AN: This is an AU story that will follow Hermione through her first year at Hogwarts. Hermione will be morally grey, and there will be discussions of mental health and child abuse. I'm rating this as T for now, but may change it to M in the future if I feel it's getting too dark. I have no updating schedule planned at the moment, but once I finish Exceeds Expectations, I will likely commit to updating on Mondays. I don't own Harry Potter.
Chapter 1
Once the shock wears off, she supposes it isn't all that surprising that she was a witch. It's actually a huge relief to know that there is real answer to all the things she thought were wrong with her, and that those niggling thoughts that perhaps her parents are right, perhaps there is something dark and scarred inside of her, can be put to rest. She isn't tainted, she's just magical, and so are lots of other people.
For her parents, it's a relief to know that she isn't actually possessed by the devil, although being told that magic exists and that their daughter is a witch isn't much of a step up. To them, the fact that she can will the curtains closed is freaky and unnatural, no matter the reason.
Her parents lock her in the cellar over the weekend, but once she is released, she reads Hogwarts: A History cover-to-cover, in one sitting. The professor gave it to her, a gift because she is a muggleborn. She'd rather liked the stern woman, who had introduced herself as "Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress and Head of Gryffindor House at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
What Hogwarts: A History described truly did sound like something out of a fairytale (she'd read the entire Brothers Grimm collection in secret, at the primary school library, before her parents had transferred her to the Catholic school). And the only thing better than reading about the magical world is seeing it.
She sneaks off early on a weekend, takes the tube down to London on her own, and follows the professor's instructions on how to access the wizarding district—"Diagon Alley," she called it. She takes a shoebox of bills in her backpack, her entire allowance since she was six years old, because she never bought anything for herself. (Spending money on frivolous things is sinful, her parents say often, and seeing as they put a roof over her head and food in her belly, she has no reason to want for anything. They only want her to develop the self-control to not spend the money.)
Her first look at the wizarding world nearly gives her a heart attack. It's just so, well—magical. Inanimate objects become animate in every storefront down the street. Owls fly overhead. At a nearby cafe, someone cleans up a spilled cup with the flick of a wand. She can't stop the grin from spreading over her face, thinking that this is worth her parents' rage a million times over.
"Excuse me, could you please tell me the way to Gringotts?"
The woman she asked, a middle-aged shopkeeper who is magically beating the dust from the tapestry that hung outside her door, stops to look at her. "Muggleborn, are you?" she asks. "Where are your parents?"
"Oh, they couldn't come today. I'm actually meeting a friend of mine and her parents at the bank. She's a muggleborn, too."
The lie rolls off her tongue before she even realized what she's saying. She is used to making excuses for being a child out and about with no adult supervision.
"Hm." She crosses her fingers inside her pocket as the shopkeeper debates whether or not to believe her. To her relief, the woman says, "Take a right at the next major intersection. Big building at the end of the street. You can't miss it."
"Great, thank you."
Her second big shock is the goblins. She read about them in Hogwarts: A History, but her imagination couldn't do justice to the creatures. It is absolutely fascinating. They are clearly not human, but they have some human traits and are highly intelligent. Between exchanging her pounds for galleons and opening a wizarding bank account, she wonders if she can get her hands on some books on magical evolutionary theory. Her parents would probably say that the goblins were created from man's misdeeds, but science has always been her favourite school subject, so she thinks that they must be descended from something.
With books on her mind, Flourish and Blotts becomes her first stop. All of the shops with school supplies seem to be on the one street, because she quickly realizes that it's filled with wizarding families also in the market for school supplies.
At the bookstore, she begins to ask the clerk where she can find The Standard Book of Spells Volume 1, but he holds up one hand to stop her and rubs his forehead with the other, like he's trying to stop a headache. "First year Hogwarts?" he asks, and she nods, somewhat bemused at his demeanour. Then, the man begins literally summoning the required volumes, creating a small pile on the counter.
"Anything else?" he asks, sounding grumpy and tired, and she realizes he's probably seen hoards of excited children traipse through his shop today.
"I think I'll actually browse for a minute, if that's okay."
As she turns towards the stacks, she bumps into a boy who has just come in, knocking off his glasses.
"Oops, sorry!" They say at the same time.
She bends down to retrieve his glasses and hands them back to him. They're held together at the nose with several layers of tape.
"Thanks."
As he puts them back on, she catches sight of the lightning bolt scar on his forehead.
"Holy cricket, you're Harry Potter!" she blurts. She read about him in Hogwarts: A History, in a footnote in the section on notable Hogwarts alumni, which both You-Know-Who (she really needs to find out who You-Know-Who is) and his parents were. In fact, James and Lily Potter's notoriety mostly seemed to come from being the parents of Harry Potter, the baby who vanquished You-Know-Who and came away with nothing more than a lightning-shaped scar on his forehead. It wasn't much, but it was enough to tell her that Harry Potter was a very big deal in the wizarding world.
The boy flushes and pushes his glasses up. "Er, yeah," he says uncomfortably. "I've heard that a lot today."
She's suddenly embarrassed by her outburst. "I'm sorry," she says hastily, "I was just surprised. Are you going to Hogwarts this year, too?"
He nods, pushing his glasses up yet again. "It's a bit overwhelming," he confesses, "I only just found out about magic, you see."
"But you're not a muggleborn?"
"No, but I live with my aunt and uncle."
Something in his tone makes her think they didn't quite get along, so she just nods. "Well," she says, "good luck with the mobs."
He gives her a confused look.
"The people like me who scream when they realize who you are," she clarifies with self-deprecating humour.
He winces. "Yeah, it's kind of crazy," he says. "But, uh, thanks. And I guess I'll see you at Hogwarts."
She turns to go—the history section is already calling to her—but she stops when he says, "Wait, I didn't get your name."
She gives him a small smile. "I'm Hermione Granger."
In the end, she only buys three extra books, Modern Magical History, The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts, and Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century. The lattermost tome had been published only the previous year and covered the war with Voldemort in detail. She would have liked to get more, but she knows she shouldn't get carried away; she does have this year and several more year's worth of supplies to buy, after all. (It's fortunate that the government pays for Hogwarts's tuition—her parents would never let her go if that weren't the case—but she still needs to find a job.)
It is for this reason, along with the logistics of bringing an animal into her parents' house (they hate animals), that she also decides against getting a pet, although she might have liked an owl, just for the whimsy of it.
When she goes to purchase a trunk, she discovers after some inquiry that she can have an automatic shrinking spell and a lightweight charm placed on the trunk and its contents. It costs a hefty additional fee, but it makes her commute much more pleasant. It also makes hiding her purchases much easier.
There's hell to pay when she gets back. She's pretty sure her wrist is sprained, and she might even have a mild concussion. Ironically, the big black eye she currently sports will be gone by the next morning, thanks to what she now knows is accidental magic, which will only disturb her parents further. Her injuries have always had the tendency of concealing themselves, ever since she was little, although the pain doesn't leave so quickly.
In the week leading up to September 1st, she spends her days dutifully reciting Bible verses at the kitchen table and trying not to cringe away from her parents' gentle caresses and proclamations that "You know we just want what's best for you." At night, she curls up in her closet with her new books and reads by torchlight, reciting information under her breath until it's committed to memory. Kids at school always thought she was bookish and annoying, but she's determined that this will change when she goes to Hogwarts. She knows from her extracurricular reading that muggleborns like herself were looked down upon by some of the population (there had never even been a muggleborn Minister for Magic!), so she intends to practice until she is better than all of them, and then nobody will be able to deny her anything. She's going to be the greatest witch ever, and not even her parents will be able to stop her.