It had been a rough case. The ones with kids always were. Especially if the kids wound up dead. They'd saved one, Melissa, aged 7 but couldn't save the other two. "Want to come over?" Jay asked his partner Hailey. They often met up after shift. Always at his place or Molly's. "I should probably get back to my place." Hailey replied. "Can I come with? I don't need to be alone right now." Jay said quietly. A moment of vulnerability from the former army ranger. Hailey looked at him and bit her lip. "Sure." They made their way down the stairs. "So you know I have 2 brothers and a sister?"

"Yeah. Nick, George and Allison right?"

"My sister's Alexandra but we call her Aly so close enough I guess. Aly lives with me, I'm not sure what I've told you about her..."

"She's in her 20s and at college training to be an elementary school teacher, I assumed she would live on campus."

"She doesn't go to college." Hailey said simply. "I never said she did, implied it maybe but never said it." Jay stopped to look at her when she continued. "Aly's sick. Like really sick. She wouldn't even manage a day in college. Hell, she can't even get out of bed half the time."

"Cancer?" Jay asked.

"M.E"

"What?"

"Myalgic encephalomyelitis. With fibromyalgia and some kind of dysautonomia thrown in for good measure."

"I have no idea what any of that is."

"Don't worry. Most people don't. ME is mostly fatigue but also like over 50 other symptoms. Fibro is mostly pain and dysautonomia is autonomic nervous system dysfunction. That's the very very basic explanation." Hailey explained. "Who looks after her when you're working?" Jay asked. "No one, I try and text her every couple of hours, and if I know I can't I get one of my brothers to. There isn't anyone else. Our parents aren't particularly helpful, but she's okay on her own. She'll call someone in an emergency but that's the thing with her illnesses. They probably won't kill her, or give her emergencies. She's fainted once or twice but she knows to sit or lay down if she's feeling dizzy. She just feels horribly ill and probably will for the rest of her life. There's no cure, and barely any treatments other than pain management."

"Wow, that's a lot. It must be hard for you." Jay said comfortingly. "Much harder for Aly." Hailey shrugged.

They went back to Hailey's via Bartolis to grab some pizza. Jay had never been in Hailey's apartment before. He liked it. It wasn't overly cute or colourful, but neither was it dreary or dark. It was a nice medium. Light grey sofas with purple cushions, a couple of photos on a bookshelf , and a purple fluffy rug to match the cushions. "Take a seat, make yourself comfortable I'm going to check in on Aly. Keep your voice down in case She is sleeping, or even if she's not she doesn't do well with loud." Hailey warned before walking down the hall and knocking gently on a door.

"Hey Aly sweets, I'm home from work" she said softly opening the door. The lights were off and the blinds closed but Hailey could see Aly in the dim light. She was in bed propped up with pillows with her headphones in. She was dressed in her short pink pjs that just emphasised the paleness of her skin, despite the olive tones that her Greek ancestry had given her. She had piled all her honey brown waves on the top of her head in a yellow scrunchie and her lips were dry and chapped. "Audiobook." Aly said softly taking our her headphones and smiling at her sister who passed some lip balm she'd bought earlier to the younger girl. "Thanks"

"My partner from work, Jay, is here." Hailey said and Aly looked at her. Aly didn't want Hailey's friends to know she was sick. She was embarrassed, being 25 and needing so much help. And Hailey didn't need the sympathy, she hated when people felt the need to tread on eggshells around her. It's just easier that her colleagues didn't know. Only Trudy knew, Trudy knew everything and was a great help, providing meals sometimes and Checking in on Aly when Hailey wasn't able to get away from work "Don't worry, you don't have to see Jay if you don't want to, but he won't judge you, and I've told him to try and be quiet. We had a rough day and didn't want to be alone. How was your day sweets? Did you manage to eat anything?" Hailey asked knowing how bad Aly's nausea had been lately. "Couple of saltines and a pack of chips. Needed the salt. Blood pressure." Aly explained, knowing her sister would understand that she needed the salt to raise her very low blood pressure to keep her from getting lightheaded. "I wrote a letter to Emily though, can you post it for me tomorrow?"

"Emily is the English one right? Sure I can post it" Hailey smiled. Aly had a few pen pals, all of whom had either ME or another similar chronic illness. "Yes Emily in England. You're getting better at remembering who's who. I rewatched some tv shows. That travel one i like." Aly said. "Would Jay mind...if I came out to the living room? I don't wanna get dressed..and it's kinda bright." Aly dithered. "Sweets he'd love to meet you, and he wont care that you're in your pjs or if you wear your sunglasses. Can you sit up or would you rather I put your pillow and blanket on the couch? And are you okay to get up?"

"Can you set up my blanket, and I'm okay. I'll go to the bathroom first."

"Okay. I'm so glad you're going to meet him. I promise he's so lovely." Hailey kissed her sisters forehead.

Hailey returned to the living room and opened the ottoman. Grabbing a blanket and a pillow. "You've got loads of blankets in there." Jay laughed. "We do, weighted blankets, heated blankets, knitted blankets, fluffy blankets. Any blanket you could ever need." Hailey smiled pulling her sisters 'snuggly bears' blanket out, a big black fluffy blanket with a repeating pattern of the Chicago bears football logo. "Aly's just going to the bathroom, then she's gonna come and say hi." Hailey smiled then sat down beside Jay. "She's gonna lay down on the other sofa. Here she is." Hailey smiled as Aly came into the room. Jay was shocked at the girls appearance. She was walking super slowly not looking steady on her feet she had one hand on the wall to keep her balance. She was incredibly thin. Hailey was slim and toned, but Aly was stick thin. He thought perhaps Aly had an eating disorder, although Hailey hasn't mentioned that. She was pale too. Especially her face, the parts you could see behind her dark glasses. "Hi I'm Alexandra." Aly smiled sitting on the couch Hailey has set up for her so she was half sat up and half laying down facing Jay and Hailey. "Nice to meet you I'm Jay."

"I'm sorry about the Pj and glasses. My legs feel shaky today so I didn't want to stand to get clothes out or change. I don't have the energy, and there's no dimmer switch in here so it's pretty bright."

"Don't worry about it. Do you prefer Aly or Alexandra?"

"I don't mind. Aly is easier though. Just not Alex or Lexi, nothing against those names, they're just not me."

"Sweets we got a Pizza." Hailey told her sister.

"I'm really not hungry"

"I know you're not but you know what the doctors said. I'll make you a plate and just eat as much as you can."

"Okay" Aly conceded.

Hailey went to make a plate for herself as well as one for Aly and so did Jay. "Is Aly anorexic?" Jay asked quietly. "No, it's entirely physical for Aly. She's super nauseous a lot of the time and she gets full after a few bites, and she just doesn't feel hungry. Or if she does she is satisfied by half a price of toast. Her stomach usually hurts after, and sometimes she vomits or needs to use the bathroom a lot so it's just hard for her. But she needs to eat otherwise she might need to be fed through an NG tube which we want to avoid if at all possible obviously. Can you give her this bottle of water?" Hailey said grabbing one from the fridge and passing it to Jay while she put a piece of pizza and a couple of breadsticks on a plate for Aly. Jay went to give the water to her but she pointed at the coffee table next to her when he put it down she brought her hand to her chin then stretched it downward. "Are you trying to tell me your about to get sick Aly?" Jay asked concerned trying to understand her gesture. "No." Aly chucked. "It's thank you in sign language. Sometimes signing basic words like thank you or sorry is easier than talking, depending on how much my arms hurt."

"Oh sorry. I don't know any ASL I'm afraid. You like football Aly?" Jay asked gesturing to her blanket. "Yeah. You better not tell me you're a packers fan or else we definitely can't be friends, in fact I might need Hailey to find a new partner!" Aly joked.

"Nope, I'm bears through and through. We might disagree over baseball though. I'm from Canaryville so I'm a sox guy."

"Honestly I couldn't care less. I can't stand baseball. It's just so boring, my brother Nick took me to a game when I was a kid. The best part was the snacks and the singalong. I'll watch hockey, basketball and soccer and love watching NCAA gymnastics, but professional sports wise it's football for me. And the Bears, even if we haven't made the playoffs since like 2018 and even then we lost on wildcard weekend." Aly rolled her eyes. Jay liked the girl but even from a few sentences the fatigue was evident in her voice. "Sometimes I fall asleep watching the games but Hailey always wakes me for the last quarter."

"Oh no," Hailey smiled in mock horror as she entered the room. "Please don't tell me the two of you are talking about football. I'll be third wheeling all night with no idea what you're going on about!" She passed a plate to Aly while reiterating that she just needed to eat as much as she could. Hailey liked football and would happily sit and watch a game but what she loved even more was seeing something that Aly enjoyed. Although she couldn't always last a whole game, seeing Aly interested and smiling always warmed her heart. Even when the Bears lost Aly would be sarcastic and roll her eyes but still usually had a small smile on her face. The illnesses stole so much of the things Aly used to enjoy. She did cheer and dance, loved long walks, volunteering teaching Greek, getting lunch or coffee with her friends, going on sister road trips on Hailey's rare days off, doing normal things. Now there were so few things that she could do that brought her joy, and Hailey would watch football 24/7 if it would make Aly smile. "What else do you like Aly?" Jay asked. "I like watching tv dramas, but Hailey likes to complain the whole way through about what the cop shows are doing wrong."

"I'm not that bad." Hailey laughed.

"Oh you totally are." Aly countered.

"I have a brother, Will, who's a doctor and I once watched a medical show with him and he just kept saying 'oh that's stupid he'd be dead by now' so I won't watch them with him anymore. What else do you watch?" Jay laughed.

"I like travel shows. I always wanted to go traveling. I've never been anywhere outside of Illinois besides road trips to Indiana and Wisconsin. And Greece a few times when I was a kid. And I used to dance a lot so I love dancing with the stars too. And other than TV I have a few pen pals that I like to write to, and if I'm having a really good day, and Hailey has a day off in summer she sometimes pushes me round the park. Or the river walk, or the lake path. Only for like an hour or two and I sleep the rest of the day but it's so nice to be outside. And Dr Nellie's support group too." Aly smiled. And looked towards the entryway of the apartment. He followed her gaze and saw a folded up wheelchair that he hadn't noticed before. "I chose a hot pink wheelchair." Aly blushed a little. "People always stare at wheelchair users so I thought I may as well get a bright one. My legs aren't super strong so I can't walk other than in the apartment. My arms aren't strong enough to self propel either, and this chair only has tiny wheels anyway. Hailey is pretty good at pushing me. She says I'm not heavy. My brother Nick tried it once but he crashed me into a wall."

"You have a wheelchair?" Jay asked. "But you can walk?" He was confused. "So can a lot of wheelchair users. Yes, I can walk but Not very far or for very long and it hurts. Without it I wouldn't be able to leave the apartment except maybe to Hailey's car for her to drive me around. I'd be like Rapunzel, it would be pretty miserable."

"We'd love to get a power wheelchair, with a joystick and stuff so she's a bit more independent on her good days, but insurance won't cover it. We're saving up though."

"I'd love to be able to go to a store or postbox." Aly said. "I would love a powerchair, a garden and a dog."

"Aly we are not getting a dog. I wish we could sweets. But it wouldn't be fair."

"I know, a girl can dream though."

They continued talking for another 10 minutes before Aly started struggling and lay herself the whole way down. "Sweets, why don't you lay down in bed. You know how much your neck and back started hurting last time you fell asleep on the sofa." Hailey got up and stood in front of the sofa so Aly could use Hailey's arms to pull herself up to sitting and standing. Aly walked again slowly and shakily to her bedroom closing the door with a quick "nice to meet you Jay, Night."

"God. I miss her." Hailey said quietly "so damn much."

"What do you mean?" Jay asked confused.

"That girl you saw, she's not the Alexandra I know. She's like a shell of her former self. This is Aly." Hailey said walking over to a small sideboard and pulling out a few photos in frames. "I used to display these but Aly asked me to take them down." She handed them to Jay. The first was a picture of Aly dancing. She was wearing a dark leotard and was in the middle of a leap. Her legs in a 180degree splits and her back leg bent upwards. "Wow, she looks like one of those kids from dance moms."

"You watch dance moms?" Hailey cocked an eyebrow. "No, Natalie, my brothers wife, it's her guilty pleasure, she tried to get me and Will to watch it. I just home Aly had a nicer teacher."

"She did. She was always at dance class. Her life was school, my parents diner, dance and cheer. She danced so beautifully." Hailey reminisced. Jay looked at the next photo. Aly in a cheer uniform upside down obviously in the middle of a gymnastics tumble. The next her standing on top of some other girls hands. On one leg, the other twisted behind her in the splits. "I learned all the dance and cheer terms. That's a spike in full extension Lib." Hailey explained before Jay picked up the another photo. it was a few different photos in one frame. A montage. Aly with her friends. On the beach; a school dance; just relaxing. She looks so different than the girl he's just met. Her brown hair hung in waves down her back, so similar to her sisters, just a few shades darker, but more than anything else there was a light in her blue eyes, one that just wasn't there anymore. He picked up the last photo. Hailey and Aly on the beach. Hugging each other faces turned to the camera. "She's lived with me since she was 14. I never had loads of money but we went to the beach for her sweet sixteenth. We spent the day before with her friends but for her actual birthday she said she wanted a sister day."

"That's sweet"

"She is the sweetest. Before she got sick she'd do the kindest things. When I worked late I'd come in completely exhausted and she'd be at the stove with a smile on her face making dinner. She'd sometimes make me a packed lunch to take into work and she'd always write a sweet note like those bougie elementary school moms. Her getting sick was heartbreaking. Especially when we figured out what it was. First it was mono, then we thought depression, anaemia, burnout. We'd barely heard of ME. Our primary doctor told us 'all teenagers get tired. You're just lazy.' which was bullshit because the last thing my sister is, is lazy. She's the kid who'd go to school all day, then to cheer practice or dance class, then to work at the diner. Then home to complete all her homework. She was goofy, sassy, funny and sweet. If she'd have gotten the chance she would have been the best elementary school teacher. An amazing mom too."

"Will she get better?" Jay asked.

"It's unlikely, only about 5% of people recover fully. Some people stay at baseline and some get worse. Aly's fatigue has been pretty stable but her pain is pretty bad right now. But apparently not bad enough for medical marijuana."

"You'd be okay with her having marijuana?"

"It's safer than most opioids. I just want her to have some relief. I just want her to feel okay, even if just for a few hours. Just imagine having the worst flu, the worst hangover and the worst jet lag constantly, for years. I just want her to be okay." Hailey said blinking back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. "It's okay to be upset about it." Jay soothed. "No I've got to be strong for Aly. How would she cope if I just fell apart."

"Hailey you're one of the strongest, if not the strongest person I know. But it's okay to be upset you can be real with me, even if you need to be strong for Aly."

"I'm mad." Hailey conceded. "Mad that this disease decided to hit my sweet, silly sister. One of the most vivacious and active people I know…well knew. She was 17 for God's sake. A child. She was about to graduate high school. Had a cheer scholarship for college, university of Illinois. Her hopes and aspirations weren't anything crazy. She just wanted to be a teacher and a mom. But the likelihood is she'll never get to do that. It breaks my heart seeing the look in her eyes when I go of to work. She smiles but I know she's angry that I get to go to work and she can't, that I'm leaving her at home by herself all day. She can't leave the apartment independently. I mean you know how it is when you were shot. There's only so much tv you can watch."

"Does anyone at work know about her?" Jay asked. "They all know I have a sister, obviously. Voight knows she's sick but not the specifics. Trudy knows. Aly loves her."

"They've met?"

"Yeah, Trudy's been amazing. She'll come and check in on Aly if I can't. Hell, she'll come even if I can just so Aly has someone other than me to talk to. At least one dinner per week is prepared by Trudy and placed in our fridge. She makes a great lasagne. She often gets Aly little gifts, stationery or little art and craft kits. She's been crochet-ing up a storm because she can do it lay down. Our brothers are great too. She speaks to at least one of them on the phone most days but Nick's in St Louis and George in Carolina. So they can't visit much. She has me and Trudy."

"And me" Jay added. "I know now. If she'll let me, I can help."

I can't decide whether this is going to be a one shot or a slow burn style Upstead story, just with Aly as a side character.

Although the character of Aly is fictional ME, Fibromyalgia and Dysautonomia are very real illnesses. According to the CDC , 836,000 to 2.5 million Americans have ME. ME is a spectrum some people are able to work but many aren't. It's estimated that 25% of people with ME are bedbound or housebound. I wanted to write this to raise awareness for the condition.