played. Something was not right here.

"I meant if we don't stop Lilith in time. Then Lucifer will walk free and we will need to be prepared. You are a big part of Michaels plan to stop the devil."

Again, the way this was worded didn't sound right to Dean. He thought back to how the angel had tried to warn him of something before he got sent back to heavenly retraining camp or whatever it was.

"Cas, is there something you're not telling me that I need to know? You were going to tell me before and then after you came back you wouldn't and now I get the feeling its something I need to know."

"Dean I told you I serve only heaven. I have told you all I can. I must go." Before Dean could respond the angel was gone with just the sound of his wings then silence. When Dean looked over at his brother Sam's eyes were open and he was staring.

"You catch all that?" He asked.

"Enough of it. What's going on Dean?" Sam said weakly.

"I don't know but I'm getting a really bad feeling about all of it. Or at least a worse feeling than I had before."

Sam gave a small smile then tried to sit up but Dean could see how pale he looked so he rushed over to help the other man. "Here let me help Sammy." He muttered as he stuffed some pillows behind Sam's back so that he was propped up.

"What do you think is going on?" Sam asked.

"I don't know but they are definitely keeping something pretty big from us."

"I think its more than that though Dean. I don't know why but I've been feeling like they're manipulating us." San looked down at his fingers as he picked at the skin around his nails. "Almost like they wanted to split us apart or something."

Dean was a bit shaken by this thought. "But why would they want to split us up?"

"Think about it Dean, you're some chosen one for them and I'm the abomination they've had to put up with. They barely tolerate me and I don't know… it just felt like you were trusting them instead of me and they were really pushing that agenda. Like if they could get me out of the picture you would fall in line with their plans, give yourself over or whatever it is they want"

"Why didn't you say anything before."

"I didn't think you'd listen to me. Its not like I can point to anything as proof, just what my gut is saying and you haven't exactly trusted my judgement in a long time." Sam said softly.

"Don't you see that's how I've felt about Ruby." Dean grumbled. "I know you trust her and you know I never have. There've been times I've thought maybe or tried to think you were right about her but the last year, I'm telling you she's manipulating you and trying to drive a wedge between us."

"But Dean she's always respected my relationship with you and even offered to step aside so I could fix things or encouraged me to call you when we were fighting."

"Don't you see Sammy, it's a con! She acted like that to get you to trust her and it worked. She'd tell you all she wanted was to help you and bat those eyes at you but to me she was different. She would play it so that there was nothing I could use to point out to you but it's always just there in her eyes, in the way she smirked at me or the looks she threw behind your back. I'm telling you she almost got what she's wanted this whole time yesterday when you and I went at it. If you had left I…" Dean had to stop as the emotion choked him.

"I don't know Dean. I want to believe you but…"

"No Sam, its as simple as that. If you want to believe me then do it. I'm telling you she isn't what she seems. I'm trying to put my trust back in you but I need you to trust me too. This has to go both ways if its going to work."

Sam looked like he wanted to say more but suddenly he bolted from the bed. Dean caught up to him in the bathroom as Sam emptied his stomach into the toilet bowl. Shit, he'd really been hoping that his brother would be able to keep his food down. Dean got a glass and filled it with water for Sam to rinse his mouth with then offered his toothbrush so his brother could brush his teeth (although he fully intended to boil and sterilize the thing before he used it again). He was wishing he'd thought to buy one when they stopped for food on the way up.

Once Sam was washed up and mouth all minty Dean settled him back into bed. Sam was groaning and moving stiffly like his whole body hurt so Dean got him a couple of Tylenal and hoped they would help.

Dean made his way over to the couch afterwards and pulled out his cell to call Bobby hoping for some good news. He felt a weight lift off just hearing the old hunters rough voice and gruff greeting.

"Hey Bobby just checking in and hoping like hell you got something for us?"

"Good timing Dean, was just about ta call ya and check on Sam, how's he doin?"

"He's hanging in there. So far its better than the panic room but I don't know if that'll last. So have you found anything out?"

"Well Ellen showed up and with the help of some other hunters we have a couple leads. First, we did the spirit board thing and I gotta say I was surprised it worked. Took a bit to get to the right spirit but found out that a demon named Crowley has the Colt and he's topside. Had some hunter friends that already had a demon on ice and they managed to get some info from it. Apparently, Crowley is king of the crossroads and Lilith's right hand man now that Alistair is dead, maybe even her lover."

"Let me get this straight, when the crossroads demon talked about her boss, the guy she feared, it was this Crowley dude and Lilith is like his boss or something?"

"Yep, that about sums it up."

"So he was the one who passed my contract on to Lilith."

"Well, as Ruby said Lilith holds all the contracts. They must just go up the food chain."

"Okay so what, we gotta track down this Crowley and somehow get the Colt from him. Then we gotta get to Lilith somehow before she breaks all the seals. Not to mention this is all going down while Sam and I are stuck here while we get the bitches blood out of his system. How the fuck are we gonna do all this?"

"I don't know son. But there's something else. Had the idea to call that Chuck guy you told me about and he was all squirrelly."

"Yeah, that's him all right, squirrelly little dude."

"Maybe, but it was suspicious. Like he knew something but when I pressed he said the angels forbid him from giving any future information out. The way he said it made it sound like there was information to give too. Got me to thinking, why would the dicks not want us to know something that might help us?"

"Sammy said something about mistrusting the angel's agenda as well. He thinks they're manipulating us. More than just thinking we're tools to use in this fight that is."

"I think I'm with Sam on this one. Some things just aren't addin up so good. Any demon problems since you hit the cabin?

"No, Sam killing the ones before we left seems to have scared them off us for now. I think we got some time before they come for us again. Course the bitch could show up at any moment."

"Surprised you left her alive."

"Didn't have much choice or I wouldn't have. But Sam trusts her for some reason so I didn't, for now, don't plan on trusting her though."

"Good call. I know she's helped us in the past but the way she's got Sam twistin for her makes me think her intentions aren't as pure as she wants us to think. What if all this time she took Sam's side against Lilith hoping to get Sam to take the crown down there so she could be by his side or something?"

"Yeah, that's what I've been wondering too." Dean looked over to the bed and saw that Sam was asleep. "I'm telling you she has him snowed and I'm afraid that if I kill her in front of him it would break the trust I'm trying to rebuild here."

"No, you're making the right call. We can deal with her later if necessary. Now you go take care of your brother while I track down this Crowley guy's location then we can decide how we want to handle it. I got Ellen here, Jo, Garth and Rufus on standby and my two pals that are getting info from their trapped demon plus Ellen has a whole rolodex of names from the bar if we need em."

"Let's wait till we got a plan before calling everyone in." Dean heard some moaning from the bed and glanced up to see his brother starting to thrash around. "I gotta go Bobby but keep me posted."

"Will do, and you take care Dean."

"I will old man. Don't worry about me."

Dean disconnected the call and headed back over to the bed. Sam was really starting to thrash about and he sounded like he was in pain. Pulling back the covers a bit Dean slid in the bed and pulled his brother into his arms so that they were spooning and he could hold the man's arms and body securely. Sam seemed to settle a bit at this like the touch helped so Dean started to hum again as well, just trying to get his brother to relax a bit and not fight it so hard. It seemed to help as Sam quieted a little and wasn't fighting Deans hold.

Dean lay on the bed holding his brother for a good hour before Sam started to violently shake. Dean held him tighter and just tried to talk his brother through it, not knowing if Sam could hear him or not but hoping that it would somehow help. "It's okay Sammy, I got ya, not gonna let go, you're safe with me. Don't fight the pain just stay here with me and listen to my voice. You know I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."

After a few minutes of Dean repeating the same things over and over Sam started to settle down again so Dean stroked his hair and told him how proud he was and how good his little brother was doing.

The next few hours followed the same pattern. Sam would start shaking or thrashing in pain and Dean would hold him and talk him through it. He thought his brother was somewhat conscious and could hear him but too far gone in his withdrawl to be fully aware. Not that he knew for sure but he could only follow his gut and so far it was working.

By lunch he was able to rouse Sam enough to try and get some soup into him. Sam spent the time talking to someone Dean couldn't see but when the spoon hit his lips he would open and swallow. Before he finished though the hallucination must have changed because then Sam was angry and trying to get up and stop whoever it was he was seeing. The gentle approach wasn't working anymore so Dean slapped the younger man across the face and that seemed to snap him out of whatever delusion he was in and his eyes actually focused on Dean for a moment.

"Dean, you're still here?"

"Of course I am Sammy. I told you I would be and you know I don't break my promises to you." Sam's arms came around Deans shoulders and they hugged tightly. Dean heard a soft sob come from the younger man's throat. "It's okay Sammy, I got you."

"Dean it hurts so much."

"I know baby brother but you're doing it. You are." Sam was shaking his head against Deans shoulder. "I can't Dean. It's too much, feels like I'm dying."

"I know baby, but you're not. Trust me, I got you. Won't let you go, you know that. Just keep holding on to me, I'm right here, k?"

"Yeah Dean." Sam was starting to slump against the shorter man having lost any energy he'd had, so Dean got him settled back into bed and climbed in to hold him again. Sam turned so that he could bury his face in Deans chest and sobbed quietly while Dean stroked his hair.

Dean must have fallen asleep as well but he didn't think it was for too long. He woke up slowly and a little fuzzy. He could feel warm skin pressed against the side of his face and he turned to nuzzle into what felt like a cheek on top of his. Then he felt the warm press of lips that were so soft and sweet he couldn't help trying to get more. He knew if he opened his eyes that he would see his Sammy but he was still fuzzy enough that he just let it happen. It felt so natural and so good when Sam licked against his lips getting Dean to open and let him in. Dean woke a little further but was still all warm and relaxed and just went with the kiss. He could feel his brother's hands on his back, moving slowly and pausing here and there to grip tighter before moving on again.

Matching the other man's movements Dean rubbed Sam's back slowly then moved his hands down to grab hold of his ass and pull him in closer. Sam let out a noise of approval and pushed Dean back so he could roll on top of him. Dean came fully awake at that, eyes flying open to lock on his brother's. Sam's eyes were dark and lust blown but didn't seem glazed over like he was in a delusion; but of course he had to be or else why would he be kissing his brother.

Dean brought his hand up between them intending to push the other man back but Sam just grabbed his hand and turned those damn eyes on his big brother. "Please Dean, need you." It was a desperate plea and Dean felt his heart thump in his chest. Oh God, his dick was throbbing at feeling his brother against him and he'd never wanted anyone more than he wanted Sam in this moment. But what about later? What happens after the cloud of Sam's withdrawal lifted, how would he feel then?

"Sammy you don't know what you're doing. You're still detoxing man, I can't take advantage of you like this."

"Please Dean. Everything hurts so much but when you touch me and hold me it feels a little better. I feel stronger when you're here like this. Please Dean, touch me!" the younger man begged. Sam lowered his head for another kiss and Dean couldn't help letting him.

"God Sam. Are you sure? What am I saying you're out of your head right now and don't know what you're asking for."

"Yes Dean, I do. I know. I want this…. Have wanted it. Please"

"How long Sammy?" Dean asked as he rubbed up against his brother.

"Forever, but I didn't realize it till you were gone. You were gone and any chance of anything more was gone too."

"Oh God Sammy. M'sorry." Dean brought his hands up to cup Sam's face and kissed him more gently this time. He was trying to say with his kiss what he couldn't with words. Sam was rubbing himself against Dean now and he looked up into his brother's cloudy gaze and even though he believed the younger man that he wanted this Dean still couldn't let this happen now when the kid was all strung out and not himself.

"Sammy baby, I'm not saying no but we can't do this right now. You're weak and coming off the blood and we have so much happening around us."

Sam stilled on top of Dean and looked down into his face although Dean could tell he was having trouble focusing. "But we always have too much going on."

"I promise this will happen if you want it to but we gotta get you clean first. Your life is more important and I don't want to screw this thing up. Please Sammy, trust me one more time?" Dean begged.

Sam dropped his forehead down against his brothers and let out a long sigh before rolling off Dean. He didn't go far though and was glued up against Deans side. Reaching out he pulled Sam in until they were pressed completely together. Sam buried his nose in Deans shoulder and breathed in while Dean kissed the younger man on the top of his head.

They both lay there for several minutes trying to catch their breath and will down their erections before Sam spoke again. "What about you, how long?"

"Truthfully, I never consciously thought about doing this but it must have been there because it was the most natural thing in the world to kiss you. Like we've done it a million times." Dean was quiet for a moment as he tried to put his feelings into the words he knew his brother needed to hear. "I guess I always knew I loved you too much; more than other people love a sibling, but I didn't equate that with sex in my mind till now. I think it must have been there though when I look back I can remember instances that I felt that spark but pushed it down and refused to think about it." He let out a long sigh. "You're my brother and I have to protect you even from myself if need be."

"You don't need to protect me from you…I love you De. Need you so much. It hurts more not to be with you." Sam touched his face reverently. "This here feels more right than anything else, ever." Dean felt like he could drown in the intensity of his brother's eyes as the other man laid his heart bare.

"Love you too Sammy. Always will." Deans voice was low and filled with the emotion he was trying to hold inside.

Sam snuggled in further and they both just held each other for a while, lost in their own thoughts. About 20 minutes later Sam suddenly threw himself back from Dean with a scream of pain then abruptly went flying backwards right out of bed.

Jumping out of the bed himself Dean rushed around the end trying to get to his brother but before he could Sam went flying into the washroom wall. Sam let out another loud scream as the younger man smacked into the wall then fell to the floor leaving a large hole where he had hit the panelling and broke it.

Dean got to his brother and tried to grab him by the shoulders but Sam was wrenched away and thrown back into the wall, this time breaking it even further, one more hit and he would probably go right through it. This time when Sam landed sobbing on the floor Dean dove over him and tried to use his body to pin the younger man to the floor.

Sam's body arched up like it was trying to fling itself around the room again but Dean pressed down harder and somehow kept him pinned. Sam started screaming again and then suddenly stopped breathing. Dean could see him grab his throat and try to get air in but nothing was happening, his lungs were not working.

Panicked Deans mind spun, he didn't know what to do. He tried to force air into his brother but it wasn't helping so he ran for his jacket and grabbed the flask out of it. Running back to his brother he could see his face was purple and Dean could feel him fading fast. Tipping the flask he poured some of the cold red liquid onto his finger and pushed it into his brothers open mouth.

Sam grabbed onto Deans hand holding it in place as he licked the finger. "Let me get some more baby." Dean said as he pulled his hand free and got another large spot on his finger. Sam seemed to be able to swallow and was starting to breathe but he still latched onto Deans finger like it was more important than the air starting to go back into his lungs.

Dean was ashamed to realize he was semi hard again as he watched his brother suck on his finger like his life depended on it. Guilt clouding his desperate fear for his brother's life. Finally, Sam let go and Dean was happy to see that not only was he breathing again but his colour was back.

"Thank you Dean. I though that was it for a minute there." Sam said with much more strength than he'd shown since he blew his power load on those demons yesterday.

Taking the flask Dean put the cap back on and put it back into his coat then moved his coat over by the door to make sure Sam stayed away from it. He wanted to trust his brother but there was no use tempting him with it right in front of his face.

Sam bounded up to his feet and gave a stretch before walking over to see the damage to the wall. "Shit, I hit that hard. I mean it felt like I did but man, you see this?" Dean looked at where he was pointing then sighed as he flopped down into a chair. How the fuck was he supposed to get this shit out of his brother's system if he quit breathing again?

Sam walked over and sat down on the sofa watching the emotions on Deans face. "Hey big brother, we're not giving up. I can tell you there is way way less in my system right now than there has been in months, It really is progress. Maybe next time I can go even longer and then you can just give me one finger."

Dean was relieved to hear this coming from the brother who 30 hours ago was going to walk away from him for Ruby and the blood. Okay, also because he thought he could avert the apocalypse but to Dean it still came down to Ruby and the blood.

"So, you're still in this with me, for real?"

"Yeah Dean. This has been so hard but you've no idea how I've felt with you taking care of me. I want this now. I hope it doesn't come down to me needing my powers to kill Lilith but I now hope it doesn't. Before I felt… I don't know, special? Like this was something only I could do. I guess it was my ego or pride or whatever but just these few hours have shown me that maybe I don't want that. Maybe I would rather we do this together."

Dean reached out and took Sam's hand. "Together, I like that."

Sam looked up at him with a sparkle in those changing eyes of his and smiled. "Together like we should have been working all this time. Its like we were side by side but not really on the same page, but now I feel like we are. So what now? Do we have time for me to be starting over again?"

"I don't know. We play this by ear. Bobby has a lead on the Colt and is also trying to get some information from Chuck but apparently the angels threatened him so he isn't talking."

"See, I told you so!" Sam jumped up and said excitedly. "I knew it. Those fuckers."

"Yeah it looks like. I think Cas was going to tell us about whatever it is they were hiding too but they got to him first."

"Maybe we can still get him to tell us. I mean he was going to once, if we can figure out why we can maybe get him to again."

"Yeah, its worth a try." Dean watched his brother, he was talking with his hands all animated and glowing. Fuck he was probably high as a kite. Did Dean give him too much, maybe he should have seen if the first finger full was enough before giving the second. Well, it was too late to second guess, at least Sam seemed to still be on board with detoxing and about trusting Dean.

"I just keep going over and over it and I can't figure out their agenda. Maybe its because we've met so few of them and don't really know what they want as a whole." Sam said once he had Deans attention again. "Think about it, we've met 4 so far. Cas is alright, a bit uptight but I think he wants to do the right thing then there was Anna who wanted nothing to do with heavens agenda and is now on the run and then we have Urial who was a massive douchbag and actually wanted Lucifer free. And lets not forget Zachariah, the one who sent us on that little memory wiped journey and wants you on heavens payroll."

Dean thought about that for a moment. "Huh." Dean said as he turned the information and the apparent motives of the angels over in his mind. "What if Urial had more support up there than Cas knew, what if the higherups agree with him and want Lucifer free?"

"But why would they?" Sam asked. "They're the ones who locked him up."

"Actually, wasn't that God and Michael or something? Or the angels at Gods orders? But apparently Gods not around and hasn't been for a long time. Like I know how far fetched this is but maybe the kids have gotten tired of waiting for Daddy to come home and are working their own agenda now. I'm just spit balling here but maybe we need to look at the far-fetched ideas."

Sam thought about that before replying. "It's as good a theory as any. It would explain a few things like why so many seals are falling so fast. It would also explain why the angels haven't told you how you're supposed to ice Lilith yet either, cause maybe they don't actually want you to."

"But then what do they want me for because they've made it clear they want me in the service of heaven for something?" Dean held his hands up and shrugged his shoulders. "If not to ice Lilith then what?"

"I don't have a clue but it must be something big the way they've gone about all this." Sam replied thoughtfully.

"I swear, I'm giving myself a migraine trying to figure this shit out." Dean rubbed his fingers over his temples and closed his eyes at the pressure in his head. He hadn't exactly gotten much sleep and the stress of the last few days was really getting to him.

Sam stood up and came around the back of the chair Dean was sitting in. Pushing Deans fingers away he began to massage Deans temples, then up across his forehead and back down to his temples. Next he went lower and worked by the hinge of Deans jaw before going back to the temple area. Once Dean was relaxed and had let out a sigh of pleasure Sam moved his fingers up onto his scalp and really dug in. The massage felt amazing so Dean leaned back and just relaxed into it.

"Shit Sammy, where'd you learn this?" He asked on a groan.

Sam chuckled and moved to work the area behind Deans ears. "Jess used to get migraines and stress headaches, this always seemed to help. Used to do this a couple times a week for her and the headaches practically went away. Do it on myself too but it works better on someone else"

"Well no wonder she wanted to marry ya, I would too if you did this regularly."

Sam froze for a moment then continued on. He was moving down onto Deans neck now and the older brother couldn't help but have a flash of him and Sam all happy and married while growing old together. Dean gave himself a mental shake. Sam was his fucking brother so that shit was out of the question. Except sex was supposed to be off the table too and hadn't they already agreed they both wanted to explore that particular activity.

It had only been like thirty minutes since Dean had realized how attracted to his brother he really is and already he was dying to get his hands on all that hard tanned flesh. Feel his brother moving against him as they found their pleasure together. Feeling himself hardening again Dean had to push those thoughts away. They needed to wait; it was important to make sure they both were ready for the changes this would bring to their relationship. Incest was a pretty big damn step and Dean knew he should be feeling disgusted by this but he wasn't. He guessed the want had been simmering so long beneath his subconscious that it just felt good and right now that he had acknowledged those feelings within himself.

Pushing all that away to be though about later he concentrated on relaxing into the release of all his knotted muscles. By the time Sam reached his shoulders Dean was thinking he'd do or say whatever his brother wanted if he just kept those fantastic fingers working him over. Sam hit a few larger knots that had Dean tense up again but with patience Sam worked them loose as Dean dozed off right there in the chair.

When Dean startled awake a while later Sam was stretched out on the sofa reading. Dean glanced over at him then he registered his ringing cell phone in his pocket. Caller ID showed that it was Bobby calling to check in.

"Hey Bobby, whats going on?"

"Hey boy, have news but first how's Sam?"

"We ah, we kinda had a hiccup and I had to give him a little taste so now we're back to waiting for it to even leave his system."

The was a long pause on the other end. "I take it from the lack a details that he's right there?"

"Yeah."

"So you don't wanna talk about it even though it sounds by your tone like ya wanna."

"I don't know. It was bad. Real bad. Like not breathing bad. But Sam's still committed so it wasn't a total set back."

"Good to hear. But we might be outta time so any chance you gonna head back here soon. I found a summoning ritual for a demon if you know its name that I wanna try. Not a guarantee but hey if we can drag this Crowley to us and trap him maybe we can find the Colt."

Dean looked over at Sam and chewed the inside of his cheek. It would be better to stay here and help Sam through this in privacy and seclusion but did they have time for that? They could go take care of business and Dean could give Sam just enough of a taste that he doesn't go flying around rooms anymore, then come back here after to finish the detox. But he hated that plan on instinct because he never wanted anymore of that shit inside his baby brother. Was he just enabling if he went with this plan?

"Lemme talk to Sam and I'll get back to you."

They both hung up and Sam sat on the sofa watching him waiting for an explanation. He looked calm and patient and nothing like he had over the last 24 hours but he also didn't look like the man Dean had been living with lately that was so sure he was right and judging Dean and finding him weak and wanting.

"What's up?" Sam asked as the silence stretched on.

"Bobby found a way to summon the demon that has the Colt and thinks we should be there, but it needs done asap and I don't know if we should leave here yet." Might as well just lay it all out there for Sam and see where his mind was at, Dean figured.

Sam nodded his head. "I get that, but Dean we need to deal with this. You know we need be in this fight, its too personal with how it started and how we've been dragged through all of it."

"My guts telling me we need to be there too." He admitted.

"Then we should go. Listen, I promise I will come with you afterwards and you can have the flask and decide what I need and when."

"But isn't that like enabling or something." Dean sighed.

"Not when it's keeping me alive and breathing. And its not forever, just a few days till we deal with all this Lilith stuff and then we come back here. Besides I've got incentive now to get this over with." Sam let his eyes travel over Deans body and gave an exaggerated wink.

Dean moved and sat down beside his brother on the sofa. "You swear to me Sammy, swear it on my life that you'll stick to the plan and only take what I give you; That you won't try to hulk out on the stuff or take off with Ruby again."

Sam looked deep into Deans eyes. "Dean I swear. I mean it, you've given me hope. Not just that I don't have to turn into a monster and kill Lilith myself but that I don't need this stuff like I thought. Hope that once I'm clean I can have what I've wanted for so long and that's you."

Dean leaned in and kissed his brother deeply. It was still weird to have that thought in his mind, that he was kissing his brother, but man did it feel right. Pulling away he smiled at the younger man. "Okay dude, lets get on the road then. Sooner we end this sooner we come back here just us." Sam smiled at him as he gathered his few things. Dean grabbed his bag but they decided to leave the food since they planned to come back.

The drive back to Bobby's only took about 45 minutes and then they were swallowed up in hugs from Ellen. "I swear you boys get into more trouble than a pig does mud."

"Hey Ellen, good to see you too." Dean said as he was pulled into her arms.

"Alright, enough feelings shit, lets get the boys updated so we can get this show on the road." Bobby grumbled but Dean could see the softening in his face and that the old man was happy to see them here and whole.

It didn't take long for Bobby to show them everything he'd found and for them to get to work on the ritual. Sam and Dean took up positions around the trap while Bobby and Ellen stayed behind the desk they were using to work the ritual.

At first nothing happened then suddenly there was a man standing in the trap. He was on the short side but very well dressed in what looked to be an expensive black suit. Everything about him screamed luxury. Dean could see the man wasn't an idiot as he took in the room in an instant and pasted a cocky grin on his face.

"You called?" He said with a hand in his pocket and one eyebrow lifted.

"So, you're Crowley eh?" Bobby said to break the stare-down.

"In the flesh… well, the borrowed flesh." The demon said with a smirk.

"We heard ya was Lilith's right-hand man." Again, it was Bobby that spoke.

"More of a left-hand man I'd say, but sure." He gave a wink at Sam at this point "Well aren't you a big one." His eyes swept appreciatively down Sam's long body. Then his eyes turned towards Dean. "Course you're no shrinking violet yourself, are you?" His eyes took in every detail of his body and Dean could see the demon liked what he saw. Sam could tell as well and got all huffy.

"Hey, eyes up here jackass. We have questions for you." Sam practically yelled as he puffed up his shoulders and tried to hold himself back from stepping into the trap.

"Oohh so the moose has a temper and seems pretty protective over there. Take it you're the infamous Winchester brothers?" The man was all smooth cockiness even though he was the one in the trap.

Sam continued to glare at the demon and Bobby rolled his eyes then cleared his throat trying to get things back on track. "Okay, so you know who we are and we know who you are. So why don't you tell us about the Colt now."

"Right into it with no foreplay, really?" Crowley said with another raised eyebrow. "Alright then, you do realize I'm a demon and not inclined to help you right?"

"If you want out of that trap anytime this century you do."

"Oh trust me, when I want out of this trap you will let me out weather you want to or not. But for now I feel inclined to listen to what you have to say."

Sam and Dean exchanged a look then looked over to Bobby and Ellen to see they were just as uncomfortable with how casual the demon appeared in the trap and how it seemed to think being imprisoned was only a minor inconvenience.

"You won't be getting out of there until we have what we need." Dean said trying for a confident tone.

"You can think whatever you want there sport but I wouldn't count on it if I was you." The demon held up his hand and snapped his fingers. Suddenly they heard a deep growl from behind them. "Stay boy." Crowley said sharply.

Dean had frozen at the sound of the growl. Other people may think it was some kind of dog but Dean knew that sound deep into his bones, that was a hellhound. He felt every muscle in his body freeze and his lungs didn't seem to be working anymore. Sam noticed his distress and worked his way over so that he was close enough beside Dean for their shoulders to brush. A little sign of support.

"Brought a little back up with me. Hope you don't mind." Crowley said. "He won't bother anyone as long as you don't try to harm me or if you don't let me out when I want."

Fuck, they hadn't counted on this.

"Why even stand there and talk to us?" Bobby asked.

"Maybe I'm a curious fellow, want to hear what you have to say. So I take it you're looking for the gun to kill Lilith?"

"Obviously you know we are." Dean grunted.

"Well truthfully, last I heard Sam here was powering up for a one on one with the boss lady herself then of course the throne will be his to take." The demon gave another long calculating look at Sam.

"Well that plan is off the table." Dean spit out.

"I see that. There's not much demon blood left in the boy. Ah well least I don't have to worry about him getting all kill happy like he did with Alistair."

Neither Dean or Sam liked the reminder of what happened with Dean's hell torturer so they both just stood there and stonily stared at the demon. He gave a little eye roll at not getting much reaction then turned back to Bobby.

"Well without SuperSam here I guess you really do need the gun."

"And you have it." Bobby commented.

"You assume right. Bella handed it over when she was trying to get out of her contract. Of course, she didn't give Lilith the prize of Sam's death so poor girl was dragged off anyhow." The demon turned to take Sam in again. "Have to say, whatever happened between you and Lilith that day sure gave her an obsession with you. Not that you weren't at the top of her priority list before that, but now…" The demon held his hands up and shrugged.

"Yeah we get it, the bitch has a hard on for my brother. Well she's not getting him so plan B. We want that gun." Dean growled.

"And you think I'm going to just hand it over?" The demon gave a little chuckle at this. Everyone tried to think of something to say but the demon had kind of out manoeuvred them with bringing his hellhound with him. "If I were to give it to you and you missed then Lilith would know where it came from and I'd be boned for all eternity" This time there was a calculating expression on the demon's face.

Dean might not know this demon but he got the impression from that statement that his loyalty to Lilith might not be that firm. "We're not going to miss. She's going down." it was a vow.

Crowley laughed then pointed down to the trap that held him. "I think its time you let me out of this." No one moved for a moment until they heard the growling. Sam was the one to lean down and scrape a line out of the paint so that the demon could leave.

Crowley straightened his jacket and sauntered over to a chair where he elegantly sat down. "Now that's much more civilized."

Dean looked over to Sam and saw that he was looking a little pale and staring at the demon but otherwise seemed okay. Bobby sat down behind his desk and Ellen leaned against the side of it to his right.

"Now that we're all comfortable, where were we?" Crowley said. "Oh yes, you were going to try and convince me to betray the current leader of hell and stop her from letting Lucifer out of his cage."

"You do realize that once Lucifer is free that the apocalypse will start" Ellen said calmly.

"Of course, it is all Lucifer has wanted for millennia. Its why he twisted damned souls into demons in the first place, to be his army against the angels and help him defeat Michael. Not that he cares about demons anymore than he does humans. Once he triumphs and takes over heaven I don't think he's going to want demons around any longer."

"Then why are y'all letting him out?" Bobby asked as a light ball went off in all their minds.

"Because Lilith and her ilk all believe he is their god and that he will elevate the demons to heaven to rule with him. Stupid cunts."

"So you don't believe like they do." It was Sam that asked this time.

Crowley looked at Sam a little longer taking in Sam's pale skin and the sweat starting to bead his skin. "Looks like the moose isn't feeling too well." The demon smiled cruelly and stretched his neck to the side. "How do I smell sweetheart? Thinking of taking what you're craving?"

Dean stepped in front of Sam and glared. "Don't talk to him." Taking a breath he tried to calm down. "Let's stay on track here." The demon laughed again and gave Sam a wink before giving Dean his attention.

"Calm down there gorgeous I'm listening."

"Well its simple, if you aren't on board with the Lucifer plan why don't you give us the Colt and we can stop Lilith then it all stays as it is."

"And how does this benefit me?" the demon asked with a quirked eyebrow.

Dean rolled his eyes. "No Lilith, no Lucifer getting free, means no apocalypse and everything can just carry on as is. Which means lots of naughty humans making deals with you crossroads demons."

"True. When people are busy banding together to save themselves they aren't interested in selling their souls for a promotion at work and I am the king of the crossroads." Crowley looked at them thoughtfully. "I need to think about this. You come up with a plan and I'll be in touch with my answer soon."

"Well don't take too long we're almost out of time before she breaks that last seal." No sooner had the words left Deans mouth and the demon was gone; vanished into thin air.

"Well that's one down and one to go." Dean said as he turned to Bobby.

"Yep, might as well get that one over with as well. You think we should all stay or do you wanna do it yourself?" The older hunter asked.

"I think me and Sammy will head out to the junkyard and do it there."

Once the brothers were away from the house Sam's shoulders dropped and Dean could see that he was feeling the withdrawal again. "How you doing there Sammy?"

"I'm good. Don't worry about me Dean. Let's just call to Castiel and get this over with."

"Hey, look at me." Dean stopped and pulled his brothers shoulder until the other man had stopped and turned to face him. "Really, how are you?"

"I'm okay Dean. I mean its like this itch inside I can't scratch and its hurting but its still bearable. I think we have some time yet before… you know."

"Okay. But Sam you have to be honest with me. I need to know the truth on where you're at, okay?" The younger man gave a brisk nod and Dean saw him square his shoulders. Man, he was so proud of the kid for fighting this when Dean could see the distress in his body and the pain on his face. Swallowing the lump in his throat he pulled the taller man down and kissed him thoroughly, glad they were out of sight of the main house so he could have this moment of privacy with Sam.

Sam's mouth opened and the kiss deepened. For all its intensity it was probably the most tender kiss Dean had ever had and he felt Sam melt against his chest. If felt so good to have this closeness with the one person who mattered most to him. How had he not seen this before, how much he needed this.

Dean was gripping Sam's shoulders tightly when his brother finally pulled back. Not able to just let go Dean dropped a kiss onto Sam's jaw then his neck before finally letting go and stepping back. Clearing his throat he turned and led the other man into the shed where he called out to Cas in both his mind and out loud.

"Dean" Was said before his eyes even registered the angel standing before him. "I'm glad you called. Zachariah wishes for me to take you to him now."

"No Cass. I called you here so we could talk." Dean felt Sam step up beside him. The angel cocked his head to the side and regarded Sam severely.

"Sam, you are looking better."

"I am Cas. I mean is not perfect but Dean is helping me wean off the blood."

"That is good Sam." He said sincerely.

"Cas, we need some answers here and I think you agree with us about that. I think that's why you tried to warn me about whatever it was." Dean interrupted with.

The angel turned his piercing blue eyes on Dean, making him swallow. There was still a part of him that was afraid of the angel that pulled him from hell but there was another part that somehow trusted him. It wasn't just because he was an angel because he didn't trust Uriel or Zach as far as he could toss them but Cass and Anna hit him different. There was something in Castiel's earnestness and belief in the good of heaven and of God that tugged at Dean.

"Dean we have been over this…"

Dean interrupted him before he could finish. "I know but just hear me out ok" Taking a breath Dean tried to think of a way to get through to the angel. "I know that I'm not being told everything here and yeah okay maybe I don't need to know all heavens secrets but this, this affects me and Sam and I think you know something important. I think you know who let Sam out of the panic room and why and I think something is going on here that you don't want us to know but also you do want us to."

The angel looked confused. "Cass, please, I'm begging you, please. You all keep saying I'm supposed to end it but you won't tell me how. You say I'm important but leave me dangling on a hook. We need to stop Lucifer from getting out of that cage Cas. Please Man, I need you to tell me how to do that. How am I supposed to kill Lilith"

Something crossed the angels hardened features. "you're not. Sam is the one who has to stop Lilith. You will end the apocalypse."

"What? But you all said it was Dean who was supposed to kill Lilith." Sam spit out. "I was doing all this to be the one to do it and you kept saying it wasn't me."

"If I tell you any of this I will be disobeying a direct order. I will be rebelling against heaven and I can't do that, I just can't." he said with the most emotion in his voice that Dean had ever heard, not that it sounded like much compared to a human. Before Dean could reply though Castiel had reached out and touched him.

The world spun for a moment before righting again. Deans felt lightheaded and had to catch his balance while his eyes focused on the room he was now in. White and gold surrounded him with huge paintings adorning the walls. There was a long table in the middle of the room with Deans favourite beer and hamburgers on it.

"Cass, what the hell?" The angel looked almost guilty as his gaze dropped from Deans.

"Ah, there you are Dean. I've been waiting for you."

Dean swung around and saw Zachariah standing there with his superior smirk. It was so weird but at this moment he trusted that Demon Crowley more than this angel. They both had the haughty attitude but at least the demon was honest that he was only in it for himself whereas the angel reeked of insincerity.

"Where am I? where is my brother?" He demanded.

"Calm down Dean. Things are coming to a head. Lilith has 64 seals broke and we need to make sure you stay safe for when the time comes."

"Time comes for what? What am I supposed to do and why wait, why not now before she even gets to the last seal."

"Oh no you misunderstand Dean. You see, you aren't going to stop Lilith, your brother is."

"Then why the hell am I here?" He shouted.

"Oh don't worry, we still need you just not until after your brother lets Lucifer out of his cage."

"That makes no sense. Sammy isn't going to let Lucifer free, he's going to stop Lilith if I can't."

"Actually, you're the one who misunderstands. This apocalypse is going to happen and when it does you will be needed to help stop the devil. But for now you need kept out of the way and safe so that this can play out how its supposed to. I have to say you almost messed everything up there by getting Sam to go with you but I have faith that with you out of the way he'll go straight to Ruby and get back on track. By this time tomorrow Lilith will have broken the 65th seal and then it will be game time for Sam to kill Lilith. So, you just make yourself comfortable, have a drink or two and rest up for the big day."

Dean was lost. What the hell did Zach mean when he said Sam was going to set lucifer free? None of this made sense and he had the worst feeling in his gut he'd ever had. He needed to get to Sammy and fast.

"Cas, I know you can hear me, please help me." He begged. Nothing happened and he began to pace. Okay so the angels wanted Sam on the blood and weren't happy he stopped it. That made no sense but that was the only thing he could believe from what Zach said. They also wanted him to kill Lilith and somehow then set lucifer free. But wasn't that what Lilith was doing, breaking the last seal to set the devil free? So how was Sam the one to do it?

Dean tried to call his brother but of course the call wouldn't go through so he continued to pace. Time passed but he didn't think it had been too much when Castiel finally appeared after yet another prayer.

"Dean, I am sorry but I can't help you." The angel said with regret.

"Explain this to me Cass. How is Sam stopping Lilith and then going on to set Lucifer free."

Dean could see the struggle in the angel but then he seemed to come to a decision. "Because Lilith doesn't break the final seal Dean, she is the final seal."

Deans mind spun. Holy shit. "Oh my God Cass, we have to stop Sam and Bobby. Shit, why? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going to when I found out but I got called back to heaven and it was explained rather forcefully that this is Gods plan. It was always supposed to happen like this and that I had to let it play out."

"But that means the apocalypse starts. That means Michael and Lucifer fight and fry half the planet."

"But then there will be paradise on earth once Michael wins and kills his brother. Don't you see, there will be no more pain and fear just peace and happiness."

"No Cas, it means that you are gonna kill everyone for what? For a chance at this paradise that will kill far more than it will save. And what about Sammy. Cass you know him, you're just gonna let these asshats manipulate him into becoming a monster? Into letting the Devil out? Into dying?" Dean grabbed the angel by the lapels of his trench coat as his voice broke with emotion. "Please man, help me save him, help me save everyone. You know this is wrong you have to help me stop it from happening."

Cas vanished and Deans hands closed around air. He turned and kicked at the wall and when that wasn't enough he picked up a statue and started smashing everything he could. All he could think about was his brother and what this was going to do to him. He had to stop it, he needed out of this goddamn room. Flipping over the table he screamed out his rage. But then suddenly Cas was back with a hand over Deans mouth and was drawing a blood sigil on the wall.

It seemed to only be seconds when Zach showed up going at Castel but the angel was prepared and sent his superior far far away. Without saying anything Cas gripped him on the shoulder, gave him a nod and suddenly they were in Bobby's living room.

The dizzy feeling was stronger this time but Dean didn't have time to right himself before Sam's arms were around him. "Dean oh God, you're back."

"Yeah Sammy I'm back." He said as he gripped his brother in his arms.

"We don't have much time Dean we need to move." Cass said by his side.

"Son, what happened?" Bobby said from behind Sam.

"Look we don't have much time. Cass saved me from Zach. This is all a manipulation to get Sam to kill Lilith who IS the final seal and will let the devil out of his cage."

Dean could hear the shocked intake of air from both the other men in the room. "Look I know it's a lot but we don't have much time until they track me here so we gotta go. Cas could you zap us all to the cabin?" Before the words were all the way out they were all standing in the small kitchen of the Cabin the boys had just left what seemed like weeks ago.

Before everyone had fully recovered Dean was already planning. "Okay so we can't kill Lilith so how do we stop her?" he asked the angel.

"If you kill her before the 65th seal is broken then it won't be enough to raise the devil but we don't have much time. There are hundreds of seals and I do not know which seal she will be after next."

"Oh but I do." Came a new voice in the room. Dean swung around and saw Crowley lounging in a chair. "Sorry, thought I would follow you in case you needed my help." He said with a smirk.

"And how do we know we can trust you."

"You don't. In fact you should never trust a demon but since I'm going to hand this over which will put a bullseye on me like you wouldn't believe, know that it is in my best interest for this whole thing to be averted and for Lilith still to die." The demon stood up and pulled the antique gun from under his jacket. Dean stepped forward to take it but Crowley held it back. "Ah ah ah, now I wouldn't want you to get any ideas about using it on me so I've taken the liberty of unloading it." He then handed the gun to Dean and pulled the bullets out of his pocket. From his other pocket he produced a piece of paper. "This is Lilith's current location. You don't have long as the next seal will fall within the next hour. If you're going to do this you have to go now."

Dean went to reach for the bullets but Crowley held them back again. "One more thing. I want an assurance that when this is over you don't come after me."

Dean scowled at him and he could hear his brother grunt. "Aw hell, fine, we'll leave you alone, as long as this intel is valid. If not we hunt you into oblivion." Bobby said.

"Well thanks, but I need it from the boys here." The demon said smugly.

Dean shared a glance with his brother and they both nodded. "Fine" Sam said firmly. Swallowing down the fuck you that he wanted to say Dean gave a nod. The demon set the bullets on the table gave a wave and vanished.

Bobby was already opening the paper while Dean loaded the gun. Sam looked over the older man's shoulder to read and Dean saw that Cass was still standing in the same place. Finally, he walked over and read the paper as well.

Dean was back to laying this all out in his head. "If Cass zaps us there and they're not expecting it we might be able to get the drop on Lilith then shoot her with the Colt before the seal is broken."

"We would also need to be prepared for a fight if there are other demons with her." Sam interjected.

"And we need to know what this seal is so that if it gets broke before we off her we can pull up and regroup." Bobby added.

"I can get us there and watch for the seal being broken." Cass said.

"Okay I think we have a plan. Bobby you should head back to your place while Sam and I go with Cass."

"What are you, an idjit. I'm going with you boys. We're family and this is my fight too."

Warmth gripped Deans chest at the older man's words. He didn't know what they had done to get Bobby's loyalty but whatever it was he was so grateful. "I know you want to be with us but right now only the four of us know what's happening. You need to go and work on a back up plan in case this fails and a second front if we don't return."

Dean could see that Bobby wanted to argue but he saw the wisdom in Deans words and grumbled a bit but nodded his head. "Fine then. I'll start making calls now." He said and went to sit on the sofa.

Dean turned his attention to his brother who wasn't looking so good. "Are you up for this little brother?"

Sam looked at him hard. "Yes. I need to do this Dean. I have to." Sweat was running down his face and neck and Dean could see the fogginess gathering in his eyes. He hated what he was about to say with every fiber of his being but if he didn't and his brother got hurt or died because of it he couldn't live with it. "Maybe we should give you a small hit. Just a little so that you aren't going through withdrawal while trying to fight. We don't know what we're walking into here." Dean's guts clenched as he remembered seeing his brother feeding on a demon in front of him.

"No, I can do this. I don't want to let you down." Sam said stoically.

"You're not letting me down Sammy. This isn't the same as you feeding on Ruby, this is just a taste to stop you from getting the shakes or hallucinations while trying to fight Lilith. I hate the thought that you even need this but I can't let my stubbornness come before your safety."

Sam's head dropped in shame. "Maybe you're right. Its already so bad and I can feel it getting worse."

"hey, hey, look at me Sam. This isn't you getting a fix, you're still committed to getting clean right? This is just a little set back, a bump in the road, but we aren't going to let it derail you. I'm so proud of you for how you're fighting this. I can see it every minute and it just shows me how strong you really are. You got this."

Sam looked into his eyes. "Thanks Dean. For everything." Dean knew that Cass was only a few feet away and Bobby was on the sofa but he needed to feel Sam in his arms so he pulled the giant into his embrace and just held him close for a minute whispering into his ear how impressed he was and how much Sam had turned this around in such a short time.

It wasn't until Bobby cleared his throat that he let go and saw the tear that Sam wiped off his cheek. Leaving his arm draped around the taller man he turned to Bobby.

"Okay I filled in Ellen. Keep your phones on and let me know what happens asap. You hear me boys?" They both nodded and Bobby gave each of them a hug. "I'm gonna go look for a way to lock Lilith up if she manages to break this seal and we can't kill her anymore. I think there's an old truck out back I can use to get back to my place"

"Sounds good Bobby." Sam said with a hand on the older hunter's shoulder. Once he was gone the three remaining men turned to each other. Dean picked the Colt up and made sure he had it loaded and ready, then put the extra bullets in his pocket. Taking Ruby's knife out he handed that to Sam before taking the flask of blood out. Putting just a small amount onto his finger he lifted it for his brother to suck off and tried not to let himself think of what else his brother might be good at sucking. Sam looked much better after Dean put the flask away and they walked over to Cass. "Ready?" Dean asked the other two men.

"Ready." Sam echoed.

"Of course Dean." Castiel said confidently before laying his hands on both their shoulders.

Suddenly they were in a large darkened room with a long black table littered with candles, bowls of what looked like ingredients for a spell in them and in the center was a man dangling from ropes and bleeding out into a large iron cauldron below him. There were several demons around the table but Dean saw at once that there was the blond woman Lilith had worn at the motel in Kripke's Hallow at the head of the table and to her right, surprise surprise, was Ruby.

The blond haired leader had her hands raised and was speaking in some ancient language when their presence was felt and every eye turned to them.

"Don't let us interrupt you, actually maybe do." He quipped as demons started running at them. Pulling the Colt Dean saw that Sam had his knife out and was already engaged but his attention was swinging back to Ruby as he fought.

"Sam focus!" He yelled as he shot the demon about to launch at him. It lit up in orange sparks and fell to the ground a second before Sam's demon dropped as well. Cass had the heads of two of them gripped in each of his hands and a white light emanated from their faces as he smote them.

Dean shot another one that was headed their way and Cass zapped himself up onto the table to try and help the man hanging from the ceiling while Ruby turned to Sam.

"Ruby?" Dean heard his brother ask.

"Oh Sammy, we got so close. You were right there ready to do the right thing until he got in the way." She spit out. "You could have had everything; rewards you wouldn't even believe and I know you wanted it. You still do baby."

"This whole time… You were playing me?" The shock was evident in Sam's voice.

"No Sammy, I was showing you the way. I just gave you the choices and you chose right every time until this last one. It was all right there in the palm of your hand and you just couldn't get over the finish line. Its so sad really." She cried out.

Dean saw Sam lunge at her and they started to fight but he was distracted by two more demons heading his way while Lilith did something and suddenly Cass had been banished. Taking out both demons with the gun Dean turned his attention to the bitch Sam was fighting and raised his gun but before he could shoot it was ripped from his hands by an invisible force. He dove for the gun as Ruby knocked his brother down, the knife falling in front of Dean. He grabbed both the weapons and his brother's arm as they scrambled up. He looked at Ruby and felt all his rage building. This bitch had worked his brother over and almost turned him into a monster and he needed to be the one to deal with her. Giving Sam the gun and shouted for him to get Lilith while he turned to face the brown-haired bitch that tried to take his Sammy away from him.

The fight was brutal for all that the demon was in such a small body she sure as hell packed a punch. His back was to the room and he couldn't see his brother but he heard the retort of the gun and hoped he'd nailed the demon but he needed to focus on the bitch in front of him. She swung again but he saw her telegraph her move and was ready, moving out of the way at the last second and managing to get the knife buried into the demon's gut at the same time.

Ruby turned to him with such a look of surprise as she started to flash orange then crumpled to the ground. Dean let himself smile at the fallen woman and felt such relief before he pulled himself together and turned to face the last threat in a fighting stance. Dean relaxed as he saw his brother standing over Lilith's obviously dead body. Sam looked up at Dean with a kind of hope and lightness Dean hadn't seen in him since before hell, maybe even since before Deans deal.

"Do you think we did it? Think it worked?" Sam asked hopefully.

"I don't see anything happening. I don't know but if it was too late would we see something like the devil rising up or something?" Dean said as his eyes scanned the dark room. Now that he had time to look around it looked like they were in some sort of old abandoned church or something although what exactly the purpose here had been he had no idea.

"I guess so. I mean it doesn't look like whatever she was doing here was finished so I think we were in time." Sam was also scanning the room, almost waiting for something to jump out at them but nothing moved.

"Well, what do you say we light this place up and get outta here?"

Sam's eyes swung to his and he grinned. "Sounds like a pretty good plan to me."

The drive back to South Dakota took longer than Dean would like but Sam was in rough shape by the end of the first day. He wanted to keep going but needed a few hours of sleep so they stopped in a roadside rest stop and slept a few hours in the car. Sam tossed and turned and thrashed around until Dean gave up sleeping and got back on the road.

They managed to reach the cabin the next afternoon before Sam's hallucinations started and Dean spent the next two days nursing his brother through them and the fits of thrashing and screaming he did. It wasn't until the third day back that he had to give Sam a tiny taste of blood to stop him from being thrown around the room. This time it was just a small smear of the stuff on his finger and it got his brother through another three days before he was so bad that Dean wanted to give him more, but Sam refused. Said he had to stop sometime and thought he was ready.

Somehow, they made it through the next few days where Sam was in so much pain Dean didn't think he could take one more second seeing his brother like this but then on the fourth day he finally started to improve. It was still another week of shakes and chills mixed with hot flashes but the kid was starting to be able to hold down some dry toast and Gatorade that Dean had picked up to try and get some electrolytes into his brother.

Sam was so weak at this point that Dean had to help him to even sit up but he was right there every second doing whatever he could. When Sam would finally sleep Dean would either try to nap or watch tv and when Sam was awake he would either sing or read to him, just letting his voice sooth the younger man.

Bobby called every couple of days keeping Dean updated and Cass showed up on the second day they were at the cabin. It turns out that they were able to stop Lilith in time and Lucifer was still safely in his cage much to both the demons and the angels dismay so neither side was very happy with the Winchesters right now. Cass had branded both brothers ribs so that they couldn't be found by either side and then showed them some warding to keep both sides out. Unfortunately, that included him so he said to call for him when they got to Bobby's and he would be around. Not that Cass knew what to do with himself now that he had rebelled from heaven.

The boys were a month into their stay and Sam was much stronger. He'd managed a bath by himself that morning and they were currently watching an old action movie while finishing up the sandwiches Dean had made. Sam set his empty plate on the coffee table and looked over at Dean.

"I don't know how to ever thank you for all this." He said out of the blue.

Dean's focus shifted from the tv to his brother, taking in his expression. "Hey, no need to thank me. This is what we do for each other."

"Dean, I think you've gone above and beyond… again." Sam shifted so he was facing Dean. "There were times I didn't think I could make it through but there you were, taking care of me and giving me strength, pulling me home. I just…" his voice trailed off.

"I know Sam. I know." Reaching out Dean took his brother's hand and gave it a squeeze. As much as he hated these kinds of chick-flick moments he knew that Sam was vulnerable and needed them right now. Hell with their relationship up in the air maybe he needed them too. Swallowing down his awkwardness he flicked the tv off and gave his brother his undivided attention.

"I just wish I could take care of you sometimes. I think that was part of the allure of the blood. I felt strong and powerful and like for the first time I could take care of you." Sam admitted quietly.

Even though it went against every grain of his being, since his whole job in life was to take care of Sammy, Dean did understand what he was saying. However, Sam was also wrong too.

"Sam, you do take care of me, all the time. You're the one who puts my drunk ass to bed and bitches at me to eat better and take better care of myself and you know when I need to vent or to close down for a while or when I just need to hit something. You're there when I get up to give me something to fight for and you're there when I go to sleep making me feel like I'm not all alone in this world. You laugh at my stupid jokes, well sometimes…" He paused to smile thinking of his brother's sass. "You patch me up when I'm hurt and you let me tease you to amuse myself." He winked at this brother and caught the answering smile. "Without you I would be just another used up hunter who lived hard and no longer cared. Who either drinks himself to death or gets himself killed way too young because they just don't care to go on."

"No Dean. That would never be you, you're too much of hero. You might drink too much sometimes but you still care and you always will. You try to hide it from everyone but you have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known and doing the right thing matters to you. Helping people is who you are weather its as a hunter or just a brother or friend. You Care." Sam said earnestly.

"So do you Sammy."

"Not like you. I tried to walk away from this, from helping people but you never would. Its not in you. And this year, I know I was going dark, things like the individual was mattering less and less. Hell, I was on board with Ruby to sacrifice that Nancy girl but you never would. You saw that girl for the person she was and she mattered to you. Too much to throw away as a sacrifice to a spell."

"But I ended up being wrong. I got everyone killed in that scenario. If I could have let up a bit maybe the others would still be alive." The guilt of all those deaths weighed heavily on Deans shoulders.

"Don't think like that Dean. That's on Lilith. You were right no matter how it turned out. Letting go of the small things like that leads to letting go of the bigger and I didn't see that. Its what Ruby was doing to me, getting me to make these seemingly small sacrifices, these little compromises to my moral code and it just got easier and easier to let go more and more. I wanted to be doing good and yes there are parts that were good, being able to save the people being possessed was amazing but I let that blind me to the path I was on." Sam stopped for a moment and stiffened. "No, I LET it blind me because I didn't WANT to see. I didn't want to be wrong."

"But you got off that path Sam. You did it, and maybe I helped but you had to do the work, you had to take that step and you had to choose to trust me when your whole body was flooded with the blood and the addiction and Ruby's manipulations." Deans faith in his brother had taken a few hits, first with Stanford then this last year, but for the first time in so long he felt that his faith had not only returned but that he'd been proven right for having it in the first place.

"But I should have listened to you sooner. I let the secrets and lies build between us and when you did call me on it I pushed you away. I was so sure I was right, so damn arrogant. And fucking angry. I've always had this anger inside but this last year…. I let it out and I listened to it. I let it take over."

"Well maybe that's what we have each other for, to keep us on the right path; to keep each other in check. To balance each other out. There have been times I've been wrong and you were there to make sure I got it right. Remember during the Croatian thing when I was going to kill that guy? You're the one who stopped me, the only one who could. But you were right that day and you taught me about caring for the person in front of you like you say I did with Nancy. You're the one who taught me that Sammy cause it sure as shit wasn't Dad." Dean cupped his brother's cheek in his hand and looked into his eyes. "Everything you say is good in me comes from you, don't you see that? Who I am is because of who you are and I'm not me without you."

Tears fell from Sam's eyes. "Don't you see that's how I feel about you! Everything I am is because of who you are and what you've taught me my whole life. When you went to hell I couldn't be me anymore because you weren't here being you. You couldn't make it a day when I died and I had to do months of it; first in that stupid loop world the trickster put us in, then when you went to hell. I lost me the day I lost you." Sam cried out. Tears streaming down his cheeks.

Dean rested his forehead against his brothers. "God, we are so fucked up. I think Zack was right, we are co-dependent on each other."

"But is that such a bad thing?" Sam asked as he placed a soft kiss to the corner of Deans mouth.

"Yeah, it probably is, but it's too late now. This is where we are and I don't think I want to be anywhere else but right here with you." Deans voice was low and deep and he saw a shiver run down his brother's body at his words.

"Me too. I think my whole life has been leading me here, to this moment with you." Sam's lips settled over Deans. The kiss was sweet and chaste and so fucking tender Dean felt like his heart was ripping out of his chest to try and merge with his brothers.

"Damn Sammy, that was one hell of a line. If I was a girl I'd be a puddle by now." He grinned at his brother then kissed him again. He only let it go on for a moment though before pulling back and standing up. "What do you say we take this to the bed?" He held out his hand and was actually anxious until Sam grabbed hold and stood up with him.

"Its about damn time." Sam said with his own smile shining on his face. As they reached the bed Dean reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle of lube that he set on the bed.

"Do we need condoms?" Dean asked.

"Not unless you want them. I always use them, even with Ruby. But there is always a chance so maybe we should until we get tested."

Dean reached back into his bag and took out a string of condoms, tossing them on top of the lube then turned to his brother. Leaning up he caught Sam's lips in a deep kiss while he started working the other man's buttons open. Sam wrapped his massive hands around the back of Dean's head and held on while Dean worked the shirt open. Trying to push it off he had to pry his brother's hands off him but the younger man quickly started to work on helping get them both naked.

Once they were both naked they took a moment to just look. Dean was unashamed and comfortable in his skin so he stood proudly as Sam's eyes drank him in, darkening, as his cock filled while he looked. Dean shot the kid his signature wink and cocky grin mix which made Sam smile again. Dean then let his eyes rove down his brother's incredible body, taking in all the parts he knew by heart like his arms and chest but also getting a good look at the parts he didn't know so well. Swallowing thickly, he looked at the monster his brother hid in his pants. Licking his lips Dean thought for the first time in his life he wanted to taste another mans dick. Fuck, his brother's cock was a thing of beauty. Long, thick, pink with a bead of moisture gathering on the tip, it looked like something from a porno. Not that Dean himself was lacking in any way and he knew it.

"Fuck Sammy." He muttered as he moved in to rub himself up against his brother.

"Well, that is the idea Dean." Sam laughed before Dean pulled him into a much more passionate kiss than they'd had so far.

Sam clung to him as Dean brought their cocks together and started grinding his hips against the other mans. They both gasped at the contact and Dean moved so that he was sucking on Sam's neck, biting a mark into the join with his shoulder. Sam cried out and pulled them tighter together. Letting go of his brother with his teeth Dean brought his hands up and broke contact so that he could push the larger man backwards onto the bed.

With a bounce Sam settled himself back against the pillows and Dean climbed up on him, sinking down between Sam's legs while they made out some more. Rubbing and touching everywhere they could manage Dean felt need unlike any he had felt before. The intensity was overwhelming and they had barely gotten started.

Pulling back to get some air Dean started kissing down the other man's neck again and sucked another mark into the delicate skin over his pulse point. Sam moaned and Dean started to move again, kissing down to his brother's nipples where he laved and sucked until the nubs were hard and tender, making Sam moan louder and arch his back up to press harder into Dean. Closing his teeth around the firm round nub Sam cried out his name and Dean felt his own cock twitch and leak with need.

Sam's skin tasted both sweet and salty in the best possible way and Dean already felt addicted. Moving further down he let his tongue trace the lines of his abs and dip into the younger man's navel giving it a flick with his wet tongue. Moving on he nipped at his brother's hip bone and sucked another mark into his inner thigh. Sam was panting and moaning above him and Dean tried not to smile at how pliant and submissive he had the younger man.

Moving his mouth again he licked up the underside of his brother's cock while Sam started babbling his name. Circling the head with his tongue Dean then took it into his mouth and marvelled that the taste wasn't near as bad as he'd thought. Might not be the best thing he'd ever tasted but it was Sam and for that he could live on this alone.

Continuing to work his tongue against Sam's cock he got it good and wet before taking the head in between his lips and sucking. Sam arched up again and called out. "Please Dean, oh God. Please."

Needing to hear Sam beg, Dean lifted off. "What do you need little brother?"

"You Dean." He panted. "Just you… always...you." he moaned

Heart soaring at the words Dean leaned back in and sucked down as much of his brother's cock as he could, which okay wasn't a whole lot but still Sam sounded more than happy with Deans efforts. Using his hands he pumped the bottom as he bobbed on the top, sucking and licking and trying to do anything he could think of that he liked himself. Trying to take more in Dean ended up chocking and sputtering a couple times but he just kept at it, loving the feel of it in his mouth, of the sounds he was taring out of his brother. If there really was a heaven (which it now looked like there was) this had to be what it was like, Dean thought to himself.

"Dean, please, want you." Sam said as he pulled on Deans shoulders. Moving back up his brother's long body he let the younger man kiss him hungrily before Sam surprised him by flipping them over. Sam was not nearly as slow and patient as Dean had been and eagerly sucked and nipped all over Deans neck and shoulders before aggressively biting Deans nipples and taring a loud whine out of the older brother.

By the time Sam had worked his way down to Deans dick the older brother was whimpering and thrusting up into the younger man's enthusiastic mouth. "Sam, Sammy, oh god, that feels so fucking good." Dean cried out as his brother's mouth sucked him down as far as he could while he pumped the rest with his hand. "Shit Sammy, your mouth man…"

This just seemed to spur Sam on and Dean felt like his brains were being sucked out of his dick. Feeling an orgasm starting to build he pulled on Sam's hair, hard. "Gotta stop baby or I'm gonna be no good to you." Sam gave one last deep suck then licked the top with kitten licks before finally raising his head to look at Dean with a huge smile on his face.

"You taste incredible De." Leaning down he gave another couple of licks before moving up. "I'm gonna finish that next time. Gonna suck every drop you give me and swallow it down until you're screaming my name."

"Fuck Sammy stop or this will be as far as I make it tonight." Sam grinned at him and went to work on his nipple again. "Where the hell you learn to do that?"

"You mean besides having my own dick sucked? Well, maybe I watched a time or two when you used to bring girls back to the room. Watched how they worked you and what you liked." Sam said with a devious look on his face. Dean laughed.

"You sly dog you. And here I always thought you were so innocent."

"Oh you have no idea big bro. The things I'm going to do to you now that I have you right where I want you…." Burning heat built in Dean as he thought of everything they could do together now. He was never going to want to get out of bed again.

Pushing his brother over onto his back Dean grabbed the lube and held it up. "You ready to move this along then?" He asked wickedly.

"So ready. Beyond ready." Sam growled.

Spreading Sam's legs Dean leaned over and kissed his brother for a moment before pulling back and lubing up his fingers. He tried to take his time working his brother open but Sam was impatient and pushy trying to get him to move faster. Dean kissed and sucked on any part of Sam he could reach with his mouth and made sure his brother could take three of his fingers easily before finally slipping the condom on and slicking himself up. "This is supposed to be easier the first time if you get on all fours Sammy." He said as he tried to turn his brother over.

"No, want to see your face. I don't care if it hurts I need to see you." Sam whined.

"Okay but if it gets too much tell me, k?"

Sam nodded eagerly then gave Dean a hungry kiss before Dean settled between Sam's legs, getting into position. Sam's fingers dug into his skin as the younger man tried to pull him up to move faster but Dean held back. They were only going to get one first time and he intended to make it good. Pausing to look into Sam's eyes Dean dropped all the shields and masks he usually hid behind.

"I love you Sammy." He said with complete open honesty.

Sam's eyes teared up and his hand shook as he brought it up to cup Deans face. "I love you too." He said simply before his eyes closed on a moan as Dean pushed in and breached his entrance.

Dean held still while the sweat beaded on his neck and back, waiting for Sam to adjust. He could see the shock of the discomfort but it didn't look like Sam was in real pain. When he felt his brother move a little and wiggle around he started to slowly inch his way further into the tight warm channel. Dean felt like Sam's body was trying to suck him in and he groaned loudly. Gathering all his will power he held himself back and moved slowly, taking the time to work Sam open so as not to cause any damage or hurt him but Sam was getting impatient again and started to push back and take Dean further, faster than he intended.

"Slow down Sammy. Don't worry we'll get there, just let me take care of you." Dean panted.

"Please. Please De." Sam moaned.

Dean finally bottomed out and sucked in his breath with the surge of fulfilment and completion he felt. For the first time in his life he wasn't longing for something he couldn't name and he felt whole and so fortunate to have this moment, to have this thing between him and Sam.

Tears leaked from the corner of his eyes as he finally started to move. Sam was already sobbing beneath him as he pushed himself down onto Dean more fully with each thrust. Eyes locked onto each other the rest of the world could have been burning but neither of them would have known for this was all that mattered, this building feeling between them.

"Harder Dean." Sam begged and Dean picked up his pace, thrusting into his brother's body as if his life depended on it. Maybe it did, he thought. Dean's nerves were lit up and his blood was pumping fire through his veins and still he pumped his hips, wanting, needing….

"Dean, Dean, oh God" Sam cried out when Dean grabbed a hold of his bobbing cock. It only took a couple pumps and Sam was screaming out his orgasm, body clenched up, hole spasming around Deans throbbing dick.

The feel of his brother's orgasm sent Dean crashing over his own cliff and his whole body seized up from the strength of the pleasure surging through him. Vision whiting out Dean let out a wordless cry and finally broke free of the paralysis to erratically pump through the waves crashing over him as his cum erupted out of him filling his brother's body.

Completely spent Dean crashed down onto Sam's chest squishing the warm cum that had been coating his brother's chest all over the both of them. Sam let out a little grunt as Deans weight hit him but his arms were up and cradling the older man, holding him closely within seconds. Dean turned his face into the side of Sam's head and just breathed in his brother scent as his heart started to settle into some semblance of a normal rhythm.

Sam dropped a couple kisses to the side of Deans face and continued to just hold him close while their breathing and hearts synced up. Eventually, Dean pulled himself up enough to remove the soiled condom and slide over onto his side, cuddled up beside Sam. No, not cuddling, just sharing body heat, yeah that's what they were doing he corrected himself, which made him laugh put loud.

Shooting him a questioning look Sam raised his eyebrow. Dean smiled and tried to think how to explain. In the end he just went with the truth. "Just happy." He replied.

Sam smiled. "Me too."

"Man, why did we wait so long to do this?" Dean asked the ceiling above him. Sam kissed the corner of his eye.

"I don't know but I'm glad we finally did."

"I never want to get out of this bed." Dean groaned.

"Really? You might get hungry and we both know how much you love your food." Sam chuckled.

"Delivery baby, we can get delivery."

"And tell the guy to just come in and leave it on the end of the bed? Somehow I don't think anyone's going to go for that."

"Hey, you never know. There are probably lots of people out there that would love to come get a peek at this." Dean said as he indicated his body.

Laughing Sam pushed against Deans shoulder. "Oh, I'm sure they'd just be lining up. Of course, if you let them in I'm outta here, I'm not into the public displays of nudity like you are."

"Hey now, I can't help it that I'm hot. Its like doing a public service letting people see all this. But you're right I don't want anyone else seeing this." Dean cupped Sam's soft and sticky cock. "This is all mine"

"Mmm" Sam hummed. "Unless you're ready for another go you might want to move that hand." Sam said as Dean felt his cock make a valiant twitch under his palm.

"Sorry bro, not in my twenty's anymore. Need a little more than a few minutes refractory time. Give me… oh say a half hour or so." At Sam's laugh Dean sighed. "Okay, maybe an hour. But then trust me, I'll be good to go. Maybe next time you can show me what you were doing all that screaming about."

Sam's eyes lit up. "Really? You'd let me?"

"Course I would, especially if it feels as good as you made it sound."

"You have no idea Dean. It's called a prostate and trust me you're gonna love it."

"Okay, I'll hold you to that." Dean baited his brother.

"I promise, I'll make sure its every bit as good as it was for me." Sam said and used his finger to draw an x over his heart. "Cross my heart." He added.

Laughing Dean pushed Sam back and kissed him hard. "You're such a little shit. I ever tell you that?"

"Of course Dean, but I think what you really mean is most perfect little brother ever."

"Okay you're that too. But an annoying little shit as well. It's a conundrum."

"Oh my, breaking out the big words De. You know, those big fancy words coming out of you get me all hot and bothered." Sam growled.

"Really? Well good thing I've been paying attention all these years, I'm sure I can come up with a few to inspire you."

"I'm sure you can. Its just another thing you hide from people but I know how smart you really are. If you'd wanted to you could have done anything Dean, been anything. Hell, you could have been a rocket scientist if you wanted. You just hide that stuff and let people underestimate you, and they do, every damn time."

"Awe, Sammy, is that a compliment you're giving me?" Dean teased.

Sam's face turned serious. "No Dean, it's the Gods honest truth. You always let people underestimate you but I know how smart you are. How else could I have learned all I needed to in order to get into Stanford. You were the one that was there teaching me in the evenings making sure I understood everything since I'd been yanked out of yet another school before finishing whatever lesson I was working on. You taught me to walk, and talk, and read and be a good person. You held me when I cried at night from the nightmares and calmed me down when I was scared or angry. You loved me when there was no one else there, not even Dad since he was hardly around when I needed him. But you were. Always. I love you so much I don't even know where to put it all inside me."

Dean felt the swell of emotion at his brother's words. He had no idea how he could have found everything he'd ever needed in another person all wrapped up in this beautiful man beside him but he did. Brother, friend, partner, teacher, student, lover… maybe even soulmate, if he were to believe in such things.

"You and me Sammy, whatever comes at us or happens in this world, its me and you." It felt like a vow and Sam's eyes told him he took it that way.

"You and me Dean. Always." They both leaned in and sealed it with a kiss that turned into kisses, that turned into a lot more. Yes, it was definitely going to be a while before either of them climbed out of that bed and if they did it wasn't going to be for long but neither of them would have it any other way.

Fin.