Ages:

Darry-23

Two-Bit-21

Steve-20

Ponyboy-17

Steve's POV

I refuse to feel.

I have to keep repeating that to myself. I can't feel anymore. It's doing nothing for me. If I feel, it stabs me. It hurts too much. Too much than I'm willing to admit. But I can't admit it. If I admit it, then I'll keep feeling. I can't do that. Not anymore.

The rest of my stuff is packed up. It was nice of Darry to let me crash here for a while. Now that the funeral is done and my best friend is buried, there's no need for me here anymore. Not in the Curtis house. Not in my old house, which isn't available anyway since my dad moved. Not even in Tulsa is there any need for me. Because everywhere I drive, I feel. When I take a shift at the DX, I feel. When I pick up a football, I feel. I can't feel anymore.

Don't think about it. Just get this shit in the car and leave.

"St-Steve?"

Shit.

Ponyboy was at the door. I had been staying in Soda's old room. Very old room. The room he lived in before his parents' deaths. I didn't like staying in here, but I didn't have much choice. It was fine for the time being, though, as long as I didn't feel. And it was hard to feel anything in this room because any memories in here were years ago. I can barely remember them. Except the time I slept over and Soda had been hiding chocolate cake under his bed for us...

Stop!

"Yeah?" I responded to Ponyboy. Thankfully, Pony didn't bother me at all while I stayed at the house. Not that I would've given him trouble over it. I felt bad for the kid.

No, you don't. Stop. Feeling.

"Um, can you wait until Darry's home from work to leave?"

"Why?" I was refusing to look at him. I could hear the glistening tears in his voice.

"You didn't even tell him you were leaving."

"And I had a reason not to."

"I don't want to be alone, though. I haven't been home alone in a long time, and I don't want to sit here alone."

"I'm sure Two-Bit will come over. Go call him."

Ponyboy went silent. Thank God. I turned and saw he was gone, even though I never heard him walk away.

Ponyboy's POV

I couldn't believe that asshole. He can act all rough and tough, but can't face his best friend being dead. My brother being dead. Now he's running away like a scared shit. What honor does that do for Soda? For someone who died in battle? Steve didn't run off when Johnny and Dallas died. I didn't run off when they died. I stayed and had to figure my shit out.

There were a lot of times over the years I couldn't stand Steve Randle. But this? This moment topped them all by far. Of course, I didn't imagine my brother would be taken from us. I don't doubt it's hard on Steve, but hell, it's hard on all of us. It's impossible on me and Darry. Now Steve is deserting us all. The gang. The gang we have left.

Out of frustration, I lifted the phone receiver in the kitchen and dialed Two-Bit's number. Well, his mom's. Yeah, Two-Bit still lives at home.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mrs. Mathews. It's Ponyboy."

"Hi, Ponyboy. How are you, sweetie?"

"I'm doing okay. How are you?"

"I'm good. I was going to make some treats for you boys today. I was going to have Two-Bit bring them over later."

"Oh, you don't have to do that. You've made us a ton of food these past few weeks. We haven't been able to pay you back."

"Oh, now stop it. This is a rough time and the last thing I want you and Darry to worry about is cooking."

I couldn't help but smile. She really was like a second mom to us. "Well, thank you. Is Two-Bit actually there?"

"Yes, he is. I'll get him for you. Hold on a minute."

I sat on one of the kitchen chairs while waiting. Deep down, I was hoping Steve was reconsidering his decision. I hope Soda's voice was in his head, telling him to stop this stupid plan of his. Whatever the long-term plan was.

"Hey, Pony," Two-Bit greeted. "What's going on?"

I sighed louder than I meant to, but I was really frustrated. "Um, Steve's leaving."

"Leaving? Your house?"

"Yes, and more."

"More?"

I shook my head while gripping the phone. "He's leaving Tulsa."

It took a while for Two-Bit to respond. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"This morning he told me he's leaving. Darry doesn't even know because Steve decided to wait until he was gone at work to break the news."

"I... I don't even know what to say. Is he gone?"

"Not yet. Probably won't be much longer until he is."

"Okay. I'm gonna head your way and see if I catch him somewhere. Then I'll come over."

"Thanks. I'll see you later."

Two-Bit hung up. I got up from my chair and replaced the receiver in its spot. Before I could even take a step from the phone, I heard the front door open and slam shut.