UPDATED IN 2023: I wrote this over a decade ago when I was just a teeny-bopper. It still holds a special little place in my heart, and I don't know if I will write another chapter for it, we'll see, but I wanted to edit it with my adult brain and fix some mistakes for past/future readers. Much love.
Mark's eyes flashed rapidly between the two women. Julia smiled, her eyes fixed on her boyfriend.
Lexie glanced at the ground for a moment looking mortified. She had a tight grip on her bottom lip, her teeth were firmly dug into the squishy flesh before her eyes met Mark's once more.
His whole body shook, he needed to break the silence. Julia clearly hadn't heard what Lexie had just confessed. Her eyes and face were happy.
"Okay, Lexie," Mark said, with an overly buoyant tone to his voice. "Thank you for your candour. I, uh, will think about that," he finished, attempting a reassuring grin.
Though it was so quick, Mark saw the reaction on Lexie's face shift. Pain. She offered a tight-lipped smile to the both of them, and before he could blink twice, Lexie spun on her heel and headed across the parking lot. Mark wondered where she'd go. Her car, obviously. And then where? her attic "bedroom" at Meredith's? Joe's bar? Maybe she'd run into Jackson Avery and find comfort in him. Mark tried to wipe that thought out of his mind. Lexie said she didn't want Jackson. She wanted him.
It was as though someone hit the play button on Mark Sloan's life, the couple of minutes it took for Lexie to blurt out her messy soliloquy felt more like an hour to Mark. He was painfully aware of how long he'd been standing in the same spot, unmoving. Time just seemed to be at a standstill when he was near Lexie. Or maybe it just seemed that way because he didn't have her. It was as though his mind made it so any moment he was lucky enough to have with her would drag on, because as soon as she was gone, Mark had to continue without her again. Her missing presence had left a hole in his heart, try as he might to move on, or ignore it.
Mark must have stared in the direction Lexie took off in for longer than he thought. His jaw clenched at the sound of another voice nearby.
"So uh, are you ready?" Julia questioned, looking from where Lexie had been standing, back to a dazed Mark. Her eyebrows furrowed, and the excited smile she greeted him with faded and was replaced with an unsure one.
For the first time in what was likely a just minute or so, but felt like an eternity, Mark pulled his focus to his girlfriend. He grimaced at that thought. Julia was his girlfriend. A woman he realized he was leading on. She wanted to give him the future he wanted. Marriage, more babies, a white-picket fence life.
A wave of guilt washed over him. The Mark from three years ago would have never felt this way when it came to letting a woman down.
Mark blinked hard, and shook his head several times, trying to slip out of his trance.
"I uh... no," Mark managed to spit out. Julia's uncertain smile was now gone. Her eyebrows knitted together with confusion.
"Lexie uh," he stammered. "She came to tell me that she needs me-that they need me back inside," he quickly corrected himself. "Emergency surgery. Y'remember that patient I told you about?"
Mark's voice went up an octave higher than it normally would. It was a horrible lie, yes. It didn't even make sense. Lexie hadn't even gone back inside the hospital. It was the only thing he could muster up spur of the moment. He waited for Julia to call him out on it, but she never did.
Julia inhaled. Her eyebrows relaxed just slightly.
"Oh, right. Well, that's fine," a small, polite smile came back to her face. "I'd just hoped we'd spend the night together, since I leave for that conference in the morning." Her smile was fake. It came off as a defence mechanism, as if smiling would get rid of her disappointment, not just mask it. This made Mark think more about their relationship.
If they were more serious, she would have confront him about his lie. She often walked on eggshells around Mark. Never disagreeing, or challenging him. He knew he should have prevented their relationship from getting so serious, but Mark let that nagging voice in the back of his mind tell him this was right, and if he didn't let it happen, the ship with his future would sail away without him. He went along with it, even though a louder voice was there telling him he'd never be fully satisfied with a life with Julia.
Mark was frustrated that he hadn't fought harder for Lexie. Even though she pushed him away, had said he needed to let her go. It never felt right, a lot like their timing. He was torn, and that made things so much worse for his brain to understand, and even more so. His heart.
Mark reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, the way he often did when he was stressed, nervous, or uncomfortable.
"I'll see you later then," Mark said, his voice sounding a tad too unattached, as though he were conversing with a patient, a random nurse or resident.
Mark finally moved his legs. He turned from Julia, in the direction of the hospital, making no attempts at eye, or physical contact when she spoke again.
"I love you," Julia said, desperation dripping from the short sentence.
Mark stopped. He closed his eyes for a moment before turning back around to face her.
Julia said those three words again. She attempted to add more confidence to her declaration, but it fell flat. She was flailing. Waiting for Mark to throw her a life preserver that would never come. He felt bad, guilt ebbing over him again. He had left Julia feeling so vulnerable that she resorted to desperate measures.
Mark sighed trying his best to mask the pitiful look he felt come over his features.
"I'll see you later, Julia," Mark said once more.
He saw the embarrassment rise across her face before he turned away. It was cold, maybe even cruel, to not offer the woman who wanted to give him everything, a proper explanation or even a trite attempt at comfort.
Mark couldn't say something he didn't feel. He made his way through the hospital, he subconsciously got onto the elevator and pressed the floor where the attending lounge was located. He then remembered that he didn't need to put his scrubs back on, because he wasn't needed for emergency surgery.
When he got off the elevator, he made his way to the stairwell, to head back towards the parking lot. He hoped Julia had already taken off, and that she wouldn't be waiting at his apartment for him. He needed to be alone tonight.
By the time Mark could even think about it, he was back home, unlocking his apartment door. The brief drive home was a blur. He felt empty. It had been a long day, and he knew he had an even longer one ahead of him tomorrow.
Instead of showering and going to bed, like he should have done, He poured a glass of scotch and sat in his chair until the late evening hours passed him by.