Who could even imagine pretending to be someone else could possibly be so liberating? To throw away everything, to forget all the troubles, at least for a while. Apparently, he should have tried it way earlier.
Unfortunately, it looked better in his head - and Ms. Janeth was seemingly skeptical regarding his acting skills. Correction - she was obviously dissatisfied.
"Mr. Lake, that's the flattest delivery of Romeo's lines I've heard in a while! Don't even try to call it your own interpretation - there's no proper emotion behind it!"
She threw in some warnings to be more diligent or else, but Jim already wasn't listening to that as his mind was drifting elsewhere.
Why should he have bothered that much? He had never been the theatre kid, quite the opposite - he'd rather avoid attention if possible. Jim was in this play only for two reasons. Firstly, Claire was in it. And secondly…
"Hey, you OK?" Claire's worried voice broke up his train of thought. Lately, Jim had less trouble talking to his crush, probably due to all the rehearsals spent together. They were already on a friendly chat level which was tremendous progress compared to the previous silent stares.
"I guess," Jim said with a shrug. "Though I wish Ms. Janeth was more clear about what exactly was wrong with my acting."
He cast a quick look in the teacher's direction, wondering if she had heard his complaint, but apparently, Ms. Janeth was more interested in listening to Eli at the moment.
"Well," Claire drawled with a smile, "I believe she meant you didn't sound like a tragic lover. Not that it's so easy for a complete newbie. I also have trouble with it!"
"You? No way! You're so good!"
Jim was so surprised that he'd forgotten to keep his voice down, getting a dirty look from Ms. Janeth as a result.
"Is it so surprising?" Claire chuckled. "I'm not Juliet, I'm not in love with someone from the enemy's side. Yet, somehow I can relate. I'd also rebel if my family was restricting my freedom to love…"
She stopped, seemingly contemplating something, and continued as her face brightened:
"Oh, I know. Perhaps, you should try to understand what exactly Romeo felt. And we can rehearse together when we are free. What do you think?"
Old him would never agree, but since joining the play, so many things had changed. Jim nodded before fully grasping the situation, so there was no way back.
Was it good? Bad? Something in-between? Actually, he wasn't that sure himself. There was that time when this chance to get closer to his crush would have meant the world to him – but now?
Everything was simply too complicated for him to just enjoy his life.
He hated to admit it, but lately, he was scared to stay alone with his own thoughts. As long as there was a distraction - classes, school play, Toby's enthusiastic chatter, or even Steve's empty threats - everything was fine. Yes, everything would do as long as Jim could escape reality, getting his mind focus on something else, no matter how trivial or dumb it was.
It had been nearly a year already since his world had turned upside down. On Jim's fifteenth birthday, Barbara had dropped a huge bombshell, telling him something he still had problems fully comprehending.
Apparently, she wasn't a human, belonging to the trollkind and being a daughter to the leader of one of their tribes. Jim could have probably asked for more specifics, but it had been months already - and he still would rather stay ignorant about the troll's politics. It was a complicated matter, and his mom wasn't someone they called 'a good guy'. Even if she never identified herself as a 'villain' the indirect evidence pointed otherwise.
Barbara's true form was horrifying. Jim wondered when (or more like if) he would get used to it. At least, his mother was conscious enough and avoided showing it that often.
And the obvious elephant in the room was Jim's own inhumanity. He had already lost count of times when he had gotten a false alarm thinking he had started to transform. Obviously, everything had been just an imagination so far, but for how long?
There was also the matter of Mr. Strickler - also a troll, whom Barbara seemingly hated with passion because he was a 'lying bastard' or something. Jim would rather not probe further. His mom kept telling him to avoid Mr. Strickler, yet Jim failed even that. Besides, wasn't he as much of a liar as he continued talking to his favorite teacher behind Barbara's back while trying to hide that he knew everything?
At times, Jim wondered if Mr. Strickler had seen through him and learned about his true identity. Most likely, the answer was no, and honestly, Jim wasn't keen on becoming even more paranoid.
He had considered telling Toby several times, backing away at the last second during each attempt. It was as if he doubted his friend. Was he that scared that the truth would be too much? That Toby would leave? Or worse, would hate him?
He simply didn't know, continuing to carry the burden alone.
The most maddening thing was that the truth hadn't changed that much. It wasn't like Jim stopped with his everyday routine. He was still going to school, hanging out with Toby, and crushing on Claire. Sure thing, the reality was there, hanging like Damocles' sword, but Jim had learned quickly enough to get his mind busy with something else. He succeeded most of the time.
Alas, it wasn't like ignoring the problem would miraculously erase it. If anything it would only become worse. Jim sighed, looking longingly at Toby's window. He should have proposed to his best friend to hang out together while he still had an opportunity. Or maybe it wasn't too late?
Jim reached out for his smartphone, fully intending to either invite Toby or head to his house himself, and froze on the spot, as his eyes caught the movement at the cul-de-sac. The reality came back faster than he had anticipated, taking the form of the huge dark brute.
Apparently, Bular had decided to pay a visit at the worst possible moment when Barbara wasn't around to deal with him.
Why was he there to start with? Hadn't Barbara forbidden him to approach the house while she was out?
Jim felt everything inside freezing from the terror. Sure thing, Bular was still his uncle, but Barbara had made a certain thing clear - her brother was both dangerous and hostile. Hostile enough for her to never allow Jim to face Bular alone. Dangerous enough that she only met him in her true form.
But today there was no Barbara around to keep that ultimate danger in check. Who knew what exactly that brute could pull. Jim closed his eyes praying his uncle was just passing by with no intention to visit, but no - when he opened them once again, it became painfully clear that Bular was heading towards the Lake's residence.
Jim gulped, mustering the courage. As much as he knew, his uncle was impatient, easy to anger, and likely to cause major destruction just because he could do that. Not to mention that Bular hated Jim with passion if his scowls and disgusted remarks meant anything. Barbara had been on the verge of starting the death match with her brother too many times already.
The staircase felt endless before Jim finally reached the end of it. Surprisingly, Bular hadn't tried to barge in – perhaps, his sister's warnings actually meant something. For a second, Jim wondered if his mom was as dangerous as that nine feet tall stone monstrosity, but quickly showed that thought aside for the sake of his own sanity.
He opened the backdoor, trying not to look scared to death.
"Uh, hello? Mom's not around, can you come later?"
Probably, it'd be just impossible to sound more pathetic. Bular's disgusted expression told Jim a lot – he wondered if his uncle was more repulsed by his scared appearance or the fact of his entire existence. Probably, it was a combination of both.
Jim already regretted his decision to go out – the silence was killing him. Even the rampage would be a better reaction – when a brute like that remained wordless, it was even more terrifying.
"I know," an annoyed grumbling came at last. Actually, the silence had lasted mere seconds – it simply felt like an eternity to Jim's stressed mind only.
'Then why are you here?'
Jim really wished he could ask that aloud, however, the common sense screamed to him not to try his luck more than needed. Perhaps, his monstrous uncle would simply leave and…
"I've come here to meet you," Bular said between his teeth, his hostility evident in his eyes.
That was it. The end. Apparently, Bular had finally gotten sick enough of having such a disgrace in his family. Enough to risk facing his sister's ire. Enough to get rid of his hapless nephew.
Jim gulped, taking a step back, but wasn't that kind of pointless knowing that the troll before him would have no problem swatting him like a fly? Wouldn't it be less troublesome for everyone involved to just give up and face an easy death?
The next words made him question his sanity.
"I've come to talk to you," Bular spat, seemingly getting there was a misunderstanding.
Talk? To him? Jim stared at his uncle in total bewilderment. Now, that he thought about it, Bular had actually addressed him as 'you'. Twice. During all the previous meetings with Barbara around, it would have been only 'it' or 'this thing' or even 'fleshbag' in the best-case scenario, not to mention that blatant refusal to acknowledge Jim's presence.
But now Bular wanted to talk to him, to someone he considered less than a person. Was it a good sign?
Still, Jim wasn't that open to dropping his defenses altogether. Trusting Bular because him being only slightly bit nicer would have been the dumbest decision in his life. Perhaps, he should just have closed the door and pretended nothing had happened.
His uncle broke the silence once again before the tempting thought had fully stuck:
"I've thought a lot. Sure thing, you're a puny wretched being, but you should have inherited at least something from your mother – her tenacity, her devious mind, or her fighting spirit at least…"
Bular made a pause, examining his nephew once again, and his disgust grew even more pronounced.
"I see nothing in you," he said at last. "Maybe your mother knows herself that you're a failure. That's why she refuses to get you involved!"
Even killing would cause less damage than those merciless words. Somehow Bular had managed to hit all the insecurities Jim had.
Sure thing, the whole truth had been wrecking his world all this time, and he would rather have never learned more, but…
But there was always that small voice inside his head questioning why his mother had never insisted on him being a part of her troll world.
And now Bular had unknowingly voiced all those doubts.
Jim was simply unworthy, a disgusting creature born between two worlds, probably not even taking after his mother at all. He wouldn't be surprised if Barbara was ashamed of his existence. Had he ever done a thing to make her truly proud?
"But what can I do?"
That question wasn't to Bular, no, Jim was questioning his own doubts.
His uncle responded in any case with a question of his own:
"What do you know about our recent situation?"
"Well, the previous Trollhunter fell and the amulet escaped you once again," Jim said reluctantly, not fully understanding what it meant.
"And Barverra hasn't commented on whose fault it was? Nothing about 'braindead little brother'?"
For a second, Bular even looked less menacing, genuinely surprised by what he had heard.
Jim shook his head.
"So, not trusting you even with that?"
Jim wished his uncle just shut up, never continuing in that direction, because it meant Barbara didn't want to demonstrate even something as trivial as her own relationship with Bular. It hurt the most.
"Anyway," his uncle continued, never bothering with Jim's mental state, "the fact is that there's a new Trollhunter – and luckily for you, they're on your level!"
His level? Somehow, Jim failed to see how there could be a troll he could deal with.
"It's a fleshbag youngling," Bular added. "Even you can slay that!"
Slay. Jim gulped. His family definitely had no problems with killing, expecting him to join the tradition.
"That's just unthinkable!" he blurted, momentarily forgetting who he was talking to. "Humans don't go around killing each other!"
Yeah, humans didn't. If only Jim was one!
He felt nauseous. Why was Bular forcing him to forsake his morals?
Because those were unfitting for the dark overlord's grandson, apparently. Jim knew it himself and probably, everyone would be happier if he at least tried to act according to his heritage.
"Just get the amulet then!" Bular spat, losing patience. "Steal or take by force, whatever! Or if it's so difficult for you - lead them to me. I'll show you what our kin should do to fleshbags!"
Bular's visit had left an unhealable mental wound. Jim hadn't told his mother.
Why? Wouldn't she have made her brother stop his deranged plans and unannounced visits? That way Jim could have at least pretended that his old life was still intact.
That was the thing. Apparently, it was the right time to stop running, to steel himself and enter Barbara's world. He had no right to pretend to be a human and the faster he got used to everything, the less painful it would be to leave all of that behind.
Bular had visited some more times. Jim could swear his uncle even had gotten less hostile. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.
At least dealing with the Trollhunter wasn't an immediate task - simply because Bular had no idea who it was. That was when Jim accidentally discovered that his uncle couldn't tell humans apart.
On the other hand, it left him with an additional task - to find out the enemy's identity.
'Preferably before Stricklander,' like Bular put it.
A part of Jim felt relieved that their unknown opponent was smart enough to stay hidden and anonymous. That delayed the encounter.
A different part of him hoped it would be Steve or someone equally nasty. Probably, in that case, he would have been able to silence his consciousness.
Wow, he was really inhuman enough if he tried to find some excuses for a possible murder...
The rehearsals with Claire remained one of the few bright things in Jim's life. It was a good way to make his brain busy, no matter if he focused on the incoming play or Claire.
He still failed to nail Romeo, though, in spite of her help. No, Jim somehow could get the 'being on opposing sides' part.
'Betrayal of the family traditions and leaving all the baggage behind' continued to escape him.
Bular was one thing, it was difficult to view that hostile monstrosity as a family.
Barbara... No, Jim simply couldn't imagine becoming her enemy.
"Oh, it's so late already," Claire's voice had interrupted his reverie. "I should go."
This time they were rehearsing at the Lakes' house. Claire had proposed that one, and Jim, well, couldn't have said no. Even if there was a danger of another Bular's unannounced visits.
Though, no, he would have never arrived with the sun high above the horizon.
"I'll get your bag," Jim smiled, trying his best to hide the disappointment. The rehearsal had ended too fast and soon enough he would have been left alone with his unpleasant thoughts. Probably, he should have visited Toby. Or better - stayed overnight there.
Jim grabbed the strap of Claire's bag. He unwittingly glanced over its contents and...
His heart stopped. How could fate be so impossibly unfair to him?
It was there, that accursed thing his family had been trying to get for decades, tucked amid some books and gleaming as if in a mockery.
The amulet of Daylight, meaning...
Oh, Jim had definitely gotten more in common with Romeo than he could have imagined.
Here she was, the mortal enemy of his family, still unaware of the lurking danger.
Jim's family would never spare her. Bular expected him to kill the Trollhunter. Or lead her right into his clutches, which wasn't that different.
No, of course, there was also stealing the amulet option. Actually, Jim could do it right away as Claire wasn't looking.
So easy.
"Here," he handed her the bag, shaking off the last remains of temptation.
Who he tried to fool? He'd never be able to betray Claire's trust.
Even if it meant disappointing his mother and letting down his family.
A sacrifice for the sake of love? Could his crush even count as 'love'? Jim didn't know that, but somehow he also didn't care.
He'd protect her secret no matter what.