raven's perspective

"Please... don't go..."

I stirred slightly in my sleep. I felt Beastboy in my arms, and the linen wrapped around us. My mind didn't register to the voice or words at first.

A few weeks passed since Beastboy and I walked on the nature trail. Even now, he continued to struggle with his hygiene, eating habits, sleep, and overall, himself. We were able to create a schedule of activities we could do to further his steps to healing. We went on walks, we played a few video games together, and I even watched a couple of seasons of anime with him.

The Beastboy we knew appeared to be coming back slowly. He started being more social, and cracking jokes occasionally. I was beginning to see that pure light radiate through him again.

Additionally, we grew more comfortable with each other. One night Beastboy offered for me to spend the night with him, and that one night became two, two became five, and so on.

I forced my eyes open, feeling a twinge in my head.

"You... should have stayed with me."

Beastboy's last sentence broke into a soft cry. His fingers curled tightly around my shirt, then I cradled his head in response. His sobs were muffled by my chest. His hands were gripping my clothes so firmly, that they trembled. I slipped my hand affectionately through Beastboy's jade nest of hair.

"I'm right here, Gar. Let it all out."

Beastboy cried almost violently, his body shaking as if he had a racking cough. Seeing Beastboy in so much pain hurt me both physically and emotionally. My empathic senses were overwhelmed, and a small headache developed. I held my partner like that for a while, attempting to comfort him as he wept.

As someone who could sense what people feel and think, and no matter how many times we went through this... I had no idea how to comfort Beastboy. I was frightened at the magnitude of grief he was displaying. Listening to his choked sobs, feeling his body quiver against mine, feeling his tense grip on my shirt— and all I managed to do was hold him.

I could talk to him, I could hug him, I could cry with him, but I couldn't help but wonder if that was enough. To be frank, I wouldn't be satisfied until I found a way to make his pain stop completely; which was excruciatingly impossible.

He took in a sharp breath, whispering harshly, "I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm trying—Raven. I really, really am."

"I know you are, Gar, and you're doing great. It may not seem like it... through all of the tears and drawbacks you experience. But, you're here. You face everyday, even if you are scared or tired of doing so."

Currently, it was 2:57 in the morning, the Moon tenderly poured its silver light through Beastboy's curtains. Some of the light formed pools on the floor, walls, and spilled off of some furniture.

"Ten years later, and I'm still stuck. I haven't moved on from that day. No matter how much I try to shake that horrible feeling off, it pulls me back even stronger."

I leaned my head forward, his hair tickling my nose, "And after it pulls you back, you still push forward."

Beastboy released sobbing spasms, hugging my body.

"Even though my father caused me a bunch of issues, I'd still rather have half of a parent, than a full parent in their grave."

"Most definitely."

"An author once said something like this, "It's hard turning the page when you know someone won't be in the next chapter"."

"My goodness. And you know what, too? Since you were kid, you couldn't wrap your head around the fact that your parents died."

"No, I couldn't. I didn't take it seriously, because I didn't understand it. And I refused that it was real. I didn't want to accept that I saw my mother and father die right before my eyes. Then, one day it just hit, and it hit hard. I spent so much time suppressing what I was going through, and when the time came to deal with it, I was more and more confused. Don't you hate it when you have to sit down with yourself and deal with things?"

"Of course, that's probably one of the worst things I can do. Half of the time I don't know how to deal with my problems, because I already have a hard time identifying what they are."

"I understand that I get a little messed up 'cuz of everything, but there's this thing... it's like..."

I sighed, "Like a huge, intense force that's always crushing you? Yeah."

"Sounds about right. I can preoccupy my mind with missions, moped obsessions, jokes, things of that nature. But, that pressure never wants to give me a break. God, Raven, sometimes I get so deep into it, it's just..."

"It's scary." my fingers coiled and uncoiled in a patter around his hair.

"I do wanna live. I wanna fight for justice, take care of animals, explore the world I live in, heal and laugh with my friends. At the same time, I feel like I can't put up anymore fights with myself." Beastboy nearly broke into another crying spell.

"I gotchya, you're gonna be alright. You're gonna be alright, and we're gonna be alright... I'll make sure of it."

"Thank you so, so much, Rae," he nuzzled into my embrace, "I appreciate you a lot."

"No problem. How long has it been since you slept?"

"Let's see, we went to bed around ten-ish, I woke up around eleven-thirty-ish, woke up again at one-twenty sixish... haven't been asleep since then. My mind kept spinning and I felt like screaming, if I were to be honest. Then, a little before three, I snapped."

"I know."

He mumbled, "Sorry for waking you up."

"No, no, it's completely fine. I'd rather be awake and help you, then be asleep while you're suffering alone."

Beastboy angled himself upwards so our eyes could meet. The darkness rested on Beastboy's face, but I was able to make out his red, swollen eyes, which had drying tears under them. He smiled tenderly, his lone fang emphasizing his smile.

My eyebrows angled in confusion as I tried not to smile back, "Watchya smilin' at, boy?"

"I want a late night snack."

I clenched my teeth as my eyes lit up.

"Rae! Hold it, that's not what I meant." Beastboy freaked out adorably.

I chuckled gently, "I know, I just like scaring you every now and then."

He pouted, "Hmph. Anyway, you comin' with? I'm feelin' for some popcorn."

"Sure, but popcorn? At three in the morning?"

"Yuh-huh. Might watch some Demon Slayer until I knock."

"Oh! That's the thingy you told me about quiiiiite some time ago, I wanna watch it."

Beastboy passionately pecked my lips, "We got ourselves a date. Let's go."

He got up, then helped me off the bed.

Before he reached the door, Beastboy stumbled over something.

I couldn't help myself, and immediately burst into laughter.

"Pshhhhhahahaha! Are you okay?"

"Yes," he shot back up, "thanks for asking after you laughed at me."

"I'm sorry, it's a habit."

Beastboy laughed, "My room's mostly clean and I still find stuff to trip over, a damn shame."

We walked into the dark hallway silently together, being sure not to wake up our friends.

I smiled inside, admiring that Beastboy could feel on edge, and absolutely horrible; but still have the strength within himself to bounce back... and find the light that kept him going.