I wasn't expecting to come back here for another story so soon, or at all for that matter, but retro mania reached out to me and asked if I could do something with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and have the children have a somewhat different experience.So on the 52nd anniversary of the release of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, I present to you Sweet Treats and Spoiled Brats.
"I am eating the Wonka bar and I taste something that is not chocolate! Or coconut. Or walnut or peanut butter. Or nougat. Or butter brittle or caramel or sprinkles. So I look, and I find the Golden Ticket."
"Augustus, how did you celebrate?"
"I eat more candy."
"Soon as my little Veruca told me she had to have one of these Golden Tickets, I started buying up all the Wonka bars I could lay my hands on. Thousands of them. Hundreds of thousands of them. I'm in the nut business, you see, so I say to my workers, 'Morning, ladies. From now on you can stop shelling peanuts and shelling the wrappers of these chocolate bars instead.' Three days went by and we had no luck. It was terrible! My little Veruca got more and more upset each day. Well gentlemen, I just hated seeing my little girl feeling unhappy like that. I vowed I would keep up the search until I could give her what she wanted. And finally, I found her a ticket."
"These are just some of the 263 trophies and medals my Violet has won."
"I'm a gum chewer mostly, but when I heard about these ticket things, I laid off the gum, switched to candy bars."
"She's just a driven young woman. I don't know where she gets it from."
"I'm the junior world champion gum chewer. This piece of gum I'm chewing right at this moment I've been working on for three months solid. That's a record."
"Of course I did have my share of trophies, mostly baton."
"Since Wonka is going to give this special prize better than all the rest, I don't care who those other four are, that kid is gonna be me."
"Tell them why, Violet."
"Because I'm a winner."
"All you had to do was check the manufacturing dates, offset by weather, and the derivative of the Nikkei Index. A retard could figure it out."
"Most of the time I don't know what he's talking about. Kids these days with all the technology."
"Die! Die! Die!"
"Doesn't seem like they stay kids very long."
"In the end, I only had to buy one candy bar."
"And how did it taste?"
"I don't know. I hate chocolate."
"No, I'm not going. A woman offered me $500 for the ticket. I bet someone else would pay more. We need the money more than we need the chocolate."
"Young man, come here. There's plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, there's only five of them in the whole world. And that's all there is ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?"
"No, sir."
"Then get that mud off your pants. You have a factory to go to."
Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this Golden Ticket, from Mr. Willy Wonka. I shake you warmly by the hand. For now, I do invite you to come to my factory and be my guest for one whole day. I, Willy Wonka, will conduct you around the factory myself, showing you everything there is to see. Afterwards, when it is time to leave, you will be escorted home by a procession of large trucks each filled with all the chocolate you could ever eat. And remember, one of you lucky five children will receive an extra prize beyond your wildest imagination. Now, here are you instructions. On the first of February, you must come to the factory at 10 a.m. sharp. You're allowed one member of your family to look after you. Until then, Willy Wonka.
"Oh, this is going to be fun."
The five children with their parents stood outside of Wonka's Chocolate Factory waiting to get in. There was a crowd of people behind a barricade. Many photographers were snapping pictures and reporters gave their reports of what was going on, filling in audiences about the children chosen to go in.
The families stood in a line, looking side to side at the other contestants.
As the time for the gates to open and Willy Wonka to emerge grew closer, a hush fell over the crowd.
Veruca was growing impatient. "Daddy, I want to go in."
Mr. Salt looked at his watch. "It's 9:59, sweetheart."
"Make time go faster."
"Do you think Mr. Wonka will recognize you?" Charlie asked his Grandpa Joe.
"Hard to say. It's been years."
Augustus crunched loudly on a Wonka bar, Mrs. Gloop expertly ignoring the sound.
Mrs. Beauregarde looked down at her daughter. "Eyes on the prize, Violet. Eyes on the prize."
Mr. Teevee seemed more nervous than his son.
The gates slowly opened.
"Please enter," said a voice on an intercom.
The families hurried in and the gates closed behind them.
"Come forward."
They walked up to the steps leading up to the door.
The door opened and two people stepped out. The first was a pale man with a brown bob sticking out from under his top hat. He wore a suit of a red velvet jacket, black shirt with a pocket watch chain looping across the front, black pants, and a pair of purple gloves. Instead of a tie, a Wonka logo broach held his collar shut. In one hand he held a cane. The second person was a woman in a navy jacket, pencil skirt, and heels. Her brown hair was pulled back into a bun and she had on cat-eye glasses. She had a lapel pin of the Wonka logo on the left side.
"Good morning, starshine, the Earth says hello!" the man greeted with a smile. When he didn't get any reaction he cleared his throat.
"Who is that?" Mike asked rudely.
"He's Willy Wonka," said Grandpa Joe.
"Really?"
Wonka took out some note cards. "Dear guests, greetings. I shake you warmly by the hand." He started to extend his hand, but seeing as everyone was just staring at him, he withdrew it. "My name is Willy Wonka. I'm sorry if this seems a little boring; I was going to have a nice animatronic setup with music, but my assistant, Ms. Aneles, thought it was it was a bad idea." He looked over his shoulder at the woman.
"You are many things, Mr. Wonka, an electrician is not one of them," the woman replied in monotone.
Grandpa Joe spoke up, "Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you'll remember me, but I used to work here at the factory."
Wonka looked at him with a dark expression. "Were you one of those despicable spies who tried to steal my life's work and sell it to parasitic, copycat, candy-making cads?"
"No, sir."
Wonka's face lit up with a smile. "Then wonderful, welcome back. First, I need to see your Golden Tickets."
The five children presented their Golden Tickets.
Ms. Aneles took out something from her pocket and handed it to Wonka. It was a small black light. Wonka shined it on the Golden Tickets and a tiny watermark in the corner lit up. He handed the light back to Ms. Aneles.
"Okay, let's get a move on, kids. Come quickly, far too much to see."
They entered the factory.
The long hallway they were in was plain with a red carpet running the length of it.
"Just drop your coats anywhere," said Wonka.
There weren't any coat hangers, so they hung their coats on the velvet ropes that flanked the entrance.
"Mr. Wonka, sure is toasty in here," Mr. Teevee commented.
"We do apologize for that," said Ms. Aneles. "There is a malfunctioning thermostat in this section of the factory. However being February, we rather have it too warm than too cold. The rest of the factory is at a reasonable temperature."
Wonka began to lead the way.
Violet suddenly hugged him.
Wonka was startled and pulled back.
Violet let go. "Mr. Wonka, I'm Violet Beauregarde!" She chomped on her piece of gum.
"I don't care," Wonka said with weak disgust and continued walking.
"Well, you should care," said Violet, "because I'm the girl who's going to win the very special prize at the end."
"Well, you do seem confident and confidence is key," said Wonka.
Violet looked back at her mother excitedly and got her approving look.
They didn't get much farther before Veruca jumped in front of Wonka. "I'm Veruca Salt. It's very nice to meet you, sir," she said sweetly, curtseying a little.
"I always thought a verruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot," said Wonka with a little laugh.
Augustus got between them and took a huge bite out of the Wonka bar in his hand. "I'm Augustus Gloop. I love your chocolate," he said with a mouthful of said chocolate.
"I can see that. So do I! I never expected we'd have so much in common." Wonka paused and turned around. He looked down at Mike. "You. You're Mike Teevee. You're the little devil who cracked the system. I must say I hadn't seen Ms. Aneles so impressed with anyone in a long time when we heard."
He then turned to Charlie.
"And you – you're just lucky to be here, aren't you?"
"Mr. Wonka, we need to begin or we will not be on schedule," said Ms. Aneles.
"You are right! Let's get a move on!" He led them forward.
Augustus turned to Charlie. "Would you like some chocolate?"
"Sure."
"Then you should have brought some." He laughed and devoured his chocolate bar.
Veruca and Violet looked at each other.
"Let's be friends," Veruca said to the blonde.
"Best friends," responded Violet.
They linked arms, but neither smiled, both already planning on how to win.
At the end of the hall was a door. In front of it was a table with some papers on top.
"We'll commence with the paperwork first," said Ms. Aneles.
"Paperwork?" asked Mr. Teevee.
"For the lifetime supply of chocolate, preparation for the one who wins the special prize at the end, NDAs about what you're about to see -."
"Now wait a moment," said Mr. Salt. "I am not signing anything without reading over it first."
"As expected," said Ms. Aneles. "But we need to get this taken care of first. The tour will be long and I believe the children will want to go home when we reach the end and not want to sit through paperwork."
Wonka leaned over to Mr. Salt. "She's a stickler for it. An absolute killjoy."
"Only because you are terrible with paperwork," Ms. Aneles said to Wonka. "I remember the state of your files when I began."
Wonka winced.
The ringing of a phone echoed through the hall. Ms. Aneles walked over to a wall and pressed on it to open a panel. A red phone was ringing. Ms. Aneles answered it. After a moment, she hung up.
"There is an issue in shipping," she announced.
"Go," Wonka shooed with his hands. "I can give them the tour. It's my factory after all."
"Paperwork first," Ms. Aneles said sternly.
"Yes, yes, we'll do the paperwork," said Wonka.
Ms. Aneles walked away.
Wonka faced the group. "Now, this paperwork."
The children watched as their parents went over the paperwork.
"This is boring," complained Mike.
Veruca crossed her arms and sulked. "I want to go in. Why do we have to do this?"
A door off to the side opened on its own. It drew the children's attention. A light turned on.
"What is that?" asked Augustus.
They went over to the door.
The room was small, not much bigger than a coat closet. There was a small table and sitting on it was a long box.
"Mr. Wonka, what's this?" Violet asked loudly.
But Wonka was talking to their parents. They didn't seem to hear her.
The five of them crammed themselves into the little room.
The box was decorated with pictures of colorful candies and a factory.
"It looks like a board game," said Charlie.
Mike scoffed. "Board games are for babies."
"Why would this be here?" asked Veruca.
Violet opened the box. It was on a hinge and opened up into a large game board. Each section was a different part of the candy factory. There were five playing tokens and a set of cards.
"This looks fun," said Veruca.
"Can we just go?" asked Mike. "It's just some stupid board game. Who cares?"
"I want to play!" snapped Veruca.
"Same," said Violet, snatching up the blue token.
"Hey! I wanted that one!" complained Veruca.
"You snooze, you lose," said Violet.
Veruca huffed and picked up the red piece.
"I will be yellow," said Augustus. He tucked his chocolate bar in his pocket so he had his hands free to play.
Mike groaned. "Fine, gimme green."
"That leaves you with orange," Violet told Charlie, handing him his piece.
"But what about the tour?" asked Charlie.
"It doesn't look like they're going to be done anytime soon," said Violet. "Let's play until they're ready."
They put their pieces at the start.
"Who goes first?" asked Augustus.
"Me! I want to go first," said Veruca.
"Did anyone read how to play?" asked Charlie.
Veruca grabbed a card from the stack. "'Welcome to Sweet Treats and Spoiled Milk, where choices contribute to the adventure you have. They could be sweet or they could be sour. You determine the path you take.'"
There was a flash of light and the children were gone.