Chapter Four

Finding Out

The Starship: Seattle Grace
Destination: The Colony World of Homestead II
Status: Autopilot
Crew: 258 asleep
Passengers: 4,998 asleep, 2 awake
Year: 3486
(39 years to go...)

Lexie walked through the door first, her fingers tangled in Mark's. She was surprised to have never seen this room before, but then again, she hadn't had much time for exploring the ship herself. It never got old, the feeling of discovering something new. She approached the grey spacesuit with a kind of childish glee. Mark smiled at her from the wall as he programmed the matching suits. It only took a few minutes to put them on, but once they had it was hard to move around inside. "How did you find this place?" Lexie asked but then bit her lip, remembering. Mark was alone for a year, he probably knew every inch of this ship. She expected Mark to recoil to retreat into himself but he didn't, he just smiled sadly and looked up at her.

"There was one day, just one day where I was running through the pod room screaming at it because it wouldn't put me back in hibernation. I ran to the end of the room and saw this one just through that door." He pointed to the door behind them, "I went out and looked at the stars. It stopped me from going insane, I think." He started tapping around with the tablet again, apparently sorting through the spacesuit settings. But Lexie didn't buy it, he was hiding something. He couldn't quite look at her, there was an edge to his eyes, a darkness she hadn't seen before. It scared her, so she changed the subject.

"What will we see out there?" She looked from Mark to the viewing portal at the other end of the room, she could probably answer the question herself but she wanted him to keep talking. She wanted the black spots in his eyes to disappear and look at her with those beautiful blue ones he usually did. There was a layer of anonymity between them that hadn't yet been breached. And Lexie wasn't sure she wanted it to, they both had secrets. She just wanted to stay in the happy, easy bit of their relationship for a bit longer.

"Stars mostly, maybe a few small asteroids." Mark replied, but then he caught her. "But you know that. You're just trying to keep me talking, why?" He looked right through her.

"I like the way you say it. I like the sound of your voice, hearing it means I'm not alone." It wasn't a complete lie, she did like hearing him speak. Being alone on this ship wore on her at times, but if she closed her eyes and just listened to his voice she could pretend they were on their new planet, together, in a house of their own. Mark glanced up from his tablet and smiled, picking up his helmet from the side and clipping it into the top of Lexie's suit. He kissed the top like it was her head and then reached for his own.

They walked out of the air lock together, fingers locked. Lexie's mouth gasped in awe as she looked around them, the stars were brighter out here, not like through the triple thickness glass of the viewing room. Their comms were linked so she could hear Mark breathing inside his own suit. He sounded calm but each breath was reassuring, it tickled her ears and made the whole experience more intimate.

They floated around close to the ship, tethered to the outer shell. They danced in the empty void of space, Mark pointing out little pieces of rock and the closest burning stars. They gripped each other close because it was colder in the suit than Lexie had expected. When it was time to go back inside, Mark tugged on her tether and brought her to safety.

Once the air lock was safely locked behind them, they both removed their helmets and went to lock lips. Their chests bounced off each other, coated in the metal caging of the suits. Lexie laughed, trying to push herself further out of the head hole so she could kiss him it still didn't work. She had to wait until Mark pulled her out of the restricting material. Even trapped in the suit, Mark could feel her. With her suit off she could reach up on tip toes and peck his lips, she could hold his face and kiss him over and over until he felt his lips bruising.

They were sitting across from each other at breakfast. Lexie was eating a slice of toast, and the conversation was light. Mark was finished eating and sat looking at her. Lexie looked up, catching his eye and smiling. "What are you looking at?" She asked playfully.

"You." He said, taking a sip of coffee from the mug in front of him. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Lexie's head shot up from her plate and stared at him. "You can't have seen many women."

Mark shook his head, "I have Lex, trust me. I've seen a lot of women." He had her hanging onto his every word, waiting for that spark in his eye to flicker. "They don't even compare to you."

"Mark," she was about to melt.

"You kill me."

Lexie brushed her tray to the side, realising they were alone, still. Always and completely alone. She stood up, bracing herself with her palms flat against the table. Her right knee came and connected with the surface, her other knee following as she crawled towards him. Mark looked a little taken aback by Lexie's brashness, usually she was more reserved. He pushed his own tray out of her path and put down his cup of coffee. She was bringing him forward, her fingers wrapped round the back of his neck, forcing their lips together.

She slipped down onto his lap and kissed him again, settling her lower back against the table edge. His hand came around her side and slipped underneath her shirt. His palms were rough against the soft, unseen skin of her back. He could feel the straps of her bra digging in, he wanted to just pull it off and have her walk around the ship naked at all times. But that seemed a little demanding. She was reaching down, pulling at the hem of his shirt. Apparently she wanted this just as much as he did. As the the bottom of his shirt passed over his head and was flung somewhere nondescript, she moaned, urging him on. The table top becoming their bed.

DAY 30:
So I'm seeing someone. You'll never guess who. We're the last two people in the world who would get together. But here we are, the last two people in the world. Everything has changed. I spend my nights in Mark's bed, not in my own cabin. I wake up and have breakfast with him, then lunch, then dinner. Apparently we can't get enough of each other. ;) We talk about things, and we flirt. He's like my dad. But not in a weird way, like he's older and he kind of has this life knowledge. He talks about the ship as ours, even though there's so many people asleep here. I don't know how long I've gone without studying before, but this must be the longest. There are things I'm starting to forget, I don't know if that matters now. Sometimes I'm so upset about that, like everything my whole life has led up to has been a waste. Like what was the point of prom queen and valedictorian, if this is how my story ends? Then other times I forget about Earth and I live in the moment. I look at Mark and everything I feel for him and all that regret and disappointment disappears in a puff of smoke. Maybe he's secretly a magician.

A month passed. There were a few more glitches with the ship. Doors not closing and graphics phasing in and out of existence like the frequencies weren't right. Lexie daydreamed by her window, a book in her hand. She was reading about a great love affair through space and time, and wondering how that became her reality. Mark tried to fix things sometimes. But most of the time he waited for the moments that she looked at him. He waited for the moments that she smiled and laughed and enjoyed her life because he gave this existence to her.

There was a day he caught her singing by the piano in the bar. Her and Meredith were getting along now, they apparently had inside jokes he didn't understand. He just stood by the door and watched her eyes close and her concentration bloom as the words flowed from her lips. Everyday he fell in love with her a little more. He didn't feel alone anymore, his days were filled with the excitement of her. Mark felt like he was useful here, like he was really living for the first time in his life. And maybe she'd never know his secret? If she never found out that he'd woken her in a fit of grief then he could carry on falling in love with her and everything would be fine.

There was another day when they were just talking. The book slipping out of her fingers and her hair falling down beside her face in a way that shadowed her and made her look like a dark beauty all at the same time. "What did you dream about your life when you were a kid?" Lexie asked, putting the book down on the window sill beside her and rubbing softly the petals of a rose he had given her from the bio-stores.

Mark didn't have to think too hard about this one. He was sitting on the floor in front of her, "just my parents actually being around for me." Lexie stopped herself from gulping. "I grew up in New York, we had money so my parents would go out to all these fancy functions and parties or whatever, they just left me in the house with sitters most of the time. I couldn't sleep sometimes so I used to run around the house and turn all the lights on, and all the TVs just so it felt like I wasn't alone. They missed so many things, you know, they weren't even there for my college graduation." Mark looked sad, so his childhood wasn't all sunshine and roses like hers had been. Oh God, he hated being alone.

"And you were alone all that time," Lexie said, realising quite how hard it must've been for him all that time. She picked herself up and sat next to him on the floor, stretching her legs out and kissing his cheek. "I'm here for you now, I promise. God you must've been so happy when my pod broke too." She said like it was nothing, but it cut him. He didn't know how to respond, instead he just shook it off and said that it didn't matter now. They were here together now, that he'd never need anyone else now he had her.

You may wish to proceed to a viewing area. The voice, the flight attendant's/ship's voice was speaking, announcing that the ship was about to slingshot around the dwarf star Arcturus. Lexie scrambled to her feet, grabbing Mark's hand. She'd always loved the stars. They ran together through the labyrinth of hallways until they reached the observatory. Outside, there was a red giant. A flaming ball of fire, a star up close. Lexie held onto Mark for dear life because the ship was experiencing some turbulence. They watched the ship pass the star, Lexie gasped when she realised quite how big it was and the full force of it's heat. Even through the triple glazing.

They stayed in the observatory for some time as the ship did it's slingshot through the star's orbit. Mark sat on one of the benches, her head in his lap, his fingers threaded through her hair. Eventually the lights came back on, bathing everything in its artificial white glow again. "That was amazing," Lexie said, her fingers sat on her stomach.

"Yeah it was. Hey, you never told me what your childhood fantasy was?"

"Oh it's nothing. Really, it's stupid."

"Go on, tell me anyway."

"Okay, fine. Well I had this big plan for my life. I was gonna go to med school and Harvard and become a surgeon and then finish my residency and then meet someone. In that order. All I dreamed about was being a surgeon, my ambitions came before my love life, always. But when I was really little I dreamed about having this white wedding with some kind man, who was also very handsome and charming. I wanted it to be all romantic and special. But all my plans got in the way. They did with my relationships too. For some reason I always let my head override my heart. I never listened to it, I just tried to stick to my stupid plan all the time. And look where it's got me." Lexie stopped talking for breath. Then she opened her eyes again and looked up at Mark. He was smiling at her rant.

"That's a lot of dreams. I'm sorry you won't be able to do any of that. I'm sorry that you're stuck in here having to listen to your heart." He'd hung on her every word. He wanted to have her dreams memorised. Maybe he could make a few of them come true.

"It's not your fault." She mumbled back, closing her eyes again and not seeing the guilt in his eyes. He stroked her hair and stared out of the window, remembering something that would change the subject.

"The universe's present to you - the red giant." Mark replied putting on a smile as she sat up.

"What?" Lexie said softly, not quite knowing what he meant other than his usual tender words.

"Happy birthday."

Was it January already, and she hadn't even realised? But he had, and he had all these plans. They got dinner, and then went to the bar for a night cap. Meredith poured out two glasses of champagne and smiled at the pair of them. She looked as proud as a robot could in that moment. "Aren't you going to ask my age? I might not be old enough to drink." Lexie jokingly asked Meredith.

"She's twenty five, I think she'll be fine." Mark cut in.

"Um, twenty four. I skipped third grade." She replied, giving him the side eye but really she was proud of herself. "Anyway, there's no secrets between us." Lexie said smiling, though she wasn't sure it was entirely true. There were still plenty of things she didn't know about Mark. A lifetime's worth of things she might never know.

"Is that so?" Meredith pointedly asked Mark.

"You heard the lady," he replied before excusing himself to use to restroom. Meredith looked down and then back at Lexie who was sipping from her glass.

"I remember this day, a year ago." Meredith said, looking back and forth between Lexie and the bathroom door that was swiftly closing. Lexie looked up from her drink, trying to work out just how robots could remember, when she continued. "Mark was so looking forward to meeting you."

"What? How could he be looking forward to it?" It hit her like a sack of bricks. Not quite a full realisation but the confirmation of an inkling she'd had in the back of her mind.

"Oh he spent months deciding whether to wake you up. He couldn't stop talking about you." Anger and upset rushed through her veins and she stood up. Her drink dislodged from her hand and spilt over the bar, Cristina woke up from her spot and zoomed over with a cloth.

"Mark woke me up?!" Everything ached. The pain was almost spiking her as she kept running over those words in her mind. And not just those, every conversation they'd had over the past three months. She looked up at the moment Mark came back from the restroom. What was once a smile turned soured in that second. Something was wrong. He approached her slowly, his hands out in front of him. He thought maybe Meredith had upset her again. But no, there was something deeper in her eyes, an anger, a hatred.

"What is it? Are you okay?" Mark asked slowly. Lexie turned on him in an instant, her hopes and dreams and the blissful ignorance that this was all an accident were gone now. And it was all his fault.

"Did you wake me up?!" She wanted him to admit to it. That and she wanted to run away and find a corner to cry in. She couldn't believe he'd done this to her, she trusted him. She loved him.

Mark blinked a few times and then glanced at Meredith's stupid smiling face. He wanted to lash out at her but knew it wouldn't achieve anything. "Yes I woke you up." The air felt tense between the two of them. The robots disappearing into the background of the room as Lexie launched forward. Her face scrambled through emotions, but she was waving her hands around uncontrollably and almost screaming at him. She was starting to cry and her words became gradually impossible to understand. She grew tired of his blank face, how he embraced her anger and she slumped against the bar. Her cheeks wet and puffy, her eyes dry from dehydration.

He had to just take it. This was all his fault. He hadn't wanted to hurt her, he loved her so much and he needed her to forgive him. He thought about it, he knew if he stayed calm, if he let her be angry. That maybe one day she'd come back to him. They had to make it through this. Decades without her would've been bad, but decades with her hating him in the next room would be worse.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Lexie whispered from the floor. Mark bent down to try and appease her but she recoiled, "you're making me sick. Get away from me!" She screamed at him. He finally relented, sitting in one of the chairs across from her and looking the other way. Not wanting to leave in case she needed him but staying until she dragged herself from the floor. The silence afterwards was so loud. A symbolic barrier appearing between them as Lexie went back to her cabin and threw things. She screamed and shouted until her lungs were crying and her throat was raw. She was alone again now. And everything they had built their relationship on, was a lie.