"Danny, why won't she stop crying?" Claudia-Jean shouted looking at the door to the nursery. To her relief Danny walked through the door.
"Give her here" Danny said as he took the child off her. In the lounge sat CJ's friends, Abbey who was staying 4 days, Kate who was staying all weekend and Carol who was staying for the full week. They had all just come back it was the second evening after the opening of the Bartlet library. Jed was back in New Hampshire, but Abbey had come back with CJ and Danny to Santa Monica. Kate had tagged along too and that's how CJ and Danny ended up with a full house.
In the living room CJ sunk down next to Carol on the couch.
"So, CJ how's Kathryn?" Abbey asked. As she spoke Danny walking in carrying Kathryn. "Oh, speak of the devil." Abbey said over CJ's laughs.
"Talking about us, all good things I hope." Danny laughingly said while handing Kathryn, who promptly started crying, to CJ and sitting down on the opposite couch. CJ held her crying daughter close and looked her up and down, Kathryn had inherited her father's deep blue eyes, and already apparent her mother's height that would make it impossible not to know that this was CJ and Danny's daughter.
"Can I hold her CJ?" Carol asked and CJ carefully handed Kathryn over and she stopped crying. "So, are you thinking about what to shorten her name to?" Carol asked. "I mean you all have shortened names seems only fair little Kathryn has one too. Plus which Kathryn or Kathryn-Jean is a bit of a mouthful." CJ threw a look at Danny who nodded.
"We were thinking Kat." CJ smiled and Carol laughed remembering those long days in the White House where CJ would talk of a metaphorical cat and how she should get a cat otherwise she would be alone. The whole room exclaimed in agreement and Danny stood, took Kat back from Carol.
"Say goodbye to your Aunties. You little Kat are going to bed." Danny smiled and shut the door behind him taking Kathryn up the stairs.
It was 11o'clock the same evening after 2 bottles of wine having been drunk by the whole group. Danny, only on his third glass gave up rubbing his eyes and went up to bed. CJ was about to follow when Abbey placed her hand on the doorknob blocking CJ's way and shut the door behind him.
"What are you playing at Abbey?" CJ asked in a jovial voice.
"Claudia-Jean, sit. We need to talk." Abbey said in a concerned voice. A look of panic flashed across CJ face at the use of her full name.
"What about?" CJ asked a tone of confusion in her voice while realising that this was going to end badly for her, it never ended well when her full first name was used.
"Listen CJ … Are you entirely happy?" Abbey asked and CJ laughed.
"What? Abbey! What do you mean? I'm… I'm… Why would you ask…?" CJ didn't know what to say.
"CJ it's us." Carol responded placing her hand on CJ's arm as CJ returned to her seat.
"I'm… I'm scared that I made the wrong choice." CJ said with a sad smile.
"The wrong choice in what?" Kate asked. CJ sighed.
"In having a kid. I mean, for 9 months you're hearing about how this is going to change your life and how you've never loved anything like this and my god the love and nothings ever going to be as important or important at all. It just felt like I maybe wasn't capable of that kind of feelings or emotions. Plus, I like what's important to me. I want it to stay important, I need it to stay important. I want to be able to do it well. All of it. I just don't want to have to give my old life and my old dreams up… you know? It's 6 months now and it's becoming real and I'm just scared." CJ began to sob. Carol pulled her into a hug and Abbey knelt in front of her and took her hands. Kate walked over to them and sat on the arm of the couch her own arm around CJ.
"Honey, have you told Danny your doubts?" Abbey asked. CJ shook her head, still sobbing.
"I haven't told anyone." CJ muttered through her tears. As they started to subside Abbey stood and spoke.
"Well, I think we should all get some sleep. Claudia don't worry tomorrow we'll go out for coffee and shopping then we can go for a walk on the beach where we can talk without using such hushed voices. But you should tell Danny." Abbey pulled CJ and Carol up of the couch and Kate stood off the arm. They all ascended the stairs before they each in turn hugged and bade goodnight to everyone all telling CJ to wish Danny good night.
CJ walked through the bedroom and straight into the bathroom.
"CJ?" Danny called who had been sitting on one of the armchairs in their room dressed ready for bed. "You ok?"
"I'm fine!" CJ called emerging from the bathroom to pick up her pyjamas before re-entering the bathroom. When CJ emerged 10 minutes later Danny was already in bed. She walked over to turn the light off then got into bed next to Danny. CJ curled up right next to Danny with her head on his chest and then the sobs overcame her. He had no clue why she was crying but Danny held her tight until CJ drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
Next morning CJ woke up with a snap and felt a wave of nausea hit her. CJ panicked as memories of what she had told the girls last night.
"Hey sugar." Danny said with a smile as he adjusted his arm to put it round her shoulders.
"Why, Daniel whatever has gotten into you?" CJ asked in her poshest, British and most alluring voice as she leaned in to kiss him. Danny seductively kissed her neck and pulled her closer and closer.
"Oh, shit. What time is it? Kathryn! And we have guests." CJ panicked.
"Honey, relax, it 4am. We have a little time." Danny said with a sly smile as CJ giggled "Claudia-Jean. Let's do this." Danny said as CJ continued giggling.
A half hour later they were lying in bed, wrapped up in sheets and each other. "So, what was that for?" CJ finally asked gently running her hands up and down Danny's chest.
"I thought you needed cheering up. After last night." Danny responded brushing CJ's hair off her forehead CJ sighed contentedly before all the colour drained from her face as she was again flooded with memories about last night.
"Oh god, I…I." CJ collected her thoughts before proceeding "I didn't happen to walk in here crying did I." To her horror Danny nodded. CJ suck deeper into the bed and further under the covers.
"Oh, God. I thought it was a bad dream. Well, the girls last night and got me to confess to…" CJ paused unsure how to finish "things I wouldn't normally confess to. Oh yeah, I forgot to say, me and the girls are going out today. Just to the beach we'll be back for dinner though." Danny knew CJ was covering for herself, but he also knew if CJ didn't want to tell him now, she would go into press secretary mode and tell him nothing. Danny decided it was best to give the girls a go and then CJ would eventually tell him, he hoped.