beast boy's perspective

Rays of sunlight dappled through my curtains as a gentle breeze combed my cheeks.

I turned my back to the morning's welcome, which felt like pellets on my skin.

My eyelids unwillingly forced themselves open to see yet another day I didn't want to live.

I already hungered for the end of the day, when I could fall into another slumber. I wanted to sleep so I could avoid the misery of being awake.

The air in my lungs felt uncomfortable, as if they didn't belong there. With every breath came a pain, too heavy to feel, and too light to bear. It was almost like I had to mentally coach myself to inhale and exhale.

The nerves channeling throughout my body appeared to have lost their sensitivity. My body was in the midst of a blackout, attempting to repel the tainted light of reality I was confined in.

The racing of my mind silenced the tune of my heart without delay. I spent so much of my time listening to what was inside of my head, that I nearly forgot what my heart sounded like.

Nothing is harder than carrying a body that is alive, with a soul that is lifeless.

My limbs, feeling like dead weight, allowed me to sit up. Dragging my feet to the window, I closed the curtains together. I blankly slid on my uniform and Velcro sneakers, then left for the Common Room.

"Good morning, Beastboy." Robin greeted me from the kitchen.

He was fixing himself a salad.

"Hey." I uttered.

"How are you?"

"I'm okay... why are you having a salad for breakfast?"

"It's after one in the afternoon, Beastboy. This is my lunch."

My eyes read the clock in disbelief.

"Shoot, I overslept again." I sighed.

"Yeah, you've been doing that a lot lately. Is everything..."

"Fine. Everything's just fine." I huffed, making my way to the fridge.

I opened the door and let my eyes wander.

I eyed fresh fruits, some leftover pizza, and tofu.

Usually, my stomach would start to grumble and my mouth would start to water at the sight of food. I'd dash to the fridge and snatch the food away in a haste.

However, my appetite fell dormant, so I closed the door shut. I must admit, I missed my natural reaction to being in the presence of food.

"You're not going to eat?" my friend asked.

I grunted, "Damn it, Robin, stop asking me so many questions."

"I only asked you like two questions since you came out here." Robin's voice hardened.

"Well, I feel like you asked ten. Now, quit buggin' me."

"Beastboy, I just want to make sure everything is okay. You haven't been acting like yourself."

"I keep telling you, everything's alright." I stormed over to the couch before my leader could interrogate me any further.

I switched on the TV, then began surfing through channels. I clicked through a number of cartoons, documentaries, and movies.

I stumbled across a One Piece marathon.

As a lover of anime, a couple of episodes of Naruto, Black Clover, Attack on Titan, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, and countless others always did me some good.

None of the broadcasts tugged at my interest, so I switched gears to play a video game.

I grabbed the controller in my hand.

The device was covered in a thin film of grease, being that I never cleaned it much.

I nonchalantly pushed the buttons as the game commenced. I wasn't craving for the top score like usual. All I needed was for animations and sound effects to distract me from the terror of reality.

I didn't even make it five minutes without losing interest.

I turned off the game, the control still between my hands.

Water started to creep inside my eyes as I stared at the black screen. My jaw clenched as an unpleasant heat grew on my cheeks and coursed through my body. The control in my hands began to tremble slightly.

"Whaddup, B.B.?" Cyborg entered the Common Room.

He sat next to me, "B? Bro... you good?"

I gripped the device tighter, hoping to hide my shaking hands.

I held back my tears and summoned a smile.

"Yeah, can't complain."

Cyborg's mouth sat in a flat line as he locked a firm gaze on me.

"I'm good, Cy. Promise." I insisted.

"If you say so." my best friend was not convinced.

I kept my lips bent into a fragile grin to conceal my emotional turmoil.

"Robin called for combat practice in five minutes." my best friend claimed.

"That's crazy, I didn't even realize he left," I glimpsed at the kitchen, "He was eating salad like a minute ago."

Cyborg queried, "You took a "L"?"

"Whaddya mean?"

"When I came here you was sittin' in front of a blank screen with the control in ya hands. And you wasn't lookin' too happy."

I glanced at the half robot, "So?"

"I dunno, I've never seen ya do that before. I assumed you lost a round or somethin'."

"I didn't." my words seeped through gritted teeth.

Cyborg paused for a bit, then put his hand on my shoulder.

"I'm here if ya needa talk, 'ight?"

"There's nothing to talk about." I leaned away from his gesture.

"Man, what's ya deal? You was smilin' a minute ago—"

"Does it look like I'm smiling now!?" I hissed.

Cyborg's eyes widened in surprise, then his expression grew stern.

"Chill, man, chill."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"I ain't takin' attitude from some green elf." Cyborg confirmed.

"I'm not having an attitude."

"You better believe you are, you just yelled at me after I expressed genuine concern for you."

"You're the one that's expecting me to smile every minute! "You wasn't lookin' too happy." So what? What if I'm not lookin' happy because I ain't feelin' happy? Look at me, Cy. I'm tired. I woke up at one in the afternoon with my mind set on a breakfast I didn't even have the appetite for. I thought maybe if I didn't want to eat, I'd watch something. Turns out, I didn't wanna watch nothin' either 'cause I damn well skipped over a One Piece marathon, and you know how much I love One Piece. Then I go to play some video games and not even that I can manage."

I paused, getting up to leave the room.

"I hate how no one will ask if I'm okay, until I'm tired of acting like I am."