It was the Summer holiday still. No new akumas since Monarch's defeat. Losing his father had been no bed of roses, but Adrien was coping. He was surrounded by people that loved him, and despite all the dizzying changes, things had kind of been a dream lately.

He got quiet time with Marinette, patrols rotated through their team of heroes, and he was reconnecting with his mom as if they'd never been apart. His mood was improved further as he was scheduled to patrol with Ladybug this evening. With everyone taking turns in the absence of a present threat, he hadn't seen her in a few days, and he liked catching up with her.

As Cat Noir, he moved nimbly out into the Parisian sunset. All too soon, he spotted his partner on a nearby roof and vaulted over to land neatly by her side.

"Evening, Bugaboo."

She turned towards him, startled.
Her eyes were glossy with tears and judging by the looks of her, she'd been crying a while.

Hurriedly, Ladybug rubbed at her eyes, "Ah, sorry, Kitty. You startled me." she forced a smile.

Cat Noir frowned deeply, "You're crying... what's wrong?"
He wasn't just letting this slide when she looked so distressed.

"W-we really need to go on patrol-"

He set his hand on her shoulder, "Ladybug. You can talk to me."

Ladybug swallowed hard, looking at him.
She recalled all the times she had denied his help that culminated in her making the dumb move that had lost all the miraculous in the first place. Maybe she should talk to him.

"It's just... the weight of all the secrets... it's getting heavy again." she chose her words carefully.

"Is this like a guardian thing or a secret identity thing? Is it because you can't tell the one you love, because I'm dealing with that one, too." Cat Noir attempted.

"Neither..." Ladybug said slowly, "Though now I realize just another area I've been lying... so thanks for that." she sighed guiltily.

Cat Noir chuckled sheepishly, "Sorry."

Ladybug turned back towards the sunset, "It's... more to do with the last battle with Monarch." she admitted carefully, "And what I learned leading up to it."

"Oh?" Cat Noir asked.

She'd been very vague about it all before.

"You weren't there... not that it's your fault." Ladybug tacked on, "But I learned the boy I love the most is really a sentimonster. His life is tied to an amok and with it his father was manipulating him his whole life. Forcing him to make choices that aligned with his own agenda."

"Oh... wow." Cat Noir tried to wrap his head around that, "Do... do sentimonsters feel love?"

"Of course!" Ladybug said quickly and flushed, "At least... what I hear from Argos... if they're made to be human, then they are in every way. The only difference is the amok that they're tied to."

"Huh..." Cat Noir filed that tidbit away for future knowledge, "So... he's a sentimonster and his dad's calling the shots. Is there any way you can reason with him? My girlfriend went through leaps and bounds trying to get my father to approve of us dating."

"Well... that's just it." Ladybug said, "I found out his dad was Monarch."

"Oof."

"Tell me about it." Ladybug replied, "Anyway, in the end, Monarch had a change of heart. He got both our miraculous from me and made a wish, and he paid the ultimate price... but asked his son never to know that he was Gabriel Agreste, and that he only remember the good times..." She stopped when she noticed Cat Noir out of the corner of her eye.

His eyes were bulging, skin pale, and he looked like he was trembling.

"Cat Noir? Are you okay?" Ladybug asked.

All that she'd just told him was hitting like a ton of bricks and the worst part was he couldn't even properly get into it, because she didn't know who she was speaking to.

Cat Noir turned from her, walking towards the edge of the roof, "I think something I ate isn't agreeing with me. Feeling kind of sick. You think you can handle the patrol by yourself?" his tone was suddenly very distant.

Ladybug blinked, unsure what had happened.
"Uh... sure. Feel better." she offered.

He didn't even turn around, just offered a slight wave and disappeared over the rooftops.

~x~x~x~

Cat Noir felt dizzy trying to process. All he knew for certain was that everyone he loved had been lying to him, and for a long time. He didn't want to go home, but he didn't want to stay in the open either. It occurred to him the school was the perfect place right now. Mostly closed for the summer and no one to be there at this hour.

He could slip in through a window and be alone.

Once inside, Cat Noir detransformed and went to his knees and screamed. He screamed until his voice was raw and then broke into sobs.

Plagg watched helplessly, "K-kid, I-"

"Quiet." Adrien snapped hoarsely, "You lied to me just as much as the rest of them."

Plagg frowned deeply, "It was only to protect you..." he tried.

"Protect me?" Adrien offered a short laugh, tears still falling, "Protect me from what? The fact my father was a psychotic criminal? The fact I've apparently been dating Ladybug? Or maybe the fact I'm not even a real person to begin with?!" his breathing hitched, and he started looking himself over, "Where is my amok anyway, huh?"

"Adrien..." Plagg said sadly.

"Leave me alone, Plagg! I told you, I don't want to talk to you!" Adrien pulled off his miraculous and tossed it across the floor.

The ring made small dings as it bounced on the tile and came to rest.

Plagg hovered over quietly, grasping the ring and hovered to the door of the classroom, "When you're ready, then." he said quietly and left.

Adrien was still examining himself.

His mind flashed to the day at the pool party when Marinette placed his parents' wedding rings on his finger, "Now you're truly free..."

His blood ran cold.

No. No... then...
His father had been controlling him with these... all this time?
These symbols of love?

And Nathalie knew. His mother must know. Felix knew. Marinette knew.

Hands trembling, Adrien slipped the twin rings off his finger, "These... these little things are the only reason I'm alive?"

He didn't want to believe it.

A thought occurred... if he could damage one of the rings a little, he ought to feel something if he was a sentimonster.

If he wasn't, well, then at least he could put one of his concerns to rest.

He smashed a ring under his shoe, but it remained untarnished... a sturdy little thing.

He frowned and got into the teacher's desk. He found a staple remover and crushed the ring repeatedly between sharp pincers.

"Nothing. Nothing. Nothing! Because I'm human-urgh!" Adrien was cut off as he suddenly felt like he'd had the wind knocked out of him and it forced him down on one knee to catch his breath.

Green eyes widened in horror as he carefully removed the ring from the staple remover to see a small, but clearly defined scratch.

"No...No... No, this isn't possible!" Adrien found himself breaking into another round of tears.

How many of his memories were real? Were some manufactured? How much of his life had been decided for him? He felt so hollow and alone.

"Why?" Adrien asked empty air, "WHYYYYYY?!"

He crumpled in on himself, crying.

Memories flashed through his head. Every time he'd done something he didn't want to because it was what his father wanted. Every akuma that had nearly destroyed them all... And... oh no... he'd cataclysmed his own father...

There was just so much to process, and every bit felt too horrible to be real.

Ladybug had said he- Monarch- made a wish... if he hadn't been so blindsided by it all, maybe he'd have asked more questions to find out what he'd thought losing his life was worth.

"If you did have a last-minute change of heart... then why wasn't I worth it, Father? Why wasn't I worth talking to... about anything?!" Adrien asked empty air, "Is it because I'm not even real? Is it because all you could think about was mom in a coma in a London hospital?! Well, joke's on you, she's back now and you missed her!"

Sudden realization made him go rigid.
The wish.
Monarch's defeat and his mother's return... it had all been very close together.

He felt numb.
There was too much. Just too much.

~x~x~x~

Adrien laid on the cool floor, not moving save for his breaths.

Too much on his mind to sleep. Too much weighing on his heart to leave his spot.

He wasn't sure how much time passed, be it that the sun had nearly set when he got here in the first place.

He was sure it had been an hour or two at least judging by the ache in his shoulders and neck. He was nowhere near settled, but he was starting to think of his next move. He gingerly slipped the twin rings back on his hand. First order of business, he needed Plagg, so he had no choice but to make amends.

To the kwami's credit, he'd probably lied to him the least out of everyone... and some of that was attributed to arbitrary guidelines by which he was bound. Adrien wasn't happy about it, but he knew it did keep the kwami from saying certain things.

He got up quietly and moved out into the hall, "Plagg?" he called into the empty school.

He started moving down the darkened hall, "Plagg?" he called again.

Adrien started to wonder if Plagg had already gone in search of a new holder. He had thrown his miraculous...

Suddenly, an inky black form with green eyes floated over, "Hey."

"Hey." Adrien rubbed the back of his neck, "I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier."

"Don't be sorry. You're overwhelmed, I get it. It's a lot to take in." Plagg assured, watching him carefully, "And you're right. I lied to you too."

Adrien studied the kwami, not expecting that admission.

"I wasn't lying though when I said it was to protect you." Plagg continued, "I can't tell you all about it, but Bug... I think she's seen something as guardian that she won't say. She firmly believed the grief would destroy you."

"Is that all she thinks of me?" Adrien frowned deeply, "Yes, this hurts. This hurts a lot, but she thinks I'm too fragile for the truth?" his tone was rising again.

"As I said, she knows things as guardian that we don't. She could've seen an alternate timeline where it was too much for you." Plagg said, "But none of that matters now, because you know. You'll have to confront her about it if you want all the details. For the record, the sentimonster thing was news to me too."

Adrien sighed deeply.
Plagg was right. Only Ladybug... Marinette... would know that.

Plagg moved closer, "I know, there's going to be a lot of questions. I don't have even half the answers, but I'll gladly stay by your side and help you find them if you'll have me." He offered up the black cat miraculous.

"If I'll have you?" Adrien patted the little kwami on the head, "More like if you'll have me, with how many times I've given back my miraculous."

"Eh. Who's counting." Plagg said easily. "So, what's the plan?"

Adrien slipped the miraculous back onto his right hand. "First, we're going to make a house call to Argos. He's the wielder of the peacock miraculous and if I am a sentimonster... I need to know what I am before I can begin to figure out who I am anymore."

Plagg nodded.

"Then let's start uncovering the truth."

"Plagg... Claws out!"

Adrien transformed into Cat Noir and left the school.
His brain was still racing a million miles a minute, but he had a plan, and that was enough for now.

Author's Note:
So, this one's not done yet, but I couldn't help it. I'm at least a couple chapters ahead, so I'm hoping to finish this one in a reasonable amount of time. Though I may not be able to do daily posts like with 'Wanted: Catnap'. I've been thinking about the Season 5 finale, like a good portion of the fandom, and couldn't help wondering what would happen next. Obviously, season 6 is a long ways out, so it doesn't hurt to imagine and speculate for now. Reviews make me happy and I'll see you in chapter 2!