Put on your red shoes…
Tired of the lies, the cheating and the gas-lighting, but most of all, tired of being bored senseless, Hermione Granger divorces Ron Weasley. In the hide-bound world of the Wizangamot, this behaviour is considered beyond the pale and signals the end of her promising political career. With nothing left to lose, she follows Luna's advice to reinvent herself. After else – what else is there for a washed up politician to do?
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If you has asked Hermione Granger where she would be, six months ago, she would never have answered that she would be standing backstage at the Wizarding Broadcasting Corporation, waiting her cue to step out in front of the cameras and a live studio audience. But as L.P. Hartley famously said 'the past is a foreign country; they do things differently there'.
Six months ago, she had been resigned to drifting through life half dead, ignoring the ever present rumours of Ron's infidelity, pushing through the hamster-wheel of attempting to make a difference to the world she had fought and nearly died for.
Six months ago, she had ignored the barely concealed whispers and snickers from her colleagues and assistants every time she walked into a room.
Five months and twenty-nine days ago, as she had turned away from Ron and his latest fling in their marital bed, she had heard their laughter, and caught sight of a total stranger in the mirror. Middle-aged, flattened, lifeless. Her.
Five months and twenty-eight days ago, Hermione Granger filed for divorce.
Three months ago, after experiencing increasing coldness in her interactions within the Wizangamot, she had been called to a special session. Where she was informed that it simply wasn't acceptable for a divorced woman to represent the wizarding world. That she should have just ignored the infidelity, as their wives do. After all, wizards do have needs.
One month ago, at a loose end without some form of work, she had allowed Luna to sign her up for this… nonsense.
'Remind me again, why did I let you talk me in to this?'
'Because you've been lost for years? Because I can't remember the last time I saw you happy? Because everyone else needs a reminder of who you really are?'
Hermione sighed. 'How can I remind everyone else who I am, if I can't remember who I am, Luna?'
'You're Hermione Fucking Granger, that's who. And that's your cue; get out there and slay them all.'
…and our penultimate contestant on this year's Witchly Come Dancing – former Wizangamot member Ms Hermione Granger!
Hermione sucked in a deep breath and stepped out under the bright studio lights, moving across to her rehearsed mark. The smile on her face felt forced and uncomfortable, but this was it; she was visible now; there was no going back.
Hermione's professional dance partner will be our very own … Draco Malfoy!
Malfoy!? Having not kept up with popular culture in any way, this was completely unexpected. Her smile froze into a rictus as she felt a tall figure step into place beside her.
And in a change from our advertised line up; our final contestant – war hero and keeper for the Ballycastle Bats. None other than the incomparable Ron Weasley!
'Fuck.'