Chapter Nine

Forgive Me

The Starship: Seattle Grace
Destination: The Colony World of Homestead II
Status: Autopilot
Crew: 257 asleep, 1 unconscious
Passengers: 4,998 asleep, 1 status unknown, 1 awake
Year: 3487
(38 years to go...)

One minute. One minute was all Lexie allowed herself before she had to move. One minute to scream and cry and panic that Mark was going to die, that he was dead already. One minute to grieve ridiculously before she found out the truth. One minute to die before she had to live.

With tears strewn down her face, and dry rasps in her throat, Lexie looked around her and decided where to start. She bent down over Callie and checked her pupils, they were responsive but Callie was still unconscious, this was a good sign. She packed the bleeding wound with the ripped hem of her shirt. She tried to life the other woman up, to try and move her out of the reactor room, but she wasn't strong enough. "I'm sorry Callie, I'll be back for you I promise." She said, running out of the room, heading up to the airlock, to the only way she knew to get outside, to Mark.

The ship was fixed so the elevators were working, the lights were back on and there were no alarms blazing. This could be an ordinary day. After the cleanup this would be their thousands of days. It would. She had to hope. The elevator ride was slow, barely a minute but it felt like hours. She had only just reached the suit room when she heard something. She heard the whisps of his shallow breathing in her ear. Like he was right there, and a million miles away. Then, "Lexie?"

She gasped and started laughing almost hysterically. "Mark! It worked, it worked. You did it!" She stared out of porthole in the airlock but she couldn't see him anywhere. "You can come back now."

"Yeah, about that." He started.

"What's the matter? Are you okay?" Lexie started to panic because his breathing was beginning to sound rushed, like he was running out of air.

"My tether broke, I got blasted out of the way. I can't pull myself back in. I can't get back to the ship." The sound of blood rushing through her ears made her eyes close for a second. She couldn't breathe, it was still happening. When was this nightmare going to be over? Then it hit her. This was the last step, the final hurdle. She just had to go out and get him, it was going to be fine.

"I'll come and get you, it'll be fine."

"Lexie it's too far. I'm stuck out here, I'm gone. Just leave me." The front glass panel of his helmet was cracking. His suit was warning him about all sorts of imminent danger if he didn't get back to the ship. But there was nothing he could do except float in the dense nothingness of space. His own personal void of stars. "I'm alone Lexie, all alone." The lack of oxygen was making him go delirious, he was starting to say every thought that came into his dying mind.

"No! You are not alone. I'm here. I'm here and I'm coming to get you. Just hold tight. Please?" He mumbled something like 'I'm sorry' but it got lost in transmission. Lexie pulled on her spacesuit quickly, trying not to miss a step but her mind was running at a hundred miles per hour, she couldn't afford to slow down. She walked into the airlock, and thrust down the handle for pressure release. She punched the button to open the outside door and walked onto the outside deck. She looked up, her suit scanning for Mark's location, there was nothing, nothing, nothing until there he was. Right in front of her, a small body in a sea of black. He was just floating in the merciless space.

Lexie pushed down through her feet and demagnetised her boots. She was launched into the ether, flying towards Mark like Superman. Her tether ever so slightly yanking her back. She zoomed towards him, her arms outstretched her mind focussed on which part of him to grip on to. He was coming in closer and closer and closer until he wasn't anymore. The tether pulled her back swiftly, her body lurching into an overpronounced 'c' shape, her spine curving. She fell away from him, backwards into the open space. She was crying out for him but the suit didn't understand human emotions. She was drifting backwards desperately, trying to think of ways to push herself on, a black, snake-like cord came into view. It was the broken end of Mark's own tether, a long line that still connected to the back of his suit. She reached out and grabbed it, pulling harder and harder until his unconscious body came into view. She stared at his frozen face for another eternal minute before realising she had to get him inside, into the autodoc, she could revive him.

As the pressure stabilised in the airlock, Lexie pulled Mark out of his spacesuit. His body was drenched in sweat as if he'd broken out into a fever before passing out. Lexie grabbed him under his arms and pulled, she could barely lift him but she could drag him along the floor to the med bay. It wasn't too far. As if they'd almost designed it for this purpose. She climbed up onto the doc itself and pulled Mark the rest of the way. He was lying in an odd position but it wouldn't matter. The doc closed, scanning his broken body.

I'm sorry, the patient is dead. The doc announced. "Well resuscitate him!" Lexie screamed at it, tapping the screen manically and trying to find the post-mortem settings. "It's a code blue, code blue." She kept repeating under her breath, they'd been trained for this. The body could be dead for six minutes before the brain damage set in. She didn't know how many one minutes she'd had between his last words and now. It's could've been more than six. It could've been less.

Post-mortem operations have to be authorised by a crew member. The voice chimed in, "no!" Lexie cried, her hands clammy against the cool class. "No! N- wait!" She ran out of the room, down a few decks and back to the reactor room. She found Callie slumped in the same position as before, probably not good but she didn't have time to worry about her now. She had two patients and one of them was already dead so he took priority. She took the wristband from around Callie's wrist and ran back up to the med bay. Her breaths were shallow, coming in waves, she was panting like a dog. But the doc recognised the band when she scanned it. It began sticking all sorts of needles into Mark's flesh and shocking him repeatedly.

There was nothing. Another one minute of nothing. Lexie bent over the doc and cried, her tears running down her face and onto the smooth glass. It looked like a clear coffin. One minute was all it took for him to start breathing again. In another, his eyes had opened. He saw her, watching over him like an angel. The doc registered that he was well and opened. Lexie's arm slipped and she almost fell into the pod. "Mark?" She said slowly, trying not to believe it.

"Hi." He said, it was all he could manage given how dead he'd been a couple of minutes ago.

Lexie leaned over him and cupped his face with her palms. "Don't go doing that again."

"I'll try not to." He replied, trying to laugh but it hurt, it all ached too much.

"You'd better." Lexie said before kissing him. She was a hot, sweaty mess and he still had a mild fever. His lips were salty. And soft like he'd just woken up. She missed kissing him in the morning.

"You brought me back." He said quietly.

"Yeah. I'm a doctor it's kinda my job."

"You did a good job."

"I love you. I-I-I love you, so much. All the time. All of me loves you. So much it hurts."

"You love me." He said smiling.

"You love me." She replied, smiling herself against his lips before remembering Callie was bleeding out three decks below and she needed treatment urgently. "Mark, um. You're gonna have to move."

"Why?" He asked, thinking this was some kind of come on. It wasn't.

"You'll see." Lexie replied, running out of the room. He didn't have the strength to run after her.

They fixed the ship. Mark fixed the vents. Lexie fixed Mark. Then Lexie fixed Callie, telling her to stay off her feet for the next week. Then she fixed Meredith, repairing the torn flesh of her forehead, touching up the scar with a little paint. Mark played around in the med bay for a while because it took him a while to get back on his feet. But afterwards he got curious, he pulled out the autodoc manual and leafed through it. It was Lexie's job to clean up the breakfast bar and anything broken on the floor, robots, furniture, anything smashed by the gravity cutting in and out. Mark protested but she said it was clearing her mind, to clear the space.

The three of them had a calm, quiet breakfast together. Lexie marvelled at the fact that it was only the next day. Only three days had actually passed between Callie waking up and now. "So you two eh? I never would've guessed." Callie piped up, pointing at the two of them. Lexie chuckled and reached for Mark's hand across the table.

"She said she'd only go out with me if I was that last guy on Earth. Guess she settled for only guy on the ship." Mark replied, Lexie shot him a sarcastic look.

"That's not funny," she said, but she was laughing.

"Oh my God, please get a room." So they did. Several times.

APRIL 18:
Callie went back to sleep. Mark found a setting on the autodoc called 'stabilise and suspend.' It stops all metabolic activity, essentially putting someone back into hibernation. But we only have one autodoc. One space for someone to go back to sleep. Mark told me before he told Callie, he wanted me to use it. To go back to sleep and live my dream of finding my sister on Homestead II. But too much has happened here, I have loved more than a lifetime's worth in a single year on this ship. There are thirty-eight years until this ship lands on Homestead II, I will be sixty-three, Meredith will still be famous, I could still find her. I want Mark to be there. I couldn't do it without him. I don't think I could do anything without him. And he would have to be here alone for all that time. I don't know what kind of person he would be after that. I don't know if he'd still be here. He might fall one day and not be able to pick himself back up.

So I told him no. I told him I was going to stay on this ship with him until it docks, because I can't live on another planet without him. I went and found Callie and told her to use it. She would be alone here, all she wants is to pilot ships and ours is on auto. She deserves to go to Homestead II. She gratefully accepted my offer and we put her back to sleep. Her body needed rest anyway, and this way I can make sure I do the best for my patient.

"Mark?" Lexie asked, they were laying in bed, her head on his chest, his hand in her hair.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"What do we do now?" She had been thinking about this for a few days now. Even before the ship started breaking down, there seemed to be a sort of, temporariness to their situation. Now it was final. Everything was working like clockwork, nothing would break unless they did it themselves.

"See I know you're looking for a big philosophical answer, but I don't know if I have one right now. I just want to kiss you." He tipped her chin upwards and guided her lips to his, she tasted of sleep. "We could have sex again?"

"We could huh?" He tasted of her. She leant back against the pillows and breathed in the scent of him. Her fingers traced over the stubble on his chin, the skin of his neck. He leant down and kissed her again, peeling back the sheets and exposing her naked body to the thin air of his cabin. His hand went behind her head, his other hand down between her legs. His lips were glued to hers, his hand working in circles. He fingered her until she came.

"M-M-Mark," she stuttered, shuddering around his palm. He nodded and let out a mumble between kisses. "We have the rest of our lives." Lexie pushed herself up from the bed and turned them around. She wanted to talk about this, but there was here and now and the moment. And they did literally have the rest of their lives. What was bad about letting herself enjoy him for a while? Her knees parted around his hips. She positioned herself with her hands and he slipped inside her.

She leaned over him, his hands on her breasts, his mouth on her neck. She moved slowly, up and down, a simple gliding motion that had her moaning into his hair. He smelt musky, but there was something else in the air, a sweetness. A freshness, human skin, sweat and his breath on her neck. She came hard, again. Alongside him, she writhed under his touch as she straightened up, waves rushing over her. His hands still cupping her gently as he bit his lip and tried to restrain the groan that rolled out of his throat. He calmed first, but it took Lexie a little longer to get her breath back. She put her hands on his chest, giving him a final press of her lips to his. She pulled back calmly, opening her eyes at long last, taking in his anguished form.

He was looking up at her smirking. "What?" She asked, stopping to look him in the eye.

"You're just- just..." He stopped himself for saying perfect, she'd chastise him for that. "Exquisite."

A year later...

Mark sat the bar with Meredith. In his fingers was a small wireframe ring he'd made himself. "It's beautiful," Meredith said.

"Do you think she'll like it?" Mark replied, he looked down at the piece, so delicate and fragile he was worried he might break it.

"I think she'll love it." The robot said, moving backwards, giving him some space as Lexie walked up behind him.

She was wearing red. Mark smiled, and looked up at her. She looked stunning. "What's that?" She asked, sitting down beside him. Meredith produced a coupled of glasses of champagne and set them down in front of the couple.

Mark looked at her, then back at the ring. He picked it up, careful not to dent it. "Lexie," he said calmly, taking her hand. "I have wanted this for a long time. For most of my life I thought I was going to be alone forever. And part of me liked it like that. But then you came into my life and I can't picture it without you." He squeezed her hand a little too tight, "marry me?"

Lexie nodded, she couldn't say anything to that. His words were too beautiful. She reached out her hand and he slid the ring onto her finger.

"Thank God," Mark whispered underneath his breath. Leaning in and kissing her gently.

"What would you have done if I'd said no?" Lexie replied laughing, Mark stuttered over his words for a minute. She let him off the hook, "it's beautiful Mark." She admired her ring, the wire on her finger signifying what she'd really been looking for her entire life. Love, forever love that lasted. Acceptance. To be a part of something that was bigger than her.