I would never tell him, but sometimes I think Josh is a God. Telling him would quickly insure that it goes to his head and I won't risk it. I think it would be surprising to some, because he can be so driven by his job and tightly wound, but those are the days that I end up with Josh the literal sex God the next time he can get a free moment. I wasn't expecting him home tonight. The White House was dealing with a storm off the Gulf Coast and it was consuming a lot of their attention. Then a newly elected senator made some on the record statements and Josh flew into the apartment in a rage. Not at me, but the ignorance of someone to make a statement about the President just days after being elected to represent his state and the party. He was home all of four minutes before he was plunging himself into me and I could get used to his anger being redirected into the bedroom. His ability to get worked up quickly has always been a great feat for our sex life or even our banter in years past, days like today it's pure magic.

Days like today, when I'm on top of him and we're making love, I want to freeze time in our hectic lives to just enjoy each other. Our lives are so fast paced that the slow moments are moments to be savored. "Josh…"

"I love you." He smiles against my lips, my body still coming down from the mind blowing orgasm I just had. Unlike Josh, I can barely form words at the moment, my body still shaking as my arms fall to my side as I slump against him. "You good?"

"I think I'm dead." I pant as he wraps his arms about my waist, flipping me onto my back. I groan as he slips himself out of me and reaches for the sheet that we've previously pushed to the end of the bed. My body is aching as he gets up to grab a washcloth from the bathroom. "Definitely dead. If you bring a new lady to this place, I will haunt you."

"Well Miss Donnatella Moss, much to my relief….you are in fact alive." Josh announces, crawling onto the bed. I feel the warm washcloth on my legs as he runs it along my skin. He's gliding it lightly and if I wasn't near death, I would probably be turned on by it. I look through my heavy lashes and the look on his face is sultry and dark. He runs his fingers along my thigh, leaning over to press a kiss to the spot his fingers last touched. He can't be serious. "God, you're perfect."

"Josh…are you…?" I pop my head up and a devilish smirk forms on his lips as he crawls towards me. "You're a sick man."

"Hey! You should maybe try not having this whole sex kitten act." Josh argues, dropping a light kiss on my lips.

"Sex kitten, really?" I whisper, moving my hand to the back of his head to pull his lips back to mine. "I don't think that word has been used to describe me before."

"It definitely applies. The night before the election at the hotel bar…the next morning when you wanted to 'take a walk' or something. Everytime you try to get me to tell you what your Christmas present is." Josh counters, dipping his tongue into my mouth. "You definitely give off sex kitten. Every time you look at me with those puppy dog eyes. Even that one Christmas when we found out about Leo's time in rehab or the time I got mad at you for James Madison information. Sex kitten and you don't even realize it."

"It is not sex kitten, it's just my face." I groan weakly, his fingers dancing along my breast. "Josh…"

"You're sure arguing a lot for a person who is supposedly near death." He smirks, moving his mouth down to my chest. "Maybe we should…"

"Josh, we've been having sex for the better part of the last few hours." I sigh, my eyes heavy as he kisses back up to my neck. "While I am impressed at the stamina you have tonight, my body would like to thank you for your service and maybe go to bed."

"Donna, while I don't usually like to point it out, I am over a decade older than you." Josh says proudly, cupping my face in his hands. "So can you just take a moment to appreciate that I am more than willing to go again and you're not. I am not some old tightly wound man who doesn't know how to please a woman. In fact I can very well please my woman and…:"

"Oh shut up." I mumble, pushing his lips from my neck. "Fine. You're a sex God. Your stamina and manly testosterone are unmatched and none of my past lovers will ever compare."

"Thank you." He beams proudly, kissing my forehead as he sits up in the bed. "But you didn't need to bring up the ex-lovers. I would have gotten the picture without Dr Freeride and Commander Wonderful floating into my head. Or worse…Cliff."

"If it makes you feel any better, Jack Reese never found my g-spot and was a lot smaller than I thought he would be." I announce, turning on my side.

"Donna…" He groans, shaking his arms in disgust.

"Go take a shower or something." I say, tightening the blanket around my chest. "A cold one to put the fire out for the night, if you know what I am saying."

"Fine." He laughs, kissing my cheek before hopping off the bed. I turn onto my back, watching his ass as he walks towards the bathroom. Sometimes I get embarrassed that he might see my staring, but as much as I am teasing him right now, I really like his butt. When he disappears into the bathroom, I sit up. Realistically, I should be going to the restroom now, but that would require me to go into the bathroom into the hall and I find myself staring at the wall as I hear him fumble around the bathroom. I'm wiped and in a euphoric state that has me wanting to join him in the shower. If I thought my legs would stop feeling like Jell-O in the next few minutes, I would be in there already. A moment later, my trance is interrupted as he swings the bathroom door open. "We're out of shampoo."

"No, we're not." I answer, pointing in his direction. "There is more under the bathroom sink, behind the hand soap."

"The best thing I ever did was move you into this apartment." Josh responds as he tightens the bathrobe around himself, a proud smile on his face as he leans over.

"Yeah, sure." I breathe, a small part of our old fight bothering me. I feel at home here, but why does that part of our fight or breakup bother me? We've addressed it and it does feel like my home, but his words every now and then echo in my brain. I realize I've zoned out, because Josh is staring at me, holding a box.

"Is this a pregnancy test? Donna?" Josh asks, pointing to the blue and pink box. "Earth to Donna…"

"Um…yeah, but it's from before." I answer, adjusting the sheets. "I put it back there the day you got home from Europe, because the other tests had been negative and I didn't have time to test again that day."

"Oh." He frowns, walking towards the bed. "So how long does it take?"

"To get an answer? Like three minutes." I answer, pushing my hair behind my ears.

"Take it." He grins, tossing it on the bed. "We've not been trying a lot lately. A lot."

"Josh, I assure you that I am not pregnant." I breathe, letting out a deep sigh. I want to smile at the excitement in his face. He actually looks excited to find the test, but I had my period last week and nothing else points to giving me a reason to take the test. "It would be a waste of eight dollars."

"I'll buy more next time…just take it." He suggests, pointing to the box. "You need to go to the bathroom anyways…so just…go on the stick."

"Your post sex talk is the peak of romance." I throw the covers back in the bed, grabbing the box as I stand up. "You know that?"

"I am the king of romance." He insists, slapping my ass as I walk by him. "Now go take a pregnancy test."

"Josh, this is actually absurd." I dismiss, looking into the mirror. Josh walks in immediately behind me, pressing a kiss to my shoulder as he grabs the box from my hand and begins to open it. "Josh, I know how science works. I'm not pregnant."

"To be fair, you didn't know you were pregnant the first time around." Josh replies confidently, pulling out the instructions and handing me the plastic white and blue stick. I turn around, slapping his arm. "Hey! What was that for?"

"It just felt like the right response." I groan, before pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Now get out so I can pee on a stick to make you happy, but ultimately prove that I am right."
"And if you're pregnant?" He quizzes, his eyes lighting up.

"Get out." I place my hand on his shoulder, pressing a kiss to his cheek. I don't want to steal his excitement, but my own energy isn't matching his at the moment. Still, it's sweet. "I've already agreed to take the test."

"Got it." He nods, closing the bathroom door as he leaves. I stare into the mirror for a moment, kicking myself for not throwing the box out after the miscarriage. I honestly had forgotten it was there and it all feels a little bit depressing to me. Why didn't I take it that day? Chances are by that point, it would have come back positive and maybe everything would be different. Maybe we'd be getting married when we originally planned and there would be a small baby in my stomach. Instead, I'm doing my business on a stick that I know isn't positive, because Josh found it. I think he knows it's going to be negative too, but he's just excited by the thought of the off chance. Since the miscarriage, it has awoken something in him that I never expected. I wonder if it has more to do with his age or if it's just an honest eagerness in creating a family. "Donna, does it really take that long to pee?"

"I'm coming!" I shout, flushing the toilet and standing back up on my shaky legs. At least I accomplished the one task I needed to complete post-sex and can go to bed here shortly. I snap the lid on the pregnancy test and sit it on top of the box, before turning the water on to wash my hands. Josh doesn't do patience well, so the bathroom door is already open with his head popping in. "Josh, are you kidding me right now?"

"What does it say?" He asks, trying to get a peak.

"It says nothing, because it hasn't been three minutes." I groan, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the bedroom with me. "Come sit down."

"It's at least been a minute from the time you…you know…" He looks at his watch, tapping the side to make sure it's moving. "So like two minutes now?"

"You are unhinged." I breathe, falling back to the bed. I lift my head and notice he's still watching the hands on his watch. "Josh…"

"A minute and a half." He groans, running a hand through his hair. "How cool would it be if you were pregnant? I mean…science is kind of cool. You and I do something that…well brings us a lot of pleasure but it can also create a whole human."

"Yes, that is a relief to know you understand how a baby is made." I tease, sitting up on the edge of the bed. "When do I get to go to bed?"

"Fatigue is a sign of pregnancy, Donna." Josh states with confidence.

"I'm fatigued, because we spent the last few hours having mind blowing sex." I correct him, waving a finger. "Sex that I would think we should be sleeping and recharging our energy to continue."

"You know, I would love a son first, but something would be cool about a little girl." Josh paces, checking his watch. "But a son can be a protector. He'll look after his little sisters."

"I think science would do a pretty good job of deciding what the baby's gender will be." I add, scratching at my head. He's biting his lip as he stares at his watch.

"You know what time it is?" He shoots his head up and smiles.

"Time to look at the pregnancy test?" I iniquire.

"Time to look." He claps, bouncing to the bathroom. He retreats with the instructions and test in hand, staring at the paper, he squints when looking at the test. "Okay one line is a test line and there should be another to indicate a positive."

"And?"

"There is one line." He sighs, disappointment clouding his face. "I…look and just make sure."

I examine the test that he's put forward and examine it myself. One line. "It's negative."

"Nooo...really?" He frowns, reexamining it. He walks into the bathroom, widening the door before he examines it under the bathroom light. "Maybe we should give it another minute."

"Josh." I mutter weakly watching as he squints as if it will change.

"Is it really negative?" He replies, before lifting his head.

"It is." I confirm quietly, my own disappointment coming from him. I wasn't expecting anything, but now I see he really was.

"So, I'm just standing here holding a stick you peed on." He realizes, tossing it in the wastebasket, before leaning over and washing his hands in the sink.

"Can I go to bed now?" I ask, sitting back as he walks back to the bed.

"Yeah." He answers, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I'll shower in a second."

"Okay…" I lay back, pulling the blankets over my legs. I start to get comfortable, but I notice Josh hasn't gone to shower yet. Instead he's sitting in his robe, staring at the wall. He's deep in thought, so I sit up and crawl back to the edge of the bed next to him. Seeing a new kind of pain on his face, makes me soften. "You're really let down."

"I am." He acknowledges, smiling weakly. "I know you didn't think you were, but I was kind of hoping it was one of those crazy surprises or something."

"Josh, not right now doesn't mean it's never going to happen." I say, repeating something I remember his mother telling me on one of my many crying sessions after the miscarriage. I haven't been sure that I am ready for us to try again. Both because of our relationship and the lasting sadness since the miscarriage. Except, Josh is kind of giving me hope that the excitement might return. In fact, it's kind of making me wish it was positive just for him. "I…do you really want a baby sooner than later?"

"I do, but I didn't do a good job of showing that in the past." He answers honestly, pressing a kiss to my cheek. "Donna, I know we had a fight and we're doing better, but I'm ready. Like really ready and that's saying a lot, because I freak out and get nervous over every big step."

"Okay…" I answer hesitantly. I'm not ready to outright say I want to try again. The concept of not-not trying feels like the pressure is off and like maybe if it happens, it was meant to be. Maybe if it doesn't happen, we won't get hurt by the universe or each other. "Let's…just keep doing what we're doing. If it happens it happens."

"Yeah. Okay." He answers with a tired breath. He pushes off the bed and turns around, pressing a weak kiss to my forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too." I reply, patting his hand before he turns and returns to the restroom to take his shower. I feel like I've done something wrong, even when I haven't. I feel like I've let him down again and I haven't. I don't think so. A part of me is relieved. The part of me that is still having a little trouble feeling as if he really does want this to be my home and the part of me that is terrified of finding out, getting happy and then losing a child. I don't know how I would get through it. Losing him again. Losing another baby. I don't think I could stand it if it happened again.

Then there is a part of me that is bummed out. The part of me that sees how silly excited he was getting. How into the test he was. The last month he's been really into this idea of us having a baby. I think he cares less about marrying me at the moment and more about me birthing his child. There are my own concerns with all of that, but at the moment I wonder what he would have done if there were two lines. Two lines would have changed everything. At this moment, I don't know whether I want it more or want it less. I simply feel town, which I think would be a huge disappointment to Josh. Something I never want to be again.