When the shock eventually set in as the adrenaline waned, Hermione barely noticed as the strength washed out of her. One moment, she was hovering between Remus and Sirius, the next her knees gave out and she was partially crumpled on the dusty floor. Strong hands caught her so she wasn't left on the floor for very long, guided over to a moth-eaten chair where she was carefully placed. Gentle yet urgent voices were talking to her but she couldn't make any semblance of sense. Her mind was a blank landscape, her body limp and useless.
Useless.
That was precisely how she felt in that moment as her vision swam, colours leeching away to reveal the world as it truly was. Grey, blurred, and stagnant without the all important constant there to be her guiding light. Just what purpose did she serve right there and then with Harry so hurt… so vulnerable… all because of her.
"Hermione… can you feel my hand?"
Things sharpened back into focus when something tapped on her palm.
"Focus on this…"
She lifted her face, feeling so numb and so tired. Instead of being confronted with the bleak landscape of the inside of her eyelids, she opened them and found Remus right in front of her. His prematurely lined face was close as he kept tapping her hand to ground her back into the present.
"Hermione, focus on me… that's it." He said to her, his tone familiar and reassuring.
"Just take a few moments to rest, Hermione." Another deep voice followed from Remus's. He turned his head to address the speaker. Hermione looked up, finding herself back in the drawing room at number Twelve Grimmauld Place. She tried to get up from the chair, alarmed. How did she get there?
"Wh-what happened?" Hermione looked past him, seeing Sirius watching her with concern.
"Your blood pressure just took a dip with your adrenaline wearing off but you're perfectly safe. Just stay sitting for a moment."
Her face warmed with embarrassment. She just passed out ? Harry was clinging to life and she responded by fainting.
"Harry… is he…?"
"He's stable." Remus assured her. "But he isn't in good shape." He turned to look back over to Sirius. "We need to put him somewhere more comfortable… and somewhere further away from the entrance so we can stall any efforts to reach him easily."
As he spoke, Hermione regained her bearings, sitting forwards. She looked down at her hands. They were shaking violently.
"Agreed." Sirius said gruffly. "I'll take him up to my room. Mobilicorpus."
Hermione let out a short cry, lurching upwards when she saw Harry's motionless body ascend off the sofa, his arms and legs dangling like the lifeless limbs of a marionette puppet. Remus placed a hand on her shoulder, guiding her back down to the chair. She looked between Remus and Harry's form desperately.
"I need to stay with him." She said, feeling panicked as Sirius moved with Harry, holding his wand upwards as he carefully levitated Harry. She could see the concentration on Sirius's face.
"We'll go up and help Sirius in a moment." Remus assured her. Sirius looked back at them as he guided Harry over to the door. His eyes met Remus's, a silent exchange passing between them before Sirius continued to take Harry away. Hermione let out a miserable breath, accepting that the two wizards knew best.
A deep feeling of shame and regret threatened to join Hermione's panic and intense fear. Reminders of harsh words and negative opinions she shared about Sirius's behaviour and intentions with Harry poked in her thoughts. As much as she thought he was reckless, she did know deep down that no one loved Harry more than Sirius Black. She just witnessed him performing a ritual that gave Harry his very own life essence, his magic, in a sacrifice she hadn't known was possible. She saw Sirius cradling Harry against his chest, shielding him with his body, murmuring words to the injured boy in his arms.
"Look at me for a moment, Hermione."
She brought her gaze back over to Remus who was still kneeling in front of her. His hands came over on either side of her face, gently tilting her head upwards so he could see her better. His hands were rough but warm against her shock-chilled skin.
"Were you cursed in front of Harry?" He asked her, his voice turning from soft to low and gravelly. She knew the anger she heard wasn't directed at her. She swallowed and met his eyes directly.
"Yes." She whispered.
Remus's brow scrunched into a scowl, his eyes seemingly appearing to burn for a moment before he brought himself back into control.
"That was why he surrendered then." He said, mostly to himself. "He was handing Lucius Malfoy the prophecy when we arrived in time."
Hermione bit on her lip and nodded, confirming it. Her eyes grew warm as the whole whirlwind of the past hours settled down around her, the reality of what she'd just done and just survived dawning. She brought her arms around her, the stark memory of the torture returning.
"Come here." Remus said, taking her hands from her face. He then surprised her by bringing his arms around her. "You never should have been in that situation, Hermione. Neither of you should have. I'm so sorry."
She burrowed her head into his shoulder. It embarrassed her how she latched onto the comfort he was offering but she needed it like any human would. All living beings need comfort and shelter, the promise of safety.
"A lot is going to change because of tonight. Voldemort played his hand in trying to secure the prophecy from the Department of Mysteries. He exposed his return to the Ministry and now the war is here for certain." Remus said to her as he rubbed at her back. "Harry is going to need us more than ever. The prophecy that he was tricked into taking… it's the reason Voldemort has hunted him for his entire life."
He released her from his embrace. Hermione looked up at him, taking in his words. She of course heard Lucius Malfoy say something similar to Harry but hearing it confirmed again. Her heart felt as if one more shock would break it altogether.
"His… his mum and dad… they…"
Remus sighed, bowing his head. "Yes. They died because of it."
She tilted her head upwards in the direction where Sirius was taking the last Potter to somewhere he could keep him safe.
"So… so when…" She swallowed, not wanting to bring up the traumatic memory that she knew to be very raw for Remus but she needed to understand. She needed all the facts no matter how tragic they were. "When Peter betrayed the Potters, he knew Voldemort was out to murder a baby . Not just his friends but… an innocent child? "
At her words, Remus stood up. His hand was over his mouth, composing himself.
"I-I'm sorry. I just…" She then covered her face with her hands. "I know Voldemort told Harry that he… he had gone to his family home with the sole intent of killing him. Back when Harry stopped him from getting the Philosopher's Stone." She looked up to check Remus's reaction. He looked grim, clearly knowing enough about Harry's exploits to not be surprised. "Harry had asked Dumbledore then why he'd been targeted but he never gave a reason…"
"I was surprised when I learned that Harry was ignorant of the Prophecy. We… we both were, me and Sirius. Albus decided that Harry was too young to shoulder that responsibility along with everything else." He shook his head. "He's made too many decisions on Harry's behalf that only just shrouded his life in mystery. Sirius and I… we wanted to tell Harry right away but we were overruled."
She lowered her hands, listening. It was so hard to accept that Albus Dumbledore had made mistakes where Harry was concerned. The evidence now was too overwhelming to ignore. His decision to isolate himself from Harry, to isolate them from him when he needed them the most, had been harmful - even cruel. It had driven Harry to act for himself. When he needed the Order, there had been no one. No Dumbledore, no McGonagall… he had no way of contacting Sirius without breaking the law or anyone who could possibly help him. So he'd taken matters into his own hands, having no other alternative, all because Albus Dumbledore didn't trust him with the truth. Harry wouldn't have gone within a mile of the Department of Mysteries if he knew Voldemort wanted him to take the prophecy for him. He would have been more willing to accept his vision was a falsehood… an attempt to trick him.
"The reason why Sirius brought us here is because he doesn't trust Dumbledore." Hermione said quietly. She looked up at Remus, her mind replaying the look that Remus and Sirius shared when he went to stay behind at the Ministry. "You stayed behind to give Sirius time to get Harry away from Dumbledore's reach. Both of you… you're trying to protect him… from Dumbledore, not just Voldemort."
She then moved to stand. Remus approached, helping her up with an offered hand. She took it, grateful that he wasn't making her stay seated.
"It's too little, too late, but we…" He sighed. "We owe it to James and Lily to at least try to make some of this right. If Dumbledore tries to take Harry away, he will have to go through me and Sirius."
"And me." Hermione added softly. Remus nodded in response, his eyes gleaming with pride.
"I thought as much." He said, then took her arm gently. "Keep hold of your wand and come with me."
Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place was a gloomy place even under normal circumstances. Drenched in silence, the ominous hallways and staircase sent a chill down Hermione's spine. She began to fear seeing Harry in critical condition again, not wanting to face how it was her fault that he pushed her out of the way and took the curse in her place. It should be her, not Harry. He was too important, too vital to everything… to everyone. He was the subject of a prophecy . A real one… if such a thing was even possible. Harry's parents had died because of it just as he nearly died time and time again. Because of her, he came closer than ever before and not even at the hand of his nemesis.
"What curse did Dolohov use?" Hermione asked Remus when they ascended to the second floor. "What did it do to Harry?"
"It's Antonin Dolohov's own design." Remus said grimly. "We called it the Heart Cross because of the mark it leaves behind but I imagine he has his own name for it. It burns out the victim's magic and it's almost always lethal as the shock tends to stop the heart."
Hermione felt sick for a second, nearly stumbling on the stairs. Remus's hold on her arm kept her steady.
"He… he used that curse against me… t-to kill me."
Remus then paused, looking at her.
"Dolohov is a murderer… a cold-hearted butcher who would not hesitate to kill school children like yourself." He said quietly. "He executed often on Voldemort's command in the last war - including Fabian and Gideon Prewett. They… were Molly Weasley's brothers. Their deaths are the reason he was arrested and sent to Azkaban for life."
Hermione brought her hand up to her mouth. She knew that Dolohov had been arrested for the murders of the Prewetts but she hadn't put it together. Molly Weasley's maiden name was Prewett… but she never thought Dolohov's victims had been her siblings.
"Oh my God…"
"I can't imagine that the Death Eaters sent on Voldemort's order to capture Harry expected that he wouldn't be alone. That they didn't use lethal force at least shows that they had been told to hold back to prevent accidentally damaging the prophecy or killing Harry inadvertently. We know that Voldemort has ordered all his Death Eaters to capture Harry alive for him to kill himself."
Hermione walked on in a daze at the matter-of-fact tone Remus used. She could see the moment replaying in her mind when Harry shoved her aside a second in time. She could see the horror and shock on Dolohov's face when he saw too late that Harry had put himself in the cross-fire. She knew Remus to be right, having seen for herself how Dolohov reacted.
"My guess is that his blood lust took over in that moment." Remus continued. "If he still lives, he'll pay for that mistake either at the Aurors' hand or Voldemort's. I imagine he'd prefer being arrested over facing his master's ire for nearly killing Harry Potter."
His voice turned bitter as they reached their destination. Hermione's heart jumped, her emotions rioting inside her, desperate to confirm that Harry was alive. Remus glanced over to her, his hand on her arm loosening so he could rub it comfortingly.
"He didn't succeed. Just focus on that." He said under his breath before he pushed the door open.
Whatever Hermione expected to find in Sirius's bedroom, it wasn't an explosion of chaotic colours that were in direct revolt against the gloomy character of the rest of the house. She didn't consider that his bedroom would be the same one he had as a child growing up in the house. She took in the Gryffindor banners, the posters and photographs stuck to the walls, then she snapped her attention on what was important.
Sirius had already laid Harry on his bed. She nearly faltered when she saw Harry's robes were gone, leaving Harry in just his trousers where he lay sprawled on the red and gold bedcovers. Sirius stood from where he had been leaning over Harry, his wand gripped. He'd removed his own robes, his shirt sleeves rolled back where his hands were smeared with blood.
"Are you feeling better?" Sirius asked Hermione as she approached, nearly swaying. "You look pale."
"She was hit with the Cruciatus…" Remus said before Hermione could answer. Sirius stiffened, his lip twitching with rage.
"It fucking better not have been my bitch of a cousin!" He seethed, hands clenching tightly. His wand let off a fizz of silvery sparks. Hermione flinched. She didn't want to think about the demented witch who had caused her so much pain… and Harry too. His screams rattled through her own when she lost herself in the torment of such agony… unlike anything she had felt before…
She suddenly found her vision greying out again.
"I've got you. You're alright." Remus murmured to her, his hands going under her arms as she swooned. Remus's tone changed quickly from where it was gentle to low with anger. "For Merlin's damn sake, Sirius. Keep your Black temper under control. Can't you see she's traumatised?"
"Oh… oh shit…" Sirius was then swooping over to them. "Wh- why don't you sit down next to Harry on the bed for a bit, petal?"
HIs soft tone took her just much by surprise than his sudden temper. Hermione nodded stiffly, wanting nothing more than to be closer to Harry. Both men helped her onto the bed with Sirius propping up his pillows so she could sit back. He looked extremely guilty as he looked her over with the same intense look Remus had given her. She wondered if she had some sort of visible symptom for the Cruciatus curse.
"Ah… I can see it now." Sirius gave her a sad smile. "Sorry for scaring you. Do you have any spasms or involuntary twitching?"
Hermione met his grey eyes, seeing the concern coming her way. There were specks of blood on his thin face. She found herself wondering if he had noticed. She shook her head.
"That's something at least." He said quietly, then drew back. "I've been on the wrong side of her wand too many times to count. Being the Black pariah didn't do me a lot of favours growing up."
"Sirius…"
"I'm not treating her like she's made of glass. These kids have had enough mollycoddling." Sirius retorted when Remus tried to interrupt. "Yes, she's young, they both are, but I'm done treating them like children."
Remus sighed but didn't disagree. He moved over to check on Harry. Hermione smiled a little at Sirius defending her right to be treated like an adult.
"I don't have to remind you that if it wasn't for Hermione, I'd be a soulless corpse right now." Sirius then added, watching Remus. Hermione looked over, seeing how the other man recoiled, guilt flashing on his face.
"Thanks for also reminding me what I was doing that night." Remus said under his breath. Sirius said nothing in response, just giving a non-commital grunt that could have meant anything. Assured that Hermione was alright for the moment, he went to join Remus. Hermione shifted on the bed to get closer to Harry.
Sirius had removed his glasses along with his robes and shirt. Harry's eyes were closed, looking as if he was just asleep. His face was slack, relaxed, mouth slightly open. His skin was littered with small cuts that he'd received in the fight. His sweat-dampened hair clung in strands on his forehead, his scar less angry looking than it had been before. He appeared peaceful.
Then Hermione went to confront his injury. Sirius had been busy while they were downstairs. Pure white bandages were wrapped around Harry's torso. Sirius clearly knew some healing as there were three bottles at the bedside table, one with a dropper that had been set on its side, a clear droplet about to spill on the floor. What Hermione could see of Harry's bare torso, there were bruises and burns.
"It will scar… but we all know Harry is aware that dark curses leave permanent scars." Sirius mused as they all were caught staring at the bandages. "At least he can hide this one."
Harry suddenly moved. He let out a strained exhalation, his hands twitching on the covers. Remus and Sirius reacted at once.
"Don't move, Harry." Remus said, flashing a look over to Sirius who nodded and backed up.
"S-some one say m' name…" Harry's voice was faint and slurred. His eyelashes fluttered as he woke up. He then rocked his head back. "AH!" He cried out loudly, his voice bursting with pain. He flinched on the bed, his chest spasming as he started to hyperventilate. Hermione's hand found his immediately.
"You're safe, Harry. You're with me, Sirius and Remus at Headquarters."
Harry's eyes opened to slits and he turned his head towards her, hearing her. Hermione could see the edge of his green irises before his pupils found her. He likely couldn't see much without his glasses. She knew his eyesight was very poor.
"Her-Hermione…" His hand squeezed hers. Then to her horror, his eyes started to dew with tears. His breathing choked in his throat as he started to cry. "I-I'm… I'm such an idiot… I n-nearly got us all… all killed…"
Sirius had dropped to his knees beside Harry, his expression wretched at hearing Harry's distress. He took Harry's other hand in his, cradling it against his chest, bringing it to his heart. Harry turned his head from Hermione, his eyes opening wider when he saw Sirius. He let out a cry
Hermione struggled to hold back her own tears. She wished to be strong, wished that she could be a pillar in that moment, but it was too much to see Harry breaking down.
"No one is blaming you for what happened, okay?" Sirius said gently as Harry focused on him. "You were tricked and had no one to turn to for help. We're to blame, not you. You should have never been in that position… and I'm…" Sirius drew in a sharp breath. "I'm so sorry, Harry."
Remus moved to Sirius's side, putting his hand on his shoulder. Harry looked up, seeing both of them. Remus then brought his hand over where Sirius gripped Harry's against his chest.
"We're not going to fail you again." Remus said as the pair of them held Harry's gaze.
Hermione kept hold of Harry's hand as he kept squeezing her fingers as if seeking confirmation that she was there. He rolled his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes. Two tears curled around his face. He was clearly overwhelmed and had fallen silent while he processed what was going on. His chest lurched as he contained his sobs amid the pain he was in.
A few moments of silence passed until Harry calmed enough. Sirius lay Harry's hand back down gently at his side.
"Wh-where are my robes?" Harry then asked Sirius, looking up at him. "Th-the prophecy… and my wand?"
"All here." Sirius said, gesturing to a heap at the foot of the bed. "Your glasses are on the table. Do you want them?"
Harry gave a small nod. Remus moved, heading to the bedside table. He brought his glasses over to his face and put them on for him. Harry blinked and his face relaxed while he no longer had to squint. He then looked down at his bare chest, seeing the bandages.
"Oh… right… I was cursed." Harry said quietly. He then looked up at Sirius. "You saved me. I remember being carried. I couldn't stay conscious and… in my own head. Ah… " He let out a pained sound, shuddering. "He was so angry. He wanted to punish whoever had struck me down."
Hermione listened, horrified to learn that Harry had Voldemort in his head again.
"How is your scar right now?" Sirius asked him, keeping his voice level.
"Prickling like usual." Harry reported after he took a deep breath, his face flinching with pain. "But… I'm all here. I… have this feeling that he's preoccupied right now. I… I take it he's at the Ministry himself now."
"He is." Remus confirmed. "One of the Death Eaters called him - likely because you were getting away. Sirius got you and Hermione out before he showed up. He wasn't too thrilled to discover that you slipped out of his fingers again so went to extract his followers from Dumbledore's clutches - though I suspect he wished to punish them for their failures more than help them."
Hermione let out a short gasp. She could not dwell on just how close they came to crossing paths with Voldemort. They wouldn't have stood a chance against him. Harry brought his hand up shakily to his bare chest, giving harsh gasps as he did. He looked over to Hermione, his face pinched with obvious pain. A puddle of sweat was forming at the base of his neck.
"I… I think I need some water." Harry said quietly. Sirius responded at once, his wand waving as conjured up a goblet and then filled it with a steady stream of clear water from his wand. Remus worked with him, bringing a hand under Harry's head to tilt upwards while Sirius brought the vessel to Harry's mouth.
"Slowly now." Sirius said softly to Harry as he then sipped at the offered water. Once he'd drained the goblet, Harry looked at them all in turn with pain-filled eyes.
"N-not to sound ungrateful but… why are you doing this and not… Madame Pomfrey?"
"The honest answer is that we've gone against orders." Sirius replied, setting the goblet down. "We're done letting Dumbledore have the final say when it comes to your life and your safety. He's not your guardian and not responsible for you. I am. If I stepped up and did my fucking job, this… this would have never happened."
His voice trailed off into a growl. Unlike with Hermione when he lost his temper, Harry didn't flinch or respond negatively. His eyes had instead gone round.
"Sirius…" Harry whispered his name. He lifted up his free hand, the one not locked in Hermione's. He tentatively touched Sirius's face who then lifted his hand to take Harry's. He held it, rubbing his thumb around Harry's palm tenderly. He closed his eyes, face scrunching up with visible emotional anguish.
"I should have taken you away with me the night he returned. I wanted to. Leaving you to follow his orders instead of following my heart was one of the biggest mistakes I've made and… I've made a few."
Sirius shifted to lean over Harry, carefully placing Harry's arm flat down at his side. He then pressed his forehead against Harry's, his eyes still screwed up shut.
"Try to rest, kiddo. You need to conserve your energy and I mean it. We're going to take care of you as best we can but you need to try to relax and don't tax yourself."
Sirius drew back, turning sharply to wipe his face on his forearm. Harry looked shocked by Sirius's display of emotion. His eyes darted around, moving between Sirius and Remus. Hermione witnessed the moment when it dawned on Harry exactly what had happened. He drew in a sharp breath.
"I'm in a really bad way, aren't I?"
Remus's composure cracked. He brought his hand up to his eyes and turned away, hiding his reaction from Harry. Sirius put a hand on Remus's shoulder as he leaned over Harry again. Harry then noticed the blood on Sirius's hands, his eyes roving around urgently as he pieced it everything together.
"You…" Sirius drew in a steadying breath. "You should have died but Dolohov's curse wasn't complete. His curse expelled your magic and left you desperately weak." He bowed his head, taking another deep breath. "We had to get you to safety as a priority and… in your condition, you were close to having a heart attack. If you had… you would have died."
Harry turned his head on the pillow, opening his eyes to look at Hermione. Tears glistened, clinging to his eyelashes. He flexed his fingers in her hold, his mouth twitching around words he wanted to form but something held him back.
Sirius let out a long sigh.
"I used blood magic to transfer some of my magic to you so your body could at least heal some of the damage before your heart gave out." Sirius explained in a pained, tight voice. "It was very close though… we… we very nearly lost you, Harry."
Hermione sucked in a sharp breath, tears falling at the reality being laid bare for them all. Harry just stared, his gaze distancing, going hollow as he slumped back. His expression was completely unreadable.
Neither of them had anything to say. Hermione kept rubbing the back of Harry's hand in what she hoped was a soothing gesture. Remus and Sirius appeared lost in their own thoughts, the pair looking away with their faces in shadow, dealing with their own guilt and grief in silence.
Breaking the silence wasn't an effort either of them would have to muster. A brilliant silver spark burst under the door. Sirius and Remus were alert at once, wands raised. Hermione shifted back, raising her own wand as she brought her body over Harry to shield him.
The spark bloomed, growing large wings as it grew in size, forming into a patronus. A large bird with a long tail that trailed into silvery flames.
As the silvery phoenix patronus revealed its majesty before them, Sirius let out a growl under his breath.
"Sirius…"
Dumbledore's voice reverberated out of the phoenix, his timbre unmistakable. Sirius snorted under his breath, shaking his head.
"I fully appreciate after tonight you have lost your faith in me. I do not blame you. I fear I have lost faith in myself."
Both Sirius and Remus looked at each other, lowering their wands.
"Keep Harry safe and hidden. Cornelius has had a rude awakening to reality but it will take time to make him come to see reason as well. I, however, have come to see reason and I will honour your role as Harry's guardian as I should have done before. I will not intrude. I only ask that you protect Harry better than me."
The patronus then shimmered and gave a pump of its majestic silvery wings. It came towards Harry who watched with trembling lips as it hovered over him.
"I'm sorry…"
The whisper caused the phoenix to twist and become a wisp of silver sparks and mist.