The third and hopefully final fic that inexplicably only got uploaded to my ao3. Originally posted there 2020-11-12. Shout out to my beta readers and the discord server for cheering me on!

Forward
Over my many years studying magizoology I have encountered beings that defy any classification. Unlike the ministry classification system of Being, Beast, and Spirit, real world experience is seldom straightforward. The knowledge within this booklet has taken many decades to compile, and I only publish it now with encouragement from my granddaughter-in-law and for fear of the knowledge dying with me. Despite my best efforts, very few of wizardingkind believe in anything beyond the sphere of what is observable or explicable with modern magical theory.

There are entities (I use entities here because some are both being and spirit, and neither simultaneously.) that modern magical theory, muggle science, nor muggle theology simply cannot explain.

I first met Aziraphale under his human alias, A.Z. Fell at his shop, A.Z. Fell and Co, Antiquarian and Unusual Books while researching an unrelated subject in my early 20s. I heard rumor of a unique, possibly squib owned bookstore in Soho, London that served both wizardfolk and muggle alike with one of the most expansive privately owned collections outside of The Library of Magic (owned and curated by the Ministry) and Hogwarts' own library. I was greeted by a man-shaped being with a passion for books and allowed to read (but not buy or remove from the premise) some of his unique tomes.

Such began an unlikely friendship and my education in entities that defy all conventional explanations.

It is with his full blessing (and hopes of fewer customers trying to take his books from their rightful home) that I publish this now.

~Newt Scamander

Species; Angel
Name; Aziraphale, Principality and Guardian of the Eastern Gate (The gate to what, I'm not actually sure. He wouldn't say.)

Area of extant, Greater London, concentration in Soho. Seasonally migrates to the South Downs. Has been sighted worldwide. Enjoys Japan.

Danger level ***** if you make him angry or trigger his protective instincts. Things that make him angry include treating him like an animal, specimen, lesser being, also burning books, and harming Crowley. DO NOT HARM OR ATTEMPT TO HARM CROWLEY. (The individual and species Crowley belongs to are expounded upon in the next entry) ** if you're nice and DO NOT try to buy his books, which are akin to a dragon's hoard.
DO NOT TRY TO BUY HIS BOOKS.

Aziraphale is an exceedingly well read individual with well above average intelligence, and should you come in contact with him you would do best to remember that. An incredibly old entity, Aziraphale's sense of time is not on a human scale. Referred to the Reign of Terror as "just the other day in France'' where he "got into a spot of trouble and was arrested." Read: almost executed via guillotine, a muggle invention for beheading individuals popular in France during the last few centuries.

Responds favorably to offerings of pastries and other confections. Excellent conversationalist and very knowledgeable about the classics, both magical and mundane, as well as having personal knowledge of many of the authors. He says he has lived in his 'bookshop' since 1800, and given the eclectic items and tomes in his possession, many several hundred years old (including some in languages that no longer exist; he seems to be fluent in all of them) and all still in perfect condition, I have no reason to doubt him.

Special note: Though angels technically have neither gender, sex, nor sexuality, Aziraphale mainly identifies himself as a queer or homosexual male, and as such I follow his lead on use of pronouns.

He typically appears as a bright blond male of stout stature standing at 5' 10", but has been known to appear female. Hair remains unchanged.

True form is unknown, but he tells me he has white wings and his other eyes are the same color as his visible ones which are blue/grey/green depending on the light. I have personally seen some shed feathers, which display an interference phenomenon of brightest white. I suspect his wingspan is between 15 and 20 feet, but when asked he simply smiles and deflects. Wings are apparently very intimate for his species. I speculate they are possibly used in courtship and even mating rituals, thus the covert nature.

Aziraphale almost always dresses in shades of light blue and beige, even going so far as to using a unique tartan. (This is a muggle custom hailing from highland Scotland, possibly some time in the 1600s, though it was not popularized for at least another century. The use of a tartan signifies both ownership and affiliation. No other angels have been seen in this specific tartan, nor, indeed, any tartan at all.) His use of this color scheme dates back to antiquity.

Despite his gentle nature, Aziraphale is surprisingly knowledgeable about swordplay, and armed combat with bladed weapons of all kinds. I have personally seen him disarm would be muggers attacking a young woman with nothing but an antique letter opener. He is also highly judgemental about swordplay, up to and including national and world champions. I speculate this is because Aziraphale has seen the best throughout history, and in his eyes, modern swordplay and dueling simply does not compare.

Though only through research of the writings of traditional Abrahamic religions and not firsthand information, I have come to the conclusion that a "Principality" is primarily a protector. Due to the ammount of information both personal and professional in his home about queer history, as well as his shop's status as a safe reprieve from society for those that do not conform to modern standards of sexuality and gender, I stipulate that Aziraphale is the guardian angel of queer individuals. When asked, he neither confirmed nor denied this but instead gestured to a single dried green carnation next to a framed black and white muggle photo of what appeared to be him in an all-male dance troupe in the late 1800s. He refused to expand upon either.

Likely functionally immortal.

Overall danger level: ***

Other members of his species include;
The Archangel (fucking) Gabriel: Takes the appearance of a middle aged male with dark hair and bright purple eyes. American accent. Enjoys exercise. Has never been seen with a trumpet, horn or any other musical instrument.
Sandalphon: Adult apparent male with male pattern baldness, actually shorter than Gabriel. Not very communicative despite mythology.
Uriel: Adult dark skinned apparent female, also fairly androgynous. Gold flakes on the skin of their face, enjoys art and poetry and can occasionally be found in art museums and gallery exhibitions. Least aggressive of the known archangels. Still dangerous.
Michael: Adult, light skinned apparent female, though fairly androgynous. Warrior. Do not antagonize.

Side note on Raphael:
The archangel of healing is conspicuous only in their absence. As one of the few angels wizardkind and most notably many mediwizards have some belief in, I took it upon myself to enquire their whereabouts. Upon asking Aziraphale, who is generally happy to impart further knowledge about this, he refused to answer. Crowley later cornered and warned me to "stop sticking my nose into places it doesn't belong, lest I find truths the world is better off not knowing." The topic appears to be a very uncomfortable one that I restrained myself from exploring further.

Overall danger level for species: *** APPROACH WITH CAUTION.

Species; Demon
Name; Anthony J Crowley

Area of extant: Greater London, concentration in Mayfair where he owns a flat, and often found in Soho. Seasonally migrates to the South Downs. Does not like Ireland.

Danger Level ***** if you make him angry. Things that make him angry include: harm to children and threatening or harming Aziraphale (see previous entry). DO NOT THREATEN OR HARM AZIRAPHALE IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE. Do not imply, refer, suggest, hint, or mention harm to children.
Likewise, do not insult Aziraphale if you value your sanity.
Also do not insult his car, or attempt to touch it. Pictures and ogling, however, are encouraged.
*** if you aren't, and I quote, "an arsehole"

A generally mischievous sort, Anthony J Crowley or just Crowley is an individual with high intelligence and low tolerance for what he terms "bullshit."

Despite an apparent dislike for written media, Crowley is also highly knowledgeable about the classics, though it is unknown if this through second-hand knowledge from association with Aziraphale, or from personal enjoyment of theater and spoken word. Claims he does not read. If you happen to find a dropped knut or even sickle on the street which cannot be removed, Crowley is likely to blame.

Responds well to fine wines, but enjoys other spirits on occasion.

Special note: Like angels, demons technically have neither gender, sex, nor sexuality. Crowley considers themself gender-fluid, and as such pronouns appear to follow whatever form they are taking at the time, though there seems to be a very slight preference for male. When asked, he (at the time) responded he was "all the genders" and was "whatever he felt like" on that particular day. Crowley also occasionally uses the gender neutral "they."

Crowley generally wears only black monochrome, although occasionally accents with red. In human form, Crowley's height is 6'1", or 185cm, and of lithe build. Hair is bright red throughout presentations. Crowley has yellow eyes with vertical snakelike pupils, rarely blinks, and usually wears fashionable sunglasses to hide them from the muggles. This is true regardless of whatever form Crowley takes at the time. It is unknown if Crowley's eyes function like a serpent, or simply look serpentine.

Crowley owns multiple books on astronomy, (despite his insistence he doesn't read) and subscribes to both magical and mundane astronomy journals. He maintains he simply likes looking at the pictures. (All the publications I have seen in his possession are extremely theory heavy, so much so that the articles contained within are incomprehensible to those outside the profession.)

Crowley drives a classic car (called a "bentley") that seems to run entirely on magic and may be sentient. The car does not require petrol and both seem to favor a muggle band called "Queen."

Crowley also has the ability to shape-shift, and can turn into a basilisk-sized black serpent with a red underbelly similar to the mundane Australian viper the Red Bellied Black Snake, or the mundane colubrid from the Americas, the Eastern Indigo Snake. Eyes remain unchanged. I have not personally seen this transformation, but have seen him draped around Aziraphale's shoulders, apparently napping. Aziraphale says it dissuades would-be customers.

It is unknown if this is his true form.

Side note: Both refer to their human forms as "corporations" and liken wearing a four-dimensional body to putting on a favorite sweater.

Like Aziraphale, I have not seen Crowley's wings, but have seen a single matched pair of alular feathers in Aziraphale's possession. The feathers display a slight iridescence. Suspected wingspan is similar to Aziraphale's.

Crowley is fluent in parseltongue, when asked about this, he raised his eyebrow and indicated I was an idiot for asking.

When asked if he had any other serpentine traits while in humanoid form, Crowley deflected, blushed, and muttered something about "extremely personal questions" and "the nerve of some people."

Claims responsibility for the M25, a large muggle throughway surrounding greater London. Also claims to be the inventor of original sin and temptor of Eve (the muggle primogenitor to all mankind according to muggle Abrahamic theologies)

Likely functionally immortal.

Overall danger level *** APPROACH WITH CAUTION. Do not engage in a drinking contest. Crowley will win.

Other members of his species include;
Duke Hastur: smells strongly of raw sewage. Enjoys cruelty, has an affinity for mundane toads.
Duke Ligur (presumed deceased): Also enjoys cruelty and has affinity for mundane chameleons.
Dagon, Lord of the Files, Master of Torments: Fairly androgynous looking demon with extremely sharp teeth. Possible affiliation for carnivorous fish. Enjoys paperwork, and forcing others to do paperwork. Avoid at all costs.
Prince Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies: Though morphologically small, ze is one of the highest ranking members of "hell", the realm that demons inhabit. Do not antagonize.

Overall danger level for species **** DO NOT APPROACH

Special note: Courtship rituals among these species appear as varied as the individuals, but generally include various forms of nesting. Aziraphale and Crowley have a shared "nest" outside of Southdowns. Despite repeated inquiries, requests, and even resorting to begging, I have not seen it in person. Aziraphale was kind enough to show me a picture though. It appears to be an entirely normal cottage, though upon trying (and failing) to find it, I can only conclude it is heavily warded.

To my knowledge, Crowley and Aziraphale are the only individuals to form a relationship between their respective species. Nothing is known about their mating habits.

Fin