raven's perspective

My eyes raced through the sentences on the pages of my book. It was safe to say that I was lethargic, being that it's been hard to sleep for the last few nights. Even now, the oppressive emotions I recently experienced lingered inside of my mind.

Those feelings were mentally and spiritually crippling for me, and I was sure it was even worse for Beastboy.

After skipping several meditations sessions, bearing with migraines, and broken sleep—I was surprised I managed to pick up a book and read it.

Beastboy, who was snoring lightly on the other end of the sofa, began to stir in his sleep.

He groaned drowsily as he sat upright. After rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he set a solid glare straight ahead.

I closed my book, resting it aside, "Good morning, Gar."

"Good morning to ya, Rae. I hope this morning will be a good one." he spoke in a hoarse tone.

"I hope so, too."

"It's pretty quiet around here. Where's the rest of the team?"

"Mumbo's playing villain at the local bank."

Beastboy switched into a martial arts pose, "Word? I'll mop the floor clean with Tall Smurf."

"Hehe, Tall Smurf," I giggled shortly, "Yeah, they left not too long ago. We found you sleeping on the couch, and guessed it was best to let you rest. I told Robin I'd sit the mission out to make sure you were alright."

"Aw, thanks, Raven... that means a lot. Seriously, I need to stop crashin' so much. Sleep crashing' not car crashin'. Or the crashin' Cy does when a virus hacks his systems." Beastboy chuckled.

I smiled, loving to see joy radiate from Beastboy.

"I know what you mean. Gar..."

I paused, uncertain in what to say.

"What's up, Rae?" he faced me.

"The truth is... I'm not sure how to say this without resurfacing your pain all over again."

Immediately, I felt tension grow in both of our auras.

"Gar, we've got to talk about your depression. It goes without saying, your symptoms are not only there, but they're worsening. You suppress your emotions a lot, and then when they come out... they come out in dangerous ways. While we may not be able to fix the circumstances you're going through, we can find ways to cope with them."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that when everything bores me? I have hyper fixations with all typa things, mopeds, video games, anime, jokes... food. All of that means nothing when I have emotions that fluctuate constantly and drive me up a wall. What, it takes me to nearly kill myself for us to try and fix this thing?"

I removed my hood, emitting a deep breath.

"Sorry, that was so out of pocket. I know you've been investin' a whole lotta time and energy into tryna help me get out of this. What I'm going through is taking a toll on you too, and even with that, you're still here with me."

"It's just... things were looking better for a bit. At any rate, we shouldn't have kept circling around the elephant in the room. Now that we're here, we're going to make a game plan, and stick to it."

Beastboy pulled his hair back with his hands, resting his elbows on his knees, "Good grief, Rae. I didn't know I was gonna turn into this."

"The best thing we can do right now, is to try and climb out of the pit. Even if it's one step up every three days, or if we fall eight steps down; what's important is that we keep working towards the top, and that we never give up."

"Right. I can start with having something for breakfast. Lunch, really." Beastboy pointed at the clock, which read minutes to 1 PM.

I nodded in agreement, smiling, "That's what I'm talking about."

He progressed to the kitchen, and I followed behind him. The adolescent began to search for food as I sat quietly at the kitchen island.

"Don't know how much lunch I can lunch, but I wonder when breakfast will become a thing for me again."

"I'd say, just try something for now. Day by day, you'll advance."

Beastboy had a corn muffin at hand, "It's like... I do get hungry, like my stomach grumbles and stuff. My mind, though... it's always tellin' me I don't deserve to eat. It tells me I don't deserve a lot of things. I'll get the food in my hand or on a plate, and my brain's automatically disgusted. Most times when I eat, it reminds me of my father. When I got my curious lil' head into things I wasn't supposed to, he'd tell me not to come out my room unless it was for dinner. Even at so young, it hurt that my father only wanted me around if I needed to eat."

That's just like the vision I had, where Beastboy broke the flask on his father's shelf.

Beastboy chuckled anxiously, sitting across from me, "I guess, that was the start to one of the hells I'm living with now. "

"Azarath, almighty. Your father screwed you up so bad..." I felt heat gather in my cheeks, almost as if my skin would combust from the anger.

"Mhm... I feel like," he bit into the domed cake, "Even when... you know how sometimes... I just can't sit still?"

"Yes."

"I just gotta keep busy, even when I don't want to. Bothering Cy when he's fixin' his car in the garage, naggin' Robin when he's focusing on crime statistics, buggin' Star for the TV so I could use it, annoyin' you when you're in the middle of meditation or reading. That hyper side of me... that started back in Africa. My father always told me to get lost, so I did. Always found myself doin' sumn'. Even now, I might do it every now and again jus' to get my mind off of everything going on."

I rested my face in my palm, maintaining eye contact as I spoke, "You want to do things to distract you from problems, but you don't have the energy to do it. You know, other things, like reading comics. Sometimes when you can't do that, you put energy into socializing in the way you know best."

The shapeshifter yawned, "Bulls-eye."

"You're doing amazing, Gar," I tenderly placed my hand on top of his, rubbing my thumb over his glove,"I'm extremely proud of you. All of this is showing how strong you are, even if it doesn't seem like it."

Beastboy's eyes lifted towards mine, holding my hand in his.

By his hesitation and dim expression, I could tell it was hard for him to accept affection.

"Thanks. Also, thank you for all you've done, and are doing to help me. I really appreciate you, Raven." he warmly pressed my hand.

"No need to thank me, I'm always going to be here for you, even when it's hard to be."

Beastboy eyes gleamed with delight, "You're the best. Okay... so this game plan thing. So, I've gotta find somethin' to do, right?"

"Something like that. You aren't forcing yourself to do anything, remember that. You are just trying to start to live life better. If you can't handle your regular hobbies, maybe, you can start new ones. Starting new activities may give you a new interest and motivation. If you feel like resting, do that. Some rest days, if combat or a mission is hard to get up for... maybe rest, but do five push-ups... you know something to keep you active. Concerning your hygiene..."

"Ugh, that's supposed to be at the start of my day." he rolled his eyes.

"Not necessarily. Presuming that mornings are especially difficult for you, you could try showering at night."

"Hmmmm..."

"Is brushing your teeth hard?"

"Yeah."

"Until you can get back on your feet with that, you can find substitutes."

"Gum? I've tried that a few times. More than a few, actually."

"Gum's not too bad, but chewing it can trick your brain into wanting food, and we already have a problem with that. Perhaps, you can switch you toothpaste flavor, that might give you motivation to brush your teeth. You can also swish mouthwash around for about a minute, or keep track of how much you brush your teeth on a board or something. As you do an alternative, you can reward yourself every once in a while."

"Rae... I have the memory span of a chipmunk. And every other animal I can turn into." Beastboy sighed.

I giggled, "Alright, tell you what," I levitated a pen and paper my way, "I'll write these ideas down. If you need reminders to do them, I'll be happy to give them to you."

"Hehe, thanks again."

"No problem at all." I got up from the stool, moved to the sink, and began washing the dishes.

"Gosh, I only managed to eat half of the muffin. It tasted good, though." Beastboy began to help me dry the dishes.

"Like I've said, something is better than nothing." I rasped in my monotone.

"And you're absolutely right. Raven!"

"What?"

I turned to Beastboy, seeing a cloud of bubbles sliding from his forehead, down his face.

"Oops, sorry about that, Gar," I couldn't help but laugh, "Maybe, if I had the skill, I could shape these bubbles into a beard and mustache. You'd kinda look like Grinch- Claus."

The changeling laughed, "Grinch-Claus, hahahaha."

Without delay, I slowly cleaned his face with my hand.

I was so close to Beastboy's face, I felt the air from his nose tickle my skin. His delicate, jade eyes fastened with mine. A light ache developed in my stomach, bumps washed across my arms and neck, and a warm, almost cozy film of pink blossomed on either sides of my face. Both of my thumbs rested on Beastboy's cheekbones, as my other fingers situated on the sides of his face.

"Um... I..." my gaze traced to his lips, then back at his eyes.

He stared back at me.

He spectated so deeply into my eyes, it was almost as if he were studying them. He appeared to concentrate past the purple of my pupils, and into me. I nearly squirmed, feeling as if he knew exactly what my mind was thinking, what my soul was desiring, and what my heart was saying.

"That... was an accident," I moved my focus back to the dishes, hoping Beastboy didn't pick up on my flustered nature, "I have klutz-like tendencies, as Raven as I am."

"It's alright. If you're a klutz, I'm a mega klutz. Hey, Rae?"

"Yeah?"

"This was the best morning I've had in a while." Beastboy grinned at me.

I beamed back, "Likewise."

We continued to clean up the kitchen together, conversing along the way. In those moments, I felt at ease.

Of course, this phase of elation wouldn't last forever, as emotions, specifically Beastboy's, are transient. Nevertheless, while we were in the hearth of happiness; we enjoyed it to the fullest, despite the fact that it would get dark again.